Like Much In (My) Life Ch. 05-06

All that was now shadows of dust, as for the first time, Ray seemed to loose control, his beast glowing from his eyes, his wings spread wide, his talons sharp and ready to slice into his opponents. His brother and his best friend Janus.

3

Like much in my life, this was not new to me, emotions very rarely are. I suppose that, being uncomplicated creatures, we taste all the emotions possible from an age so young it is then lost to the fog of imperfect memories. Perhaps disappointment and disillusionment are not as complicated when one is still wearing nappies, but it's bitter sting still tastes the same years latter. I wondered as that acrid flavor crawled along my tongue, if I had ever tasted disappointment so strongly, if it had ever been so powerful or so destructive. I felt my heart wither under its threat, my soul shrink and my intellect cower. Is rejection from those we love so painful because it reflects our own doubts about our worthiness? Or is it simply painful because those with whom we would touch souls are so few.

My hands griped the balcony railings tightly, my skin chafing at the brutal pressure. The view was still stunning, the sun still shone, the breeze still sang for me, the earth still hummed; and I was once again blind. It meant nothing to me, this beauty, it could not console me; for I could feel him, my other half and the blackness that threatened to consume us both. I had felt his fury grow and as it did my perception dimed. He threw my perspective out, for as his aura got blacker, his fury increasing and boiling; I found I could feel less and hear less of what was going on in that other room. It was as if he blocked me out, befuddled my senses, weakening me. I could not tell what he was thinking, only his emotions, even when he was calm. When he was angry, I could tell very little, all I could feel was apprehension as if a great storm was brewing above my head, ready to wash me away in a tidal wave.

I put off joining them, feeling unable to face him in his wrath. The thought of his rejection scared me as nothing else could. I thought that if I had to face that once again I would surely break. There is only so much any girl can take and still forge on. I felt he was mine, but if he wanted his freedom of me so much, who was I to gain say him? In the end, the decision to join the fray was taken from me, for I acted on instinct. I had felt the black cloud of his anger grow and expand, until it seemed to be leaking through the door into the bedroom. So when I heard that final bellow, that sounded more like a battle cry than words, I rushed inside trying to reach him before all hell broke loose.

"I didn't chose her! It was a mistake, a moment of passion, so for the last time, we are not mated!"

The venom of those words didn't truly sink in for a few blessed moments. Enough time to get me through the bedroom and into the sitting room to face the situation. The door banged open with the force of my entry, the sound ricocheting between the walls of that small room, drawing the immediate attention of all three men. My heart still pounding from fear, my palms sweating, my limbs trembling with tension, with his voice drilling a hole into my head and my heart I took the situation in.

Ray was standing, looming over Janus and Cesar, his warrior form frightening and domineering. He seemed to be nothing more than a vast expanse of hard rock muscle and deep dark fury, his fangs exposed in a feral snarl, his eyes glowing with inner fury, his wings expanded to their full length, curving round the walls and trembling with his tension. Janus sat and Cesar stood, but both stayed unnaturally still, careful not to provoke the beast that was now Ray. All that moved in that room, were three pairs of eyes, that now stared fixedly at me. This was a situation to make a desperate believer of the most reticent and hardened of atheists, so I prayed to any higher power that might be listening, and moved into action.

I forced my body to relax, controlling my breathing and slowing my pulse. My hand smoothed against the wooden door frame, my body draped against it in seeming relaxation as my eyelids drooped and a slow smile spread across my lips.

"Well, well, I appreciate the reception committee boys, but you didn't have to. I'm fine..." I smirked as I ambled into the room, keeping my movements slow and languid "Ray saw to that. Didn't you, darling." My lip curled a bit over the endearment, and I couldn't help the mildly sarcastic tinge that saturated my tone, but still, on such short notice it was the best I could do. I felt the curiosity in the beast's gaze, not much food will walk into the lion's den and offer to cook itself. Janus and Cesar just stared at me, as if I had lost control of my senses and was now completely raving.

