Loss to Love Ch. 05

"Well sorry for wanting to get some input about our project before jumping to conclusions."

"Cute. So how should we go about this?" We discussed what we planned to do and finally decided on a short documentary kind of thing. So we got started with the script, drafting what we wanted to say. Ms. Han did say the content was the important thing so we focused on that. I wanted to say we thought long and hard, but we didn't. With everything we got at the garden, everything came out pretty easily. Throw in some online research we did and viola, script done.

"You should record the voiceover. Your voice is easier on the ears." I said, getting up to my computer, connecting my microphone and setting up everything.

"Aw you like my voice?" He cooed, sitting on the bed and flipping through the photos he took at the garden on his camera.

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"Whatever man. C'mon let's get this done with." I said, beckoning him to the desk. He stood up, setting his camera down on the bed and walking over to me. I pushed him into my desk chair, laying the completed script in front of him. "Speak clearly. This is just a little draft to make editing the video easier. We'll record the final one and make any tweaks once the video is done."

"Aye aye captain." Nick said, giving a small salute. I rolled my eyes as I hit record. One run through was all it took and like that, we were done for the day.

"Okay I guess that's it for today. I'm exhausted. Don't forget to email me the pictures and videos you took. I'll need them to get started on that video." I asked, picking our stuff from the floor. Nick started packing his stuff, and helped tidy up a little.

"Yeah no problem. I'll drop by Monday to help you with the video too." Nick said, throwing his backpack across his shoulder.

"See ya then."

"See ya." He said, exiting my room and closing my door. I took a seat on my bed, leaning back into my pillow. I was exhausted and the feel of my pillow just made me want to go to bed. We completed a lot today and I guess you could call that a very productive day. I lay there for five minutes before I realized I should be getting washed up. I moved my hand across my bed before my hand came into contact with something hard.

I looked down to see Nick camera sitting on my bed. Great. The idiot forgot his camera. I picked up the camera, turning the thing on. I wanted to see the shots he took to get an idea of how to make the video. The first photo that came up was the one he took of me in the dome, the one he showed me. I examined the picture and smiled. True enough it was a seriously good picture. I don't think I had ever looked so good in a picture before. I made a mental note to get Nick to send me that one too. I flicked to the next photo and it was the one he took straight after, where I had a hand up obscuring the view of my face, but only a fraction of it.

Just then there was a knock on my door and it opened a pinch and Nick's head popped in.

"Hey I think I left my camera here." He said. I threw my legs off the side on the bed and stood up.

"Yeah I was just looking through..." I was cut off when the camera was snatched from my fingers. I looked up shocked by his rudeness but was even more caught off guard by the look on his face. His face was filled with anger.

"What did you see?" He shouted, the same time grabbing my shirt and pushing me against the wall. My back collided with a thud, which knocked the wind out of my lungs. "What did you see?" He repeated once more through clenched teeth. Now I've been in similar positions with Nick before but I had never actually been scared. This time I was terrified. The look on his face was pure rage, rage I had never seen from him before.

"Nothing. Just the picture you took of me just now. The one you showed me." I squeaked out. "Nothing else I swear."

Nick stared at me for a while, his anger emanating off his body. I stood completely still, feeling like if I moved, it would only provoke him more. I just stared into his eyes, like a deer in headlights.

Finally I felt his grip on my shirt loosen. His fist opened up and his palm rested on my chest, still applying some pressure against me, effectively pinning me to my wall. He could probably feel my heart pounding in my chest but I was too scared to move. Slowly he closed his eyes and I felt his anger dissipate, very slowly. He opened them his eyes and resumed his stare on me, but this time I saw something I didn't expect to see in his eyes. Fear.

I felt his hand travel up to my neck and for a moment, I thought he was going to strangle me. I was going to die in my own home.

My fears were unwarranted though as his hand continued further up to my face. He grabbed my face, my chin in his palm, a thumb on one cheek and his fingers on the other. He squeezed his hand, forcing me to pucker up till I probably looked like a fish. He brought his face closer to mine, reducing the distance between us. I couldn't tell if he was going to kill me, or kiss me. I had a combination of both fear and, something I didn't expect, lust swelling inside me. He stopped his face millimeters from mine, his eyes boring into mine, never once straying. I could feel his breath tickling my lips. The whole thing was strangely erotic, and I would have jumped him if I weren't so scared.

"Don't. Touch. My. Camera. Again." He punctuated each word with such conviction I found myself involuntary nodding. His eyes darted down for a split second before coming back up to my eyes. He released his hand but didn't pull his face away. It should have been uncomfortable but I was surprised at how comfortable it actually was. I was expecting it to feel awkward with his face so close to mine but it wasn't. Instead, I was turned on.

