Life Worth Living

As the author, I would like to remind everyone that depression and can be very serious for some people. If you feel depressed, please seek a friend or some other professional help. Don't wait until it's to late.

Life Worth Living

I sat in my car looking at the fast moving current of the river. It was the snowmelt that gave rise to the river this time of the year. I knew that once I jumped off the bridge, there was no going back. Swimming would have been near impossible.

Getting out of my car, slowly walking to the bridge walkway, I started thinking why I was actually going to do this. When I entered high school, I believed that I was like any other kid. I really wasn't a raven beauty, but I did have my fair share of male seekers. My father wouldn't let me date until I was sixteen, so I had a year to wait.

My favorite sport was soccer, and I believed that the constant running up and down the field did a pretty good job of keeping my body in shape and toning my muscles. My thighs were not overly big, but firm and muscular. I felt all that running up and down the field also helped give me a nice rounded butt, sticking out just far enough to make it sexy.

Sometimes I wished that I had a bigger chest. I mean what boy doesn't like looking at big rack of boobs on a girl. Instead I was stuck with good solid B cup breasts, just like my mom. During the two years from sixteen to eighteen, I had my fair share of dates. I had learned early on, in most guys thinking I was a challenge, who could get into my pants first. I think word got around that if my date couldn't get into my pants, at least he was treated to a hand job.

Just before I turned eighteen, during the summer at a party down by the river, I let my date finally take my cherry. I was totally disappointed. I let him do it one more time, realizing that a lover he was not. After him I had three other lovers, and none were able to give me any kind of satisfaction. That's when I think I really stopped going on dates with guys. They were just not worth the effort.

My birthday was in November, and on my eighteenth birthday, I treated myself by buying a lotto ticket. I was now old enough, so why not. I dropped it into my purse, along with some gum I had just purchased.

I had forgotten all about the lotto ticket until the middle of January, I was searching for a pen in my purse when I came across the forgotten lotto ticket. I logged onto the Internet and went to the state lotto site to check out the ticket, thinking at least I might have won five dollars. I started checking off the numbers, realizing that so far I had them all and when I looked at the final number, I knew I had won the jackpot.

Not believing my luck, I had to double and triple check the numbers a few times, still having a hard time believing that I had actually won. According to the rules in tiny letters on the back of the ticket, I had just over a month to cash it in or lose out on the winnings.

Having seen a TV show about past lotto winners filing for bankruptcy, I searched through the phone book looking for a tax attorney. Having found one, I had made an appointment for Friday, three days from then.

The first thing I wanted to do was tell all my friends that I had won, but thought it might be better if I just kept it to myself until I actually had the money in hand. Over the next two and a half days, I was almost a nervous wreck by Friday morning. I decided to skip school, thinking no way was I going to be able to hold myself together until my scheduled appointment with the attorney.

Finally at one o'clock, I was sitting in the office waiting room of Mallard and Mallard, Attorneys At Law. The attorney I had made the appointment with was Henry Mallard. When I was shown into his office, meeting him for the first time, he was an older man, tall and very nice looking. He had just enough gray on the sides of his head to give him a very distinguished look.

After shaking his hand, he welcomed me to the firm and asked what he could do for me. Without saying a word, I took the lotto ticket and placed it on his desk in front of him. Looking at it for a moment, he turned to his computer, probably checking out the ticket against the state posted number. He kept looking from the computer screen and back to the ticket several times. Finally after a minute or two, he looked up and smiled.

"Looks like you hit the jackpot, and I see that you have one month left to claim the jackpot. Congratulations Miss Moore."

"Thank you." I said, feeling the stress of the last three days melt away, taking a heavy burden from my shoulders.

For the next hour and a half, we talked about all my options. I could take a lump sum with penalties, or take all the winnings over a twenty-five year period, minus taxes of course. After hearing all the options, and with his advice, I took the lump sum, putting what I needed in a trust fund so that I couldn't spend it all at once. I told him that I wanted to buy my mother a home and new car, and set her up on a trust fund also that would last the rest of her life. He said that at a later date he would recommend other options for the remainder of the money to ensure steady growth over the years.

