Jess was a Bitch Ch. 10

"Oh, pops, now you're being the silly one. You protect us by not hating us, by not pushing us away. Without you and mom, I'd be out of my mind, so would Jon." She lets the motion of the sea lull her. "I'm terrified of how much Jon seems to need me. I don't see how this can work. I told him it has to stop when we get home but I'm afraid doing that will destroy him. I'm not just scared, I'm also pissed. I don't want his happiness hanging over my head."

"Well, honey, while I understand the fear and the anger, that's what being in love entails, being willing to be responsible for someone other than yourself. That doesn't mean you should lose yourself; it doesn't mean that you're required to give away everything that makes you who you are to the other person but there's no way to duck the responsibility. Sorry, kid."

"I know that, dad. I get it but at times I feel smothered. He's so intense. I don't want to say needy, but in some ways, he is. He's so sensitive, so worried. I can say something that to me is totally simple and he takes it as I'm walking out the door."

"Gee, now who does that sound like." The ruefulness in her father's voice is plain to hear.

"He is a little like mom, isn't he?"

"No, he's a lot like your mother. And, I hope this doesn't upset you, but you are a lot like me."

Jess tries to stand, forgetting the water is over her head. She pops back to the surface, spluttering and pushing her hair out of her eyes. "You're right! Jon is like mom and I'm like you and you two fell in love. Why is so strange that we did? Your personalities clicked. Why not ours? Fuck, maybe it's not just personalities maybe our fucking pheromones attract each other. Maybe what's weird is that this doesn't happen more often. Dad, what if it does? What if that's why the social prohibition is so strong, not because it's something that's so horrible but because it's something that is common?"

Before James can answer, she's swimming toward the shore.

***

Jess pays scant attention to the canvas. She keeps her hand on Jon's arm until he turns to her. His face is blank for a moment, then the smile she loves finds his face. She kisses him. "I love you. Now finish your painting."

James is slogging his way through the sand. He sees the kiss and tries not to let it bother him. Would it bother me if I saw her kiss another woman? A much older man? he wonders to himself and decides, that yes, it probably would, at first anyway. He stops at the shower and rinses off the salt water, then again at the foot rinse by Jon and Jess' patio to rinse the sand off his feet. Jess has disappeared inside. James sits by the table as quietly as he can and watches his son paint. He looks for a moment and then inhales sharply. He knows this. It's the club by the pool, where they have live music. And, he has no doubt that that is him, in the painting, looking across the mostly empty dance floor. He's amazed that the face, with very little detail, conveys such a sense of loss and longing. There is a relatively large section of canvas yet to be filled, though there are faint lines, marking the layout.

"That's you, dad, isn't it?"

He's unaware that Jess has returned until she speaks in that whispered voice saved for weddings or funerals. He nods. Travis, Caitlin, and Gloria join them. James sees Gloria jerk her head towards him and he meets her eyes with a shrug. The three women look at each other and without speaking, make their way through Jess' room and head off toward their day. James motions with his head for Travis to follow him and walks around the path to his own patio. He fetches three bottles of water, hands one to Travis who is sitting at the patio table, and then makes his way back to the kids' patio. He touches Jon on the arm. There's that same moment of hesitation, as Jon's mind switches tracks. He takes the water and drains it.

"Thanks, dad. I was thirstier than I realized."

James nods.

"I was watching you that night, when you and mom were fighting," Jon continues. "You hadn't spotted us yet and mom hadn't seen you. I remember the look on your face when you first saw us, mom really, not us. I dreamed about it." He points with the empty bottle at the blank area of canvas. "I don't know if I can make the perspective work, but mom was sitting here, looking in the wrong direction. She had a similar look." He looks at his father, worried. "Should I have asked? I'm sorry. It was a personal moment and I was spying. I'm sorry."

"It's perfectly alright, son. I'm taken aback at how you've capture the misery in my face. I know I felt that bad; I thought I was hiding it."

"You were, except to those of us who know you."

"You want to take a break, hang out with Travis and I, go for a swim, get some lunch?"

Jon glances at the canvas, then back to his father. "That sounds great, actually. If there's no cruise ship, Jess and I found a nice place, not too far from here. Give me a minute to clean my brushes and put stuff away."

James smiles at his son and nods.