I stepped up to Ray, and hoped that what connection we had would be enough for me to calm him. I raised my hand gently, pausing only mildly when he snorted and growled in warning, reaching up until my palm came into contact with his face. I stroked his cheek gently, uncontrollable tenderness making it almost impossible to keep a hold of my emotions, as I stared deeply into his feral eyes.

"I'm fine," I soothed, "all is well and we are among friends. Come little feather, settle down, and come back to me." I placed my other hand on his face and urged him down towards me until I could kiss him. I didn't know how I knew this would calm him, why my words would bring him back to himself, but my instinct was telling me that this was what he needed of me. Besides, even with so much hurt between us, so many things unsaid, even with Ray's beast so close to loosing control; all I wanted was to hold him close to me.

The moment our lips touched, everything changed, I could feel him clearly; every strand of his soul now unfolded like a map in my mind and I could trace every silver strand that was him. I could feel him lodge in the deepest part of me and I could see the two intertwined strands, one silver one gold, that tied our two souls together. Despite intentions or plans, we were now irrevocably linked, and my breath stole away as I saw us for the first time. The maze of his soul was the most beautiful of patterns, silver strands, linking, intertwining and twisting into a ball of dazzling energy; glowing in beauty and complimenting my own gold strands and patterns.

Amazement filled me at what I could see, as I realized that this was a gift beyond any understanding. To see and trace the soul of another was a gift of only the Tashhates Zotis, Protectors of Life, Guardian souls gifted with two forms, one humanoid one animal; pledged from birth to the protection of life and of the interworld system. The knowledge blazed through me and a memory from another past whispered in my ear.

"Our trust is who we are, little cat, do not forget. To deny this duty is to deny yourself... the worlds invest power in us, creating us, we are not creatures in the world, but of it. Remember it is not our duty, but our trust."

As the voice faded back into memory, and my vision started to clear and reality began to intrude upon my senses, I realized one thing. I was definitely, not human.

Chapter 6

1

Like much in my life, the facts did not make sense. Considering I am definitely a show me, let me take a hammer to it, and then I'll believe you kind of girl; the number of things I was having to take on faith were getting to be a bit overwhelming. I know I could have asked. Everyone knows that when in doubt they can ask. However, everyone also knows that with asking quite often comes, ridicule, disbelief, and a perception of one as a blithering idiot. Instead of supplying answers, the party in question will back off, sneer and inquire as to what kind of a numbskull doesn't already know. So from an early age, we are all trained to nod our heads and smile, even when we don't know what on earth the other person is on about. For to admit to ignorance is asking to be shunned by peers and acquaintances; and besides it is definitely not cool.

Despite any natural reluctance to admit ignorance, in this instance it was more than that. First of all, I still wasn't too convinced that I wasn't just bark raving mad. I mean who gets their window smashed in by a hunky paladin, then carted off to a fantastical world where they start to experience the awakening of awesome powers? It sounds like a cheesy plot to some comic strip, who actually truly buys that stuff? I know the suspension of disbelief is the name of the game, but really, suspension of all disbelief, isn't that just called being a sucker? I still found the idea of me being stuffed in some white cell somewhere, far, far more believable. I just couldn't see the fates having a nice luncheon in the sky and deciding over fried chicken that they would make me the hero, heroine, whatever, of an epic romantic adventure. It's the kind of thing you ask Santa for, when you're five, but still know that he can't come through and you're just going to get another toy.

So, sue me, if I was a bit reluctant to take my little paladin aside and confess all. It might have all been in my head! Literarily. Besides, if I was talking to some shrink, I didn't want to damage my case any further. No this was definitely not confession time, how do you say to someone "Uh, you know, I can hear things from like, far away, and I know what people are thinking and feeling and um, the wind, and the rain and the sun and um, yeah, well, they talk to me, you know?" I would lock me up, I shuddered to think what anyone else might do. Especially if all this was truly, actually real. I could just imagine them all cheerfully categorizing me as soldier type A and shipping me off to some war zone.

