Long Dark Nights - Kai's Story

I knew from early on that I wasn't like others, even if it wasn't apparent to anyone else before I reached puberty, it certainly became apparent to me at that point. I was born as a boy with all the proper male organs. I was raised as a boy as well. However, it was easy to see, even as a child, that I wasn't like the other boys. I was delicate, small and feminine. My skin was far more fair than almost everyone else in my village.

My eyes were large and blue, where most people's in the village were narrowly slanted and dark brown, and of course that included my parents. My lashes grew long and framed my eyes in such a way that certainly made me look like a girl. My parents kept my hair cropped short in an effort to make me appear more masculine. This only really served to make my eyes stand out that much more. I was slight in build and found myself bullied often because of this.

I was certainly different than all the others and as a result, myself and my family were treated differently. Small villages are like that. I wasn't like any of the others. Being different inherently made me "wrong". I was picked on, ignored, left out, and hated just because I was different. My parents were loving though. They didn't have any more children after me. I knew my mother cried and prayed I would become like the others. My father was quite stoic and tried to treat me like a normal son. He played ball with me in the fields and taught me how to fish. I wanted so badly to be normal for their sake. Then when I hit puberty and my body truly started to change I hid it from them. I hid it from the world.

I started to developed breasts. I was very thin so the growth was extremely apparent to me as soon as it began to happen. I did everything to hide it. I wore shirts too large for myself. I used bandages wrapped tightly around my chest to minimize them. It worked for a long while, but they just kept getting larger. I hid away and spent as little time as possible in the village. At the same time I also noticed my genitals growing and changing. I didn't know what was happening to me, and I grew depressed as the years marched on.

Finally it came to the point where my chest had grown to proportions that could not be hidden. I didn't want to leave my room anymore, so I started to refuse to do so. My mother had been homeschooling me for years, but I now I refused her lessons as well. My father tried to coax me out of my room, but I refused him just the same. I kept the room dark, and only came out at night when they were sleeping. I was confused and scared. I am sure they were too. Mostly I was ashamed. I had heard my mother crying and praying for me several times. She would bring me food and leave it just inside the door. She would tell me she loved me and wanted to help me. She begged me to tell her how.

There was nothing she could do for me. Years went by and I became a young adult. Even still she asked me often to let her come in and look at me in the light. I told her I was hideous and didn't want her to see me. The truth was, I wasn't hideous at all. In fact, I was very beautiful. My face was delicate with perfectly smooth fair skin and high cheekbones. My lips were full and soft. I grew no hair on my face or chest. I did have hair under my arms, and at my crotch. I wasn't very tall for a male, and I had narrow shoulders. My breasts had grown very full and large by the time I turned eighteen. I still bandaged them to keep them as hidden as much as possible, but sometimes I didn't. I secretly liked them. They were beautiful and suited my body. My stomach was perfectly flat and my hips were flared ever so slightly.

Between my legs I carried a very long and thick penis with a very large and heavy scrotum. Long shapely legs, and petite feet. It was an odd view to look down. Even very unexpected to myself. I let my hair grow very long over the years. It was black as night and shiny. With my genitals hidden I was every bit a female. I was stunning and even with all my self loathing, I knew I was truly and exceptionally beautiful. I had hid during all of the last years of my childhood.

Finally, at eighteen I knew that change was on the horizon for me. My parents were not obligated to support me anymore, though they seemed to gladly do so. But, a son was expected to work and help the family. I should have been doing so for years. I was a burden in more ways than one. I had made my family become ostracized from the rest of the village. Sure, they still attended religious services every Sunday, but even there no one would talk to them or even sit near them. I heard my mother cry to my father often for this. I felt sick with guilt. They had given birth to a son, but what had I become? What was I going to do? How could I make things right for them?

I thought about cutting my hair and trying to look more masculine. It was all futile however, since my breasts were so large and full. My nipples were thick and large. They could no longer be hidden. They were full with high nipples. I enjoyed touching and pulling on my full long nipples. They were extremely sensitive and grew very hard and long when touched and pinched. They were a deep shade of pink. Almost purple. The areolas around them were also large and dark. As I played with them my cock would grow huge and hard. Of course I had not seen any other cocks to compare mine too, but I knew it was large and equine like.

My balls were large and very round between my legs. They were very heavy and ached most often. I didn't dare touch my long thick cock. It wasn't that I didn't want to, but it seemed like a sin to do so. I suspected even the way I touched and toyed with my breasts and nipples was a sin, but it was almost impossible not to. They begged to be touched. It made me feel ashamed, but sometimes while playing with my nipples my cock would spasm and shoot a thick creamy liquid all up my stomach and over my breasts. Sometimes onto my face even.