***

If Jess is uncomfortable being nude around her mother, she hides it extremely well. The same, it should be said, is true of Gloria. The idea of re-interpreting her mother by the light of what she's learned about her brother fascinates Jess. She wonders if she's ever felt this close to her mom before. They convince Caitlin to allow Gloria to wade into the ocean but every time there's a splash Caitlin flinches and has to restrain herself from shielding the woman.

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Caitlin. I'm wicked but I'm not a witch and I'm not from the West. A splash of water isn't going to melt me and you're keeping me so saturated with antibiotics I'm probably a bigger threat to the ocean than it is to me. Let's go stretch out and dry off." Gloria stops as she turns. "On second thought, you two frolic a bit and I'll stretch out. I need some peace and quiet." She turns and makes her way back to the cabana; the same one they'd rented the other day. She orders a margarita and settles back, watching the crowd, the water, and the play of light on the water, from behind her sunglasses. She glances at her boobs. She still doesn't care for them, but no one is pointing or sniggering, not that she's noticed anyway. She decides what she hates is they aren't really her. She shakes her head, telling herself she will not obsess about this, not today. The server stops and she orders a margarita and a flight of tequila shots. She hears the Black-eyed Peas singing in her head, 'let's get it started in here', as she settles back in the lounge chair.

***

The three men find a table without difficulty. It's busy but there is not the feeling of barely contained chaos that Jon recalls. He has a brief inkling of how the locals must love, and hate, tourists.

Travis buys the first round, beers all around, and turns to Jon. "Where do you go when you paint? Are you focused on the canvas? The color? Or is it more of a Zen thing were you just get lost in the moment? I sometimes feel like I'm in a trance, mostly when I'm doing yoga but sometimes when I hit on a solution, or possible solution to a particularly vexing legal issue I'm struggling with."

Jon shrugs, turning the bottle around and around. He takes a sip before answering. "I don't know if I can answer that. I guess it's more like the 'lost in the moment' idea. It's like my brain is busy going back and forth between the picture in my head and the one I'm trying to get on the paper or the canvas. There's just no room for anything else."

"I've watched you work before, Jon," his father interjects. "I've never seen that level of concentration before. It's amazing and like all amazing things, a little bit scary."

"It feels scary to me, too," Jon admits, still turning the bottle in his hands. "I never felt that connection before, to the idea in my head, not until..." His voice tails off. He takes a drink looking out over the beach. "I want to imagine Jess has awaken something inside of me but I'm afraid that's not true. I'm afraid that somehow, it's her not me that provides the spark or energy or aura or whatever the fuck you want to call it."

"But Jon," Travis protests. "Of course, it's you. You're the one creating those works of art. I have no problem believing that falling in love, feeling deep emotion and passion for the first time, can awake something inside a person but that something was always there. Dude, do not doubt yourself on this one. The few pieces I've seen you create the past few days are fucking awesome. You painted those, not Jess. Give her all the credit you want for being your inspiration, your reason for painting, whatever, but you, no one else, created them."

"I couldn't possibly agree more, son. Jess is an amazing young woman, in many ways, but let her be amazing in her own right. And you be amazing in your own way."

"I mean I get that but what if she's more than just a spark? What if she's my fuel? What if when she leaves I dwindle back into the guy who tries to sell paintings at the local art fair, the kind that aren't even bad enough to be interesting?"

"That's exactly what will happen." Father and son turn to look at Travis. Jon looks sad. James looks irritated, not at all pleased that Travis agrees with his son's fear. When Travis speaks again, it's James he addresses. "Look, if that's what he thinks will happen, that's what will happen. If a hitter is convinced he can't hit a low fastball without wearing the same pair of socks every time he bats, then he won't." He turns to Jon. "If you buy that idea, that without Jess, you won't be able to paint or draw, then without Jess you won't be able to paint or draw. If hitting a fastball is partly mental, then so is painting, or writing or fucking or anything else. If you insist you're nothing without Jess, then that's what you'll be. That would be a fucking pity for you and for Jess. Because dude." He leans forward and taps the neck of his bottle against Jon's. "That attitude will drive her away eventually. You can't ask her to pull your weight and hers. What kinda deal would that be? What would be left for her? What sort of strength are you going to give her in return? You think she'll want to be around you forever just for your dick? Plenty of dick in the world buddy. Fucking suck it up, dude." Travis drains his beer and stands up. "Another round?"