And now, now my instincts were definitely screaming at me to keep my mouth shut. Everything in my head that I couldn't quite remember, was telling me to be cautious, to take things slow. Answers would all come in time, I didn't have to spill the beans, not right now. I felt my lips tingle as they slowly separated from my paladin. He was back to normal, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his wings folded over us, surrounding me with his comforting embrace. Funny how I was suddenly the one who needed to be reassured, I wanted, needed to know that he was there, that he would anchor me to this world and keep me tied to him. My arms clung to his neck, as my body strained against his, soaking in his warmth. He buried his head in the warmth of my neck and I could feel his breath tickling me there. I had never felt so at home.

"I'm sorry little cat, I never wanted you to see me like that." He sighed, real regret evident in his tone.

I chuckled softly, as I stroked his hair. "I don't know," I murmured, "seeing you all powerful, in your glory like that, I have to admit it was rather sexy." I giggled as I felt his snort of disbelief against my collarbone.

"Hmmm, next time I want to impress you, I shall

just go into a raving fury then." He grinned against my skin. "Forget the roses, baby, I'll just snarl when I want you to fall at my feet."

"Well," I huffed, faking affront "trust a man to go for the least expensive option, just for that, next time I want jewelry! And it better be big! Expensive! Impressive!"

He chuckled darkly, before taking a gentle swipe at my skin with his wet tongue, tasting me. "I would drape you in jewels, little cat, if only so I could have the pleasure of taking them back off of you."

"Hey, you love birds, stop it! I definitely don't want to see my little brother making out, so please pack it in!" I reached out to feel Cesar and there he was, indignation and relief coloring his aura with purple and orange swirls.

"I don't know," drawled Janus "I was finding it

quite educational, I have never seen an unmated pair display such effect upon each other. Hmm," he mussed coolly, amusement and exasperation tingling through his tone "I don't think I've ever even seen mated pairs put on such a display. Maybe Alice is just good with rabid animals, if so, my dear, would you like to work for me? I could use your skills in the infirmary."

"Enough." Growled Ray as his head rose so he could glare at them, while I tried to stifle my giggles. "Alice," he sighed, looking rather embarrassed and shy, as he stepped away from me, folding his wings and running hands through his hair. "I, well, you see little cat," he tried hard to meet my eyes, but couldn't quite make it.

"We're mated," I stated, trying to make it easier for him.

"Yes," he agreed, his eyes finally meeting mine, an apology lingering in their depths. "but, for us, mating it's for life little cat. I hadn't meant to claim you, not without explaining things to you, but it's not something I can take back."

"I'm ok with it, if you are." I watched him closely, trying very hard to see what he was feeling. I could tell what Cesar and Janus were feeling, down to the last little twinge or thought, but with him, my dark one, I could tell nothing. I was solely reliant upon external tells, and I felt blind, deprived as I was of my other senses. Funny, how fast I had become used to my new, or renewed abilities. I wished, I hoped, that he might not be completely regretting mating with me. I guess, that despite knowing he loved Rosalia, I hoped he might find it in his heart to want me, even a little bit. I would be happy even with a very little of his heart, I would then find it in me to woe him, and stay by his side fighting to win him over. Surely he felt something for me, he wouldn't have mated with me otherwise, would he?

"Ah, little cat, I really hope you mean that." He smiled tentatively at me, as his eyes bored into mine, trying to see into my soul, my mind, to find out how I felt about things. I smiled happily back at him, basking in his concern for me, desperate to take any indication that he felt something, anything for me. I felt content there, held in his regard, and could have stood thus before him happily, for as long as he wanted.

"Lady Alice," sighed Janus in exasperation "considering the rather poor job Ray is making of things, would you take a seat, and I shall try to explain things to you. I know you are new to our world, so I shall give you the potted version of how things work, Ray I think I would personally feel better if you too, sat down."

I smiled at Janus and grabbed Ray by the hand, before pushing him down onto a low love seat, quickly following him down and perching myself in his lap, before he might protest. I wanted to take advantage of every opportunity to be close to him, to feel him against me and to count the beats of his heart.

