Long Island Sound

Trigger Warning - This is a comedic erotic story (at least I hope it is). Its principal theme is the humorous yet emotional reaction of a husband and his friend to the wife's demand for threesome sex with both of them, under the manipulative threat of going out and being in a threesome with two strangers. The characters are intentionally over-the-top (yet loving) caricatures for the purpose of humor and are not intended to be hurtful or disrespectful to: men, women, construction workers, Italian Americans, Catholics, members of any Catholic church anywhere which might happen to be named St. Aloysius (a name I chose because I thought it sounded funny), anyone from Melville, Long Island, residents of Long Island, Staten Island or anyone from the greater metropolitan NY area in general. I have done my best to capture the NY/Long Island accent based on the time I have spent there in the past and other source material, again no offence intended and apologies in advance for any regional inaccuracies. If you are or may be potentially offended by any of the above and continue to read at this point - that's on you. For those who continue, I hope people enjoy this little romp in the spirit in which it was written.

###################### Part 1 ##################################

"You want me to WHAT?"

"What, do I friggin stutter over here? I said, I want you to fuck Natalie."

"Fuckin Christ Danny, are you NUTS?"

Danny was serious as a heart attack. We were sittin' in the back yard, crackin some cold ones and bullshittin about sports, then all of a sudden he drops this shit on me.

"Joey, you're my oldest friend. We know each other since second grade. You were my best man. Shit, you were a fuckin pall bearer at Pops' funeral cuz you were like a second son to him. If I can't come to you with this, who can I?"

I got up out of the lawn chair and stared down at Danny.

"What the fuck is goin' on Danny?"

Danny slugged down another beer. He had outpaced me 2-to-1 all day. I shoulda knowed somethin' was wrong. He wiped the foam from his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Natalie wants to be with two men."

I grabbed my head, walked back to the chain link and leaned on it. I kept sayin over and over "Holy shit.... Holy shit... holy shit!"

Danny walked up next to me, slugged another bottle of beer, belched and said "Yeah, hows you think I feel about it."

" Danny... Danny... what the fuck man. This is Natalie were talkin about here. She's on the friggin' fundraising committee at St. Aloysius. She's your freakin WIFE man!"

Danny drank, belched again, and laughed in a weird way. "Yeah. Fucked up right? But she's serious Joey. I don't know what's goin on, but she said if I don't do this with her, she'll go out and do it on her own."

"Jesus Danny. Have you talked to Father McCarthy about this? Or anyone? Maybe you two should get some counselin or somethin."

Danny turned and looked at me and snorted "Father McCarthy? Seriously Joey? How's that gonna go down. 'Hey Father, Natalie wants one in her cooch and one in her ass at the same time. Whaday think? Okay or what?"

"Wait, you serious? She doesn't just want to just... suck two dicks at once... or get spit roasted? She actually wants..."

"Yup."

I turned and slid down the fence till I was on my ass on the ground. "I think I'm gonna throw up."

Danny sat down next to me and threw the empty bottle over his shoulder. I heard it crash into the rocks in the creek behind his fence.

We sat there, in the backyard we played in as kids, behind the house Danny grew up in and I was at any day he wasn't at mine. And he was tellin' me he wanted me to help him DP his wife. I looked over at him. And fuck me sideways if he wasn't cryin.

"Danny, buddy. C'mon bro."

"She's gonna do this thing Joey. God help me she's gonna do it. With or without me. And it's killin me. I don't know how she got this idea into her head.... Jesus Fuckin Christ Joey, I love her and this shit is has really got me freaked out!" He put his head in his hands.

I massaged his shoulder with one hand, like we did when we was wrestlin together and one of us got banged up. "Hey.. hey man... c'mon now man. Listen, you want maybe I should maybe talk to Natalie? Try to find out what the fuck is up over here?"

Danny nodded. He pulled his head up and sniffed in air. "Yeah, you do that. Okay... talk to her ya know?" He stood up and weaved towards the house. "I gotta take a piss."

##################### Part 2 ###################################

The diner was noisy, typical Saturday night. Paul Anka was playin low over the speakers. Natalie was sittin across from me. She was your typical Italian Long Island girl. Big hair, big earrings, big tits, big ass, not too big though, just nice ya know. She was wearin a top that was maybe too open for a married woman. I could see the tops of her tits real good and the lace of her bra. I was tryin my best not to glance, this was my best friend's wife, but Jesus what a pair she had.

"So what's so important Joey that I gotta send Danny Jr to my sister's for the night? Sounded like... I don't know...the friggin world was comin to an end."

