Keeping Faith

At some point the curtains were pulled unfortunately I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to notice.

Finally when 8:30 came I got out of my car, marched down to the Summers doorstep and knocked on the front door.

After a moment it was opened by Buffy's mum Joyce who looked at me curiously for a moment and then smiled. I have met Joyce only a few times but she's probably the nicest person I've ever met. Almost irritatingly nice.

"Is Buffy here?" I asked quickly, not giving her a chance to speak.

Joyce paused and then said, "Hang on a second."

She then turned and yelled up the stairs, "Buffy. One of your friends is here."

There was a pause.

"Who is it?" Buffy called down.

"Cordelia." Joyce called up.

There was another short pause and then Buffy slowly descended the stairs, her eyes locking with mine halfway down and then never leaving them.

Buffy is at least wearing some of her less unfashionable clothes today and no flannel pajamas as I had expected. I must have just missed that horrendous sight. I don't care for the way she's looking at me though. And it didn't stop either. Even when she reached the bottom of the stairs Buffy simply stood there and continued looking at me.

There was obviously an awkward tension between us and because I didn't want Joyce to think there was anything suspicious going on I quickly broke the silence.

"I'm here to pick you up." I said, hoping Buffy would get the message, "You know, like we agreed yesterday?"

"Cordelia offered to give you a ride?" Joyce asked Buffy, a slight disbelief in her voice.

What, is it so unbelievable I would offer someone a ride?

"Yeah, sorry I didn't tell you, it's just, Cordelia got a new car and I wanted to see it." Buffy said, lying horribly.

"Ok, why didn't you see it last night?" Joyce asked.

"I was going somewhere little out of Buffy's way last night." I said quickly, before Buffy had a chance to open her mouth again before quickly turning to the girl in question and telling her, "Come on, let's go."

"Ok." Buffy said hesitantly.

"Wait," Joyce stopped us as we were leaving, "Would you like to stay for breakfast?"

Like I said, irritatingly nice.

"I ate already." I said, which was a lie, unless you count Faith.

"Buffy?" Joyce turned to her daughter.

"I already ate too." Buffy said, which was probably a lie too.

Hey, I've been accused of missing a few meals but Buffy looks like she never eats.

"Ok, have a nice time sweetie." Joyce said.

"Thanks mum, see you later." Buffy said as we left.

"Bye." Joyce called after us as Buffy shut the door behind us.

There was an awkward pause between us and I tried to say what I came here to say, but at the last second decided against it. I'd like this conversation to be as private as possible and is unlikely as it is Joyce, or anyone else for that matter, would hear us I'd still rather not take the chance of having this conversation out here.

So I simply turn and head towards my car, hoping Buffy follows me without making a scene which fortunately is exactly what happens.

Once we're inside the car again I almost start this conversation, which honestly I don't really want to have, but again I change my mind because I'd rather not be seen having a heated conversation with Buffy Summers in any parked car. At least if we're moving she'll be forced to listen to what I have to say and hopefully we won't be interrupted and no one will see us together.

With that in mind I start up the engine and head in the direction of Sunnydale high, taking the longest route possible as my mind is still racing on how to approach this conversation. Soon I have to face the fact that I maybe trying to put off the inevitable by any means necessary but I can't put this off any more. I need to convince Buffy not to open her big mouth and it's time for me to bite the bullet and start the convincing.

Allowing my eyes to drift to her for a second I see to my horror that she's opening her mouth as if to say something. This absolutely cannot happen. I will not sit here and get a lecture from her on how wrong what she saw last night was. In fact the only words I want to hear out of her mouth are yes Cordelia, I won't tell anyone about you and Faith.

"Look, I don't know what you saw last night, or what you think you saw, but it was nothing." I snapped at her before she got the chance to speak, "It was just.......... nothing. Nothing for you to be concerned about and certainly nothing worth talking to anyone about. Understand?"

That was a bit more forceful than I intended but it was blunt and to the point and by my standards not that insulting. Hopefully it should work.

"Fine." Buffy said after a long pause.

If I were a guy, or an idiot, I'd probably think that was the end of it but I'm neither so I know this isn't over yet.