Finally after what felt like forever, Nick broke his stare and dropped his head down onto my shoulder and the only thing I could think was how he felt so right in the crook of my neck. His neck was so close to my face that I could smell him, and boy did he smell good. The whole thing didn't help with the lust situation.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, so soft I almost didn't catch it.

"It's okay. I shouldn't have looked through you camera. I was a total invasion of privacy." I said, trying to resist the urge to wrap my arms around him. Eventually he lifted his head off my shoulder and took a few steps back. I was relieved as well as disappointed that the distance between us had returned.

"I think I should go." He said, turning around and leaving without another word. I watched as my door shut and footsteps descended down the stairs. I raised my hand to my face, feeling the area where Nick's hand was. I could still feel the heat of his fingers on my cheeks, like imprinting his hand on my face.

Just then my phone rang with a text. I walked to my desk, picking up the phone. It was a text from Nick. All it said was, "Sorry :(" I felt like pulling my hair out. I don't know what's wrong with me. Nick could be such a pain sometimes, and yet he was so sweet other times. Not to mention the emotions that I felt just moments ago. It was weird, like not just lust. It was different, and I had inkling as to why.

"Fuck. I can't like Nick," I said aloud. I started to freak out, for reasons I didn't understand. How could I like Nick, he was a friend. Yeah, a really hot, really sweet guy and...oh shit I do like him. I needed to talk to someone about this. DEAN.

I raised my phone, about to dial his number but as if we had telepathy, my phone rang and Dean's name displayed on caller ID. "Dean, I'm freaking out man. Freaking out."

"What happened to a simple hello?"

"Ain't nobody got time for that man. I have a crisis going on."

"Okay what's so bad? Your hair has split ends?"

"I'm serious man. This is no small deal. I think...I think I like Nick."

"Yeah it's okay to like your friends." I rolled me eyes. Sometimes Dean could be such a bimbo it wasn't even funny.

"I don't just mean like. I think I like him."

"You WHAT!!!" I pulled the phone away from my ear, the shout hurting my eardrum. "Dude, isn't he dating Kate Benson?"

I forgot that Dean had been pretty much out of the loop in regards to the happenings of Jameson High. "Old news man. They broke up a while back."

"Holy shit, they broke up? How can they break up?"

"Dude they broke up. Get over it. Can we get back to my problem now?" I said, trying to redirect the topic of the conversation.

"Sorry but what do you want me to say?" He asked.

"Tell me how to deal with this. He is fucking straight and I'm thinking about him in ways that I shouldn't be thinking about him."

"Well first of all I can't tell you how to deal with this because, news flash my friend, I'm not gay, and secondly, eew. I don't need to know what you picture yourself doing with Mr. quarterback."

"You're not helping at all." I deadpanned.

"Oh I'm sorry. I just called to see how my best bud was doing and he asks me for life advice. Please excuse my lack of good suggestions. Besides, does he even like cock?" I cringed at his crude way of phrasing his question.

"I don't know. I don't think so, but..." I stopped.

"But what?"

"I don't know, he's sending all these mixed signals and it's all very confusing. Argh why can't relationships be easy." I said, crashing into my bed in exasperation.

"Is it worth it?"

"What is?"

"Do you see a relationship with Nick worth it. Yeah relationships aren't easy but is Nick worth the trouble? I can't tell you whether or not he likes you like that, but he likes you enough to befriend you. Is the possibility of losing Nick as a friend worth trying for a serious relationship with him? If the answer is no, then your answer is simple, just stay friends. You eventually realize that it was only a case of schoolboy infatuation and move on with your life after. But if the answer is yes, then that's where things get a little more complicated."

"How is it that you can be so dumb, and yet so smart at the same time." I asked. Dean really did surprise me on occasions, this being one of them.

"It's a gift. So is it worth it?" I thought about the question. Nick was an awesome friend and I didn't want to lose him as that. But then again he was so sweet at times and I can almost imagine us being together.

"I don't know."

"Well them maybe it's time you figured that out. Starting with whether he likes you or not."

"Well that's the problem now isn't it. I mean one minute he's holding my face within inches of mine to the point I can feel his breath, and another minute he's complaining to me about the girl he..." I stopped, realizing what I was saying. I groaned and covered my eyes with my free hand. "Shit I'm so stupid."

"Tell me something I don't know. What's the problem now?" Dean asked.

"He doesn't like me. He has a crush on some girl in school. Shit how could I forget that."

"So..."

"So I guess that's it. I'm not gonna pursue this." I said, coming to my conclusion.

"But you want to don't you." Dean said, more a statement than a question. I said nothing. Yeah I do, but we don't always get what we want. Besides, I'm pretty sure that if I just let this go, I think I would, like Dean said, get over this crush.

"I'll survive this. I hope."