Like Much In (My) Life Ch. 07

He laughed in a self deprecating manner, his aura turning black with self loathing and regret as he got up and started to dress, his movements jerky and ungainly.

"That would sound so much more convincing, my Rose," he paused, as his eyes closed with the pain of his emotions "if your body agreed with you." He turned on her, staring her straight in the eyes, his expression regretful, sincere and angry "You're never wet anymore Rose." His smile went crooked "You remember how you used to drench my fingers, howling your pleasure? Where did that go? Where did you go? You haven't been the same, ever since you came back." With one last regretful look at her naked body, Cesar turned around and walked out.

"You bastard! Just you wait, you'll be sorry, you'll see!!!!" Rosalia, screeched at him, her voice getting higher and higher and higher, until the sound of smashing glass and wood drowned it out.

Cesar closed the door gently and rested against it, a tear sliding softly down his cheek. I felt even more like a little intruder on this most private of moments, but it was a bit late to run now. I would just have to bite the bullet and hope that Cesar would forgive my unintentional nosiness. He still hadn't realized I was there, as his eyes were closed and his face haggard with worry. He gently ran his hands through his hair, before clipping it back into a smooth ponytail. I smiled nervously at him as he finally opened his eyes and saw me standing there in front of his door. I felt more than a little sheepish.

"I'm really sorry Cesar, I didn't mean to pry, but you did tell me to come and get you and well... I'm sorry." I smiled apologetically at him, trying to gage his reaction as he stared at me blankly. "You know, these things don't last that long, not if the people in question truly love each other." I smiled again, trying to get through to him.

He chuckled softly, before sighing in regret "That's the problem," he looked at me "I don't think she loves me anymore."

4

Like much in life, this was one of those situations you just can't handle. Whatever you do, you are doomed. There is no right solution, the universe never supplied one, no, these situations exist to make a horrid mess, to make you look like a fool and you just get no say in the matter. This situation was of the kind that they should offer classes on, the way they prep you for earthquakes, or fires, or other hazardous instances that are bound to knock a few years off of your life. These situations should come with a 'don't touch unless you're a flaming idiot' sign, but they rarely do. Instead they lie in wait, like little greedy spiders, and watch as you innocently walk right into them. Just like when you walk into a room and two friends of yours are arguing over a sweater, and its cuteness or trendiness or whatever, and they turn to you in the same instant and ask for your support. How do you deal with that? You can tell the truth, which usually runs to something along the lines of "I don't care, I don't like sweaters and if you want to wear something cute what about a dress?" or you can lie, which leaves you with the terrible choice. Which lie, which friend? One of them is going to be hurt, or most likely both, then they will probably band together to make your life miserable, all for the sake of a fucking sweater. If you're me, what you do is laugh, and tell them to get a room and not to get blood on the carpet. A coward's way out, but still mildly effective.

But what on earth was I to do with Cesar looking at me like that? Desperate for me to say "Nah, I'm sure she really loves you man/dude/chum/whatever. She's just probably a little under the weather/stressed/worried." Which would be an out and out lie. Her aura had felt cold and indifferent when he was all over her and cold, indifferent and pissed off when he had left. Those reactions didn't seem to me to be those of a woman in love, but far be it for me to judge, I just didn't want to say anything obviously insincere. That was the last thing Cesar needed right now, another woman lying to him.

"You'll find out soon enough, nobody can fake love, not for long." I stared at him in sympathy. I had no idea how much this must hurt him and I didn't even want to contemplate the idea of Ray just going off me in the future for no apparent reason. I shuddered at the idea of him looking at me with cold blank eyes, the way Rosalia had just looked at Cesar.

"Anyway," I grabbed his arm in determination, "you promised me a tour, I'm not letting you get away with any cry baby excuses. You are my guide for the day buster and you better live up to my expectations!"

He laughed, a little sadly, but I could see that he was determined to put the whole incident behind him for the time being. I smiled wistfully at him and slid my arm through his.

"So, this looks like an interesting window, what does it do?"

