Jealousy

After the divorce, Carol was free to pursue her professional goal of academic leadership. Adopting her maiden name, Dr. Carol Wilson advanced rapidly until being named the first female dean of students at a large west coast state university. Jeffrey went on to an ultimate total of four marriages, the latest to the ostentatious daughter of a well-known British real estate tycoon whose vulgar, self-centered personality exceeded his own, however improbable that may be.

Carol's recent marriage to Ambassador Harrison Ward had a unique history.

For twenty-three years preceding his death, Harrison's father had been the well-liked Rector of All Saints Episcopal Church in Monmouth, Illinois, the same small town location shared with Professor Wilson and his family. In addition to their common faith, The Reverend Ward and Professor Wilson shared many intellectual interests. The two became close personal friends and their friendship grew to include the members of both families. As a tenured professor of English literature and an Episcopal priest, neither were men of financial means. The bonding of the families became even closer as their only children, Carol Wilson and Harrison Ward, were born within three months of each other.

As classmates in the local public school system from kindergarten through high school, Carol and Harrison were distinguished students and both were active in many extracurricular activities. Harrison captained the high school basketball team when it advanced to the quarterfinals of the state tournament in his senior year before bowing to the powerhouse of Dubois High School from Chicago's south side. Carol led Monmouth High School's debating team to first place in that year's statewide tournament in the capitol of Springfield. Both were members of the National Honor Society and graduated with near perfect grade point averages. Their superior academic and extracurricular records brought generous scholarship offers from several prestigious universities to both of them. With her ambition to become a leader in higher education, Carol opted to attend Stanford while Harrison was confident that his acceptance at Harvard would lead to a diplomatic career in government.

Both were physically attractive. Carol was tall, almost statuesque. An assertive young woman with dark blonde hair, she had a strong stride and forceful body language that exuded confidence. Over six feet, Harrison's face was long and craggy with an overly large nose. His face, heavy eyebrows and thick thatch of unruly dark hair gave him an appearance not unlike a young Abraham Lincoln. Indeed, he had once played that role in a high school play. He could not be described as handsome but somehow his appearance was imposing in a youthful way that was memorable. His wiry muscular frame was the quintessence of teenage masculinity.

Carol was always in demand socially and she had an almost magical ability not to break hearts as she easily moved from boy friend to boy friend throughout high school. Many of her female classmates were jealous of her unconscious skill in attracting the most eligible boys but she was indifferent to the unflattering gossip of the less talented girls. With equal grace, Harrison was not without success in late evening tussles in parked cars but was careful not to sow his oats in such a way that teenage pregnancies might result.

Having spent much of their childhood years in each other's homes as their parents visited back and forth, Carol and Harrison remained virtually unconscious of the other's physical appeal until almost all of their high school days had passed. In their senior year, an epiphany of awareness occurred that all too quickly led to their first sexual experience. In a frenzy to make up for lost time, the two teenagers were enthralled with the mysteries of their bodies. Finding hidden locations where they could pleasure each other without interruption was a challenge in their small rural town. Finally, a pristine knoll hidden by a copse of willow trees was found along Cedar Creek five miles away that well served their needs. For use during the coldest weather, they pooled their part-time job earnings to purchase an oversized arctic sleeping bag. When the time finally came to leave Monmouth for college, they flipped a coin to decide who would inherit the frequently used item as a souvenir. Harrison won and Carol laughingly made him promise to use it well with the Wellesley girls that he was sure to meet at Harvard.    

While enthralling, their youthful encounters did not lead to any expectation of a continuing bond by either of them. They both maturely recognized that college and the beginning of a career in their chosen fields lay ahead and prevented a committed relationship. In late August before leaving for their first year at college, Harrison splurged by renting a room in the Best Western motel in nearby Galesburg. A bittersweet afternoon of lust brought their adolescent liaisons to a close. With a few tears of regret, the warm memories of their experiences were tucked away, not to be revived for over four decades.

