Let's Be Batman Pt. 49

Lex Luthor's brow was furrowed in concentration, bent over his desk while he pored over the information taken from The Riddler. The being that killed The Riddler, meanwhile, waited impatiently for Luthor to finish. They tapped their foot, unknowingly putting a dent in Lex Luthor's floor.

"So The Calculator was right, after all," Luthor said finally, stretching his neck and rubbing the back of it with his hand. He leaned back in his chair. "Batman WAS Bruce Wayne."

"But not anymore," The being pointed out.

"Right," Luthor said. "Now it's this other guy, who isn't a genius and martial arts experts but is mostly just..."

"An idiot," The being finished.

"A very horny idiot, apparently. Did he come across that way to you when you met him?" Luthor asked. "I'm trying to figure out how long ago Batman was replaced."

The being thought for a moment. "Definitely, but I was... a little out of sorts when we met," The being said finally.

"Hmm..." Luthor thought some more. He began to chuckle softly and smacked himself upside the head.

"I've spent months playing 8th dimensional chess with a man who probably doesn't know the names of the pieces," Luthor said, laughing openly now. "Well, that simplifies things."

"How?" The being said. "We still don't know where the portal is and can assume that this moron doesn't know either. The only man who might know is the real Batman and no one knows where he is." The being walked closer to Luthor, leaning over his desk. "You're running out of time, Luthor. The real Batman might come back at any moment, and there's always the chance Superman breaks out of the universe I left him in..."

Luthor flinched at the mention of his archrival's name. He tried to play it off. "We're fine," He told his companion. "Now that we know our foe, we know just how to beat him. He's not a hero, he's just some nobody. Everything's becoming clear."

"So what do we do first?" The being asked.

Luthor was already picking up the phone. "First, we understand his weakness. In this Batman's case, it's apparently that he likes to, to put it delicately, 'fuck' metahumans. We can use that information to isolate him. He's only surviving because of his contacts and infrastructure. Take that away and he'll become scared and alone."

"And then?" The being looked skeptical.

"Then, we give him a friend," Luthor said with a smile. "We give him you."

"I thought I was supposed to stay away from him so I don't blow my true identity," The being pointed out.

"That was when we thought Batman was someone we had to worry about," Luthor replied.

The Being stood up. "I guess I'll go introduce myself then," She said.

Luthor wasn't listening. Someone had answered the other end of Luthor's phone. "Yes, this is Lex Luthor," The criminal mastermind began. "I have some information that I think you and your Injustice Society would be very interested in."

***

In the Justice League Watchtower, an alarm began to sound. Only one person was there to answer it. Cyborg, the newest member of the Justice League, was quickly and efficiently handling the situation. Two metahumans had been flagged in Gotham City. One was The Fiddler, a relatively low-level member of the Injustice Society. The other was unknown.

Cyborg frowned. The Justice League had left just minutes because the Injustice Society was causing havoc in Starling City; why were (presumably) two of their members in Gotham City? Something seemed off.

But Cyborg knew his protocol backwards and forwards and he followed it to the letter. Fortuitously, Batman had been left out of the Justice League's call (the League rotated response duties to prevent their home cities from being neglected) and Cyborg sent an alert to Batman about the situation.

Then, Cyborg alerted the back-up team to assist Batman with The Fiddler and the other villain. Batman didn't really need it; he could undoubtedly defeat The Fiddler on his own. Cyborg, though, knew that Batman would want protocol followed since he was the one who wrote them.

The back-up team arrived and Cyborg quickly informed them of the situation. The heroes eagerly listened, obviously excited to be going on a real mission with Batman of all people. Cyborg gave them Batman's coordinates and sent them on their way.

An hour later, the Justice League returned. Cyborg was prepared for them, having readied the medical room and debriefing center. Wonder Woman stopped by Cyborg's station to fill him in on the situation.

"It was relatively easy," Wonder Woman said simply. She didn't seem all that thrilled by it. "They tried to steal the Freedom Train but we were able to apprehend them without too much trouble."

"Who was there?" Cyborg asked.

Wonder Woman thought for a moment. "Wizard, obviously, and then Gambler, Per Degaton, and Vandal Savage."

Cyborg nodded. "Huh," He said softly. "It's funny, The Fiddler and an unknown member of the Injustice Society are currently in Gotham."

"It's probably Brainwave," Wonder Woman informed Cyborg. "He was the only other member not in Starling City."

"Okay," Cyborg said. He turned back to his computer. "Anyway, I sent out the back-up team to handle it."

