Jan and Tim

The party had been Tim's idea. He said something should be done to welcome him back from Iraq and as he and Mike had been best friends and, of course, best rivals, for as much of their lives as they could remember, they should be the ones who did it.

Jan was not so sure!

She was very much aware that she had lusted after Mike for a great many of their years together and sometimes he was the object of her fantasy as she masturbated. Given her current state of affairs with Tim, she would have to be careful.

Tim was physically enough like Mike to be his brother and the two of them had been rivals for her love, among a great many other things, but the outcome of that contest was out of reach for Mike as she had fallen hard for Tim, the school hero. After dating him exclusively through their late college years, she proudly accepted his proposal right after graduation.

They had been married for 9 years.

Through all this, she was aware that Mike lusted after her as well and she knew she had to be careful. She was realistic enough to know that at least some of the attraction Mike felt for her was the competitiveness he and Tim had always had in everything they did.

She and Tim were happy together, but their sex life was dead in the water. She had always been the more sexual one, but these days, especially the last 2, almost 2 ½ years, pretty much since they went on that second honeymoon to Barbados, he was too often tired and when he was up for something it was rote. He'd roll over and perform a little foreplay before he climbed aboard and had at it. Their sex life was reduced to encounters that she would have called quickies in the old days and there were some days when he was unable to get it up at all.

It was all sooooo sad as he was otherwise the finest man she knew and in spite of the lack of physical intimacy, she loved him very much.

The bottom line was that she was desperate for a good fucking. She would have been thrilled if Tim was up for it, but he just wasn't.

And now Mike was back in town.

They had always been close friends and she hugged him with sincere warmth when he arrived back from his posting and again when he and his family arrived for the party, but there was always that undercurrent of lust.

The party had gone on much as these functions do and after a while, and one or two too many of Tim's rum punch drinks, Jan found herself beginning to relax her guard. Mike was clearly moving all around the room and frequently ending up with Marianne Black whose husband had recently left her. Jan realized that her preoccupation with Mike had allowed her to notice something no one else likely had. She would have to discuss this with Marianne sometime.

She wasn't sure what had started it. She had had quite a bit to drink herself but someone turned on the lawn sprinklers in the midst of a crowd and after the shouts, screams and laughing died down, someone had to turn them off. Tim seemed to be nowhere in sight so she went to do it. Jan miscalculated and managed to get soaked and after she shut it down and everyone who had seen it laughed along with her, she went inside to change.

In their bedroom she stripped to the skin and realizing that the bra and panty set she wanted was in another room, she slipped into a bathrobe and went to get it. She was fairly certain that most people were outside but there might be one or two downstairs and she had to cross the hallway/balcony. On impulse she decided to run quickly but that was an error as her robe opened and momentarily trailed out behind her more like a cape than a robe, exposing her naked body briefly. She was just drunk enough to giggle at the thought of streaking at her own house party.

As she returned to her bedroom she was aware someone had followed her and was right behind her. Thinking, or more likely hoping it was Tim, finally horny as her, she turned to stare a very drunk Mike in the face.

In no time at all their mutual lust and recent deprivation took hold as Mike pushed her back into the bathroom adjoining the master bedroom, pulling her robe off as he did and before either considered the consequences of their actions, they were fucking on the bathroom floor.

In even less time she could feel the onset of an orgasm and as she came she called out, "Oh Tim, I needed this so much!"

The words pushed Mike over the edge and he cried out as he came, thrusting roughly inside of her and then collapsing on top of her.

Eventually they were able to get off of the floor. The enormity of what she had just done had begun to impact on her and the shame and the guilt began to build. In spite of the numerous disappointments over the years; in spite of the intensity of the lust she had just experienced; in spite of her friendship and caring for Mike, her only thoughts at that moment were of Tim and how much she loved him and how much she feared he would be hurt if he found out.

In spite of that turmoil of emotion, she pushed away from Mike, dressed and went out to tend to her guests.

