Ellen Journals 06. Just Being a Woman

This time it is I, Ellen, who am writing in place of my husband, John, who has documented almost all of the very few adventures in eroticism that we have enjoyed in our life together. In fact there is only one other encounter to date that John has not reported on, and he finds it all rather tame, but I found it all terribly erotic, much more so that John did, and so he suggested that it be I who should write it down for you.

It began with my friend Gail, who has been my closest friend since childhood, a fellow Catholic schoolgirl for 12 years. We even went to the same college together, and it was there and then that I became aware of her since-puberty obsession with men gifted with very large penises. Due to our upbringing this was a huge taboo even to discuss at our frequent get-togethers at one another's dorm rooms, or, later on, sleepovers at our apartments. But finally it all came out, her big obsession, and though Gail has remained unmarried (we are now both in our 50s), she is still lovely of face with the body of a high school girl.

At a recent luncheon, Gail confided in me that she felt that "her youth was gone", and though she has had many proposals over the decades and would like to settle down with a man, she believes her "Size Queen" persona would prove a curse that would work against her. I asked why this was so and was shocked at her reply that she simply has no interest in small or average-sized men, and could never be intimate with one. Indeed she had gone so far as to place ads in various publications to meet with men to satisfy her urges, but had what she called a "dangerous encounter" that ended her pursuits along this line. She did not elaborate.

As a girl, her obsession terrified her, but as she grew older she did research and discovered that there were many women like her, and eventually began to accept, and enjoy, who she really was. But she, like so many of us women, wanted more from a relationship as we mature. She wanted to find the Right Guy.

"So now I live like a nun," she told me over dessert. "I satisfy the urge, well... by myself."

"You think the nuns did that!" I gasped in mock horror, and we both laughed.

As the conversation went on, I kept coming back in my mind to John's painter friend, Rice. That's not his name, but that's what people call him and I never asked his real name. Besides, I changed it again to write about the encounter!

According to John, Rice is legendary in the local art scene, not so much for his paintings and sculpture, but for his (I troubled over how to put this, but I better just get it over with and used to it), very large genitals. It's so obvious, too. Even before John told me of his gifts along these lines, it was obvious at my first and every encounter with him that there is nothing he can do to hide it. I'm not size-obsessed myself, but it's hard for a girl to ignore completely. All things being equal, a girl likes to feel a little stretch.

"Ellen? Did you hear me? Are you there?" Gail asked.

"Oh. Sorry. I was thinking."

"More important than hearing about my new sheets? It must be important!"

"Well, maybe." I said, still musing.

"Well? What?"

"John has this friend..."

Gail moaned. "Oh gawd... what, a blind date?"

"Well, slow down." I instructed, and she sat back, crossed her arms and went into listening mode, with an attitude.

"He's an artist. A painter. And not only sweet and fun, but..."

"But?"

"But he's... Huge."

Gail burst out laughing. "And how would YOU know?"

"Oh no. Nothing like that."

"How, then."

"Well, by reputation, for one thing. John and their friends tease him mercilessly about it, plus..."

"Yeah? Plus what?"

"It's just so incredibly obvious." I said.

Gail sat quietly now, staring down at her shoes.

"You say he's a sweet guy?" she asked quietly.

* * *

So I ran it by John. He didn't say anything, just smiled and sat for a few minutes running it all through his brain, glancing over at me occasionally and shaking his head.

"It could get out of hand."

"Oh no." I said. John shook his head. "Okay." I said. "How?"

"How does this play out? Will we just introduce them, have dinner, a few drinks? Or will this turn into... you know... one of those nights?"

I thought about this. Readers who know us will understand that we can count our odd erotic encounters in our lifetime in one hand, but this did have all the earmarks and potential.

"Well, so what it things got a little wild. It might be fun!" I said. I realized that we, too, were not getting any younger.

"Not fun for me." John said. "Gail is a Size Queen, Rice is hung like a horse; I'm an average guy. How exactly will this be fun for me if things get wild?"

I hadn't thought of that. "Honey," I said, "I'm not a Size Queen. I'm not nursing an attraction for Rice. I mean, he's a swell guy and all that, but this is about Gail. I want her to have fun, for her to get to know him. Maybe good things will happen."

