West Hollywood Dreams

The first time Candice saw Agatha was at a Yeah Yeah Yeahs concert. She waited in line about fifteen people ahead of Candice, wearing a short red plaid skirt and a faded black Nine Inch Nails T-shirt cut into a crop-top. Her leather jacket, the one she owned for the better part of her life, was unzipped and the lapels were so big they almost completely obscured the breast pockets. Her short, thick legs were covered in thigh-high black fishnets, all culminating at her feet. She had on black spiked fetish stilettos patent-pointed-toe six-inch heels. She stood there, not fully paying attention to one of her friends talking about the industrial party he attended the night before. Her fingernails were coated in dark nail polish with gray anarchy signs on her middle fingers. Candice watched those fingers raise a cigarette to Agatha's lips which were coated with punk-couture-purple lipstick. She sucked hard down past where most people would have tossed it, nodding as she exhaled a plume of smoke.

She took another drag and flicked her cigarette further than just about any human could. Then she ran her hand over the shaved side of her head on the left, up into the longer hair on top. She had purple roots that faded into pink, that faded into blonde tips. Candice had no reason to go up to the group. What would she have said? "Hi, my name's Candice. I really like your style. You look so cool. Can we be friends?"

She had been ignoring her boyfriend, Kevin, who was talking to his roommate. "You remember that, right babe?"

"Huh?" Candice asked.

"You remember when we saw Yeah Yeah Yeahs open for Red Hot Chili Peppers?"

"I do," she answered, watching Agatha's thick hips walk into the Hollywood Bowl. "It was a great show. It was one of the first ones we saw together."

About a million miles away Kevin thought out loud, scratching his long dark beard, wondering if it was, in fact, the first show they had gone to together. Candice pictured what Agatha's closet looked like. She saw hanger rods buckling under the weight of all the clothes and boxes filled with shoes not worn in a while but would be worn again.

"I think it was the Strokes or maybe Jack White," Kevin said like he had discovered something meaningful.

"Yeah," Candice nodded. "I think you're right."

Almost six months later, Candice sat at the edge of her bed crying, staring at her phone. It dinged and vibrated, then it dinged again, and again, and again. "Oh my God, just stop already. Just fucking stop." She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands. It dinged once more. Eight missed messages. Opening her phone, she read the first few lines of Kevin's most recent text assault. "If we can't be together then I don't know what the point is. I'm better off dead."

She set her phone face down on the nightstand. Holding her hands out in front of her Candice partially clenched the air like she was gripping a ball. She grimaced and groaned, until her invisible ball popped, turning her hands into clenched fists.

They broke up three days earlier and still Kevin came over that night to watch movies. The whole time, Candice said to herself, get through tonight, just get through the night. But movies weren't all Kevin wanted. They had been together since their sophomore year of high school. That's almost seven years. When he put his hands on her, Candice kept thinking, you've done this a million times. What's one more? But she didn't understand. Did he not hear her? It was an hour-long talk that ended with, "I feel like I need to be alone for a while." And then, he showed up with two of her favorite B-movies, Birdemic and Hard Ticket to Hawaii. What did he think, that he could distract her and she wouldn't notice their relationship was over?

Kevin spent the night and Candice laid there watching the strange shapes her eyes created in the dark. After a while, she watched YouTube videos. Then she tried to sleep again. When that didn't work, she got up to knit, but she kept messing up her stitches. Even in the other room, Kevin's heavy breathing grated on her like a slow drill burrowing into the base of her neck. She cleaned the kitchen and re-watched the beginning of Birdemic, only up to the point where the eagles and vultures first attacked Silicon Valley. By that time gray light peered through the blind, and she was staring at a blank TV, too tired to think, too frantic to sleep. Kevin came in and kissed her forehead, "I've got to get to class. I'll see you tonight."

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Kevin showed up with Ninja Terminator and Robot Monster, but this time Candice sat by herself in the recliner. Around the time Robot Monster carried the female lead away from her colleagues, Candice yawned and said, "I'm going to bed. We can hang tomorrow afternoon if you're free."

"But we haven't even gotten to the part where the Great Guidance teleports to Earth and unleashes his dinosaur-army."

