Little Mary

"Man I don't want to be here." I groaned as I arrived at a friendly restaurant downtown with my boyfriend of 6 months, Trevor.

"Relax, it's going to be fine." he assured me with a supportive smile.

"You know how I feel about that woman and her daughter."

"And by that you mean your mom and your sister."

"Okay who's side are you on?" I asked accusingly as we finally got out of the car and headed for the restaurant entrance.

"Yours of course. I just-"

"You know what, I'm going to go in here and be friendly."

"That's the spirit." he responded with a laugh.

30 minutes later we(Me, My mom, my sister Mallory, and my boyfriend Trevor) were sitting at our table eating our meals quietly.

The only sound at our table was silverware clicking against our plates and the sound of ice clinking whenever we'd take a sip of our drinks.

Despite being so uncomfortable I was doing an excellent job at appearing to be A-okay. I put on some dark shades as my mom opened her mouth to speak for the first time.

"So I haven't seen you in eight months and you bring this random guy with you to a family outing." she stated nonchalantly with a shrug of her shoulders.

I looked at a passive Mallory and a surprised Trevor before acknowledging my mom's statement.

"His name is Trevor. He's not random. And he's my boyfriend of 6 months now."

The minute she responded to my answer Trevor and Mallory both nearly choked on their food.

"You sure do hop from guy to guy."

Okay Mary, it's fine. Mom has always been very critical. She's always been this way. No, fuck that! She's always being negative and snooty. Should I or shouldn't I? I could be a bitch and say something sarcastic or I could force a smile and be polite.

That other side of me that I didn't want to meet preferred the first option but I reluctantly decided against it as I pulled my offended facial expression into a smile that didn't reach my eyes.

"Well he's different." I told her.

She scoffed in response with a laugh.

"Oh and how is that?" she asked.

"Because he is." I responded with confidence.

"Hah, we'll see when we meet the new one in a year."

I laughed even though it wasn't funny. I turned my attention to Mallory. She's always been so passive.

"So Mallory how have you been?" I asked

"Fine I recently got a job at a local hospital." she beamed with genuine excitement.

"That's great." I told her with a half smile.

"What about you Mair-"

"It's Mairian to you." I blurted out without meaning to. Most people called me Mary, a shortened version of my actual name, Mairian. Mallory wanted to be different so she'd refer to me as Mair.

She was obviously surprised and I could have sworn I saw a look of pain in her eyes at my sudden coldness.

I shifted in my seat awkwardly as my mom decided to talk once again. Would she just shut up already!?

"That's no way to talk to your sister."

"Why don't you mind your business." I stated as I adjusted my sunglasses. I was glad I had them on to hide my sad green eyes that were threatening to water.

It was all coming back. Being here right now with my sister and my mom was too much. All the times my mom chose Mallory over me and prioritized her over me crossed my mind. When we were kids I always loved to dance. Mallory was into glam stuff which is why she enjoyed pageants and child modeling.

I'm four years older than her. I'm 25 and she's 21. We were so different yet so alike. I was always short and petite. She was always tall and slender. I have black long hair that stops halfway down my back.

She has shoulder length dirty blonde hair. My eyes are green while hers are a deep blue. My hair was straight and shiny while hers was wavy and thick.

However we both loved animals and had a habit of cooing whenever we'd see one. My mom used to call me "Little Mary." I loved the endearing way she'd say it every time. My mom and I used to be close, as close as a mom and daughter could get. But that all changed when Mallory was about six.

She had started doing pageants. I was happy that Mallory found something she was good at. Although I never really thought posing and walking around robotically took much talent like my career in dance did.

I was a dancer. Ballet was my specialty. I had been dancing since I was 3 years old and before Mallory entered the pageant world and child modeling my mom was at every performance, dance recital and what not. You name it she was there.

But then it changed when I was still only a little girl. She quit her job and started traveling from town to town and city to city with Mallory for a new pageant or modeling gig. Her and my dad's marriage slowly became more like a arranged business deal. And HE had to play mommy and daddy to me when she'd be in another state for months with Mallory, who she eventually placed in homeschooling.

