Joe & Murphy Ch. 01

Light filtered through a barred frosted window, illuminating the drab, cold interior. Murphy awoke with a groan and a nauseating headache.

"How you feeling Casanova?"

Murphy blinked repeatedly and dragged a paw back and forth across his face.

"Like I'm gonna die. Is that you Joe?"

Rubbing his eyes he sat up and looked around. Joe was sitting impatiently on a metal bunk across from him, arms folded and sporting a badly battered eye.

"Joe! Christ, what happened to you?"

"The same thing that happened to you, you barrel of monkey nuts," he replied, positively seething.

"What? Where are we?"

"In a holding cell. We got busted don't you know."

Murphy sat dumbstruck, barely able to comprehend the situation.

"And if you think this is the worst part," Joe sneered, "take a look at the morning headline."

He tossed the morning paper at Murphy, who was greeted with the booming headline "Cretinous perverts caught in the act!"

"Oh shit!" Murphy exclaimed.

Joe drummed his fingers on his knee.

"Read the story out for me," he demanded.

Murphy held the paper aloft in front of him, partly to allow his weary eyes to focus on the typeface but mainly to escape Joe's piercing gaze. He began to read aloud.

"Police arrested two intruders last night in the stately former home of the late Lord Cavendish. Acting on a tip off from neighbours, officers apprehended the pair shortly after the ground's security guard, who'd also been tipped off, successfully subdued them.

"According to the shocked guard, who declined to be named, the assailants were caught masturbating in the darkness of the garden before befouling Cavendish's petunias - perhaps kudos to the Lord's renowned green fingers.

"They were also found with a haul of stolen goods from the property..."

"That'll do," Joe interrupted.

Murphy sat open mouthed in disbelief.

"Funny how I end up also taking the wrap for your indecent behaviour," Joe said quietly. "But what gets me even more is that the guard and the cops were tipped off."

"But who knew we were there?" Murphy stammered. "Who saw us?"

Joe threw up his hands in exasperation.

"That bloody tart of course. It was a honey trap! She must have made the calls when she was out of sight the first time. Well this won't stand, my twisted little friend. This won't stand at all! As soon as we get out of this pickle we're going to pay Miss Big Tits a visit. She has a debt to pay..."

To be continued...