Candice insisted, and after a failed attempt at a kiss, she got her ex-boyfriend out the door. The next day, they met for lunch, something they never did as a couple. She tried to keep the conversation light, talking mostly about her plans to take nursing classes in the summer semester at CS Fullerton. "Why are you doing this to me?" Kevin asked.

"I'm not doing anything to you," Candice groaned and glanced over Kevin's shoulder looking for their server. "Why can't you let me do what I need to do. Do you want me to stay with you if I'm unhappy?"

"No, of course not. I want the chance to make you happy. I don't understand why you can't give me one chance."

Candice rested her elbows on the table and her face in her hands, covering her eyes. Speaking into her arms, she said, "It's not about chances. It's not about something you've done wrong. Please, please will you just let me do what I need to do." Candice dropped her hands from her face and looked into Kevin's eyes. "If you keep pushing me then I'm going to be out of your life forever. That's the last thing I want."

When she left the restaurant, he seemed to get it, but within a half-hour, the texting barrage began.

Over the next week, Candice knitted Christmas socks, beanies, and blankets for her twin nephews despite it only being May. In between semesters she had time to watch I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle, King Kong Lives, Horror Express, The Valley of Gwangi, and Mr. Sardonicus. She was in the middle of The Toxic Avenger, half paying attention, half scrolling through her feed when she came upon an ad for The Toxic Avenger, the French DJ (not the movie). He was going to be at the Pico Rivera Sports Arena Friday night. This has to be a sign. Kevin hated electro house/dance punk. Basically, that meant she had never been allowed to go to a show with that kind of vibe.

I should go. But who will I go with? I guess it wouldn't be crazy if I went alone. That's something I can do, right?

Hours before it was time to leave, Candice worked on putting together an outfit. She wasn't picking clothes with the intention of trying to look good. It was more like she was getting ready her suit of armor. First, she set aside a red bra and her favorite pair of black lace panties. She had already decided she wanted her bra exposed in some way but wasn't sure how. Then she tried on a pencil skirt, but that looked too formal like she was getting dressed for an interview. Her floral tea-length skirt didn't seem right, either, not for a late night musicgasm but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it will be good to stand out for a change. So, she set it aside for later consideration.

Going through her closet, she came across a black vinyl off-shoulder long-sleeved dress she wore one Halloween as part of a she-devil costume. She shook her head no at it and kept searching. She tried on three pairs of skinny jeans and set the black Levies aside because they were the ones that fit best. Above the tea-length skirt, she put a cute white crop-top with a lace-up top and a low cut back. Above the skinny jeans, she put a white mesh round neck beach T-shirt. Taking a step away from her bed she looked at the two outfits. "Hmm."

Candice set a pair of white and metallic-silver Oxford platforms with a two-and-a-half-inch heel next to the tea-length skirt. Next, to the skinny jeans, she put a pair of leopard print T.U.K sneakers, while holding in her hands a pair of Dr. Martins ankle-boots. She switched the boots with the Oxfords and then switched the Oxfords with the T.U.Ks

After showering and blow drying her hair, Candice wished she had time to get her color done. Deep in the long black waves were faint hints of red highlights, but for a while now, she had wanted blue. Standing there naked in the bathroom, she applied foundation. Then she watched a couple of videos on how to do the perfect smoky eye. She was torn between Boo Berry or Star Cobalt, In the end, went with the Boo Berry because she liked Makeup Geeks strong stance against animal testing. She finished her face off by applying Peach Carnation lipstick to her lips. It would probably be too dark for anyone to notice the subtle color, but Candice didn't care. Staring at herself in the mirror with nothing but her makeup on, her little robot tattoo on her hip and a vague notion of which outfit she would choose, she smiled.

Agatha walked along the uneven sidewalk towards the Arena, looking down at her phone, texting her friends. She had on a black embroidered floral kimono with long flowing sleeves. It hung open and waved in the breeze behind her like an honorable flag. Underneath she had on a white T-shirt with three diagonal slashes across the chest exposing the bottom of her braless breasts and much of her stomach. She used tape around her nipples to make sure that part of her remained covered, but much of the rest of her was on display. The shirt tucked into jean-shorts pulled up high around her waist and ripped at the thigh, revealing the bottoms of her pockets. In perfect balance, Agatha dodged the other show-goers who were moving faster than her without taking attention off her phone. She floated above it all in her black platform sandals with a three-inch platform and five-inch heel that had satin lace crisscrossing up her calf to her knee.