"Fine?" I questioned.

"Fine." Buffy said.

There was a pause.

"It's just that.......... that kind of thing.......... it's.......... it's.......... it shouldn't be.......... it's just.......... not.........." Buffy said, struggling for the right words.

"Wrong. The word you're looking for is wrong." I said bitterly, for some reason helping Buffy voice her homophobia, "As in, that kind of thing is wrong, it's disgusting, it's unnatural, it shouldn't be happening between two girls, it's just not right."

There was a pause and although I wasn't looking at her I could almost sense her becoming angry without her even saying a word.

"That's not what I meant at all." Buffy said an annoyance, the anger I was sensing brewing underneath her tone.

"It's ok." I sighed, "You don't have to pretend to be liberal free thinking girl, we both know you're not, and I don't care what you think of me, I just want to make sure you don't tell anyone."

"I wasn't going too." Buffy said defensively, "And I still won't. But I am liberal free thinking girl. I don't have a problem with that I just don't think you should be acting like it's nothing. That is not nothing. That is never nothing, even if you pretend it is."

"Is that what you tell Faith?" I asked.

There was a pause.

"Faith is different." Buffy said quietly.

"How?" I asked.

"She just is." Buffy said after another pause.

"Oh, so Faith can have all the casual sex she wants because she's 'different' but when I do it it's wrong?"

"I never said it was right." Buffy protested, "But I've tried to tell her and she doesn't listen."

"And you think I will?" I asked.

There was another pause.

"Sex shouldn't be casual." Buffy said indignantly, "It should be between two people that love each other."

"You were in love with the last person you slept with and look at how well that turned out." I said without thinking.

The silence that fell between us was frightening and I half expected her to reach over and snap my neck like a twig, and maybe she should. I've said a lot of harsh things in my time but I think that might just be one of the worst.

Wanting to change the subject I said, "Sex doesn't have to be a big deal. It can be just a way to get off and have some fun."

"You sound like Faith." Buffy snorted.

"That's because she's right." I said firmly, before softening my tone, "Look, life is short, you should know that better than anyone, and if I can find something in it that makes me happy why shouldn't I enjoy it?"

There was another pause.

"Faith makes you happy?" Buffy asked curiously.

"No." I said smiling, seeing my opportunity to screw with her, and hopefully make her forget about my earlier Angel reference, "Faith makes me orgasmic."

"Ewww."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you gave her half a chance." I said.

"Yeah right." Buffy snorted.

"I'm serious," I said, pushing my teasing of her, "Give that girl's fingers a few minutes alone with you and I guarantee you wouldn't be regretting it. Or better yet her tongue."

I trail off, waiting for her to respond in disgust again but instead she says nothing and just sits there. I wonder if I've made her uncomfortable but glancing over at her she doesn't look uncomfortable, although I'm not sure I can name what she does look like right now.

Then a thought occurs to me, what if she's actually thinking about it? Could that possibly be? Could Faith actually have a shot with her after all? No. It's impossible. Isn't it? If it is possible and Faith actually does have a shot with the girl she actually wants how do I feel about that? Should I encourage it considering how smitten Faith is with her? Maybe. But that might lead to me losing my 'rebound' girl and I don't want that. I have to be sure.

Stopping at a traffic light I take a quick look around me. There are no cars either side and barely anyone on the streets, and certainly no one I recognise, so I take the risk and slightly lean over so I'm directly talking to her for the first time since this conversation started.

"Trust me, you can't even begin to imagine the things Faith can do with her tongue. I'm not even sure any words could do it justice. I bet that thing could bring anyone to their knees, even a slayer."

I said that to deliberately get a reaction out of her. When I got none I leaned in closer so I was practically whispering in her ear.

"I was hooked from the start. It gave me a whole new outlook on life. And I bet if you gave it half the chance, Faith's tongue would give you a whole new outlook on life too."

There was another moment of nothing, and then finally I got a reaction.

Buffy softly gulped, but because of the tension in the car the sound echoed off the walls.

There was no denying it, little Miss Goody two shoes Buffy Summers was actually thinking of having sex with another girl!