"Alright," Wonder Woman said as she turned towards the door. As she was leaving she asked, "Who's leading the back-up team?"

"Batman was on call," Cyborg responded.

Wonder Woman stopped dead in her tracks, one foot raised off the ground. She walked backwards back to Cyborg's desk.

"Cyborg," She asked softly, "Who is Batman leading?"

Cyborg looked up and saw the sternness of Wonder Woman's face. He stiffened up and began to cite protocol. "Well, Wonder Woman, as per guidelines 432.6-"

Wonder Woman interrupted him. "I'm not testing you, Cyborg. Who is Batman leading?"

Cyborg suddenly felt very uncertain. "Well, given the situation, the protocol called for-"

"WHO. IS. BATMAN. LEADING?" Wonder Woman asked, her tone making Cyborg jump.

"Umm... Rocket, Bumblebee, Artemis, and Wonder Gi-"

Wonder Woman was already headed towards the exit. The rest of the Justice League was just entering, some of them favoring limbs while others applied bandages. Aquaman, Green Arrow, Hawkgirl, Icon, and the Atom all looked wearily at their mission leader.

"Let's go," Wonder Woman said, walking through them.

"Where are we going?" Icon asked irritably. He had taken a nasty bump.

"There's more Injustice Society members in Gotham," Wonder Woman replied without missing a step.

"Can't Batman take care of all of them?" Green Arrow wondered as he favored his knee.

"That's what I'm worried about," Wonder Woman said under her breath.

The rest of the Justice League watched Wonder Woman walk past. They looked at each other, shrugged, and then followed their leader towards the teleportation pods.

Cyborg turned back to his computer, somewhat shaken and a little bewildered by Wonder Woman's behavior. He was so shaken that he forgot to relay that Brainwave was likely The Fiddler's companion to Batman and his team.

***

An hour earlier...

Tommy waited across from Finger Concert Hall for his back-up to arrive. He wondered who would come; in the back of his mind he hoped it was Wonder Woman, although in the front of his mind he remembered that she was as likely to kill him as fuck him at this point. Maybe Vixen, or Hawkgirl, or someone new that Tommy hadn't even met yet...

'Just not Aquaman,' Tommy thought.

Tommy tapped his foot impatiently. Finally, he clicked on his comm and tried to raise Barbara Gordon.

"Hey, Barbara," Tommy said. There was a pause and then she clicked on.

"You know, at some point we're going to have to come up with a code name for me," Barbara said. "I don't know if I want my name being broadcast over Gotham."

"I think you're fine, Barb,. Not like anyone can break into your comm system anyway," Tommy said, smiling to himself. There was silence on the other end to indicate that Barbara wasn't laughing.

"So what do you know about The Fiddler?" Tommy asked, changing the subject. Tommy bet with himself that a villain named "The Fiddler" was going to be incredibly lame.

"He plays a high-tech fiddle," Barbara began.

'Yep, incredibly lame,' Tommy thought.

"Be careful," Barbara said quickly, knowing Tommy would be skeptical. "He can control minds with that thing. He can also shoot sonic blasts. He's a formidable opponent."

"Oh okay," Tommy said sarcastically. "I'll be sure to watch out for the fiddle guy. Hey, by the way: are you at the Batcave? If you are, can you do me a solid and clean up a little? I think Alfred is going to kill me if he has to pick up my shit one more time."

"Sorry, Batman," Barbara said, "I'm at my new headquarters."

"Oh yeah? Where's that?" Tommy asked.

There was a pause in Barbara's voice. "The clocktower," She said slowly. "I mean, Canary's not using it and it's a good spot so-"

"It's fine," Tommy said. Then he thought for a moment. "Wait, how do you get up there? I didn't think there was an elevator..."

"There is," Barbara said, sounding annoyed, "And you're an asshole." She clicked off.

"Whoops," Tommy said to himself. He peered back towards the concert hall when he heard the familiar sound of someone flying through the air. It was unmistakable and Tommy knew who it was instantly. He smiled and spoke as he turned around.

"Well hey there Wonder Wo... oh," He said softly.

It was not Wonder Woman. It wasn't any of the Justice League. No, Tommy was surprised to find that his back-up was 4 young women from the Young Justice team. Tommy had read about them in Batman's files, of course, as each file was replete with favored tactics, personality profiles, training schedules, and weaknesses.

What they didn't tell Tommy, however, was how hot they were.