The line was a few hundred people long. Agatha moved ahead of them as they all talked, laughed and danced to the vibrations of pulsing music. She stopped and slipped her phone into her black leather studded clutch with spiked metallic knuckles for a handle. At the same time, she pulled out a pack of Parliaments and a lighter. Craning her neck, she wrapped her bright red lips around a cigarette, lit it, and took a long drag. That's when she heard a girl calling out from near the front of the line, "Agatha! Agatha! Over here!"

Agatha made her way to her friend Christiana and her other two friends Ryan and Lance.

"Oh my god, you look gorgeous!" Ryan exclaimed, clapping his hands, before kissing the air around Agatha on each side of her face. "You look like a sexy monster attack victim."

Lance gave the late arriver a big hug, "Don't worry! The Toxic Avenger will save you!"

Ryan and Lance discussed Agatha's outfit as Agatha and Christiana talked about the party they both attended the night before in West Hollywood. They compared notes about who they saw there and who they didn't. They both agreed they would have rather gone to see the post-punk sufergaze band, Pastel Felt, who performed at The Troubadour on the same night. "Honestly, I don't know why we didn't do both," Christina said.

Agatha, nodded in agreement, pulling in another long drag of her cigarette. Blowing out smoke as she spoke, "I know, right. We were right there. We need to start being more adventurous."

"Excuse me?" Came from a voice behind the group. Agatha turned around to see a girl in a cute white-mesh shirt and red bra. "This may seem weird, but I think I recognize you from the Yeah Yeah Yeah's concert last year."

"Oh yeah?" Christina said, smiling.

"Which one," Agatha asked before flicking her cigarette thirty feet away. "We saw them on back to back nights, in Santa Barbra and then at the Hollywood Bowl."

"Oh wow," Candice exclaimed. "That's commitment. I only saw them at the Hollywood Bowl."

The line slowly moved, and the group of four shuffled forward becoming a group of five. "They played a better set that night," Agatha said, turning to Christina.

"Totally," Christina agreed.

"Are you here with anyone?" Ryan asked, just then becoming aware of Candice's presence.

Candice let her head drop a little and frowned, "No.... I recently just kinda broke up with my long-time boyfriend. This is my attempt to, I guess.... be more independent."

"That's..." Candice half expected them to cringe and try to ease away from the conversation politely. "So cool," Lance said, enthusiastically enough to lift Candice's head.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed. "Can we adopt her?" He said turning to Lance.

"I don't think we have a choice. Look at her. She's gorgeous." The two of them moved on either side of Candice and locked their arms with hers. They both had on the same cologne which engulfed her, almost knocking her off her feet. "Would you be our date tonight," Lance asked, resting his head on Candice's shoulder.

"Please," Ryan added, resting his head on her other shoulder.

"And there is," Agatha chimed in, smiling at Candice. "The R &L welcoming party has arrived. This is why I love them. They're like instant new friend finders. I hope you like to dance."

Candice opened her mouth to answer, but Ryan spoke up first "Of course she does, you don't wear shoes like that if you don't want everyone looking at your feet. I can practically see myself in those things." Ryan peered down at the ground and pretended to fix the wave of brown hair flowing across his brow.

The Pico Rivera is an opened roof arena used mostly for rodeos and large Lucha Libre events. Sometimes they held bigger concerts, usually country music. For The Toxic Avenger, they put down a parquet floor covering the dirt ring where the majority of people coalesced around the elevated stage. Behind where the DJ equipment was set, a large digital screen flashed different images and shapes towered high. To the left and right were two more screens, still large, but smaller than the one in the center. They were elevated and mounted on dark scaffolding that blended into the background. Above that were two rows of 360-degree rotating floodlights. They flashed on the crowd or acted as strobes, shooting beams in random directions. Additional lights lined the front of the stage, spaced about five feet apart with pyrotechnic cannons between them.