I guess I was completely wrong about her being a homophobe and Faith not having a shot with her.

But I don't want to lose Faith to her.

I'm not in love with Faith but I thought I'd least get to continue enjoying having sex with her for the rest of the school year, something I was very much looking forward too, and if Buffy gets to Faith I've lost my walking orgasm machine.

No, this can't happen. I'm not losing Faith to this little bitch. She's mine and I'm keeping her. I've got to think of something. Think Cordy, think.

And then, at the spur of the moment, with the mindset of keeping Faith, I leant forward and whispered into Buffy's ear.

"Or I could do it."

I can't believe I basically just offered Buffy Summers of all people sex, but I did, and whether it's because of this suddenly very sexually charged moment or because of my libido being on overdrive thanks to my previous week with Faith I have to admit the idea doesn't sound so, unappealing.

I've seen Buffy practically everyday for the past two years, and I've even seen her naked before in the locker room showers, but I've never really looked at her like I'm suddenly looking at her now and, wow, was she always this hot, or is Faith just rubbing off on me?

I don't get time for an answer as suddenly the tension is broken by the sound of a honking horn and I notice that the lights have changed and there is a queue of cars waiting behind us.

With the moment gone I shake myself out of whatever oversexed daze I was in, quietly cursing Faith for turning me into a sex crazed maniac out to fuck anyone and everyone, before driving on.

We sit in silence for the next couple of blocks until I turned the corner and stop the car.

"Ok, this is where you get out." I said, waiting for her to say something before continuing but when that doesn't happen I just continue anyway, "What, did you think I was going to take you all the way and risk my friends seeing me with you? Please. It's been hard enough this week reclaiming my social throne since my temporary insanity caused me to hang out with you and your friends so why would I risk all that by being seen with you now?" I paused and waited for her to respond but Buffy just sat there, "Hello, earth to Buffy, this is the part where you get out."

There was another pause and then Buffy just wordlessly undid her seatbelt, opened the door, grabbed her stuff, got out and walked away.

"Remember what we talked about." I called after her.

She stopped for a second and I thought maybe she'd turn around to say something but instead she just continued on her way.

I had meant 'remember how you promise not to tell anyone about what you saw' but I'm not sure if that's how it came out.

I watched her leave, wondering if I would end up having to fight her for Faith or something. I hope not. The odds aren't in my favour and it could get ugly.

Maybe if I'm lucky she'll repress this entire conversation from her mind and everything will go back to 'normal'. Or maybe she'll go to Faith, fulfil her curiosities and make everything complicated. Or maybe she won't go to Faith. Maybe she'll go to someone else. Like Willow or, well I guess there's just Willow or me. And would that really be so bad? Would it really be so bad if she chose me?

Buffy's POV

Well I managed to get through patrol without seeing Faith or Cordelia even though I didn't really expect to see Cordelia due to the fact she doesn't know what my nightly patrol pattern is.

However Faith does but as I said I didn't see her which is a good thing because despite being able to focus on the few slayings that I had tonight whenever I wasn't slaying I was thinking about what I saw.......... well not so much what I saw but rather what I am now going to do after seeing what I saw.

I don't have any idea what I am going to do after seeing what I saw.

An yet I can't stop trying to figure out what I am going to do after seeing what I saw.

So much so I haven't slept a wink all night and it's almost time for me to get up.

My mum is already up I can hear her pottering about downstairs even though my mind is on this Faith and Cordy thing.

So far I have managed to figure out that I have two real options as far as how to deal with this situation.

On one hand I could block it out and pretend like it never happened. I've been able to do that quite well since becoming the slayer mind you I have to say this would be arguably the most difficult thing I would have to try and pretend like never happened and if I was to try and pretend like it never that would mean me looking Faith and Cordy in the eye and trying not to think about what I saw them doing which for some reason I don't think I would be able to do.

So that is one option.

On the other hand I could confront either one or both of them about what I saw. Only problem with that is I have no idea what I would say to them.

There goes my alarm clock which means it's the start of another school day which means sooner or later I am either going to run into or see Cordelia and Faith.

Normally I would talk to either Willow or Giles if something was bothering me this much but I can only imagine how they would react.