Having signed and agreed to all of these things, he said he would meet me at the lotto office on Monday afternoon to submit the ticket and claim the jackpot. On the following Friday morning, I received a call from Henry, who told me that the monies had been transferred into the accounts he had established and I was now a multi-millionaire.

When classes let out at two that afternoon, I took a cab down to the Lexus dealership to buy my mother her new car. At first all the salesmen seemed reluctant to talk to me until a young lady approached me, asking me what I had in mind. I told her I wanted to buy a car for my mother and was willing to pay cash for it. At first she probably thought I was trying to play a joke on her set up by one of her associates, until I walked over to the model sitting on the showroom floor. It was a white LS four sixty L model with a sticker price in the nineties, but I knew for cash I would getting a discount

When I asked her what my price was going to be for the car, she did include a discount, not that big, but a few thousand off the sticker price. When I told her I would take it, she looked a little hesitant, but led me back to the dealer finance office and turned me over to them. After he had told me what the price was going to be with taxes and all, I pulled out a checkbook and began writing a check for the amount.

When he asked me about the check, I looked at him and said that I just won over a hundred million on the state lotto, and yes the check was good. After that, I was treated like royalty.

Later that night, after mom got home, she questioned me about the new car sitting in the driveway. I simply told her that it was her new car, and that I won the state lotto. She kind of scoffed about it until I pulled out the papers that I had signed, showing I was the lotto winner. If she hadn't sat down at that very moment, I think she would have fainted.

Within a matter of a few days, I had told all my friends about my winning and word was spreading. By Saturday morning, we had TV reporters and knocking on the front door wanting statements from the latest lotto winner. All my friends started asking for favors, asking me to buy them all kinds of gifts. Whenever I tried to talk to any of them, before I could finish a sentence, they would ask me to buy them something.

Over the next couple of months, I was treated very differently. All the people I thought were my friends seemed to only want something from me. Others would look from a distance, but stayed far away as if some evil was going to happen to them.

Graduation was nearing, and I began to feel terribly lonely, no one to really talk to. I finally had to change my phone number to stop all the harassing calls I got, either from my so-called friends, or others seeking handouts for some stupid charity. Being so bummed out, I didn't even go to my own graduation. It was supposed to be the highlight of a school career. I had spent the entire evening sitting on the fender of my car, I should say mom's old car now that I was driving it, watching the cars traveling up and down the expressway.

It was during that summer that I bought my mother her new home. It wasn't the biggest, but it was more practical for her, and for me as long I stayed there. Things began to quickly deteriorate between my mother and I when she found out that I wasn't going to give her half the money, but instead a trust fund I thought would last her a lifetime. She did accept the house, but completely ignored me and by the end of summer, she was not even talking to me. Packing my belongings, I moved out.

I wasn't the brightest in school, I could have possibly made it through college, but I knew that it would be a very difficult struggle to do so. Taking my next best option, I moved into an apartment that also had a garage to park my car. After setting everything up, I took a cab to the airport, and boarded a plane to start my worldwide journey. I left my phone in the glove compartment of the car; hell, there was no one to call, no one to tell I made it safely. Most of all, there was no one to ask to come and pick me up at the airport when I returned. For two years, I traveled the world. I kept in contact with Henry, my attorney. He assured me that everything was well and told me to enjoy myself.

Two years later, I was home. I was glad to know I didn't need to pack my suitcases for the next leg of my journey, but already getting bored looking at the same four walls. During my travels, I had bought a good camera and computer. I was able to take as many pictures as I wanted and save them all for viewing later.

The weather was starting to warm up, early spring and the river was high this time of the year with its fast moving current. I no longer could see a future for myself, I had tried contacting my mother on my return to try and reconnect with her, but she would not take my calls or return them. She was still pissed at me not giving her more money.