She focused solely on Mallory and kicked me to the curb. I don't think she did it on purpose. I truly believe she got caught up in it because it was something she had always wanted to do. My dad told me about how my mom always wanted to do pageants and model. So maybe just maybe this was her way of living her dream through Mallory. I don't know and I don't care.

It's no excuse to dismiss me and become a bitch towards me over time.

"Yeah and then...Mary...are you there?" My mom asked me snapping me out of my deep thoughts.

It was the wrong time to take a mental trip down memory lane. I wish my dad was here. He died in a car accident just two months before my 16th birthday. He was hit by a drunk driver. I miss him so much. He was the perfect parent in my eyes.

"Yeah." I answered reassuringly with a fake smile .

"Listen Mary, I know you and I haven't had the best relationship over the years but-"

"But what?" I asked adjusting my shades once again.

"I just want to know."

"You want to know what mom?" I asked with a laugh. I don't think i'm going to like her response. We'll see.

"No I need." she corrected.

I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"I need you to tell me I did a good job."

Now it was my turn to laugh like she did earlier.

"Are you referring to your parenting skills?" I asked with a knowing facial expression.

"Yes." she whispered before continuing.

I didn't respond. I just looked at her like the idiot she is.

"Well I did didn't I? I did a good job."

"Yeah mom, you were great." I told her with evident sarcasm.

She sighed as if she was frustrated.

"Mary, what happened to my sweet little girl?" She asked in a light whisper as her blue eyes watered. She seemed to ask that more to herself than to me but I heard her anyhow. She ran a hand through her black hair. What I said in response shocked us both.

"She's gone. Little Mary isn't here anymore. She left right when her mom did." I spat as I rose from the table.

My mom and Mallory gasped in shock and my boyfriend looked like he wanted to intervene to lighten the mood but didn't.

"Mary now you know that's not true." was the last thing I heard before I stormed out of the restaurant.

****Two days later****

My mom insisted that Mallory & I come over her house so we could talk. We were in the living room. Mallory and my mom sat next to each other on one couch and I sat across from them on the other one. Once I arrived she sat there for about thirty minutes rambling before I rudely interrupted her.

Today I didn't have on shades.

"What do you want from me mom?" I asked.

"I just wanted to catch up with you and see what you've been up to. It truly has been such a long time."

"Weird right? You'd think it'd be different with me living ten minutes away from your house. It's Mallory who lives in another state that you manage to communicate with in some way every single day. Wow how weird." I finished.

Mallory cleared her throat uncomfortably as she crossed her legs. There she goes dismissing everything as usual.

"I just want some quality time with you."

"No you're tolerating me. Your favorite person is in town and she probably feels guilty so she convinced you to let me tag along with you two during your bonding time."

I took their silence in response as confirmation as I stood up.

"I would tell you that it was fun chatting but then I'd be lying and you know how much I value honesty. Or maybe you didn't no?" I suggested. I grabbed my purse and began to leave.

Then I remembered. She had asked me a question a couple days ago. I turned on the heels of my feet and told her how I really felt.

"And no you didn't do a good job. You were absent to me and present for her. You were a piece of shit parent."

"So you're really going to say that?" she asked as if she was shocked or something.

"Yes." I told her.

Mallory looked as if she was going to cry. No need to cry you'll always have mom.

"But I need you to tell me I did a good job or i'll feel bad."

"You should, you should feel bad. You were a lousy mom. And I thought you'd try to fix it when I became an adult but no, I was wrong."

"What?" she asked.

"Mom your life is Mallory. Whatever involves her consumes you!" I yelled.

"Well she is my daughter."

"Yeah well I was your daughter first!" I blurted out in frustration.

"She is your sister, she is-"

"Oh fuck a sister!" I yelled, silencing my mom in the process. I began to wipe tears away that I hadn't known were there.

I know I was wrong to say that. However at the moment I had no desire to say anything else and silently walked out of my mom's house. I didn't glance back not even once, at either of their faces.

I'm not interested in repairing the long broken bond my mom and I used to have. But one day, one day I want her to understand. I want her to acknowledge that she was wrong. She had two kids not one. I want her to realize that I can once again be her Little Mary if she'd return to being my mom.