Following their respective university educations, Carol married Jeffrey Greenberg and bore him three children before their divorce and her climb to a position of national prominence as a university educator. As expected, Harrison passed the State Department entrance examination with ease and started a slow ascension toward the highest diplomatic ranks. At age twenty-seven, he married the former Mary Beth Denton of Swarthmore, Pennsylvania, a Wellesley graduate he had met while at Harvard. Following a memorably successful marriage blessed with two sons, Mary Beth was diagnosed with liposarcoma cancer and painfully lingered for two years before her death ten months short of their thirtieth wedding anniversary. Harrison grieved incessantly for months before a skilled therapist guided him to the necessary skills of coping with life without the wife that he had adored for so long.

While they never had an opportunity to see each other after high school, the occasional publicity describing their careers kept both Carol and Harrison reasonably aware of each other's professional accomplishments. Harrison showed Mary Beth all of the reports he saw about Carol and Carol occasionally mentioned Harrison to her husband, usually to his snort of derision about pointy-headed diplomats in striped trousers. After her divorce, Carol casually monitored Harrison's many diplomatic achievements through newspaper articles and his frequent television appearances. She was pained to learn of his wife's passing and sent him a deeply sincere letter of sympathy on that occasion.

Carol did not remarry after her divorce but found ample opportunities to enjoy several short-lived mature relationships founded on mutual professional respect and personal friendship. The companionship and sexual pleasures of those relationships were unquestionably enjoyable but never led to anything more than an affectionate involvement. Once, a prominent west coast industrialist became smitten with her charm and proposed to divorce his wife of over twenty years to enable their marriage. Complimented, Carol did not reciprocate the depth of his feelings. Also, she was unwilling to inflect the pain of her own divorce on the man's wife whom she knew socially. With her usual deft diplomacy, she skillfully declined the proposal and ended the affair amicably.

Occasionally, when she was not in a current personal relationship, Carol retained the services of an expensive escort service recommended by the wife of a wealthy philanthropist as a source of experienced companions to satisfy her physical needs without complications. Discreetly meeting young men with such unlikely names as François, Piet and Rogelio to explore her most erotic fantasies, she always emerged physically exhilarated but with little thought of her partner's well being. After all, she rationalized, these men are nothing more than skilled tradesmen dedicated to serving their client's desires. Once, while catching her breath after an exhausting session with a German-speaking companion named Konrad, she smiled to herself. If only Jeffrey Greenberg could have matched ten per cent of this athlete's abilities, I might have considered continuing our marriage. I'm afraid poor little Jeff would be well advised never to enter into a sexual contest with any of my friends from the escort service. Where in the world do they find such men? They're always ready and it seems like they never need to rest! There must be a factory for sexual robots somewhere! I wonder if I could buy some stock in it?

Three years after his wife's cancer death, Harrison was scheduled to be one of many speakers at a three-day conference co-sponsored by the Council on Foreign Relations and the graduate school of government at Carol's university on the west coast. With the objective of bringing prominent speakers to cities beyond the eastern seaboard, the popular CFR series had featured numerous American political personalities, diplomats and foreign heads of state. Now available for personal appearances following his retirement from government service, Harrison's prominence commanded mid five-figure fees for a single speech and six-figures for participating in multi-day conferences such as this one. Between his speaking engagements, book sales and frequent television appearances, Harrison's net worth had rapidly expanded.

As dean of students, Carol could have manipulated any role in the conference she wished but she decided to forego active participation. Of course she intended to attend all of Harrison's presentations to observe her old friend in action and would be obliged to host one of the evening receptions. Tantalizing herself, she reminisced. It's been four decades since I last saw him face-to-face ... good heavens, forty-two years if my arithmetic is correct! My God, we're sixty now, where has the time gone? I wonder how he's changed since Monmouth High School? She continued her reverie. How have I changed? Stroking her soft blonde hair, she reflected. These gray hairs certainly won't impress him, I'd better get a rinse ... but who's thinking of impressing anyone? He's just an old friend ... well, maybe a flame from the past but nothing more. Still, it'll be good to see him and to bring each other up-to-date on our children.