Feeling no alternative, with tears in my eyes, I drove to the river... the last journey I was going to take.

I stood at the edge of the boarded walkway across the bridge. Looking down at the swift moving river, I knew it would be days if not longer if and when they would find my body. There were reports of people falling into the river this time of the year and sometimes they never found the bodies. Taking a deep breath, I stepped onto the bridge and started my journey to the middle.

As I was slowly walking towards the middle of the bridge, I could see someone walking towards me from the opposite direction. When I was about a third of the way across, I noticed it was a girl, possibly my age, maybe younger. I figured I would slow down, let her pass, then wait a minute or two and make my jump. While walking out on the bridge, the girl kept her hand on the railing, looking out over the river, not paying any attention to her surroundings.

I stopped walking when I was a few feet from her, watching her. She stopped and pulled her backpack off, dropping it to the walkway. She then took off her jacket and dropped it on top of the backpack. She still had not noticed me or given any indication that she had. It suddenly dawned on me that this girl was going to jump. I was here for the same purpose, and yet I started to move towards her when she stepped up on the bottom rail, swinging her other leg over the top rail.

I took the last few steps at a dead run, grabbing her by the waist band of her jeans just as she was about to swing the other leg up over the railing. Pulling on her, she lost her balance and the both of us tumbled down on the walkway. She immediately started screaming and cussing at me for stopping her from jumping.

"Get the fuck away from me; why did you stop me?"

I was a bit stunned at first, but then she started kicking at me, landing a couple times on my leg and arm.

"You had no right to interfere. Get the fuck away from me," she screamed at me.

Unable to control her kicking, I reached out and slapped her across the face with my open hand, trying to get her to stop kicking me. The shock of the slap stunned her. I could see the red mark made by my hand on the side of her face.

Curling up into a fetal position, she lay on her side and said, "Please leave me alone; I can't go on anymore." Covering her face, she began to cry.

Reaching out, I put my hand on her arm. She jerked her arm away. "No, just go, leave me alone."

Picking up her coat and laying it over her shoulder, I said "Come on, I'll take you home, it can't be all that bad."

"I don't have a home. My parents kicked me out. Now go away and let me do this one final thing."

Sitting down beside her, I knew the feelings of being kicked out of your home. For a moment, I had nothing I could say to her. I just knew I couldn't let her jump.

"What is your name? Mine is Lisa," needing her to talk and maybe get her mind off jumping for a minute.

"Just leave me alone and go away, asshole."

"I'm not going away and I'm not going to let you jump. So sit up and tell me your name." I pulled her into a sitting position.

"My name is Anastasia, but everyone calls me Anna."

"So tell me Anna, why did your parents kick you out of the house, you kill someone or something?"

"No, I got pregnant."

All of a sudden, I was angry, very angry. "You stupid little shit. That baby in your stomach never asked you to go out and fuck someone and get yourself knocked up. All you can think about is how miserable you feel this moment, never giving that baby a second thought. I should kick your ass just for the thought of doing what you thought you wanted to do."

I took a breath, trying to regain some control.

"Get your ass up; I'm taking you home to my place, unless you want me to call the cops and have them come pick you up and take you to the funny farm."

"You wouldn't do that, would you?"

"Yes I would. I still might kick your ass; then both of us will be in the funny farm. Now get up," I shouted.

Looking at me with skepticism and maybe a little worried I just might kick her ass she slowly started getting up. Picking up her backpack, I held out my hand to help her the rest of the way up. I held on to her hand as I started walking, not really conscious of what I was doing. After a few more steps, I felt her adjust her hand in mine and hold it a little tighter. Beginning to like the feeling of holding her hand, I squeezed her hand back just as tight.

"So tell me why you were out of the bridge this afternoon."

Thinking of something clever to say, I just decided to tell her the truth. "I came out here to do the same thing you were going to do, jump and end it all."

Still holding onto my hand, she suddenly stopped, jerking me around facing her. "Why did you stop me, if you were going to do the same thing, can you tell me that?"