Willow I have no doubt would not believe me and as for Giles he'd probably take his glasses and clean them with his shirt while he did his best to give me his advice.

I can't tell them.

This is something I'm just going to have to deal with myself.

An I will deal with it..........after I have gotten washed and dressed.

Ok.

I'm now washed and dressed.

Normally I would go down and have some breakfast but I really don't feel like eating.

This thing has got me tied up in knots.

Part of me doesn't know why I mean what Faith and Cordelia do in their own time is or rather should be their own business and shouldn't concern me.

While another part of me can't believe or accept what I saw and I don't know why.

"Buffy."

I suddenly hear my mum's voice call from downstairs.

"One of your friends is here."

"That's odd."

I mentally say to myself.

"I normally see Willow and Xander at school."

I grab my bag rather grateful that one of my two best friend's has come to pick me up due to the fact I could do with the distraction.

Once I have my bag in hand I leave my bedroom and head to the top of the stairs.

"Who is it?"

I call down to my mum.

"Cordelia."

My mum calls back up.

"What!?"

I mentally ask.

"Cordelia is here..........What on earth is she..........Oh I know what she is doing here."

I mentally say to myself as I begin to slowly make my way down the stairs halfway down my eyes lock on Cordelia's who is standing the other side of the front door to me and my mum.

Despite my eyes being locked with her's I notice that she is wearing what she wore to school yesterday which means she either hasn't been home or she hasn't changed I don't know which is the most likely due to Faith not being the type to have her conquests stick around after.

Once I reach the bottom of the stares I continue to stare at Cordelia have stunned that she is here and for some reason feeling rather angry at her for having the gaul to show her face.

Anybody even my mum could probably feel the awkward tension between us I felt like asking her what she is doing here however my mum has already answered that question.

"I'm here to pick you up."

Cordelia says as if to confirm what my mum has already said.

"You know like we agreed yesterday?"

She adds.

"Cordelia offered to give you a ride?"

My mum asks I can feel her eyes looking in my direction or rather at me and I can also hear the sound of disbelief in her voice.

"Yeah."

I say knowing for sure now why Cordelia is really here.

"Sorry I didn't tell you it's just Cordelia got a new car and I wanted to see it."

I add never liking the fact that I have to lie to my mum even though it is for her own good and safety half of the time.

"Ok why didn't you see it last night?"

My mum then asks me.

"I was going somewhere a little out of Buffy's way last night."

Cordelia says quickly.

"Yeah like Faith's."

I mentally add.

"Come on let's go."

Cordelia then says to me.

My anger level increases after her having just told me what to do.

"As if she's in a position to tell me what to do."

I mentally say to myself.

"Ok."

I verbally say in response.

"Wait"

My mum says stopping both of us in our tracks.

"Would you like to stay for breakfast?"

She then asks looking at Cordelia.

"No!"

I mentally say.

"Say no Cordy."

I mentally add.

"I ate already."

Cordelia says which causes me to try and stop myself from thinking or rather imagining what she is talking about.

"Buffy?"

My mum then asks turning her attention back to me.

"I already ate too."

I tell her knowing that she is going to be able to tell that this is a lie due to the fact I've only just got up.

"Ok have a nice time sweetie."

My mum says gratefully letting me off the hook.

"Thanks mum see you later."

I say as I follow Cordelia out of the house

"Bye."

My mum says just before I close the front door behind me.

We both got into Cordelia's car her in the driver's seat me in the front passenger seat placing my school bag down between my legs.

The awkwardness was there and now that there was nothing to distract us it was stronger than before.

Once we're inside the car Cordelia starts up the engine and head in the direction of Sunnydale high out of the two routes that you can take from my house to the school I immediately notice Cordelia taking the longest one rather than the shortest one which only confirms my earlier gut feeling as to why Cordelia had shown up at my front door.

Despite part of me wanting to let Cordelia say whatever it is she has to say I can't help but feel the need to get what I have to say out first and so I open my mouth and just as I am about to start speaking Cordelia jumps in and says.

"Look I don't know what you saw last night or what you think you saw but it was nothing."

She snaps causing me to shut my mouth.