So John, sweet man that he is, agreed to the plan. I asked him if he would advise Rice a little beforehand, so he at least knew what he was getting into. Well, John SAID he would.

But he didn't.

* * *

We hosted the gathering, Gail's "blind date", at our home on a Saturday evening a few months back. It was summer and it was a warm night. John wore jeans and a white shirt (his typical daily uniform), and I wore a white sundress with a red cinch. For those who have not read John's accounts of our few odd adventures, John is slim, wears glasses, is very handsome, a lecturer at the university these days, and loves jazz and wine. I am full-figured but not fat, proud of my figure, confident, white skin, have unruly long black hair with some grey now (I won't color it). John says I have a lovely face and big blue eyes, and I would like to take him at his word.

Gail is slim. Sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of white wine, she looked nervous, almost brittle. Though she is small, she has the most lovely shape I think I ever saw in a woman. A lovely, normal, healthy body with nothing exaggerated. From across a room she looks like a schoolgirl, and only close-up can one see the deepened character that the decades have brought to her face -- but as a maturity, not a degrading. It occurred to me as I appraised her, how in the world can she take on these huge male members? She just looks too small. Oh well!

The knock on the door was Rice. After John and I gave our greetings I introduced him to Gail. She just glowed. I don't know what she was expecting, but Rice looked very handsome tonight, and he seemed a little jarred at Gail's presence.

"I thought it was just me tonight!" he said. "I'm glad I was mistaken," and he squeezed Gail's hand in greeting.

I shot a look at John, who smiled sheepishly back at me. He obviously gave no hint at all to Rice about the reason for tonight, not even telling him that Gail would be here. Men!

Rice is tall and thin, mid-40s is my guess, with short brown hair and one of those faces that looks like it needs a shave an hour after he shaves. Kind of a hairy guy, but attractive, with deep brown eyes and a smile that always seems to be there, as if it is his natural expression. He was in a white shirt and jeans, too, like John, but unlike my sweet John, he sported a bump down below that reminded me of one of those cod-pieces that one sees men wear in old paintings. His jeans were loose on him, it wasn't like he was showing off, there was just nowhere to hide what he had going on down there.

We had drinks and dinner, and Rice got on so well with glowing Gail that it made me glow, too. Maybe they would have something together, I hoped. He was courteous, even courtly, and she was sweetly responsive throughout the evening.

We each had a brandy and looked out of our big window at the woods behind our home, the sun just setting in a blaze of orange behind the trees. I was feeling warm inside and, well, a little mischievous. So I made a suggestion.

"I know what!" I announced. "Let's have a sauna!"

We had a single out-building on the property, a well-built sauna that we used all year round. It was brick, large, and very comfortable.

John looked at me without expression. I tried, but failed, to read behind those eyes.

Gail's eyes got big. "Really?" she almost gasped. "A sauna? Do you think?"

"What would you think about that?" I asked her.

She brightened and settled back in her chair, closing her eyes. "I think that is just a lovely idea."

I looked back at inscrutable John, who had by now divined my intentions.

"Why not," he said. "Rice? What do you say, buddy?"

Poor Rice was still the only one who had no idea of what the true dynamic was that brought us all together and that would shape the night.

"A sauna. Sure! What not?"

I popped up from the table, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. "I'll get things ready!" and collected four huge towels, distributed them to others and told them to meet me in the sauna in 10 minutes.

* * *

I was ready for them when they came, wrapped carefully in my big white towel, naked underneath, just as I suppose John had instructed our guests likewise to be. I sat on the second-tier bench, leaning against the sauna wall. Perfectly posed, I thought, artlessly artistic, as all women want to be.

Gail and Rice entered, looked around appreciatively (Rice knew we had the sauna but was never in it before), and took seats next to one another on the same level bench on the opposite side of the sauna, facing me. (When you enter the sauna the benches rise to the left and right as you walk in.) Thoughtful John followed with a tray of glasses and a bottle of icy champagne, placed all on a bench and shut the door to the outside world.

The lighting is just right, not too dim but no glare. John distributed glasses half-full of cold bubbly and took his seat beside me, facing our guests, all in our snug towels and smiling. We ladies were wrapped underarms to mid-thigh, and the boys waist to ankle. It had been a wonderful night thus far.

