Life, Sex & All That Ch. 05

Chapter Five: Susan and a little Retail Therapy

My mind was in turmoil, so many confronting thoughts and conflicting emotions. Our marriage had been based on trust, and to the best of my knowledge, for the first time I was confronted by a breech of that trust, and I knew I was not in a suitable emotional condition to hear his explanation. Silence was the better course, as I knew I was sure to say things I would later regret, especially as the chances of his telling the truth a this moment, whilst he was cornered, were not likely. Any further lies would compound the issue and drive a wedge between us.

Hard as it was I lay, oh so still, pretending to be asleep, I tried to come to grips with the possibilities arising from the events of the last 72 hours. I had made my bed and now I had to lie on it. The body beside me, as far to the edge of the bed as possible, was no more asleep than I was and he was no doubt trying to contrive some explanation for his having lied. It was in the early hours that I finally drifted into a troubled sleep.

I wakened to the sound of the shower, 6 a.m, a little early for him. My head hurt from lack of sleep and my gut ached from emotional overload. I was still not in a suitable frame of mind for any discussion about his 'working late' activities of the previous evening. Before Brian could emerge from the en-suite I slipped out of bed, donned sweats and joggers and hastily absented the house, leashed the dog and headed out the gate.

Early morning in the crisp air is wonderful for clearing the head, and whilst briskly walking I began to plan my next strategy. My anger was because he had lied. Yes, I was annoyed he had not come home when I had planned a romantic evening, but he was not to know I had made those plans. So with a clearer head but still in emotional knots I headed for home to wake the children and avoid the need to enter into any sort of serious discussion with Brian. If he wanted to offer an explanation for his lie he could save it.

Fortunately, the usual chaos reigned as I entered the kitchen, kids squabbling, radio blaring, Brian hiding behind the morning paper. Directing my orders at the children to be ready to leave by 8.20 am, I escaped to the shower. Shortly, from behind the steam I saw the muted figure of Brian.

'Bye Susan, I will see you later, I should be home on time'

'O.K.' was the best I could muster, as he retreated down the hall.

Sifting through the linen basket with trembling hands I searched for his jocks, not sure if I really wanted to know the answer, but unable to not investigate. I fished them out and with a sinking heart my suspicions were confirmed. What ever he had been up to last night there was the tell tale stain. Choking back the tears I sunk on to the bed . Take a grip on yourself I thought, be rational, why are they stained. If he had been with a prostitute he would have used a condom. The most likely scenario was he had been visually aroused and was unable to avoid ejaculating in his underwear, hopefully he had been to a porn theatre or a topless bar. I now need to decide weather to confront him with both the lie and the jocks.

Appraising my self in the mirror, I agreed I should do a walk every morning and may be those extra kilo's would slip away. I was lucky the grey had not yet invaded my tresses but perhaps a new hair style, a manicure and polish were in order. Yes, I had become complacent and a little boring, today was a new beginning and no matter what the outcome of the mess I had created, I decided a revamp was defiantly necessary and make the most of the body I was born with. Hopefully I could salvage the situation I had created through issuing a challenge and affronting his ego. As soon as the children were deposited at the bus stop I planned to hit the shops.

First stop lingerie. Ohhhhhhhh…. there is nothing nicer than pretty, flimsy, lacy, sexy underwear. Where once I was an A cup, my added kilo's now amply filled a B and trying on these beautiful bras I now sported a deep cleavage. I had forgotten how wonderful it feels to look at your self and see a sexy lady and how your own excitement rises in expectation when you put on such gorgeous things. Be bold... I thought, not only black and white, but yes… the burgundy looks sensational and the red so naughty.

At the hairdressers I took George's advice, live dangerously ,cut it off, my practical sensible, shoulder length, straight hair, now gone but to my delight a short layered much smarter style, which to my surprise accentuated my bone structure. I was feeling very pleased with my self as I caught my reflection in the shop windows as I hurried through the mall. The manicure was worth every cent even if the nails were not all that long the shape was a definite improvement especially with the matching toes.

