Life Affirming

Wearing a black cashmere top, the hot pants Xander liked to say I only wore for "legal reasons", and a pair of strappy high heeled sandals, I sneaked down to the root cellar as quietly as I possibly could. I didn't want him to hear, didn't want him to know. he was up in the main house, and I knew he hoped to high hell I'd forgotten what today was.

I was nearly to the bottom of the stairs when I heard Xander say, "Woman, you come down here in what you think is a hush but I hear you clompin' in them shoes a mile away. I know what you're doin'," and I froze in my tracks.

"Xander, I'm sorry," I muttered, as his shadow fell over me, "I know I said I wouldn't but...SHE WAS OUR DAUGHTER, goddamn it!"

"Come on, then," he said gently, coming down the stairs to meet me. He took my hand and led me down the last two steps into the root cellar. He was nude and smelled of mint, having just showered, this glorious man for whom I'd long ago given up my so-called life in New York and come out to the flat plains of the Midwest.

I touched the tribal tattoo on his chest, looked down at the red earth of the cellar floor, and said quietly, "I've been keeping the box there," pointing to a spot under a tarp. He nodded, went and got the box. Itt had been a total of seven years since our little girl had been born, but I remember that night like it was last night. She'd been born in this very house. As Xander opened the box and pulled out the rattle, the teddy bear, and the other toys we'd happily bought in anticipation of her arrival, I picked up a picture of our little bundle. In the photo, Xander held her. Even now, I was amazed at how much she looked like his side of the family, with her red hair and light eyes.

"She should be outside riding her bike," I sobbed, putting my head on Xander's shoulder.

"It's nobody's fault she died the same night she was born," he put his arms around me, "the bridge was out, the ambulance didn't get here in time when she stopped breathing. You're a good mother and you did everything right for her."

"Then how come it's been SEVEN LONG YEARS and we can't have another one!!" I screeched.

"Hush now," he whispered, "shouldn't say things like that. Should tell me you want us to try again right now."

"Really?" I blinked, looking up at him. "D'you still wanna have babies with me?"

"You know damn well I do," he kissed me deeply, took me by the hand, and led me back to the stairs, "I said for better or worse, for richer or poorer," he sat down on a step, his legs spread wide, and I sat down on the step directly in front of him, "and you make me better and richer every minute of every day." His right hand reached down my shirt and I felt fingers pinch my nipple.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Daddy," I moaned, "ohhhhhhhhh that's good," I grabbed the red brick wall to steady myself as his left hand reached down my hot pants to seek out my sex, my slurping wet oyster.

"You are the total package," he cooed, his fingers working my clit, "everything a man needs, "and I promise you, Babygirl, I will give you the children you deserve. Now let me quiet your mind."