***

Later that night she and Tim were cleaning up. Her mind was wandering as she began to collect empty, half filled and almost full glasses from the various party areas to take them to the kitchen where she dumped them into the sink, concentrating all the while on not looking as guilty as she felt. When she returned to the living room Tim had finished picking up garbage and plates of partly eaten snacks and had put the dishes into the dishwasher along with the glasses she had collected. He had already put away the unopened beer and restored all bottles that still had any significant amount of booze left in them to their bar. The clean up was nearly done.

Her mind was still on what she had done with Mike earlier that evening and it took a while to register that Tim was there with her and that he actually helped clean up.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, stupidly.

"Just cleaning up a little." He said, almost timidly.

Guilt hit her hard! She could almost feel physical pain as it flooded through her body.

"I'm sorry Honey! I'm tired I guess. Thanks for the help." Then, as an afterthought she added, "You haven't helped for a long time. You caught me off guard."

"Don't thank me Jan, it was a great party. I'm sure Mike and his folks had a good time. Most everyone I spoke to appreciates that he has been putting his life on the line being deployed overseas. Besides, I should be helping more than I have."

"What brought this on?" she thought to herself, fear rising in her chest. Then another thought magnified that fear. "What if he's horny? I had better hit the shower just in case."

"I'll finish this up in the morning." She said. "I'm too tired to do it now." The instant the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. It sounded like an excuse to avoid him.

Truth be told, she believed that she wanted, no needed, to get closer to Tim and soon!

"Sure Jan. I'm going to have a brandy. Sleep well."

Jan went straight to the washroom where she removed her clothing. Except for her panties, she was pretty clean of the evidence of her adultery, but Mike's cum had run out into the crotch and she was soaking wet there. She quickly rinsed them off in the sink, hid them at the bottom of the hamper and stepped in to the shower. As she had done so often to masturbate herself, she took the showerhead and cleaned herself out, not becoming aroused in the least. The magnitude of what she had done was filling all of her thoughts.

An internal struggle developed. On the one hand she had betrayed her husband, her best friend, by fucking the guy she had been having fantasies about for years, probably since high school. On the other hand, Tim had showed very little interest for quite some time now and she had no idea why. She loved Tim.

Did she really?

How could she do this with Mike if she truly loved Tim? She was unsure of a lot of things but the one thing she was sure of was that she did NOT love Mike. No, she was in lust with Mike. Had she satisfied that lust tonight? After a while she had a sense that it was somehow important to protect Tim from the hurt this could cause him.

Yes!

She did! She did love Tim and that's why this fear was so magnified. In an odd sense, that realization gave her a momentary respite from her anguish.

Although it was a restless sleep, Jan finally dozed off and didn't wake until almost 9:00 the next morning. Tim was already up as he was not there beside her. When she got downstairs she was pleasantly surprised to see he had put coffee on and that he had fixed himself breakfast instead of waiting for her to do it. Then that overwhelming guilt struck her again and then fear.

This was different from Tim's normal behaviour. If anything it was like the old Tim. The one she was both in love AND in lust with. But that Tim hadn't been around for quite a while.

As these thoughts were going through her mind, she began to wonder just where Tim was. She thought, he may have mentioned something about a very early "tee" time this morning at the club or an early meeting. Come to think of it, he had been very vague about it!

She tried to busy herself doing what little cleaning was left and was once again surprised at how little there was to do. It began to occur to her that either Tim got up very early to do the cleaning before he went to play golf or . . . he hadn't come to bed at all. That combination of guilt and fear came into her chest once again.

Jan must have been deep in her own thoughts because the phone rang several times before she realized it. She finally picked it up.

"How's the sexiest woman in town this morning?" Mike purred.

"Mike, for Christ's sake. Are you crazy?"

"Relax Jan. I know Tim's not there. He's meeting with some Board members at the main plant. I know because my dad is there too. Can you get away this afternoon?"

"No Mike, I can't."

"Please! Pretty please with sugar on it."

"Stop it Mike. We need to talk."

"Great! I've got to see you too Jan. I'll be at the Corners at 2:00. My room number is 19. You can park at the mall next door and walk over." And with that, he hung up.

"Mike!" she shouted. But he was gone.