I knew that, as usual when the urge struck on our rare erotic outings, it would be up to me to get things started in the right way, and John sat, smiling and waiting, in easy conversation with our guest. There is really no gradual approach, I have learned. There is a real line that simply must be crossed, and crossed the right way.

We have never had guests in our sauna and been naked at the same time, so this, if it worked, was going to be a first for us. The sauna, which heats quickly, was already getting quite warm. I was a little nervous, wondering, as any woman would, if my nakedness would please our guest. I hoped it would, waited for a lull in the conversation, took a deep breath, and said:

"You know, I'm just going to take this towel off." I stood up. "It just seems like the right thing to do, doesn't it?" I tugged at the little knot in the towel below my neck and (somewhat dramatically, I suppose) let the towel drop to the floor. I smiled at our guest couple. "There! That's better."

Rice was not prepared, at all, for this gesture.

John looked at him and giggled. "Rice, pick up your jaw."

He shot John a look. "What?! Oh..." then he smiled and looked at me. He looked at my eyes. "Oh my god," he said. "You are such a lovely woman. I... I didn't know we were going to do this..."

You could not see my blush in the sauna light, but I was gratified and relieved, and now had the strength to take matters to the hilt.

"Well, we didn't know either, Rice. It just seems like the right thing," I said, not resuming my seat, but standing in the pale light, trying to seem natural. I looked at Gail, who was trying to seem composed but who radiated excitement. "Would you join me in the buff, Gail? I feel a little lonesome like this!" I laughed.

Gail pretended to think about it, and Rice, bless his heart, gave her an encouraging look. "Oh please do," he offered, and swept his arm forward as if to show her the way to the floor. I sat back down next to John. Gail stood, turned to me (not Rice), plucked at her knot and down came the towel.

I actually let out a little gasp. I realized how infrequently I have seen Gail naked in my life. What a beauty she is. I noted that, like me, she shaves her pubes completely. No patterns or "landing strip" or any of that.

"Gail, my god you are so pretty!" I breathed.

She actually squirmed with delight. "Oh thank you, Ellen. So are you. You're right. This is what we should be doing!" We all laughed at that, and John raised his glass.

"To great unexpected beauty!" was his toast (that's so like him), and with that we found our glasses, and we ladies, still standing, and the men sitting as witnesses, drank our glasses dry.

Rice, who had been quiet, tilted his empty glass at Gail and said, "Thank you. You are a vision." That he was sincere there could be no doubt.

I looked over to Gail and said with great anticipation, "Let's sit back down and see who's next!" And so we did, back next to our men, all demure and waiting.

"Well," John said, with a heavy layer of resignation, "I better go next. I don't want to follow Rice's act, that's for sure."

Rice looked down, and I actually could see him blush. As "gifted" as he was, there was a dear shyness about him.

"What do you mean?" Gail asked all innocently, and both John and I gave her a scolding look for her disingenuous question. She of course knew quite well what he meant, and averted her eyes in embarrassment.

John stood up, and unceremoniously removed his towel and threw it into the far corner. He put his hands in the air and said "TA-DAH!" and with a small smile resumed his seat. The three of us clapped, and John shook his head good-naturedly. He must have been a little preoccupied, because even in the presence of lovely naked Gail, whom he never saw quite this way before, his penis was fully retracted.

All eyes went to Rice. He stood, and I beckoned Gail to join John and me across the isle. She sat next to me, giving me a big smile and turning her attention, as did we all, to Rice. John was a little inert, Gail and I quite a bit more involved in the proceedings.

When he swept his towel away and threw it over near John's in the corner, there were a few seconds where I could not focus, because my mind was not properly processing what my eyes beheld. Then I realized that was I was seeing was real. I realized at once that I had never actually seen anything like this before. I don't look at porn, and the few men in my life were all pretty much the same in the size department.

I know you want to know Gail's reaction but I cannot tell you how she reacted. I didn't notice.

John the spellbreaker broke in with "That's quite a specimen ya got there, buddy."

Rice laughed and replied in a Scottish burr, "'Tis no more than God gave me!" I later found out he was referencing Willie the Groundskeeper from the Simpsons. Again, Men.

