Keeping a Kitsune Ch. 03

Aiko suggested Mario Kart 11, so we gathered around the TV and I handed out controllers. We explained the general concept of video games and Mario Kart specifically then let Chiyo watch while Aiko and I ran a demo race. On the second race, Chiyo joined in. She'd instantly demanded Yoshi as soon as she saw the character options; apparently he was "super cute and adorable". I played Luigi, like I usually do; partly because he's a nice well-rounded character, partly in solidarity as a younger brother.

Aiko picked a character randomly every race, just to show off. She beat the pants off Chiyo and me no matter what character she used. There's a reason Aiko had suggested Mario Kart; I've never seen her lose at it. I got close a couple times near the end of the evening, as Aiko's bottle of wine drifted towards empty, but I never actually won. Chiyo wasn't competitive with either of us, but she had fun and managed to tag me with shells a few times, laughing and whooping as she briefly passed me.

Eventually Aiko finished her bottle of wine, and declared that unless we were inviting her to sleep over she had to catch her train home. After she assured me that she was sober enough to get home we said goodnight. Chiyo gave Aiko a long hug before she left and told her that she was really happy she'd met her.

Once the door closed, Chiyo promptly stripped naked. I slid my arms around her and leaned down for a long kiss. Chiyo melted into my arms. When I finally broke the kiss, she was short of breath and flushed with arousal.

"Did you have fun tonight, beautiful?"

"Yeah, I did. I like Aiko!" Chiyo grinned up at me.

"I'm glad, little fox. I like her too."

"Do you have sex with her?"

"Um, yeah, sometimes. Does that bother you?" Chiyo's frankness could still surprise me.

"Why would it?"

"Um . . . a lot of times, humans get jealous if the person they're having sex with has sex with other people."

"That's dumb. Humans are stupid."

"I have no response to that." I picked Chiyo up and put her back against the door, holding her off the ground with my hands under her ass. She wrapped her arms and legs around me and kissed me, long and hard and hungry.

"Are you going to fuck me now, Master?"

"Only if you want it."

Chiyo kissed me while she reached to fumble at my belt, pushing my pants down. She found my cock and rubbed the head through her slick folds. I counted that as an indication of consent and slid into her. Chiyo moaned and grunted and threw her head back, gritting her teeth as I pinned her to the wall with my thrusts. She pulled my shirt up and slid her hands under it, her nails digging into my shoulders to spur me on.

I wasn't going to be able to hold her up forever, so I needed a way to speed up her release. Remembering how it had set her off when I did it on the mountain, I shifted our position slightly so that I could lean down and kiss her throat. I sucked on her neck, tasting her skin, and then gently let my teeth touch her throat while I thrust. Chiyo made a high keening noise and dug her nails hard into my back, her pussy contracting violently around my cock. I bit down, not hard enough to mark her skin, but hard enough that she could feel it as a bite, and she came with a scream. The feel of her vibrating in my arms and around my cock was enough to push me over the edge and I joined her with a groan.

I held us there for a minute, then carefully stepped back and set Chiyo down, helping her balance. She slid to her knees and leaned forward to lick me clean, one hand between her legs so that she didn't drip cum on the floor. Once she was done cleaning me, I got a dishtowel and cleaned her up, then carried her over to a couch to snuggle.

"Was that a good one for you?"

"Mmm, nice orgasm. It's scary when you pretend to bite me, but the orgasms are so good when you do it."

Chiyo adjusted her position on top of me and leaned back to rub the small of her back. "I kind of wish we hadn't done it against the door like that. You squished my tails."

"Oh crap, sorry; I totally forgot. You should have said something; I would have found another position."

"Whining is something bad foxes do."

"Chiyo, in the future if we do something and it hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, you have to tell me, okay? I won't count it as whining. I'm not always going to be a perfect Master, so I need you to let me know when I do something wrong, like when I tried to wash your tails in the shower."

"Okay. Uncomfortable isn't always bad though."

"Still, let me know. It's better if we take a break and talk it over."

Chiyo nodded and nuzzled her head against my shoulder. Apparently my conversation was getting in the way of her post-coital snuggle. I sighed and let it go.

After a little while snuggling, I tugged my phone out and checked the time. "It's getting pretty late, Chiyo. Do you want to go to bed?"

"Mmm. I'm not really tired yet."

Chiyo propped herself up on her elbows on my chest. "Hey, Master, can I look at those photos you took of me? You said this morning that we'd do it later."

"Oh, yeah, sure. You're going to have to let me get up to go and get them, though."

Chiyo pretended to pout then squirmed off me with a grin, curling up in one corner of the couch with her good leg tucked under her.

I brought over my tablet and opened the pictures app, pulling up the pictures I'd taken through my scope when I first saw her. She agreed that she looked very pretty in most of them, but made me delete two of them, one because she declared the expression on her face looked stupid, and the other because she thought the angle made her look fat.