Harrison was totally aware of Carol's prominent position with the university and her divorce of several years ago. Like her, he was looking forward to their September of life reunion during the conference. He reflected. So many miles have gone by and so many bridges have been crossed since our childhood. A few successes, so many failures. So many dreams still unfulfilled. Unconsciously drawing in his stomach, he had a fleeting moment of apprehension about his appearance and what Carol's reaction to him would be. Come on, guy. This is nothing more than seeing an old flame, nothing more. Despite his words, Harrison enjoyed a giddy flush that reddened his face and momentarily stirred his groin. "Calm down my beloved," he whispered a mantra of fidelity to his deceased Mary Beth, "I'm not about to jump into another woman's bed." How wrong he was.

Given the tense geopolitical situation in the Mideast, there was an overflow audience of attendees for the conference that exceeded the expectations of both the CFR and the university. With the speakers reflecting many gradients of the political spectrum, media coverage was intense. Thankfully, the expected student protests failed to materialize and the three days passed without incident.

Carol maneuvered her hosting responsibilities to the second night's reception and was free to simply be one of the crowd at the opening night gala. Quickly passing along the greeting line of conference speakers, she finally arrived at Harrison's position as he was exchanging a few words with the state's junior senator, a staunch supporter of the administration's position on Iraq. "Hello again Mr. Ambassador," she softly said.

Although he expected to run across Carol sometime during the conference, Harrison was momentarily tongue-tied as he turned to see her, a most unusual situation for the experienced diplomat. "Uh ... Dr. Wilson ... I mean Dr. Wilson-Greenberg ... how good to see you here," he stammered. "What name do you go by these days anyway?" Reddening, he stumbled on, "Of course I mean it's good to see you here, where else would I mean ... this is your university after all, you wouldn't be anywhere else, would you?"

Rescuing her old friend from his embarrassment with an engaging smile, Carol bantered back, "You're a history buff Harrison so you'll remember that Abe Lincoln was so shy that he mumbled incoherently whenever he met a beautiful women. I'll take it as a compliment that you're in your Lincoln mode tonight." Leaning closer, she continued, "Do you think I could impose on you for few minutes of your valuable time to share a glass of our state's great wine after you're finished with this frightful greeting line?" Accepting his broad smile as an acceptance, she started to move to the next person in the receiving line before turning back for a final moment. "And I think Carol would be a fine name for you to call me." Smiling, she continued along the line of dignitaries before retiring to the wine bar to wait for him.

Holding up a glass of merlot for him as a more relaxed greeting, Carol beamed as Harrison weaved his way through the throng to join her. Accepting the glass, he grinned. "Thank you, Carol. Wow, this crowd is unbelievable." Glancing around the packed reception hall, she answered, "Well, I'm sure the CFR warned you about the hospitality of our university, but I do agree this is a rather fantastic turn-out. And you handled the opposition masterfully during your presentation ... Harrison, you're nothing short of awe-inspiring! I think I'll set up a campus fan club for you." Quietly, she leaned closer and whispered, "You've come a long way from Monmouth, Illinois my dear and I'm proud of you!"

Taking a sip from his glass, Harrison smiled back. "I'd say you're the one who has traveled far and I want to reciprocate my pride of you. You're a true gift to the academic world, Carol ... but we both knew you would be, didn't we?" Now that mutual compliments had been exchanged, he gazed fondly at his old friend. "And may I add that you look stunning tonight? We can't fib about our age to each other can we? The years have been kind to you, far kinder than to me."

"Oh come now, I can see a few wrinkles and a gray hair or two that weren't there in high school, but you're still the same handsome teenager I remember," Carol diplomatically teased before thinking, God, how I remember that young man ... what would life have been if we hadn't drifted apart so quickly and so far? Oh well, the past is the past and can never be repeated, regardless of what we might wish.