Actually, John didn't really break the spell. Gail and I were silent and transfixed on what we saw. His penis, circumcised, was so long and so fat, but not really stiff, not an erection, just hanging down almost halfway to his knees, and his testicles were very large. He was pretty hairy there, obviously never shaved himself like so many exhibitionist men. I began to feel self-conscious, like I should say something, but what! I couldn't think of anything! I just kept staring, like an idiot! Finally I looked at Gail and she returned my glance with a look of, well, shock.

Rice started to sit back down next to Gail, but both she and I said at the same time, "No!" John laughed quietly and Rice froze. "I can't sit down?" he asked with a smile.

I was still mute, but Gail was recovered enough to say, "No please. Do you mind just standing for another minute or so?" Rice smiled at her. She said, "You're just so... magnificent." And at that Rice stood directly in front of her. I felt funny about that, and that surprised me. Why not stand in front of me? What in the world was I thinking? I'm not the Size Queen, and he isn't my date! But still...

The sauna was by now so charged with quiet erotic energy that it was almost unbearable. Gail and I were focused on one thing only, and idle John poured himself the last of the champagne, by now taking an interest in what was going to happen between Gail and Rice.

Then Rice did an amazing thing. He flexed his sphincter muscles, which bobbed his magnificent penis up and to the side, waving at Gail like a fleshy flag. It grew in size and began to stiffen.

I gasped as quietly as I could but Gail made no reserve about it and gasped loudly. Tentatively she raised her hand up near his member, then looked up at him. He smiled at her, and she touched him, and her hand drew back a bit as if it were shocked with current. She touched him again and in a moment had wrapped her little hand around his shaft, by now straight out and stiff, and her hand would not fully close around it! She slowly pumped up and down, many many slow inches up, and then slowly down.

I looked at John. He gave me a look I could read and have read before, that said: go ahead, it's OK. At that, I reached over and cupped the bottom of Rice's scrotum and hefted his testicles in their veiny sack. They were so heavy!

Gail snapped a look at me and I froze. I sensed that I had transgressed, and withdrew my hand. For a crazy moment I thought 'The Bitch. I was the one who made all this happen and you begrudge me this!' But I recovered, and realized that she was right. I felt a little ashamed and Gail must have sensed it, for she looked at me again and smiled and said, "It's okay," and I felt better.

John saved the day for me, sliding over right next to me, put one arm over my shoulder and with both hands began to massage both my nipples, which were harder than they had been in a long time, though they had not been touched. We both continued to attend to the wonderful handjob that Rice was enjoying, and I noticed that Rice was more interested in my nipples than in Gail's hands. That made me feel very good, and I could feel my pussy turn from damp to wet.

Rice's penis was, had to be, at full mast now, and it was magnificent. I am not a Size Queen, I'm just a normal woman, but no women could resist the sight of this enormous cock and heavy sack being taken near their limit by this lovely girl at my elbow. It was primal. Atavistic. Delicious.

And as the word "delicious" entered my mind we saw Gail's little wet, pink tongue lick the underside of his cock like a panting dog. She tried, how could she not try, any woman would at this point, to take him into her mouth but she could not, not without hurting him with her teeth. She let out a pitiful moan that she would not be able to enjoy him that way.

I wanted to distract him. I wanted to make his cock bigger by paying attention to Me. I could not, and still cannot, believe the effect this was having on me and my competitive feelings. I untangled myself from John's embrace, nudged him over a bit, and put my feet up onto the bench, spreading my legs and sliding down. John knew what I wanted. He knelt in front of me and opened my pussy lips with knowing fingers, and yes!, Rice looked down at my spread lips, and licked his own unconsciously while Gail licked at his shaft unaware of the world around her. Rice moaned, but I knew it was because of me! not Gail. He wanted to put his cock in Me!

John began to lick at me and Rice would not take his eyes away. Finally he did, but it was to look into my eyes and we both saw passion that was immeasurable. I wanted Rice to want me more, and I knew what to do. I pushed John away and he stood while I turned and knelt down back on the bench with my back to all, spreading my knees as far as I could and bending forward. John knew what I wanted. In this position I could not see Rice, but I knew the effect this had on men in the past.