"Listen Natalie, Danny's been tellin me somethin... about... you... and it's got me real confused. I figured maybe you and I could talk a little you know. Maybe sort somethin out before things get too weird over here."

"So he asked you then like I asked him to?"

I stared at her. She was serious. "YOU asked HIM... to ask ME? Jesus Natalie... I mean... seriously... what the fff.." I stopped myself before I said it, there were kids and grandmas in here.

"What, you think he woulda come up with that on his own?" She shrugged. "Sure I asked him to ask you. You're still hot Joey, you don't look much different from when we were young. You got all your hair, you keep fit..." she picked up her glass of soda, put her tongue on the tip of the straw and smiled ".. you got a monster schlong."

I hunched my shoulders and pulled my head down "Jesus Natalie. Keep your voice down."

She laughed but lowered her voice. She leaned over the table a little closer to me. "What Joey, you don't think half the girls that grew up in Melville don't know about you and your... you know. Christ Joey you're a friggin legend. I get moist just thinkin about it."

I hunched even lower "For Christ's sake Natalie."

"Oh grow up Joey. We're not kids anymore. We shouldn't be embarrassed about se...." I looked at her and shook my head, warning her with my eyes. She lowered her voice to a whisper "...sex."

"Natalie, we're not just talkin about.... That. What Danny is tellin me you want... it's... it's..."

"What Joey? Abnormal, perverted, a sin?" her voice was going up. People was startin to look. Natalie's chin was quiverin and her eyes looked teary. Oh fuck, she was gonna start cryin any second, and the manager was lookin over at us. Instead she picked up the napkin, wiped her eyes and blew her nose into it. Then she stood up and came around to my side of the booth. She shoved my shoulder to push me in and sat down next to me.

She leaned in close and spoke softly, not whisperin, just soft you know. "Listen Joey. I don't care anymore. I been a good Catholic girl my whole life. I went to my bridal bed a virgin, mostly anyway. I'm good to my husband. I keep a tidy house and don't spend too much money. I'm stayin home and raisin Danny Junior to be a good kid. I do right by my family and the church. I got no intention of divorcin Danny, he's a good man. But now this is somethin I want, for me. And I want to do it with my husband and his best friend who I've known since fourth grade. Not a couple of strangers."

Then she leaned in REAL close, now she was whisperin right into my ear. "But so help me God Joey, if you and Danny don't do this for me, I'm gonna go out one night, get drunk off my ass, find two of the biggest studs with the biggest schlongs I can find and let them fuck... me.... senseless. Now you just think about THAT Joey."

She got up and walked out, her ass swivelin and jigglin behind her.

################# Part 3 #######################################

"So, you talk to Natalie on Saturday night?"

"Yeah."

"So?"

I pulled off my gloves and leaned on the construction box. I pushed my hardhat back. "I don't know Danny. You were right. She is dead fuckin serious and set on this thing."

"I told you. So, whadaya think? You gonna help me out here or what?"

"Jesus Danny."

Danny put his hand on my shoulder. "Please Joey. I'm comin to you on my freakin knees over here. You gotta help me buddy." He took his hand off my shoulder and leaned back. "Besides, you ain't been out with nobody since that broad from Staten Island..."

"Jessica."

"Right, Jessica, with the small titties and tight little ass you could bounce a quarter off. What was she... a dancer or somethin right?"

"Yeah."

"Thought so. Anyway, what was that, a year ago? And nobody since? You gotta be goin crazy..."

"Shut the fuck up Danny." Jessica had broken my heart.

"Fine, whatever. Anyways, Natalie has given me a deadline." He stood up straight and stretched his back. He started walkin away backwards towards the site. He held up two fingers. "Two weeks Joey..." then he pulled one finger down, giving me the finger. I laughed a little and flipped him one back.

That night my phone rang. It was 1 o'clock in the friggin morning. What the fuck? I grabbed my phone. It was Danny. "Yeah, Danny, what is it man? Is everything okay? Natalie, Danny Junior?"

"Sheeesh moved up the friggin deadline Joey." Danny was drunk and slurrin his words bad. "Thisshh Friday night. She's told me she's makin dinner and sendin Danny Junior to her sisshhter's for the night. And if you aren't here then sheeesh packin a bag and goin to Atlantic City on Sha..Sha... fuck..Saturday mornin and get banged in a motel." He hiccuped. "Fuck Joey, New Jersey? Sherioushly. New.. fuckin... Jersey? Jesus, you gotta be here man." He hung up.