The ache in my balls would go away for a bit. It always returned though. I remember how scared I had become the first time it had happened. It had felt so breathtakingly amazing that I had instantly burst into tears after my body stopped shaking. I had been toying with my nipples for a long while. My cock had been hard between my legs the entire time. It stood like a huge pole with a thick bush of dark black hair at the base. My balls ached badly, but I had become somewhat accustomed to the discomfort. I wanted badly to touch myself there, but refused to give in to that instinct. I was already enough of a monstrosity.

I had pinched my nipples hard causing my breath to catch, and that is when it happened. My massive cock jerked hard toward my breasts and face. My balls tightened impossibly. Then almost instantly my cock pulsed and shot several thick hot streams of white cream all up my stomach, and over my breasts. It was incredible and left me stunned. The stuff was all over my skin. I felt both ashamed and enthralled with what had just happened to me.

Most nights I slipped out into the dark and down to the river. It was peaceful and the moonlight lit my way. At first I was scared of the inky dark water of the lake. I would just sit on the edge and maybe dip a toe. As time went on I grew bolder and stripped off my clothing. I stood in the moonlight and showed the universe my true form. I was a man, but I looked every bit a woman except between my legs. I had large full round breasts and a long thick cock. Not only did I look like a woman, but I was of course fiercely beautiful too. I eventually found the nerve to go into the lake. To swim in the nude. I loved the feel of the cooling water on my breasts, cock and balls. I would swim for hours and come out of the water feeling refreshed and alive. I did this so often without it ever being discovered that I became complacent and less vigilant.

I didn't see her hidden among the trees at the water's edge. I had been swimming and enjoying myself for hours. Finally, growing tired, I came out of the water. I made no attempt to shield my cock or breasts since I never thought I wouldn't be alone. I came out of the water and stood on the bank ringing out my long thick hair. My cock was hard and jutted out in front of me almost crudely. It was so thick and long. I knew even if I had tried to live outwardly as a woman it would be impossible to hide under skirts.

I turned and heard someone gasp sharply. I immediately grabbed for my clothing where I had left it behind a large log. It wasn't there. I began to panic.

"Who's there?" I called out. What choice did I have? Most likely whoever it was had my clothing. I didn't want to return home fully nude.

There was no answer. I wanted to hide myself but it was impossible without going back into the water.

"Please, I will go back into the water. Please just leave my clothes for me." I was begging the very darkness. I had clearly heard the gasp of another surprised human, but I hadn't been able to determine where it came from.

Slowly I retreated back into the lake. For the first time it didn't bring me solace. I just wanted whoever was near to go away and leave me be. Surely they had seen me. Of course they would tell others. I was a freak of nature. I watched the sandy bank and trees for movement. "Please give me back my clothing!" I pleaded with the darkness.

A small dark figure detached itself from the deep shadows and moved into the moonlight. It was petite and very slight. At first I could not tell if it was a small woman or a child. As it came more into the pale light it was evident it was a small woman. She held my folded clothes to her chest. Her eyes connected with mine. Was she scared of me? I honestly couldn't tell.

"I won't hurt you. I am sorry if I scared you. I just need my clothing back. I won't come near you."

The petite figure seemed to freeze on the spot. "I saw you." Said a soft voice that didn't sound like any other I had ever heard. She had an accent. From where I had no idea.

"I am sorry for that. I thought I was alone." I felt heartsick that she had had to be subjected to what she saw. It was confusing and surely disgusting.

"I thought you were the most beautiful woman when I saw you swimming. I found your clothes by accident and wondered why a woman would wear men's clothing." There were so many questions in her voice.

"I can't explain this." I said simply. I wanted her to go away. I wanted to run away myself. I knew I would never come back to this spot. I wanted to plead with her to leave my clothes and leave me. I wanted to plead with her not to tell others about the monster she had discovered swimming in the lake.

"You are a man?" It was a question almost worded like a statement.

"I am a man. I know I am disgusting. I won't hurt you." I said. I didn't sound like a man any more than I looked like one. My voice was also very feminine.

I watched as she stooped and placed my clothing on the log, but then my heart sank as she sat down on the log next to the clothes. "Why don't you come out of the water?"

She wasn't scared? "I can't do that. It is a disgrace enough that you had to be subjected to my nudity once. I am sorry for that. "

"I'm not." She said simply. "Please come out here." Her voice was soft but commanding all at the same time.

Something in me responded to the command. I found myself walking out of the lake and stopping just at the water's edge. The water still lapped at my feet. I attempted to hide my breasts and cock. I was still rock hard between my legs. My thick juicy nipples were also heavily swollen and hard.

"Put your arms down." She commanded again. I did as I was told without even knowing why I complied.