The one closest to Tommy was a lissome archer dressed in all green. She had blonde hair but a darker complexion, most likely the result of a delightful mixing of disparate races. The heroine had a small smile on her lips and a bow in her hand. She wore a tighter-than-skintight two-piece green costume that seemed almost graphic to Tommy. The top was a midriff tank top that exposed her impressive abs and toned arms. An arrow pointing down was emblazoned on the front. A strap ran between her breasts as it held her quiver on; it accentuated her perky breasts. A mask that covered her face was connected to her top and a puffy blonde ponytail flowed behind her. Tommy knew her as Artemis. She had impressed many by infiltrating a supervillain cell the year prior.

Next to the archer was a taller, broad-shouldered woman referred to as Rocket. She had short black hair that was partially covered by a mask that covered only the sides of her head and left her face exposed. The heroine wore a brown jumpsuit that was baggy on the top but hugged tightly to her legs. A large belt wrapped around her with two straps wrapping around her legs. This effectively formed a "V" that brought the eye straight to her vagina, something Tommy was not able to resist. As he followed the heroine up, Tommy could see that she wore a thick purple shirt that tried and failed to hide her impressive chest.

Besides Rocket, a smaller, bubbly young woman was beaming at Batman. The effervescent girl, named Bumblebee, was dressed like a, well, bumblebee. She had 4 large wings on her back that flickered and died as she hit the ground. Bumblebee's costume was tight and alternated yellow and black. It hugged her frame, her shorter stature serving to accentuate her curves. Her face was bare except for a thin domino mask on her face. Her hair was put into two bunches on each side of her head.

And then there was Wonder Girl, the youngest of the group at 18 but also the strongest. Tommy hadn't quite been wrong when he guessed that Wonder Woman was there; Wonder Girl moved much the same way as her mentor did. But while Wonder Woman's movements were an act of controlled aggression, Wonder Girl moved with a boundless enthusiasm at having just so much power at her disposal. The blonde was dressed casually in a black tank top (adorned with the Wonder Woman logo, of course) and red track pants, but it just served to highlight just how sexy she was. She stood confidently, assuredly, and asked Tommy what to do next.

Tommy didn't hear her, of course. He was too busy gawking at the 4 heroines who had just dropped into his lap to pay attention to them talking. Wonder Girl looked at her 3 compatriots in confusion and then spoke again, louder but slightly more unsure of herself this time.

"Um... Batman? We were sent to help you."

Tommy suddenly became aware that he was slack-jawed and quickly tried to recover.

"Oh! Um... good," He said, trying his best to sound in charge. "You've all been briefed?"

"Oh, you bet!" Bumblebee said enthusiastically. "We're ready to roll, sir!"

Artemis rolled her eyes at Bumblebee's enthusiasm.

Tommy nodded in approval. "Okay, so we know we're going against The Fiddler and an unnamed accomplice. We know what The Fiddler can do with his little... uh..." Tommy mimed the action of playing the instrument.

"Fiddle?" Wonder Girl said helpfully.

"Yeah, fiddle," Tommy said. "What do you think our plan of action should be?"

Artemis spoke up first. "Just let me slink in there and I can put an arrow in The Fiddler before he even knows I'm there."

"I can shrink down and subdue The Fiddler, NOT kill him," Bumblebee said, pointing her second remark towards Artemis. "One sting and he's out like a light."

"Why not just go through the front door?" Wonder Girl said, cracking her knuckles. "I don't think The Fiddler and his friend can do anything against all of us."

Rocket hadn't spoken yet. Tommy asked her, "What would you do?"

Rocket shrugged and replied, "Whatever you want me to do, Batman."

Tommy smiled. "Sounds like the smartest plan I've heard yet." The other 3 girls slumped slightly, realizing they had failed their test.

Tommy began to lay out orders. "Rocket, fly Artemis through the roof and the two of you work your way down. Artemis, prepare a shot but don't take it until I give the order. Bumblebee, get small and try to figure out who The Fiddler's accomplice is. Wonder Girl, you and I go through the front."

The girls all smiled and got ready for action. Tommy smiled, too; he felt like a real leader. He wasn't quite sure if all leaders had erections when they gave out orders but that wasn't a huge concern. The group all headed off for battle.

***

Far off in the distance, a lone figure watched them with its superpowered vision. The being saw them take off towards the concert hall. Satisfied that Luthor's plan was working so far, the being took off into the sky. Batman had a friend that they wanted to meet.

***

Tommy and Wonder Girl crept into the concert hall, entering the grand lobby cautiously. Tommy let Wonder Girl take the lead; it might be considered cowardly but Tommy figured that he couldn't bring the place down with his bare hands so he let the girl lead.