I slumped down back into bed and rubbed my face. Fuck me sideways.

#################### Part 4 ####################################

So Friday night I got cleaned up, but not too cleaned up, I didn't want them to think I was eager for this shit. Well what the fuck was I supposed to do? I couldn't let Natalie do some stupid shit like goin to Atlantic City and puttin herself in legit danger. Seriously? New Jersey?? I cared about her, you know.

Danny opened the screen door when he heard me pull up and park in front of their place. He waved, smilin like I was comin over to watch the Nicks or something. Fuck me but this shit was weird.

I came up the steps onto the porch. Danny smiled. But manic like you know. His eyes looked.... Weird..a little glassy... panicked maybe?. He shook my hand, then pulled me into a hug and started pounding my back, sayin low "Thank you Joey... thank you... Jesus.., you're savin my life over here."

Natalie leaned in from the kitchen, smiled and waved to me "Just a sec! Turnin down the pasta.". She pulled off her apron and came into the livin room. Now this is my best friends wife, so all the respect in the world, but fuck me she looked hot as shit. She had on one of them white halter dresses you know, the kind like Marilyn Monroe wore in 7 Year Itch. Her hair was done up real nice and not too much makeup. Just nice you know? And her tits... Christ... no bra on or nothin and that halter was hangin on for dear life. Or maybe it just wanted to. And you've heard of "fuck me heels"? Well she was wearin em, white ones with them sequins. She had on white stockings.

"Joey!" She held out her hands. I set down the bottle of wine I brought and took them. She stood there lookin at me. "So you like nice. Special occasion?" Then she laughed, but a little too excited like, and nervous soundin. Then Danny laughed, but too much. I kind of laughed a little so to be polite you know. But fuck me this was weird.

She pulled me in and kissed my cheeks. But she didn't angle her hips back like women do. No, she pulled me in and pressed her big titties right into me. She whispered into my ear "Thank you Joey. I promise, tonight's going to be fun."

Dinner was weird. Danny and I talked sports a little. I asked after Danny Junior and how we was doin in school. Natalie complained about Sister Rosalie at church. It's like we was all tryin not to think about what was gonna happen tonight. We finished dessert, Natalie made killer cannoli.

Then Natalie stood up. She took a deep breath. "Boys, I'm going upstairs now. You two give me 30 minutes. Maybe do the dishes or somethin. Then, come up. I'll be in the bedroom." She kissed each of us on the cheek and then stood there for a second. Then she bounced up and down a little, all excited like, and her tits bounced around like crazy. "Oh my god this is going to be so much fun!" Then she ran up the stairs, and fuck me if she wasn't gigglin.

Danny and I looked at each other and both said "Fuck me sideways." like when we was kids.

We were dryin the pots and puttin them away.

"Danny?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think you and Natalie are actin a little... weird?"

"Whadaya mean?"

"What do.. shit Danny. You both know why I'm here and you're actin like we was gonna go out to the pictures after. Not..you know."

Danny nodded. "Ohhh, right. Natalie was worried I'd be too nervous to... errr.... perform. So she went to one of them dispensary places and got us some of them gummy bear things."

"EDIBLES??"

"Yeah, them."

"Holy fuck Danny, you and Natalie are HIGH??"

"As a fuckin kite."

"How many did you have?"

"I dunno, two... maybe three. Natalie had a couple I think."

"How strong?

"Fuckin strong, I don't know. What, you a fuckin narc now?"

"Its legal asshole. Where's the bottle?"

Danny waved the towel to a counter. I grabbed the bottle. "Holy fuck, Danny. These are 20%! How are you even standin up??" I did a lot of Edibles with Jessica, she liked to fuck while high. Me, not so much.

"Oh lighten up Joey. Jesus."

I decided not to push it. But I did have an important question. I cleared my throat. "Listen Dan..." My voice squeaked a little. I cleared my throat again "Danny, you know we didn't talk about any details here."

Danny shrugged. "What's to talk about? We're gonna go upstairs and bang Natalie together. What, been so long since Jessica you forgot how?" And again he goes with the too much laugh

"Hey fuck you Danny. Maybe I should just fuckin go and let you sort out your own marital shit." I threw down the dish towel and started to leave the kitchen.

He caught my arm, not too hard you know, just hooked it a little. "Hey... Joey.. c'mon man. I'm just fuckin with ya. Look, I'm high as fuck and still a little nervous over here man. Cut me some fuckin slack would ya."

