LezBromeo! LezBromeo!

Defining Qualities of LezBromeo and other LezBros:

'Has a PLAN if a zombie or other apocalypse occurs. Shares this plan in detail. Because well, you need to know.' ANNND He has a 'signature look' that signals there is danger and 'we're going out blazing.' This way you know to suit up, because you don't want to miss the action!

'Takes you out for shots when you're crying over a girl, then supplies the grocery bag later' ;) because he planned ahead. And of course, he has dental floss and mouth wash because he knows you're obsessed with oral hygiene.

'Takes you out drinking ... just to drink ... because well duhhhhh!'

Smokes Cigars with you... shhhhhhhh ~ but doesn't tell another woman this, unless he hears from a guy that said girl is attracted to cigars.

Always carries a lighter (even when you're not smoking - because he knows if another girl is, and you want to light her cigarette, there is a lighter available that doesn't have to sit in your pocket or purse). Yesssss, you can put your hands in your empty pockets and just chill because your purse walks beside you.

Not afraid to buy sanitary or other supplies, and listens in great detail when you're trying to explain the packaging. 'wings?' 'no wings?' Hey - it's confusing for us too, ladies, and sometimes we don't want to get out of bed to do it.

HUGs the other LezBros, because face it, even though one of us has tits, we're all brothers.

And yeah, we talk about girls. Like 99% of the time. 40% occupation and entrepreneurship. 10% sports and 1% we can't remember. Because we are always at 150%! That's right foos!

Lets you give his phone number to men, so he can reject them for you. Because honestly, it's tiring explaining what a Lesbian is.

A LezBro always takes fashion advice. Because how else are you supposed to pitch him to women, if you can't tell them his beard is rabbit-soft? This is a hetero single man, and you are just as much his wingman as he is ours. "Have you touched his beard? It feels like rabbit!" -- It works, she won't forget. ;)

Is not afraid to offer fashion advice. You've got a date, he knows it. It's apparent on your face! The Windsor Knot looks awesome, but maybe you should wear the thin leather suspenders? Does this V-back halter top look too slutty? On a scale of 1-10, how badly does she want to rip my clothes off? Whom better than a LezBro to tell you?!

A LezBro is willing to take his top off and do a titty dance in a crowd full of women, so that his Lesbian can spot the other lesbians.

When you walk out of a bathroom with toilet paper kissing your heel, he dives in and slyly slips it away while you're flirting with the Hostess.

He tips the bartender well, knowing that this is a chick you're going to be flirting with for years.

A LezBro gives you 40 bucks, drops you at a lesbian bar, and chills at a nearby pub so you can fly free ;) Maybe even get assaulted in the women's restroom. He stays on standby until you're ready to come home, and saves you if you're in need of an emergency exit. If things go really well, he's a finger click away from booking you and your Lucky Lady a room at a four star hotel. And he's already checked out the hotel and has a list of sweet venues for occasions like this. BAM!

When his Lesbian takes on a vibrator that Kills her, a LezBro plays the role of After Care Taker, and drives her around town seat-belted to Shotgun like an appendicitis victim strapped to a gurney. Then plays her favorite songs on the radio and converses with her until the searing pain of exploration dissipates. Yeaaah, you won't do that vibrator again. (At least that's what you said before the second and third time).

You trade porno stashes with LezBromeo, because "oddly", you watch the same shit. Then suddenly all your LezBros start trading with you, and you're in need of an emergency Terabyte Drive. Guess who gets you a Terabyte Drive the next day? Your number one wingman, LezBromeo.

You envision yourself and LezBromeo in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. But instead of Romeo calling to you on your balcony, you are on the ground calling to LezBromeo, trying to convince him to go pub-hopping with you (because honestly, his girlfriend wouldn't mind).

LezBromeo, LezBromeo! Where art thou LezBromeo?! Why canst thou pub-hoppeth with me? Which Vixen, sweet Vixen, has stealest thou heart, that thou canst hoppeth with me?

From time to time, LezBromeo will be a captured man, captive to the love of a woman. Of course, it's a curse and blessing because you hooketh'd him up, and although you are gratuitously credited for your sainthood, now your wingman can't come out to play. But that's okay, once his girlfriend realizes how gay you are, you'll be considered LezBromeo's training wheels on wild nights ;) and will practically be assigned to keeping him from partying too hard. Cap off, ladies ;)! Plus, being a woman, his girlfriend will open up to you on what she's looking for in their relationship. You can communicate this to LezBromeo, and discuss strategies to equip him for whatever he needs to blow her mind.

The beauty of LezBros, is every day with their Lesbian, is a bachelor party. And Lady Lesbian doesn't have to pay the bill. Best yet, everyone has fun when the Lesbian gets her lap dance. And every LezBro opens the door for conversation with the hot Burlesque dancer. Because they want Lesbian Love to exist just as much as you do!

Your LezBros stop you from doing something illegal. Because, well, how the hell were you supposed to know?

"Wow she's hot! It's raining, can we give her a ride?"

"Oh wait, no honey! That's a hooker. Not this street." ... What was in the grocery bag?

LezBros keep you grounded while you float around falling for girls you don't know. They're also keen to get you ground at the local club. Because, well, that was your wish for the night, and you get your wishes! (Damn was she good at grinding! -- you'll never forget that grrl.)

A LezBro asks you to keep his girlfriend company while he's away at work. Because face it, when he has to go on a work trip, his first fear is his lady lover finds another guy to quench her thirst. That's where the Lesbian comes into play. What keep her in bed? Fend off the male suitors. Sure! You betcha! We're gonna "watch a movie" ;)

LezBromeo supplies you with a Snap Shirt, because you want a girl to rip your clothes off. What better than a shirt with snap buttons? And of course it looks good ;), because LezBromeo knows your taste in fashion!

What? Your butt's getting floppy? LezBromeo hooks you up with an awesome gym full of all female Sexercise courses. Yeah. ;) When the other LezBros hear about this, they pull their strings. Suddenly you've a membership to every gym in town. What? Rock climbing and yoga?! Pole dancing? Mixed martial arts? An oil wrestling competition?! You've never seen so many sports bras in your life!

Last but not least, the LezBro always gets you home safe after some stupendously awesome adventure. What? That fence we hopped?? EASY BITCHES!