He chuckled again, this time more sincerely, as he stared at the little arched window I was pointing to. It was small and emanated an aura of neatness, with its diamond shaped panes all gleaming in the sunlight, it was perfectly normal, perfectly inconspicuous. It was also a portal. I hadn't noticed that at first, I had just pointed to something anything in our path, desperate as I was to change the subject. But, now that I looked at it, I wondered. It was definitely a portal, but a portal to what, not even my senses could tell me. I felt it rather curious that it was here of all places. Portals were usually built into the main hall, Halkara, for better access. Even the secret ones where usually ensconced somewhere in the great ballroom, a bit tricky to find if you didn't know where they were, but secret portals always had a way of being awkward.

"This," Cesar claimed flamboyantly, tossing his arms about in wide expressive arcs, "is a perfect example of Neo-Impantine architecture decorated classically, as you can see, with straight lines and little decoration." His face took on a pompous air, as his hands crossed behind his back, his stance serious and Napoleonic. "The glass is very fine, blown by only the best of Impish masters in the famous glassworks of Hithle. Its pure simplicity and fine grainy structure rend it beautiful and the enormous number of ground spells make it unbreakable, impenetrable, incorruptible ect."

"I see," I said smiling, I was glad that Cesar seemed determined to put darling-R behind him, but still a little puzzled over the window. "it's totally --able then, a fine specimen of a window, but, is it nothing else?"

Cesar looked puzzled. "Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know, a portal perhaps? A romantic place like this should have portals all over, don't you think?" I smiled innocently, trying not to give the game away, as far as Cesar knew, I was human, right?

Cesar laughed joyfully and patted my shoulder, "Sorry to disappoint, but this is a perfectly normal 17th measure reinforced bespelled window. As I said before, impenetrable and impregranble."

"How very unromantic!" I cried, turning away, "You had better have some portals stashed around here, how can you have a secret stronghold without them?" Things were definitely looking up on the suspicious meter, was the portal so important that Cesar didn't want to tell me about it? That could be the case, but surely I would be able to tell from his aura if he were lying... He was after all a very truthful sort of guy/paladin. Which could only mean that Cesar didn't know about it... Hmmm, it definitely was something that needed thinking about.

"There are plenty of portals," he grinned "but for safety and conventions sake they are all in Halkara."

"Darn," I pouted, "how mundane, why what is the point of having secret portals if everyone knows were they are?"

Cesar threw his head back and let out a long laugh. "I think the builders of this place were a little lacking in imagination. Either that or they trusted each other."

"Hmm" I mused, "that doesn't leave much room for intrigue, does it?"

Cesar sighed softly "Unfortunately, since those long lost days trust has slowly disappeared and now we are all left wondering who our friends are and who our enemies. These are troubling times Lady Alice, but" he smiled "this need not concern you. Ray is more than capable of protecting those he loves."

"I wish he loved me Cesar, but despite our mating I very much doubt that he can."

Cesar gave me a sympathetic look. "Seems like we're in the same boat then huh, Lady Alice? "

I grinned at him "Well, " I purred in a mock sultry tone "we had better make the best of it then, hadn't we? " I slipped my arm through his, lifted our joined hands up high and bellowed out "Lead on MacDuff! "

Cesar was an absolutely impeccable tour guide, he was funny, entertaining, full of minute information, he didn't go too slow, he didn't go too fast and yet all I could think of was Mr. Tall-Handsome-and-Extremely-Grumpy. Silly that one little man, oops paladin, should have me so wrapped around his finger. It wasn't even funny, but there was nothing I could do about it. This wasn't a question of de-tox, I was too far gone for that; therapy was out too, in fact I was totally sunk, not that I had a problem with that any more. It was just that I preferred being totally sunk, when he was in my bed making me purr, not out of it sulking.

I sighed making Cesar look at me with understanding. I was sorry that my heart just wasn't into the lovely things that he was showing me, but it just wasn't.

"You know, " he stated in a conversational tone, his pace taking on more of an ambling quality, "I think there is something that will get your attention, and possibly, " he smirked at me "keep it. "

I looked at him questioningly, he had piqued my curiosity and thankfully it was still very much alive. My eyebrow rose. "Oh? " I asked. "And what pray would that be? " I lifted the other eyebrow, practising my hautiest air.