Tommy followed Wonder Girl closely but not too closely. He was aware that he was on an official Justice League mission and was determined to be on his best behavior. He couldn't afford to make another mistake like he had with Zatanna. Besides, these heroines seemed to look up to him. Tommy, for all his faults, didn't exactly want to betray that.

Still, Tommy's eyes were glued to Wonder Girl's perky ass. He couldn't see a panty line and he wondered if she was wearing a thong.

"Batman," Wonder Girl began to say uncertainly, "I just wanted to say that I'm very honored to get to work with you."

"Uh-huh," Tommy replied, taking in how Wonder Girl's shirt rided up just a little when she leaned forward.

Wonder Girl continued, quickly. Tommy realized that she had prepared this speech. "I know you're in charge of recruitment for the Justice League and I hope I will be considered one of these days because I think I'm very qualified. I mean I know I'm only 18 but I still think tha-"

"Wonder Girl," Tommy said softly, finally taking his eyes off her ass, "Let's just focus on the mission, okay? Doesn't do any good to convince me to let you join the team if I get killed."

Wonder Girl looked behind her and smiled. "Okay," She said. The two continued through the lobby and came to a set of grand doors. Quickly, the two slipped inside.

They came into the hall proper, a vast and opulent room with row after row of seats. To his left and right, Tommy could see at least 2 balconies above. He wondered just how many seats were in this place.

Tommy and Wonder Girl were crouched behind the last row of seats when they suddenly began to hear music being played. Tommy glanced over the seat to see someone sitting on a chair in the center of the massive stage. The Fiddler played a slow dirge on the fiddle, holding each note painfully long. Tommy and Wonder Girl listened for a moment and then Tommy whispered to the younger heroine.

"Does Artemis carry explosive arrows?" Tommy asked. Wonder Girl nodded. Tommy gave out his instructions, being very clear that the 3 heroines weren't too expose themselves until Tommy said so. Wonder Girl began to repeat Tommy's orders over her comm when Tommy crabwalked to the end of the row and down the aisle towards the stage.

Tommy was halfway down the aisle when suddenly he heard the music stop.

"Is that you, Batman?" The Fiddler called out. Tommy guessed that The Fiddler knew he was there but didn't quite know where he was yet. He hoped to keep that a secret for a little while longer.

"You know, you've made some pretty powerful enemies, Batman," The Fiddler yelled out. "I've not heard someone quite so desirous to see someone else dead in a long time. You should honestly feel proud that you've made someone as angry as you've made Lex Luthor."

Tommy smiled grimly. 'Of course it's Luthor,' He thought. Tommy glanced up into the balcony across from him and saw Artemis in position. Looking up, he could see that Rocket was close by. Tommy just hoped that she was close enough.

Tommy suddenly stood up, exposing himself to The Fiddler. "I didn't know they let fiddle players play in such nice concert halls," He said. Tommy hoped that was insulting; in all honesty, he didn't know the first thing about classical music.

The Fiddler made an angry face, showing Tommy that he had hit a sore spot. "The fiddle is a fabulous, misunderstood instrument that has entertained people for hundreds of years!" He said angrily, his face reddening.

Tommy shook his head. "Preeetty sure it's for hillbillies there, Fiddler," He said. The Fiddler stood up from his chair and put his bow to his instrument.

"You know, The Flash can avoid my attacks because he can move faster than the speed of sound. You're not so lucky! And fiddles are cool!"

The Fiddler played a note on his fiddle and a sonic shock wave suddenly erupted towards Tommy's position.

...Well, what was Tommy's position. Rocket had swooped down from the balcony and grabbed Tommy just in the nick of time, moving him out of harm's way.

As Tommy flew through the air in Rocket's care, he yelled out, "No they're nooooooot..."

With The Fiddler too busy shaking with rage at Tommy, he never saw the explosive arrow from Artemis's bow until it had exploded directly in front of him. A large cloud of smoke billowed forth, consuming the villian. Knocked off his feet by the concussive blast, The Fiddler groggily tried to get back to his feet. He managed to make it just in time to see Wonder Girl appear through the smoke. The heroine flew a fist into The Fiddler's face, sending him skidding across the stage floor. The Fiddler crashed into the back wall of the stage and didn't move.

Rocket dropped Tommy onto the stage alongside Wonder Girl and then landed herself. An arrow hit the stage by the three and Artemis slid along a wire until she had landed by all of them.