Jan was in a turmoil. She thought back to last night and tried to remember that incredible feeling of wanton lust. She thought it had been so exciting at the time but now all she could feel was fear and guilt. What to do? The more she thought about it the less excited she was and the more guilty she felt. She tried to imagine herself dealing with Tim.

Again the turmoil. Damn him. Where was the old Tim? If the old Tim were still around, this would never have happened.

Jan still wasn't sure what she would do until almost 1:30 when she found herself getting ready to go out. Out to the Corners. She wished Mike had picked something less sleazy than that, but at least they weren't likely to see anyone they knew there. She realized she was thinking of going to see him again but then, she did have to talk to him.

Damn. Tim, where is the man I married? I need him!

As she was stepping into her car the worst possible thing happened. Tim drove his big Navigator into the drive beside her. Her heart was beating so fast and so hard she feared he could hear it. He must have had a great deal of brandy after she went to bed as he looked really tired and, she supposed, hung over.

"I'm off to see Marjorie. She called about the Gleeson account. I'll be back as soon as I can." She lied as she drove out of the driveway.

***

Jan parked her Beemer in the middle of the lot in the midst of other cars. She could see Mike's metallic gold Mercedes and wished he had used something more discreet. Everyone in town knew that car. She pulled a kerchief over her head and walked toward the Corners Motel at the end of the lot, all the while looking around hoping not to see anyone who would know her. Once committed, she almost ran to the door of # 19. It opened as soon as she arrived and she found herself in Mike's arms and his lips hard against hers.

His excitement was overwhelming. He tried to pull her sweater up over her head and when she resisted he then kissed her passionately again.

"Stop Mike! Stop!" she said as she pushed him away.

Later as they sit side by side, on the bed, he looked at her with sorrowful eyes and said, "That's it isn't it?"

She sat up, turned and looked at him, sadness in her eyes. "Yes Mike it is. I'd like to say that we shouldn't have done that last night, but it seems such a stupid thing to say at this point. Things haven't been right with Tim and I for quite a while and on top of that I've been in lust with you as long or longer than Tim and I have not been right together. Maybe last night was inevitable but to tell you the truth, I really love Tim. I always have and I think last night happened because I've been searching for the "old" Tim and I was looking in the wrong place."

"We're not going to get together any more are we?"

"No Mike. We're not."

"I knew this is what would happen. When you came last night, it was Tim you cried out for not me."

Jan was visibly amused! "I'm afraid I've done that a few times. Mostly it is meaningless but this time Mike it wasn't. You know I care for you. I have for a long time but . . . I really wanted that to be Tim last night!"

"You know, I've always finished second to Tim. He was starting QB, I was back-up. He finished first in our class. I was second. He dated the prom queen. I got Marianne Benley. I did get division manager before he did but I think that's because dad owns so much of Sedcor. He got V.P. before me so I quit and joined the army. It's the only place I've been successful on my own."

"That's not true Mike. Tim told me you were the best there was. Your division led in almost everything. He was more shocked than pleased when he was appointed V.P. instead of you and almost devastated when you quit. He thought the company would be in jeopardy without you."

"It wasn't though was it?"

"No, but Tim struggled for a long time after you left."

"You have no idea how much I wish I could hate him. He's got everything I ever wanted or at least he's about to. You're sexy as hell Jan and maybe more important, a fine person and as attracted to you as I am, I have to admit that a big part of last night was a drunken attempt to outdo Tim."

Jan had suspected that and to her own surprise she was more relieved than offended as she said, "I remember being almost jealous of you. Tim used to talk about you all the time. About how smart you are, how intuitive, how you could deal so well with people and their issues. I wanted Tim to think about me and not you!"

Almost as an afterthought she asked, "What did you mean when you said, 'he's about to'?"

"You're kidding, right?"

Somehow tension took over her body once again. Jan could feel the rise of fear in her voice. "No. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Shit! Jameson is going to retire and they're about to make Tim President and C.E.O.."

President and C.E.O. and he has never said anything about it. A terrible sadness came over her. "I've got to go Mike. Uhmm . . ."

