Just Pathetic

Thank you to everyone for the feedback and votes on my first submission to Literotica, "Forget the Rain". I appreciate any feedback I get and try to answer all that I can. Thanks also to istanbulnoir for his editing assistance on the last story. Comments (helpful ones please) are always welcome and don't forget to vote!

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I finger the square of notebook paper and smear some of the ink across the numbers written there. I'm looking at the numbers but I'm not really seeing them. I have no real reason to call the number and make things that much worse on myself. But at the same time,

I find myself wondering how long it will be before I give in and dial, taking away my loneliness along with every ounce of dignity I had left.

Of course, I was going to call. I could fight an inner battle with myself all I liked and it would ultimately end in only one outcome.

I pick up the phone and curse at myself for even lifting my finger to touch the keypad. Every tone brings just a bit more of a tear to my eye. I hate doing this, but I can't stop either. It's weak and all I ever need all at the same time.

"I knew you'd call me." His low voice announces in greeting.

"Shut up. God, I hate you." I growl back.

"Nice, Rae. Real nice." He was laughing at me.

"Does the offer still stand or what?" I cut right to the chase. I don't want to mess around with this any more than necessary.

"Absolutely. You know I'll always cater to you in that department." I can almost taste his cologne and feel his short salt and pepper hair under my fingers. Damn him.

I give him directions to the seedy motel that I've rented for the night and hang up without saying goodbye. I don't have to say goodbye to Greg or even be nice to him. He just wants to fuck me and I just want to fuck him.

Greg knows he can do this to me and he doesn't care one bit how it hurts me. He's not entirely at fault. I know I hold the blame as well for even degrading myself by using him this way.

Greg and I had been engaged to be married at one point in time but he kicked me out of his house after one good, long argument that started with his infidelity and somehow ended up with me throwing my engagement ring in the sewer and moving back in with my parents.

I hated him more for that than anything else. I probably could have lived with the thought of him screwing 18 year-old girls, but kicking me out without a penny to my name and making me move back in with the mother and father that I hate at the age of 30 years old made me want to pitch him head first off a cliff.

What brought me to this sick point in my life was the fact that I saw him two days before this and he slipped his new phone number into my bra just as he handed the waiter his credit card to pay my check.

Greg told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted to pound me into the mattress and fill me so full that I would taste it for days on my tongue.

Greg knew I wasn't with anyone and hadn't been since he threw me out. He used it to his advantage and the more I thought about my former lover and the way he used to make me scream for hours, the more I didn't care about the reasons why we were no longer a couple.

I could use some of what only he could give me and though I despised him, his cock never did anything to deserve my neglect. Right? Pathetic.

I pace back and forth with memories flooding my brain of Greg and me. Four years together. Four long years of him and me together, loving, laughing, fighting, fucking, making love, kissing; just everything.

I am jerked from my woolgathering when a knock resonates through the dusty room. I open it up and swallow the boulder sized lump in my throat at the sight of him.

At 45 years of age, my ex fiance towers above my 5'5 frame by almost a full foot. He's wearing just a white tee shirt and black pajama pants that hug his hips in the most sinful way. I can't stop looking at the crotch of them, wondering how hard his seven inches is behind them, how fast he can make me beg for him, how deep he can fill me with that monster that hangs between his thighs.

"Are we engaging in a staring contest tonight, Rae? Or..." He leaves the question hanging in the air and all can think about is how much I want to swallow his cock whole.

"Just get in here." I pull him in and curse again softly, wondering why I do this to myself. But I find that I don't care. He's good and I know it. So that makes me want him. Case closed.

"Take off the bra." He commands and for a brief moment, I think of defying him. But I know that's useless. I'll do anything he asks as long as he screws me senseless.

I pluck the hooks from the latches in front of my black lace bra. It didn't seem necessary to me to wear anything more than my bra and panties when he arrived. The less I wore, the faster we could just get down to business.

"You're moving too slowly." He reminds me and I stop, wondering what gives him the right to question my pace.

"I'm going as fast as I like. Take it or leave it." I retort. Big mistake.

"I think I'll take you." He grins and rips my bra from me. Sure, it's already unlatched but it still sends a tingle through me. "I miss your body, baby."

That part makes me melt just a little. He misses my body? God, I miss his too.

"What's mine?" He asks, demanding and satisfied in his role.

