Letter to Class Reunion Committee

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Retired graduate replies to class reunion invitation.
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Erbanluv
Erbanluv
85 Followers

Dear Committee Members;

I would just love to attend the 45th anniversary reunion of our high school graduating class. Thank you so much for inviting me. You wanted some personal background information for the class newsletter, so let me provide you with a brief synopsis of what has happened in my life since graduation.

I married just a few years after graduation. My husband is the most wonderful human being imaginable. He's always been there for me, notwithstanding that we were separated three of four times. The period of time that we were apart was usually quite short and coincided with my three of four stays at the "Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center".

From the great love that my husband and I enjoyed, sprang a wonderful daughter who, apart from running off with various suitors while still in high school, has been the soul of daughterly perfection. She has given us six wonderful grand children and, although we've never met any of the cute little munchkins' six fathers, she assures us that they are all superlative individuals. We recently learned that we may get to meet one or two of them over the next year or so as our daughter has been chosen to star in a number of upcoming episodes of the "Maury" show.

After graduation, I spent a few months considering various career options. Following a period of close introspection, I decided that I would probably be most happy spending my life as an educator. To that end, I became an elementary school teacher. Initially, it was a trying profession. The children seemed unruly and difficult to control, but, for some reason, as the years passed, I became much more capable of handling the stress that managing a classroom full of energetic youngsters tended to create.

About 35 years ago, I found that 1 or 2 glasses of wine in the morning gave me a monumental lift and made the whole tedious process of getting out and making a living so much more palatable. In fact, those 2 or 3 glasses of wine each morning made me actually begin looking forward to getting up and going to work each day.

Eventually, I found that the cold chicken sandwiches that I took to work for my lunch actually tasted better if I had a couple of glasses of wine with them. For some reason, my employer frowned on the whole "wine bottle at work" scenario so I simply filled my "big boy" thermos with a good quality muscatel. My lunches became much more enjoyable and relaxing and the rest of the day seemed to pass like a pleasant dream.

Now being a naturally pragmatic individual, I reasoned that if breakfast and lunch were so much more pleasant with the addition of 4 or 5 glasses of wine, then dinner would probably become a far more gratifying experience if it were accompanied by a few beakers of high quality vino. So before dinner, I decided to walk down to the local wine emporium in search of a suitable brand.

On the way I happened upon a very friendly gentleman resting on a bench in the local park. He just happened to be enjoying a bottle of wine that he kept discreetly hidden from envious eyes by leaving it in the brown paper bag in which it was purchased. He offered me a sip and it was like drinking liquid ambrosia. He informed me that It was sherry, which he claimed brought on the happy, relaxed feeling that I was seeking more quickly than other types of wine.

We chatted enthusiastically for several minutes, during which time we totally drained his bottle of liquid fascination. I thanked him and resumed my journey to the local wine store; this time to pick up a few bottles of the exciting discovery to which I'd just been introduced. I purchased a few modestly priced bottles, pocketed the change from the five dollar bill I had given the cashier and with my heart full of anticipation, happily made my way home.

This new beverage did make dinner a much more pleasant event. At the end of the meal, I discarded the empties and returned to the wine shop, this time in search of the perfect sherry. After considerable shopping, I was able to find an excellent brand with a charming picture of a pirate on the label. They only had 7 cases on hand, so to make sure that I wouldn't encounter any future shortages, I asked the nice young man at the cash register to ensure that a fresh supply was ordered in. I told him that it would be prudent to keep a more realistic number of cases in the store's inventory henceforth. I think he could tell by the look on my face that it would be a major disappointment to anyone seeking that particular brand if they encountered an empty shelf.

Subsequently, given my love for the wonder that is wine, I decided to join a wine tasting club. Unfortunately, I was a member for only a short time. I found the nasty habit of spitting the wine into a bucket, rather than swallowing it, a waste of one of nature's most delightful gifts. As the police escorted me from the meeting, I let those assembled know, in no uncertain terms, that I would not be gracing another of their gatherings. The nerve of them, expecting a well bred lady to spit in public.

Most recently, I discovered the find of a lifetime. The town in which I live opened a do-it-yourself store wherein customers can make their own wine. From a purely economic standpoint I was highly impressed with the idea. In a relatively short time, I became an accomplished wine maker. With the savings that I realized as a result of creating my own "custom" beverage, I was able to purchase a new set of tires for our home. Now, as long as I keep the equipment in the laundry room bubbling happily away 24 hours a day, the horrifying prospect of running out of wine will never become a reality.

Oops! I believe I just heard the buzzer sound on my latest batch. I guess I'll just have to finish my story at the upcoming class reunion.

Cheers everyone.

Jillian

Erbanluv
Erbanluv
85 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
5 Comments
Humpdee84Humpdee84over 9 years ago
Loved the story

Damn funny. I've written a few 'family Christmas letters' in my time along these lines but this is great. Being this is a sex story site, having her maybe manually pleasure the bum with the sherry might have added to the mix, you know, to show her gratitude (and further demonstrate how far she's fallen). But, as is, it's still a terrifically funny letter. Thank you.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveover 9 years ago
Hilarious

Thinking back, I do believe that most of my teachers were lit while they were teaching class. There have been no reunions of my class from 1976. We were so screwed up that one guy ran for class president and lost. He became a Pa. state policeman. I know, he stopped me on I-95 once. After a little small talk he gave me a ticket for $250. No wonder no one voted for him.

Just a rambling of a guy who says that fanfare sucks.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Very Funny!

I've only been to one class reunion (my 20th) and am looking forward to the 40th coming up next year. The same pompous asses from the high school days are still pompous asses except that they now have bigger bellies, less hair, and rely on their pasts since the present doesn't do it for them anymore. The promising students never did anything or went anywhere while those not so promising are the ones who travelled the world and actually made a difference. Most of those folks who still reside in the same home town decided not to attend the reunion while those of us who lived thousands of miles away showed up eagerly. Two of us made profound impressions at the 20th reunion: Kevin, who had the long hair and beard of a biker and showed up with a scantily-clad, busty female on each arm; and I, who arrived with an African-American wife to an all-white occasion. Anyway, you get the idea. High School reunions can be fun as long as you have the right attitude.

By the bye, the letter was hilarious. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Roger.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
ROFLMAO

Quick and to the point.

fanfarefanfareover 9 years ago
Ego veni et vedi et bibi

E, deliciously funny! Maliciously funny? Better living through modern chemistry?

One last thought, I suspect the students of this teacher, physically matured to become the the trolls infesting the commentaries of this site.

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