When she got to the last picture of her in fox form disappearing into the woods, she swiped forward and let out a little gasp of surprise. I stared at the tablet in embarrassment. I'd kept all of my photos of Chiyo in one folder, and she'd just swiped from the photos of her bathing in her lake to the first photo I'd snapped after I face-fucked her in the motel bathroom. Her face filled the screen, flushed red from lack of air, cum covering her eyes and cheeks, spittle smeared around her jaw and dripping from her lips and chin in thick white lines. The beautiful, peaceful outdoors nude shots had suddenly switched to hardcore porn in a motel bathroom.

I blushed scarlet. That had been the hardest I'd fucked her during the time I'd been raping her, the least care I'd taken for her comfort. "Sorry Chiyo. I forgot I took those photos. Here, let me delete them."

I reached for the tablet but Chiyo blocked my hand.

"No, I want to see them."

I dropped my hand and gritted my teeth. "Alright, go ahead. There's no point in pretending it didn't happen."

I made myself look at the pictures as Chiyo swiped through them. A dozen or so shots of her degraded and humiliated, some close-ups of her face, others pulled back far enough to show her whole naked body as she knelt on the tile floor, her hands cupping her breasts. I reminded myself that I had to find the balance here; stare down my sins and acknowledge them without forgetting, but don't take the easy road out and wallow uselessly in guilt.

Once she'd reached the end, Chiyo swiped back through them. She stopped at one of the close-ups. "This one's kind of fuzzy, you should delete it."

"You don't want me to delete all of them? Chiyo, I forced you to choke on my cock and degraded you. I know you hate that; why would you want me to keep photos of that?"

"Well, I did tell you I could handle it before you started. And that was actually the best orgasm I've had so far, the one you gave me on the counter afterward, where you teased me right up to the edge again and again before you let me come. So that part's a good memory. And the photos don't make me look pretty, but they are . . . um, I'm not sure what word to use. Sexy? Do you think they look sexy?" She looked up at me in innocent curiosity, completely unconcerned about her current nudity or the degrading photos.

"Um, that's a hard question Chiyo. I absolutely thought they were sexy when I took them. But for me they're a bad memory now. I think of that moment as the worst moment when I raped you."

"See, that's one of the things I don't understand about you. I know what the word rape means, but I don't get why it matters to you so much."

"You don't get why rape is important? Chiyo, you told me you hate being a slave. How can you not hate that I raped you?"

"Arrgh, I'm not explaining it right. I know what all of the words mean, but when you say them you have some sort of crazy secret meaning, and then you break!"

"Okay, can we try talking it out this time instead of jumping right into slapping me? I'm not mopey Jason right now; you don't need to fix me. Just take your time and try and explain what you're thinking. I'll listen."

Chiyo took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm herself. "Okay. Um, so we agree that it's bad that I'm your slave?"

"Yes."

"And that's because of the control - I'm not free, I can't do anything unless you give me permission to do it. You decide everything."

"Yes." I almost started talking about how I was trying to give her more freedom while still being 'Master' like she'd told me she needed, but I managed to stop myself from interrupting her train of thought.

"I just don't get why the sex thing matters so much more to you than any of the others, that you have a special word for it. Like, you don't feel bad about making me use silverware instead of eating the way I'm used to. I don't get why this one thing is so much more important to you than the others. I mean, sex is mostly my favorite thing about humans so far; if anything, you should feel worse about making me wear clothes that don't fit or trying to wash my tails than you should about these pictures."

I stared at her, at a complete loss for words. I opened my mouth and the first response I could formulate came out.

"So, when I made you eat with a knife and fork, you're saying that was just as bad to you as rape?"

"No! Well, yes, it is the same thing, but I can tell you're using secret meanings again. I want to be free again, but as long as I can't be free I have to live by your rules. Some rules I like, some rules I don't like. And I guess some I don't really care about. I like the rule where I can't wear clothes, because that means you stare at me in a way that makes my heart speed up. I don't like it when you touch my tails or make me gag or do things that hurt me. I don't really care about silverware - it's annoying and slow, but I know I need to learn how to fit in and pretend to be human. And I like the rule where you ask me before we have sex, because I'm not always in the mood for sex and I feel flattered when you ask; because I can tell how much you want me but you're waiting for me. But I just don't get why the sex part is so much bigger and more important for you. To me the sex stuff is just part of everything else that we're mixed up in, good and bad."

"Huh. Okay, that makes sense. It's very, very inhuman, but I think I understand what you mean. Thank you, Chiyo. Um, let me see if I can think of how to explain the human perspective."

"Yes, please. It's so frustrating trying to understand."

I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "Okay, so as a fox, were there some things that were extra important to you? Like maybe your den, or a fresh kill? If another animal stole a stick from your territory, it wouldn't bother you that much, but if they tried to steal a fresh kill it would matter more?"

"Sure. I need my den for shelter, and food to live. A stick is just a stick."