I sighed "Yeah, man, Me too. But I'm fuckin serious with this question. I mean.. you know... which one of us... is... fuck... you know what I'm askin here here man."

"Ohhhh right... yeah... so Natalie and I talked about that today. And I told her, nobody fucks my wife's ass besides me. So, you get her cooch. That cool with you?"

Fuck me but this was weird.

"Besides, I've gotten into her back door a few times already, so I know what the fuck I'm doin back there. Plus there's no way your fuckin anaconda is gettin in her tight butthole."

"Yeah, okay... cool. Sure. I got condoms, so it's all goo..."

Danny shook his head "Natalie said no rubbers. This is bareback or nothin."

"Fuck me Danny... what if I... you know... Jesus man... I can't knock Natalie up! How fuckin weird would that be."

"Naaaah, not possible dude. Natalie had her tubes tied after Danny Junior. She had a bad labor. Said never with that shit again. Besides, she told me she wants us to both unload in her."

I felt dizzy and sat down in the kitchen chair. "Fuck me Danny. This shit is way too real now." I started gaspin for air. "I can't breathe Danny. I can't fuckin breathe."

Danny grabbed a brown paper bag that had Danny Jr written on it it purple crayon, shook it open and handed it to me "Happens to Natalie when she gets worked up. Hyperventilatin. Breathe into this a couple of minutes. You'll be okay."

I grabbed it and started breathin into it, like one of them huffers from back in the day.

Natalie's voice came from upstairs. "Boys I'm all ready for you. Come on up."

Danny and I looked at each other. Both our eyes were wide. "Fuck me sideways".

#################### Part 5 ####################################

We stood outside the door to their bedroom. There was yellow light flickerin under the door. I waited for Danny to open the door. I gave him a look like, are we goin in or what?

He rolled his eyes a little. "Listen, Natalie has this thing about keepin things neat ya know. She can't stand clothes layin around or nothin. So... she told me we gotta get undressed out here. Otherwise it'll spoil the mood for her."

"Both of you are fuckin certifiable, you know that Danny." We both started to strip down. I started to pull down my boxers, but he grabbed my arm. "Whoa, leave them on. Natalie said... "

"Jesus Fuckin Christ Danny! Natalie said... Natalie said... do either of us get any say in this shit at all?"

Natalie's voice came from behind the door "Everything okay out there boys?"

Danny patted his hands in the air. "Quiet down man." Then he said "Yes sugar, it's all good, We'll be right in."

As he started to reach for the doorknob, Danny stuck a finger in my face "One more thing. You touch my dick or look me in the eye, I swear to God Joey I'll beat you senseless."

#################### Part 6 #####################################

Danny pushed the door open. The room had more candles in it than the fuckin church. It was all lit up. And everything was real feminine. It was all white and pink with frills and flowers and shit all over fuckin everthing. How the hell did Danny sleep in here?

Natalie was lyin on the bed, across it and on her side. She was propped up on one elbow, one leg back and the other kinda forward and bent at the knee. She had her other arm draped over her hip. Like she was posin for one of them old playboy centerfolds back when they could only show tits and asses. She still had on her white stockins, a white garter belt and shoes but was bare ass naked otherwise. And she looked.... Fuckin great. I mean... Jesus Christ. She wasn't some skinny broad that looked like half a kid. That was all woman lyin there, all soft curves and pale skin that glowed in the candlelight like a saint's statue.

But fuck me,,, her tits. I thought they would be all big, floppy and saggin onto the bed they way she was layin. Sure they sagged a little, they were enormous. But they looked... firm like, and juttin out like they had a floor jack under them or somethin.

"Hello boys." she said, sounding sexier than any woman I had ever heard. "Ready to play?" and she stroked one of her big titties. "Why don't you strip out of your shorts and show Natalie what you got for her tonight."

Danny and I looked at each other, and he raised his finger, reminding me of his warning. I nodded, he nodded. And we pulled down and kicked out of our drawers and stood up straight like we was standin inspection.

"Holy... mother... of... god."

Now Danny had seen my dick before. We played football and wrestled together. It's not like we was on purpose lookin, but, locker room showers you know. So what I was packin didn't surprise him too much. Natalie on the other hand... this was new for her. I've never actually measured, but Jessica told me I was at least 9 inches long and maybe 5 inches around when I didn't have boner. When I got fully worked up, and I'm not braggin here, Jessica called it Thor's Hammer. She knew the right word for that, but I could never say it right, so we settled on that. I always called it Big Joey.