Ryan and Lance pulled hard, dragging Candice into the fray, with Agatha and Christina close behind. A local DJ, DJ Mojo, was on stage blasting his music and hyping the crowd. The five bounced with the beat, pushing their way to the front. This was something Kevin never wanted to do at any show. He always said he couldn't enjoy the music surrounded by all those people. Candice remembered watching from afar and thinking, but they look like they are all having so much fun. Sure, she liked hearing the music and loved every show she had been to, but part of her always wanted to experience more. With Lance and Ryan on either side of her she couldn't help but wonder, if they hadn't adopted me would I be here in this spot or would I have hung back like I had all those years with Kevin.

"Have you ever been to one of his shows?" Ryan asked, cupping his hand round Candice's ear.

Candice shook her head no and yelled, "My ex didn't like this kind of music."

Ryan pouted out his lip and then yelled something into Lance's ear that Candice couldn't hear. Whatever he said, it prompted Lance to grab Candice's hand and hold it above her head. Ryan grabbed her other hand. Agatha and Christina raised their hands above their head, too, yelling at the top of their lungs, loud enough for the five of them to hear over the music.

Without warning, everything went black and silent. The crowd was a gathering storm with a few errant "wooo's" that turned into a few more. This droning sound that could have been mistaken for electrical equipment humming grew louder and louder. Many reacted to it by screaming, and then one singular beat hit everyone in the throat, pushing them off balance at the same time the bright lights flashed. A few seconds later lyrics kicked in but the words were disjointed and broken, like an AI trying to find it's voice for the first time. Tones and vibrations followed, obscuring the hum, and even that was misaligned, like one person clapping off beat. The music grew louder and louder as it tried to find itself. Blurred and broken images appeared on the screens.

Candice's feet were attached to the ground, but something was pulling her higher. She glanced to her left and saw Agatha with her hand raised, her long flowing sleeve waving in the air, and her hair flopping around as she moved. Layer on top of layer the music stacked itself, building towards an invisible goal. All of a sudden, a voice echoed, "What's up Hollywood!" And boom! Lights flashed, the music came together. All the layers melded to form one cohesive sound. "Get your hands up!"

Like a shockwave where The Toxic Avenger was ground zero, everything in its radius absorbed the beats. Not just the people at the show, but the walls of the arena, and the ground underneath. Candice looked up at the night sky. It seemed like even the stars were in on it. With her head tilted back, a smile grew ear-to-ear. The Toxic Avenger jumped up on a table, clapping his hands together above his head. The screen behind him and the strobes above flashed hard into a blinding light; all that was endured was his silhouette. Everyone in the arena clapped with him. Fog machines pushed out a mist that engulfed the stage. At the exact second the music peaked, everything went dark, and sparks shot up from the cannons. The DJ jumped down, and a woman's beautiful vocals sang acapella.

The Toxic Avenger hit keys on his laptop and fiddled with a mixer. Some components of the music grew louder as others faded away. Over the next hour, he molded and sculpted something no one had ever heard before. What he made wasn't dissimilar from his Romance and Cigarettes album but to say it was the same would ignore the nuance of his set. It would disregard the complex tapestry of his digital invention. Over and over again he raised the intensity lifting the crowd up, and then he beat them down into the earth. He stretched them until they were on the verge of being ripped apart, only to compact everyone into the smallest space.

Candice believed no one could deny something new was being birthed. She showed up as one and became five. That five became many, and steadily it became one again. A new aggressive beat kicked in, and the DJ yelled into the microphone, "Go! Go! Go!" Jumping side to side, the crowd mimicked him. Christina bumped into Agatha, Agatha bumped into Candice, who bumped into Ryan, who bumped into Lance and so on all the way down. Their combined friction, with everyone else, rose the temperature one degree at a time until they were all cooking together.

Too loud to talk, the music rose and fell higher and lower, faster and slower. All anyone could do to communicate was exchanged knowing looks. At one point, Agatha saw Candice dancing, her long flowing hair whipping around with her head as she hopped to the beat. What else could do that to someone besides music she wondered. Candice felt everything folding in on herself like she was an infinite piece of origami, gradually transforming into something more and more complex: a heart folding into a dog, folding into a cat, folding int a swan, folding into a swarm of hummingbirds, folding into a city with its bright lights visible from space.