She stood and approached me. My heart beat sped up to an impossible rate.

"You are the most exquisite female I have ever seen, with the exception of that between your legs."

I felt heat rise on my skin as she pursued me. She circled around me using her eyes to fully examine me. "Yes, Ma'am." I felt dumb and didn't know what else to say. She smiled at me. I was a little taller than she was.

"You live as a man or a woman?"

"I live only in that I am alive. I have no actual life as a woman or a man."

My honesty seemed to catch her off guard. She looked sad as she looked up at my face. She was the first person in years to actually truly look at me. I felt naked beyond my actual nudity. I felt barred right to my very soul.

"It must be so tough." She stepped close and reached up with one small hand. I flinched as she placed it on my cheek. I could not even remember the last time another person had touched me.

"Your breasts are so large and beautiful you could surely not hide them no matter how hard you tried. And that..." She looked down at my jutting cock. "That could not be hidden by any skirts or even trousers." She declared.

"Yes, Ma'am." I agreed. She was the very first person to see and acknowledge my plight. Just hearing someone say it and understand it brought tears to my eyes.

"Do you think of yourself as male or female?" She asked.

"I was raised male. I am neither and I am both." I was speaking in riddles without actually meaning to. My entire life was a riddle. "I suppose I try to identify more with being male."

"You are beautiful." Her voice was wistful. I was stunned speechless.

She took my hand and brought me back to the log. We sat in the soft dry sand side by side. I remained nude at her request but she was fully clothed. She wore a blouse that was a tad too big for her and hid her breasts under the fabric. She had on a heavy dark walking skirt that showed the flare of her hips and nothing more. Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun. It was hard to tell if she was attractive or not, but it was obvious she was not from this village or any village nearby.

"Where are you from?" I asked when my curiosity got the better of me.

"I am originally from Italy. My husband is a doctor there and was sent here on a mission."

I had no idea why but my heart fell at the mention of her husband. Then I wondered where he was? Why did he let his tiny wife out to wander at night? I shoved those questions aside to ask something else I was curious about. "How old are you?"

"It is rude to ask a lady her age, but since I am wondering the same about you why don't we both share?"

"I am almost nineteen." I volunteered automatically.

"I am twenty four." She said.

My cock was still rock hard and my balls were full and painful. They both pulsed uncomfortably every single time she spoke or moved at my side. When she accidentally brushed me I felt my cock pulse. As if sensing my discomfort she looked down.

"You have been hard this entire time. Does it hurt?"

"Yes." I looked at her. I didn't hold back. She hadn't gone running and screaming yet, so I was going to enjoy this bit of human interaction.

"Why don't you take care of it?" It was a question said as a command. I was immediately confused by it though.

"What do you mean?" I blinked.

"Touch yourself until you climax."

I swallowed thickly. The dismay and confusion was surely etched on my girlish face.

"Oh my! You have no idea how to masturbate yourself?" She cried out.

I shook my head. She smiled softly as she regained her composure. "It's okay. I am sorry for being surprised. You just have such an amazing cock that I was sure you had been enjoying it for years." She paused. "Have you ever had sex?"

I had vague notions about sex. My mother had never taught me and I did not spend any time with the other kids in the village so there had been no chance to learn tidbits from them either. "No."

She nodded wordlessly. "Which hand do you predominantly use?"

I lifted my right hand. She took it and wrapped my delicate fingers around my huge thick cock. Her fingers brushed my cock sending shocking waves of pleasure throughout me. My hand was too small to wrap around my own cock, but touching it felt good. Placing her equally small hand around mine she showed me how to stroke up and down my shaft. The pleasure it created made me lose all composure. I forgot where I was. I forgot who was with me. I simply closed my eyes and let the amazing feelings spread from my groin to my belly and then throughout my body.

When my cock erupted with the hot thick white cream this time it was far more intense than anything else I had ever experienced. Spurt after spurt flew from my cock. I felt it landing on my breasts and shoulders and even my face. Some landed on my lips but I resisted the urge to lick it from them. My breathing was ragged and fast. To my own ears I sounded like an animal. When I finally opened my eyes I looked toward her expecting to see disgust. She had the most unusual expression on her face. It was not at all disgust. Quite the opposite, actually.

"I have to go now. I will see you here tomorrow night, unless the weather is bad." She quickly leaned over and kissed me square on my cum covered lips, then up and disappeared into the trees like a sprite.

I slumped back heavily against the log. I didn't even know her name. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I sat very still for a short while just replaying the entire thing in my mind. Had it been real? Had another person actually seen me? After cleaning the cum off myself in the lake I dressed and sneaked through the night back to my home. I crawled into my bed with a smile on my face for the very first time in a very long time.