"Okay. For humans, sex is one of those important things, right up there with food and shelter. Part of it is tied into sex's connection to childbirth, part of it's historical, part of it's innate. In our culture, there's a big importance on only having sex with people you trust and love. Even wearing clothes ties into sex - we wear them to protect our skin since we don't have fur, and to look pretty, but we also wear them cover up the parts of the body that we use for sex when we're around strangers. We have an institution called marriage, which is one of our most important things, and I was about to explain marriage in detail but I just remembered you know the meaning of every word you hear."

"Yep. Marriage is interesting and I want to know more about it later, but finish what you're trying to say."

The confirmed bachelor portion of my brain sent up a warning flare at that statement, but I ignored it. "Um, getting back on track - not everyone places the same importance on the emotional part of sex; my parents believe that you should only have sex if you're married to the other person. Humans like Amy will only have sex with someone they love, but they don't insist on marriage first. Some humans like me or Aiko will have sex with another human just because we think they're pretty and it's fun. And some humans have sex with each other in exchange for money. But almost everyone agrees that sex is something important, and you should only have sex if both people agree to it."

"Now, some humans ignore that agreement that the rest of society has. Those people are rapists. They use violence or drugs to get someone to have sex without agreeing to it. The victim of the rape is traumatized by it, because the rapist took something special and important and private and ripped it away from them, just like if another animal forced you out of your den and took it for themselves. In human culture, rape is one of the absolute worst crimes you can commit."

Chiyo stared at me with a look of dawning horror. "So you think about it like that, but you did it to me anyway?"

I groaned. "Yes. And human law won't punish me for it, because you're not human. It's not an excuse, but that's why I did it and didn't feel bad about it at first, because I thought you didn't matter because you weren't human. And now I've figured out that you have thoughts and emotions and you're a real person and you matter, so I know everything I did to you was horrible even though society says it's okay. And I know I can't ever make up for what I did. I'm glad you don't think it's that big of a deal, because it means I hurt you a little bit less, but it doesn't make what I did any less wrong."

"And that's why it's so important to you now that I agree before we have sex, so that you can tell yourself that you're not raping me again." Chiyo's voice was very quiet as she put the pieces together.

"Chiyo, please tell me that you don't think what we've done since we got home was rape." I felt the blood drain from my face.

"I don't know, maybe? Yes, you're asking permission, but you're still my owner. If I said no, maybe you'd change your mind about being nice."

"Oh god, were you thinking about that every time I asked? Don't answer that; I can see from your face that you were. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm irredeemable." I buried my face in my hands. Even when I thought I was trying to help her I kept raping her.

"Master, don't break again! Yes, I was thinking about that a little bit, but I would have said yes anyway. I told you, I like having sex. I did say no once, and you kept your promise and you didn't change your mind and get mean. So, I think maybe you're not as bad as you think you are. Or, no, that's not right. You are as bad as you think you are, because you did do all those things. But maybe you're getting better?"

I forced myself to look up at her. Chiyo was chewing her lip and wringing her hands in her lap, clearly stressed. I couldn't put the burden on her to be strong for both of us and try to 'fix' me again.

"Thank you Chiyo. That isn't really very comforting, but thanks for saying it. And don't worry; I'm not going to turn into mopey Jason. I know I need to fix things, not just sit around feeling guilty. But maybe we need to have just Jason trying to fix things, not Master. I have all of the power in our relationship, and I need to figure out how to stop abusing it."

"What . . . what does not having Master mean?"

"I guess it means no more rules, at least when we're alone. We'll still have to pretend that I'm your owner when we're around other humans, but I won't be ordering you around anymore. And I know you like sex, but we're going to have to take a break from it for a while. I can, I don't know, maybe show you how to use a vibrator or something, so you don't have to go without orgasms. But I can't rape you again. I'm not going to stop working on finding a way to fix things, but I can't be Master. It isn't working."

"I thought it was working."

"Not if you're worried about saying no to me. It doesn't work for me anymore."

Chiyo looked unhappy and stressed, but she nodded. "Okay. If that's what you think is best."

"Okay."

I got up and paced away from Chiyo. I couldn't let myself collapse into self-loathing, but I also couldn't be near her right now. I sighed.

"Um, I'm going to get some sheets and a blanket and make one of the couches into a bed for me tonight. You can have my bed."

"I don't get to sleep next to you either?"

"I'm sorry Chiyo. I'm not trying to punish you; I just need a little distance between us right now. I don't trust myself to sleep next to you tonight."

"Okay. But you should have the bed. It's your bed. And besides, it's kind of awkward for me to get up the ladder with my leg."

I had to concede that point to her. I made up a couch into a bed for her then got her set up with a small lamp for light and the tablet if she wanted to read. I killed the rest of the lights and climbed up into my bed.

I stared up at the ceiling, my mind in tumult. How did I keep fucking things up so badly?