***

"Are you trying to fuck my mom?"

Instead of being offended, Caitlin laughs and then splashes Jess in the face. "No, well yes, but not just your mom, your dad too. But," she holds up her hands, fending off the wall of water she expects Jess to hurl at her. "I'm not really trying to because I really want to keep them, and you and Jon, as friends."

"I wish I hadn't upset Jon so much, you know, that time when we..."

"Yeah, I know the time we fucked," Caitlin interrupts her.

"I," Jess blushes and closes her mouth. Caitlin struggles to resist the urge to grab and kiss the troubled young woman. "I had a good time. I enjoyed it. I was hoping Jon and Travis would do the same thing to me, one in my pussy and the other..."

"In your ass," Caitlin finishes for her with a smile. "That would have been fun. I think you'd have liked it. Maybe someday," she shrugs. "Who knows? But as much as I want to taste your sweet pussy, I don't want to lose you as a friend, and if I lose you, I lose Jon and I don't want to lose him as a friend either." Caitlin splashes her friend. "So, for the time being, you and Jon are off limits and so are you're folks. What a fucking sexual desert this trip has turned out to be."

"You really want to do it with my parents?"

"Yeah, why's that so weird?"

"I guess it's not, other than, oh, gee, I don't know, because they're my parents!" Jess punctuates her statement with another splash of water. That's all it takes. The water explodes in splashes and giggles.

Watching, from her perch under the cabana, Gloria smiles.

***

James tries to be angry at Travis at the way he talked to his son but it's an uphill battle. He doesn't anger easily, and, to a large extent, he agrees with Travis. He doesn't say so out loud. Piling on top of Jon won't do any good that he can think of.

"I'm being a giant pussy, aren't I?"

James looks at his son. He doesn't look upset. He looks bemused. "No," James pauses and then adds, smiling. "Not a giant one." He shakes his head at his son. "No, Jon, you're not but there is some truth to what Travis said. I can't make you feel secure in your talent. Jess can't either. That's up to you. You can draw inspiration from her. But, and I'm absolutely certain of this, you can draw inspiration from many places. Your inner eye, or whatever the hell you want to call it, has been opened. It will take a lot of effort to close it. Although, if you aren't careful, you might find it all too easy to ignore it."

"You think Jess and I are wrong; that we should stop this."

It's a statement not a question. His father shrugs. "Wrong? Yeah, I guess I do, still, not as vociferously as I did in the beginning but yes, I can't help but feel it's wrong. And, yes, I think you should stop. It will break your heart, and hers, but I don't see anything but more heartbreak if you try to continue. I'm sorry. I really am. But, that's my take on the situation."

Travis returns with a fresh round of beers as James finishes. "Dude, you know what your dad's answer will be. You know what the standard answer will be. Why ask? What you have to decide, my friend, is what are you going to do. You know the right answer, or at least the answer nearly everyone is going to give you. Are you going to accept the answer, that's the question and only you can decide, bro." Jon's first beer is still three-quarters full, so Travis sets the new one on the table. "I did a quick search. As far as I can tell, and again this is based on a quick Internet search, the only state where you could live as man and wife, with Jess legally is Rhode Island. You can't get married there but at least it's not illegal to have sex with her. Everywhere else, technically they could lock you both up. My guess is that most states wouldn't bother, as long as you kept your heads down and didn't make a fuss but, legally, they could."

"How the fuck does knowing that help me?" Jon snaps.

"It tells you where you stand, dude," Travis answers mildly. "Most people will think your disgusting, sick, perverted. Some will want you locked up. Again, you know all that. That's not the issue." He leans forward and touches Jon's knee. "I'm not trying to be a dick. I can't imagine what you're dealing with. But what I can imagine is that you love Jess as much as I love Caitlin and I can imagine what it would do to me if I thought I couldn't be with her."

***

Jess and Caitlin are still giggling as they dry off. Gloria smiles, though the sight of them makes her feel old. She wonders how on earth it can be that she's forty-two years old. That can't be possible, can it? she wonders. Yeah, it is. Just as possible as the fact that you're staring at Caitlin's ass. With a shock she realizes that's true. Caitlin is leaning forward, drying her legs, and Gloria is staring at her butt; staring at the mound of her sex visible between the woman's legs. She jerks her eyes away, willing her body not to jerk at the same time. She's wearing sunglasses but Jess is giving her a very funny, and very irritating, look, damn near a smirk.