They broke their reverie to describe their children and the accomplishments that made them so special to their parents but Harrison sensed her comments about son Aaron were superficial at best. A few minutes were spent on Carol's hopes for the continuation of a political speaking program next year at the university similar to this week's conference. He described his hectic schedule of personal appearances. When the conversation paused for a moment, Carol tenderly touched his hand. "Harrison, I hope you will accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your Mary Beth. The pain of her illness must have been unbearable for you. I'm so very sorry, truly I am."

Harrison sighed. "Thank you, Carol. I guess I just collapsed into myself after her passing ... but her time had come and her suffering was finally over, thank God. I was emotionally numb for months afterward. Finally, I was fortunate to be introduced to a very talented therapist who helped me come to grips with my grieving. I guess you could say that he rescued me. He helped me realize that while Mary Beth was my past, the future belongs to me and whatever I make of it. I still shed a tear from time to time, but one strange thing is that each day her face is less clear to me. Her appearance is fading from my memory and I can't understand why. We were so close for so long that I thought I'd remember what she looked like for the rest of my life. But that's not the case."

"You're recovering, Harrison, just like a surgery patient recovers," Carol replied. "The scar will be with you forever, but underneath the scar the body heals itself in time. Just give yourself all of the time you need. You have so much to give to the world. Try to free yourself from the past so others can receive your gifts." Seriously, she added, "Have you had an opportunity to meet any women socially in Washington? Anybody that might get you away from work and be with friends again? It's been over three years since you lost Mary Beth. It's time for you to take everyone's advice and move back into the world." As she expressed her compassion for this still grieving man, an intriguing thought entered her mind. Could I possibly be the instrument of his emotional rebirth?

Their meeting at a university conference forty-two years after their teen-age farewell launched a new journey for them both. Soon the ravages of age disappeared and they were young again in each other's eyes. Carol was ravishingly beautiful to Harrison and Harrison was the most handsome man in the world to Carol. They reveled in the ease of their conversation. Both sensed a twinge of physical desire that was pleasurable. They made a date to meet the next morning at the campus Starbucks for coffee before the start of the day's conference events. Carol drove Harrison back to his hotel and she wished him success for the rest of the conference with a soft hug of affection. Hesitating a moment, he mentioned that he would be speaking at a conference sponsored by theSan Francisco Chroniclein three weeks time and asked if her university duties could possibly allow them to meet in the Bay Area. Drawing her BlackBerry from the depths of her purse, Carol reviewed her schedule. She shuddered when she realized just how much juggling would be needed but never mind that now. Smiling brightly, she answered, "Of course I can easily do that Harrison. I'd love to see you again in three weeks."

Whistling absently as the sole passenger in the elevator to his floor in the hotel, Harrison fantasized. "Mmmm ... I wonder ... maybe, just maybe, I can talk Carol into share a few private hours with me in San Francisco." He slipped deeper into fantasy and was pleasantly surprised to find himself becoming erect.

The grandeur of the turn of the century Saint Francis Hotel in San Francisco was an unparalleled venue for the rebirth of their friendship. The luxurious suite that the newspaper had provided as the host of Harrison's speaking appearance overlooked the romantic galaxy of lights that was Union Square.

Due to heavy rain, Carol's arriving flight at San Francisco International was forty minutes late that evening and they taxied hurriedly to reach Alioto's on the wharf before it closed. Over a seafood dinner and light wine, they continued the conversation started at the conference three weeks earlier. After laughing over the academic politics that was so much a part of Carol's life, Harrison described the demands of his busy travel schedule from one engagement to the next. Deferring intimate talk about their respective families for a later time, he expanded on his views of the Mideast situation that greatly illuminated her geopolitical understanding. Well fed and happily content to be in each other's company, dinner came to a reluctant end and they held hands while continuing to chat in the taxi that drove them to the Saint Francis.

Carol knew Harrison was staying at the Saint Francis but neither had said a word about where she would spend the night. Confidently assuming they would share his suite, she handed her overnight bag to him to carry as they left the taxi and strolled through the lobby. Neither said a word as the elevator door closed quietly behind them.