2

Half an hour latter, I was clutching Ray's hand, letting him sooth me while staring in shock at Janus. Cesar was looking sympathetically at me and Janus was making slow, soothing tut tut noises at me. Part of me felt like laughing while the other part prudently kept my vocal cords shut down. I felt the whisper of Ray's lips against my neck as he tried to sooth me and comfort me and while I appreciated all of their efforts, I was flabbergasted, not because of what Janus had told me or even the fact that I already knew all of it, but because of three rather marginal little factors that had slipped into the conversation. One: Ray was a prince, or should I say, PRINCE!!!!! Two: I was considered not only extinct, but mythical, as in belonging to fairy tales, ha ha. According to Janus, the Tashhates Zotis, in the legend of Angel's Peak, set up the world pools on this mountain so that they might look over and protect them from one central point. However, in real life, he assured me, no such thing had happened. Three: the annual ball was tonight, and not only was I expected to attend, they would be telling everybody I was to marry Ray!

Just that one small little thing had me debating the pros and cons of hyperventilation. I'm not one to over-react, I had found that I usually faint instead, considering it helps put off the anticipated reaction time, and so far, I had found it to be a good strategy. After all you can think things over, before committing to the screaming heebie-jeebies. This time, with my body informing me that fainting was not an option, I wondered what I was supposed to do. Apart from what I was doing, which was gapping like a strangled fish. I closed my mouth slowly and deliberately.

"Um," I squeaked, battling with my screaming brain to get some thread of intelligent thought together, "Ray, you're a PRINCE????!!?" ok, so the rational did not win this particular battle. Well, there is always a next time right? I felt myself starting to hyperventilate for real. I don't know why the idea of a Prince was so terribly terrible, but it was, my body somehow knew what princess clothes felt like. And it was not pleased. My mind somehow knew what princess duties required of one. And it was not pleased. All in all, every pore of my body, every cell in my brain was jumping up and down and howling in protest. I was going to be triple damned and dipped in boiling oil before I ever ever ever married a sodding, full, live, PRINCE!

A distant part of my screeching brain registered the fact that all three men where staring at me in silent shock. I don't think it's every day that girls go into hysterics, bad hysterics, when told they're going to marry into royalty. I can just imagine Cinderella begging her step-mother to lock her in the attic and saying something along the lines of "No, no, no, wasn't me, I swear, and no I won't try on that silly shoe, god only knows what glass does to one's toes; but thanks all the same. Give me a call some time." Yeah, the image doesn't really gel, and yet, that is exactly what I would have said, and exactly what I wanted to say, right now.

"Now my dear, I understand that this is all a bit of a shock to you. So, just breath in gently, try to relax, and ask any questions that might be making you feel uncomfortable; and I promise I shall do my best to answer them to your satisfaction."

Janus was not helping. He couldn't keep the condescending tone out of his voice, or his thoughts, and the idea that I would even care at this point what world I was on, or whatever. Didn't he know a real crisis when he saw one? How could I be with Ray, if he was a PRINCE? Tears trickled down my cheeks as I started a round of enthusiastic hiccups. I really really loved Ray, and I wanted to be with him, I would even have consented to marry him; something I had promised my pre-pubescent self I would never do. I would have been happy to be his wife, over the moon even, but this, this thing of his was a deal breaker. I started to sniff in-between hiccups as my nose started to vie for the official title of river. Was there a way to have Ray and not have to be a ball gown wearing, tiara totting, princess? Surely the God of all un-kissed frogs was merciful, he wouldn't make me turn into a princess, from just a little bit of hanky panky and some mating; now would he?

"Ray," I bawled, as I blew my nose on his proffered, expensive, delicate handkerchief.

"It will be all right little cat," he drew me deeper into his chest, his arms and wings folding round me protectively as he kissed my head over and over. "I'll protect you, I promise, no harm shall come to you. You're mine. Darling, be brave."

"I c-n mar-u." I mumbled into his shirt front, finally getting a grip upon myself and managing to control the hiccups, but not the crying. I felt him go very still, his body stiffening and hardening under my hands.

"What?" His voice was soft and low and if I hadn't been pressed tightly to his now tense body, I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong. But still, the knot of steely panic that was still lodged firmly in my chest made me forge on, adamant.

"I cannot marry you." I restated carefully, this time making sure to enunciate properly and to free my mouth from all cotton and hard chest.