"I took the liberty of ordering some tequila."

"And it, would appear, a margarita, mom."

"Gloria, didn't I warn you not to mix alcohol with your medications?!"

For a moment, Gloria is both confused and horrified, fearing she'd made some horrible mistake. Then, seeing the look in Caitlin's eye and the smile on her face, her confusion morphs into irritation. "Very funny, Dr. Schultz. Very funny."

"I'm sorry, Gloria. Seriously." Her voice sounds sincere but her eyes still have a wicked gleam about them. Caitlin waves down a server and orders two more margaritas.

"You know, I'm not twenty-one, yet," Jess huffs.

"Hush, dear. I know you have a passable fake ID, not that anyone is likely to ask for it." Gloria shakes her head when Jess sticks her tongue out. "Caitlin, if you and Travis are planning on having children don't let my daughter's behavior detour you; all in the all, children are quite delightful." Caitlin nods as she reaches for one of the shot glasses of tequila. She tosses it back. Gloria, then Jess, follow suit.

"Alright ladies," Caitlin says, standing, using her doctor voice. "Time for sun screen and plenty of it before another round of drinks makes us forget. Do not skimp when it comes to the ladies," she tells them, cupping her breasts. "Nipples are not something you want sunburned."

They take turns with the lotion. Gloria does Caitlin's back, hands drifting down to the top of the woman's butt. Caitlin returns the favor. She does Jess' back last. They pull their lounge chairs into the sun, adjust sunglasses, and stretch out.

No one speaks.

***

Jon, innocent that he is, doesn't have a fake ID. They content themselves with beer. They've had little to eat and by the time they've polished off the third beer, they are pleasantly buzzed.

"Travis, are you eyeing the ladies or the men?"

Jon, more blitzed than buzzed, gapes at his father. Travis gives a short bark-like laugh. "Both," he pushes his sunglasses up and looks at the other two. "You know Woody Allen pointed out that being bisexual immediately doubles your chances of a date on Friday night."

"Some of the gleam of Woody Allen as sage has been worn away, don't you think?" That observation earns James another barking laugh.

"I do. Plus, he's wrong. Being bi makes it harder to get a date, if you're honest about being bi that is. Gay dudes think you're really gay but hiding in the closet and not worth the trouble of a real relationship and straight women think that you're gay and using them to hide. So, his personal peccadillos aside, he was full of shit."

"Hmm, I'm not sure I agree with running off with your step-daughter is nothing more than a peccadillo but I take your point." He turns to his son. "Would you be okay if I was having sex with your sister? Do you want to have sex with your mother?"

Jon stares at him. His face drains of color, in a manner that reminds Travis of a character in one of the Looney Tunes cartoons he used to watch with his dad on late night TV. The look on James' face isn't much better. Jon starts to rise and Travis puts a hand on his wrist. He tries to jerk away and Travis tightens his hold. "Buddy, you're going to get asked far worse than that. You can't run from it. You can call it quits and avoid the questions or you can find an answer to the questions. What you can't do is run from them. Sorry, dude but that's the way I see it."

"Jon, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have - the beer."

Travis swivels to look at the older man, still holding onto Jon's wrist. "Nope, you can't run away from it either, James. Even if the beer loosened your tongue the thought was always there. Own it, my friend."

James gives a curt nod. "You're right. Jon, sit down. Please?"

Jon lowers his stiff body into the chair. His joints seem to have forgotten their function. His face is as flushed as earlier it had been ashen. "Do you want to fuck, Jess." He spits the words out between clenched teeth.

"No," James replies, shaking his head and speaking softly. "I do not but is your anger at my question jealousy or a recognition that it is cut from the same cloth as your relationship with your sister, who, I remind you, is my daughter. My daughter! You expect a housewarming present? A set of fucking china, for Christ's sake?" James's voice deepens; he speaks slower, clipping off the words as if anxious to be done with them. "If it's okay for you to fuck your sister, why is it not okay for me to fuck my daughter? Uh? Riddle me that. Why shouldn't you fuck your mother? Hell, why shouldn't you fuck me? Why shouldn't I be allowed to suck your dick, if that was something I want to do? Are you really telling me that simply because you want to, that's all that's needed to make it okay? Because if that is what you believe, then let me tell you, that's a load of horse shit."