Cesar just chuckled evilly, smirked at me once more and said "Oh you'll see soon enough my Lady, soon enough. "

And then he walked me round the corner and any clever response that had been taking form in my mind was cut dead, in fact all thoughts were cut dead and I just stood and stared with my mouth hanging open. Cesar stared too. We looked like twins, I don't think that two peoples jaws could have fallen any lower than ours. For what we were looking at seemed to be so completely outrageous, impossible, improbable and just plain wrong that we wondered whether we were dreaming or just looking at a very good hologram.

"Shit. " Cursed Cesar softly, trying to attach his lower jaw back into his face.

"Oh, God. " I groaned, "Tell me he's faking! " I felt my shock pass and give way to a rising tide of panic. All my organs clenched with the agony of it and I wondered if this were another way to die.

"I really don't think so Alice, something is wrong, very very wrong. " Cesar had lost all and any colour and was now a pasty yellowish, greenish, bloodless colour.

I thought that I was going to puke. Then instinct took over and I rushed forward, barely feeling Cesar's arms as they came out to detain me. I tore myself from his grip and launched myself to the rescue of one very stupid paladin. My heart was pounding, my senses screaming, my brain sobbing as I ran, desperate to save the man that I loved. That idiot, that my whole life revolved around, appeared to be letting some shmuck beat the living shit out of him and was just standing still under his opponent's onslaught. I could see bruises turning black on his skin, blood pouring forth from deep trench like wounds, his face swollen, his clothes in taters; my paladin was one sorry mess. But what was worse, what was terrible, what was beyond contemplation was that my paladin was not even trying to fight back. It was obviously a practice spar and he just wasn't even attempting to lift his sword or do anything to prevent his opponent from just slicing into him. It was the most horrifying thing I had ever seen and I knew that I would have nightmares about it for the rest of my life.

I cannoned into his opponent, some youth with a stupid sword and absolutely no skill, well, not enough to stop me. And then the smell of my mate's blood hit my nostrils and I just went completely mad. I started to carve up the young paladin, not going instantly in for the kill, toying with him first. He had brought pain and suffering onto my beautiful mate, now I was going to make him pay. Nobody treated my mate like that; nobody hurt him like that. Nobody who wanted to survive anyway. I felt the bloodlust rise in me like a tide, a red shimmer filming over my eyes and I could feel a thirsty anticipation forming in my gut. I wanted to spill this pup's blood, I wanted to look into his eyes as he saw death coming for him, I wanted him to suffer beyond all suffering. And I would take pleasure in each and every second of his pain.

I beat him up good, watching his skin bruise and puff. Then I tore strips of his skin off, only little ones at first, then larger and larger until I was taking whole chunks out of him. Now I would move in for the kill. Now he would go and meet his maker, sizzle in hell for what he had done, he would never hurt anyone ever again. My hand reached for his throat ready to tear it out when I was pulled back and my arms held behind me in an all powerful embrace. I went wild, I thrashed, I kicked, I screamed, I gnashed my teeth until they broke and I fought and fought and fought, but could not break that hold. It was steely in its resolve and held me firm until some of the bloodlust had receded and I was panting with the exertion of my efforts. I had failed.

"Whoa, my little she-cat, my little kitten. Calm down, love. " His soft breath tickled my ear as he chuckled softly "Save your passion for our bed. "

I gasped as he licked my ear and nibbled on my neck, my anger smouldering into passion faster than I could blink. My paladin was the one holding me and I had never felt so mastered in my life. Only he could stop me, only he could deny me and only he could love me the way I needed to be loved. He was mine, he was perfect, and the knowledge almost broke my heart.

"I would, but you won't stay in my bed. " I whined pitifully, gasping softly under his assault.

"My bad kitten, looks like I'll have to exercise you more thoroughly in future, can't let you loose on my companions like this. You're a hazard to genteel living. I've never seen a woman behave in so bloodthirsty a manner." To my surprise his tone was amused and if anything proud. I wondered at his attitude. I didn't think somehow that this would be a normal reaction to a rampaging bloodthirsty woman, ready to tear the tendons out of anybody and everybody. I must have looked like a madwoman going for that boy the way I did. I should have known better. I should have known that Ray would only stand still in a fight if he wanted to. He hadn't needed me to protect him after all. I deflated completely at that realisation. I felt myself go limp and all my energy drained away and the only feelings I had left were those of despair, so I let myself slide into the forgiving black embrace of nothingness. Sometimes nothing is just better.