Yes, I was on a roll, perhaps a couple of tops and a new pair of slacks to compliment my existing wardrobe. Not forgetting the satin sheets, which I would need to save for another time, tonight was not the occasion, given that we needed to 'talk'. The day flew. My retail therapy had just about blown my budget. The accountant at home put a strict curb on over spending, but I am sure he would think the new me was worth it. I was glowing with delight, my new image and also with anticipation for Brian's reaction. Perhaps if I could organise for some one to stay with the children it would be better if we ate out, some where not too noisy but not to subdued so we could talk in relative privacy. I was unsure if that was the right move, but having gone this far ,what the hell, it could only backfire. A couple of phone calls and all was arranged, with my heart thundering in my ears I dialled the office, surprised, though a little relieved, he did not answer. I reached his voice mail and left a message for him to meet me at 7.30 at Mario's Trattoria.

Arriving at Mario's shortly after 7.30 aiming to really surprise him by my new image, I was disappointed he had not arrived, but took a corner table near the rear so he would have to seek me out. As time dragged on, I sipped a glass of wine becoming more agitated, fearing he had not listened to his messages. Surely he would not neglect his message bank, he was too much an accountant to be that remiss!

Relief, I spotted him in the entrance, he obviously could not see me as the waiter led him to our table. The look on his face was priceless, I wish I had a camera. He recovered his composure as he sat and took the offered menu from the waiter, ordering a glass of red wine as he did. He was obviously flustered and I wondered if it was the fact that I had stepped out of character and asked him to meet him here or my appearance.

'You have had your hair cut,' Stating the obvious. 'Why? ….. I always loved your hair long.'

'Well, I am no longer a teen ager, I 'm a mature woman and I felt like I needed a change.' I retorted, the disappointment evident in my voice, but that seemed to be lost on him.

'Well, this is a nice surprise to have a meal out alone,' he gulped at his wine, 'Is there some occasion I have forgotten?'

'Oh Brian, don't be so defencive' I whispered trying to keep my nerves in check .

'We need to talk and I did not want to do that at home when the children are around, you know what big ears they have and they always pick up on when we want privacy and double their efforts to prevent it.'

We retreated into silence both studying the menu with more than necessary concentration. How do I approach last night's lie? He was obviously in a very out of character cantankerous mood.

'Brian 'I began touching his hand, which he hastily withdrew as if I had burnt him. 'I know you are hurt that I told you I wanted more from our sex life, it was not my intention to make you feel as you obviously do, but I did't know how to broach the subject, it is so difficult to talk about sex. I could have been a little more ….' I was at a loss to find the word.

He did not answer but continued to study the menu.

'Brian, look at me….. I am trying to apologise for my obvious lack of sensitivity.'

'OK you have apologised, what are you going to order?'

My insides were churning and threatening to come up, he was obviously very defencive and in no mood to be discussing his 'working late' , but if I let it go it would always be there between us. I retreated behind the menu barely seeing the words and let the silence continue.

'Another glass of wine?'

I was aware he had not used my name since he arrived.

'Please.' Was all I could muster.

Our meal arrived and we ate in silence. As the dishes were cleared and the waiter out of ear shot, I made an attempt at congenial conversation, blabbing on about our son's up and coming birthday and my plans for his sleep over party. Inwardly trembling, I thought if I don't get last night out in the open I will never have the guts to do it.

'Did you get the report into Gabriella on time? '

'Yes on her desk first thing'

'Brian, according Nicky on the switch board you had left the office by six and you did not come in until 11.30.'

Silence, as he took a more than ample swallow of his wine. At least he was not compounding the issue with some lame story.

'Brian, where were you, I was very worried?'

'You need not have worried, I told you I would be late.'

'Yes, Brian I know, but you lied and said you were working, instead you had left the office.'

'O K it was easier to tell you I was working late, I just wanted to do something else. Don't you trust me?'

'I have always trusted, loved and respected you Brian, but I could not help seeing the semen stains on your jocks when I did a load of laundry.'

'So , my jocks were stained, you told me to do some research and I did.'

What could I say? He had put it all back on me. I choked back the tears, took a long swig of my wine and wallowed in my own misery.