Lena Trueshield Ch. 01


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Before long, her large nutsack tensed. Trying to hold back was impossible. The Night Elf hadn't been intimate for over a year and she had a lot of pent up energy to release.

The first shot caught the human by surprise, her cheek and eyelid covered in a sticky rope of semen. The second, she was prepared for. Opening her mouth, she managed to swallow most of it, except for the small strand that reached from her upper lip to her nose. The oversized pillar of meat kept on throbbing as it released what seemed like an unending amount of the warm, sticky cum.

When it finally stopped, she was absolutely covered in the stuff. From her tits to her face, it seemed no part of her upper body had been spared.

"Hope you brought towels," Lena said as she watched the Night Elf stroke the last few drops of cum from her slowly deflating cannon.

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AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Great intro, rising events and actions, interesting climax, to a lacking ending

Please don't take this meanly, I am trying to critique positively :).

The biggest issue I felt was that there was a great story and setup, that just ended so weakly.

I mean, the detail you put into the beginning/ intro. Describing the town. The buildings. The bodies. Auras. Necromancy. I really enjoyed reading it. Kept me on edge as to "what will she run into that possibly could be the sex interest?".

I like what you did with the necromancer. An Amazing plot twist. You had the reader (or well, me at least) tricked into believing "oh the necromancer is going to force himself on her", and then bam- plot twist. That was good.

I think the fight between the two should have been focused on a bit more but it wasn't bad at all.

After that, it was just like boom she blacks out. I suggest focusing more upon things like that curse that caused her to black out. Or was it the curse? Elaborate. Add some detail into the reasoning.

She awakes to a night elf. This was a nice twist, but I'd be curious to see what our scarlet hero would do if she awoke to an Orc, or an undead. *hint hint* ;). I will say though I LOVE how you played up the scarlet vs dawn feud. It interested me well.

Now to the sexual encounter, the part I didn't enjoy much. It seemed rushed somewhat. A short conversation, bigger boobs, a day of trekking, going to bed, then Futa tit fucking.

Back to what I said before. Elaborate more my friend. What was their trek across the plague lands like? What did they talk about? Describe the looks between the two and the tone and feelings each had. When they stopped, did they talk more than about the fire? How did they act?

And then the sexual scene. I feel it was a bit anti climactic. I know erotic scenes take a bit of learning, trust me I've found that on my own. Describe more into the scene. What were the smells. The noises each one made. What did the stream of cum taste like to our scarlet hero. How did our elf react when she climaxed. Did she yell. Scream. Moan?

Lastly, this is a personal preference of mine, but I don't like when stories just end with stuff like "and she finished and it was done". Did they talk more? What did the scene look like when they were done. Paint me a picture of them going to bed, in the glistening moonlight you noted before.

Overall, I like the story and plot. You have a great idea here, and while some may not like the Futa part, that's not so much what I believe would be the issue. Focus on that detail. Focus on making the entire story as painting a picture in my head like you did in the introduction. I see a lot of potential and I can't wait to read more my friend! :)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Too much futa

The writing is good but the content is lacking. Chicks with dicks are far too overdone and not attractive.

Lich LordLich Lordover 8 years ago
Good Story.

Hey, I like this story, and usually I am not into Futa but this one may have turned me around. Well written and excellent description, especially the tit-fucking scene. But overall this story felt too short even with the sequel. Keep working on it, I think you are a good writer.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago

It's definitely a good start. Keep going!

LenaTrueshieldLenaTrueshieldover 8 years agoAuthor

I'm a little confused as to the low ratings I'm getting on this. If you have any feedback, suggestions or reasons why you disliked the story, please let me know! Thank you.

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