"I'll never say anything Jan. I thought I would want to, to say you were with me and not Tim, but I won't say anything to anyone. For what it is worth, I'm sorry!"

"Mike. . ."

"Wait. There's more. I'm also not going to say anything because when I was home last time, I managed to get Marianne in the sack and we got caught. Her husband was pissed and dad bought him off before there could be a scandal. I had to agree to accept deployment. If he found out I have screwed up again, it would kill him. The worst part is that I really like Marianne but Dad has made it clear that if I go near her again, he'll do all he can to be sure her company, which we both know is also yours, doesn't get another account from anywhere in the region. I'm sorry Jan."

In spite of the pressure she felt to get back home to Tim she turned and hugged Mike, kissed him gently on the cheek then hugged him again.

***

As it had been before, Jan's heart was racing as she drove up the driveway to her home. She was surprised and somehow fearful to see Tim on the veranda swinging on the chain seat.

As she walked up to him she was relieved to see him smile but, almost as she sensed the relief, she could see something else. Hurt? Sadness?

"Hi." He said. "Got a moment?"

"Sure." She answered, thinking he was going to get around to telling her he was about to become President and C.E.O..

"Jan, I'm very sorry for my wimpish behavior all these years."

"What are you talking about Tim?" her chest felt like it was going to explode.

Tim smiled that incredibly sad smile. "Do you want just the bottom line or all the gory details?"

Jan was silent for a while, then, steeling herself she said, "I think I better go with all the gory details!"

"I've really been a terrible coward for too long. I've known I was losing you, if I hadn't already lost you, since we were in Barbados. I love you so much and I've been so afraid of life without you. . ."

"You Tim? Afraid? That is very hard to believe. You're not the type to be afraid of anything. Why would you be?"

"You know, if I ran the Company like I've ran my life since then, we'd be bankrupt in less than a month. When you decide things, it should be based on what you know, not what you want to believe." Tim said as he turned to Jan with tears in his eyes. "I wanted you so much I hung on even when I knew I shouldn't."

"No Tim! Please! This is crazy!"

"You said 'gory details'. I think I need to get them out so we can get on with our lives. Please let me finish."

When Jan stayed silent for a few moments, Tim continued, "That night in Barbados, when we were walking the beach going back to the hotel after the infamous bar tour and you said you wanted me to do you on the sand. . .I was so excited and so in love with you! I wasn't sure, or more likely I didn't want to admit it, but, when I was eating you, I thought it was "Mike" you called out when you came. I managed to convince myself that I had imagined it, but, the night after we got wasted limbo dancing and I crawled up under your skirt and ate you by the hotel pool, you said it again. That time there was no doubt!"

The tears were running down his cheeks. Jan too was crying as she listened to Tim pour his heart out. "Tim, I promise you that meant nothing. You know I . . ."

Tim continued, "I wanted you so much I did nothing. I know I should have told you what I knew and let you go, but I was such a wimp. I held on. Knowing that any moment you might tell me you were leaving, knowing every time we made love I was being compared to Mike."

"Noooo! Tim, nooo!"

Tim raised his hand as if asking for silence.

"Don't Jan. Please. I've finally got the courage up to do what I should have a long time ago. I need to do this! Please!" He paused as if steeling himself, "Last night I had to use the bathroom and both downstairs rooms were in use. . . "

"Oh God no!" Jan could feel her heart breaking. The guilt and fear she had felt earlier was nothing compared to the pain she was feeling now.

"Tim, I'm so sorry!"

"Stay with me Jan. It gets worse!"

"Nothing could be worse than this." Jan thought. Her disgust with herself and her self loathing were on maximum.

"Marjorie dropped in this afternoon. I told her you were headed to her place to talk to her about the Gleeson account. She didn't know anything about it! On a hunch I drove by the Corners and saw your car and Mike's."

"Tim, I know I've screwed up big time but. . ."

"Stop Jan!" he almost shouted. "I had no right to hang on like I've been doing all this time. You must have been miserable! I'm ashamed of myself, and of my stupidity. I've made matters worse for both of us."