"Oh god. Everything, you jerk!" I respond with closed eyelids and rasping breath.

Greg only chuckles deeply and continues to burn holes in my flesh with his fingers.

"Please, Greg. Don't. Don't do this." I beg. I don't really know what I'm begging for, but I utter the words just the same.

"Lie on the bed and spread your knees." It doesn't take long before he's shed his clothing as well.

I lie back on the bed and spread my legs obediently. I know what's coming next, but the arrogance of what he is about to say is still as strong as it was the day we first had sex, and it still gets me every fucking time.

"Thank me properly." He demands.

"Thank you for being here." The words slip from my mouth before I can stop them. God, I hate him.

"I'm going to fuck you. No foreplay, no niceties, no slow, easy sex. You have and always will belong to me. If you deny it, you're just as much a fool as you were when you walked out." He cries.

"I didn't walk out! You threw me out!" I am trying to defend myself but even I know it doesn't do any good.

"Should I fuck you or not? Make your choice!" He's lying between my open legs now, coating my neck with his tongue.

"God, please, just fuck me. Use me. It doesn't even matter." I respond and know it's the truth. He can do pretty much anything to me and I will be grateful that he acknowledges me in any way.

Greg slips the mushroom head of his engorged cock between my fat, puffy lips with the shaft pointed straight at my hot, steaming entrance. I can't think of a single thing I'd rather be doing right then than to have him there.

"I hate you." I inform him, hitting his chest lightly.

"I beg to differ. You love me with every fiber of your being and don't you dare tell me otherwise."

He's right of course. I haven't been able to stop thinking of him since we broke up. He is such an arrogant asshole!

With a sneer of satisfaction, Greg pushes into me with one long stroke and my nails automatically dig into his shoulders. The man may not be porn material, but he sure as hell knows how to use that cock of his, and aren't I the lucky one?

"Your pussy is just as hot as it was last year when you left." I don't even correct him. His cock is hitting places in me that I'd forgotten existed.

"Please? I need you. So bad." I beg and plead with him, hating him and loving him with all I have at the same time.

"Fuck!! You feel so good!" He screams as his cock plunges into my depths.

I buck my hips upward hoping to help him slide deeper in and it seems to be working. His breath is short and his elbows are resting on each side of my head as he slides his hips against mine.

Greg captures my bottom lip with his teeth and I fall into a familiar pattern of kissing him. He pulls and tugs my bottom lip while working my pussy to the point of complete surrender. All the while I am thinking that I don't' care what he's done in the past; I want him now and forever inside me.

"Fuck! God, baby you always feel so unbelievably good!" He pants and hugs me closer.

Greg slides deep inside me and works his cock around my tight, slippery walls several times while grunting his approval and calling my name. I try to match his pace but he is too fast for me. My pleasure and his are on two different planes at the time, but they'll merge shortly.

"I love the way your pussy milks my cock! Did you know that you're the only woman that's ever been able to make me cum so fast?"

I swoon at the sound of his voice. So raspy and sweet. Sinful and angelic. I know he's telling the truth and I hate him and love him even more for it.

"Oh sweet GOD!" He yells suddenly. I know he's about to cum by the way he's slipping his cock deeper and harder into the wet depths of me. "Oh FUCK!" Greg's cry sends chills down my spine.

He finally pushes into me as deep as he can stand at the same time I am surrendering my orgasm around him. I know right then that no matter what he says next, I'll do whatever he asks.

"Come back!" He screams as I dig my nails into his backside and shout out his name in the middle of my mind swirling orgasm. "Come home! Come back! Oh fuck! I miss you! God, I was so wrong! FUCK!"

I can feel his spray coat my walls and I smile inwardly. His sperm splashing against my walls always makes me weak and susceptible to anything he may ask me afterwards.

I lay underneath him, basking in the afterglow and holding him as close as I can. Greg turns his head to me and gives me a sleepy smile and a soft kiss.

"Greg?" I whisper against his lips. "I miss you, too."

"I never stopped loving you, Rae." He reveals and pinches one of my hard nipples.

"But what about..."

I don't even get to finish the question before his soft, plump, pink lips are on mine yet again and he smooths my hair back while he answers me.

"There was never anyone else. Never. You can check all you like. I love you. Come home with me."

I give in. I think I knew from the start that I would.

When I think back on the time we spent apart, all I can do is laugh. Denying him my love was just so...so pathetic.