Taking her other hand in mine, I lowered my head, looking at the ground... "I wish I could say something funny or some other revelation, but I can't. All I can say now is that it was totally a stupid idea, but when I saw that you were about to jump, I knew I had to stop you."

Finally looking up at her, she just stood there, looking at me, cocking her head to the side, and studying me. Looking into her blue-gray eyes, I was trying to understand her as she was trying to understand me. Finally letting go of my right hand, but still holding my left hand tightly, she started walking once more.

"I still might come back tomorrow and jump. You can't watch me forever you know."

Taking an extra step to catch up. "No I can't, but maybe I might convince you not to jump. Can we at least talk about it?"

"Maybe, we'll see."

The rest of the walk back to the car, we both remained quiet, lost in our own thoughts. The drive to the apartment didn't take that long. Once I had parked, I showed her into the apartment. It was a one-bedroom apartment, enough for me; at least it was until today.

"Are you hungry, or would you like something to drink?"

"I'm a little hungry, but I have no idea what I want to eat." She said.

"How about I order us a pizza and some drinks. We can munch out on that and talk, what do you think?"

"Sounds good," she said, sitting on the sofa.

After the pizza arrived, we sat on the floor and started really talking about ourselves. I told her my life story, omitting the lotto winnings. I didn't lie when I told her that I had a trust fund that I lived off of, explaining why I wasn't working or going to school. It just wasn't all of the truth at the moment.

She told me that her parents were devoted Catholics almost to the point of being fanatics. When she had told them that she might be pregnant, her mother bought a test kit and tested her to make sure. When the test came back positive, both her mother and father started screaming at her, telling her that she was nothing but a whore, telling her to leave and never set foot back in their home again. After spending the night on a park bench and nearly freezing to death, she felt that jumping off the bridge would end all her problems, not wanting to be living off the street or selling her body just to eat.

It upset me when she told me her story, but what really got to me was the fact that I had no real problems compared to hers. My thoughts of suicide were foolish compared to hers. I told her this, bringing us both to tears, falling into each other's arms and crying on each other's shoulders.

Pulling back from Anna, wiping the tears from my face, then wiping hers from her cheeks.

"Fate brought us both to that bridge today. In our own way, we each felt there was no hope. Today I learned that I really did have hope, just I didn't have a direction to go. You had no hope because you were abandoned when you needed someone the most. Fate left us no choice but to go to that bridge, but Karma says that our future is determined by current actions and choices; each person effectively chooses her own future. What do you say that we give the future a chance, we take care of one another, be there for each other. Do you think you can do that with me?"

Sitting in front of each other, our legs folded up under ourselves, our knees almost touching each other's, we just sat looking at one another. Finally Anna reached out with her both her hands and took both of mine.

"I'm going to get big and fat, with morning sickness, and hormones running rampant. I'm going to want pickles and ice cream at three AM when all the stores are closed. Is this what you really want to be put through?"

"I most certainly do," I said, and gave her hands a little squeeze.

Leaning towards each other our arms embracing each other, giving one another a hug. When we pulled apart, Anna started to yawn.

"Sorry, I didn't sleep well last night and now it's starting to catch up with me."

"Come on, let's go see if we can't find you something to wear, maybe you can take a shower and get a good night's sleep."

Helping each other to stand up, I started to lead her back to my bedroom. Once we entered the bedroom, Anna stopped at the doorway, looking around.

Looking over at her, I asked, "What's wrong?" Wondering why she was standing there with a funny look on her face.

"Is this the only bed you have? I mean..."

"Oh yeah... I see... I mean," not really knowing what to say.

"Look, this is not going to be a problem, I'll sleep on the sofa and you sleep on the bed. I'm sorry, I guess I just didn't think that far ahead," feeling a little embarrassed.

"No, this is your home. You should not be the one to have to sleep on the sofa. Unless you feel otherwise, maybe we can both sleep on the bed together, I mean... I..."