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Click hereMy name is Greg I live in a flat and I paid the rent.I let my fried Fred live in my basement and my girlfriend Shana . You could call it a Ideal place and I was thinking of buying this two story flat. a brick house that made me happy.
Especially women and the stories of this place would fill up two phone books and what was to be was not something new to us but the feelings I had were different this time and after all, all three of us were single.
All three of us were setting in a booth and I was setting by Fred and Fred was setting across from Shana. we were feeling good from the beer. Fred and Shana were making eyes at each other. Next they were holding hands and they stood up leaning across the table, that made me feel like a fixture on the wall where I was leaning.
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They spoke to me that they wanted to go home. I was the one who had a car. when we got in the car Fred and Shana got in the back and started kissing again.
We got home quickly I said I will drop you guys off and come back later. They replied no we want you to watch us Greg I said half joking said o.k. I will take notes.
Once inside Shana and Fred sat on the couch as I sat on the other side of the room in a easy chair. Fred kissing her on the lips, Shana moaned, Fred told her how lovely she was as he kissed her face and neck dropping one hand down to her white blouse unbuttoning the top button slowly the second one. Shana said how good it feels. Fred was on her lips again face, neck, shoulders. third button opened up showing Shana's sweet cleavage as Fred kissing and licking. The last buttons opened her up showing her bulging firm breast. Fred reach around her back and undid her bra reviling her beautiful her hard nipples surrounded areolas covered with tiny bumps.
Heavy breathing from Shana made her large globes rise and fall as they shed their clothes to boxer and panties while I went to get another beer and I realized I had half a hard-on. I set back down in my ring side seat. Fred was sticking long finger in Shana's mound of Venus glassing her love button; she shouted out oh Freddy my lover I am having an orgasm. Shana normally a shy person found her voice at last.
Shana removed her panties and Fred's boxer briefs. Oh Freddy what a amazing cock you have as she started up and down motions on his cock and his cock got bigger and harder. Fred was moaning now, she stuck his cock in her mouth sucking it hard.
Wow I thought this is hot. Fred ask her if she was ready to have sex yes she replied and Fred watched her spread her legs as his cock slowly went in her red haired bush. They set up a slow paced rhythm telling how much they loved each other. Till Shana got on top in her cow girl facing him was having the time of her life as Fred laid there still letting her have it her way. this went on for hours till they both exploded in a huge climax. Laying motionless for a few, Fred picked her up over his shoulder and took Shana downstairs.
Some how I felt relieved and strangely happy for both of them and next day they found a new place to live and I felt a burden lifted off me.
Next day was Friday, I went to work and I never knew how work was therapy for me as I was busy through the day, without thinking about last night.
After work I went Strait home, clean up, changed clothes and got a beer out of the frige and set down at the kitchen table, relaxing from the day at work.
Shana came to my mind; we been together for six months as I thought back how I picked her up at a country tavern and met and talked to her best friend Lalena a good looking blond. She said Shana always has sex on her first date, I had to admit it help me make a choice.
We went back to my flat got in bed and she started saying I want to suck your dick and down she went down on me till my dick got so hard I whispered in a low voice. Shana lets fuck as I pulled her up on my prick facing me. Shana started hunching me her big tits swaying and rippling. Shana liked it hard and fast we both popped our corks and came like champagne foaming out of the bottle.
I heard a a light raping on the front door. I got up slowly and to the door and to my surprise it was Lalena. Lalena said I heard you and Shana broke up yep I said and wont you come in and have a beer. She said yes with out hesitation, a good sign.
Come in the kitchen Lalena. She walked ahead of me showing me her perfect buttocks and a perfect inverted heart shaped buns. Her body very portioned in every respect.
After thee beers Lalina ask me if I needed some company. I said who did you have in mind. She smiled an spoke those wonderful words. Me she said still smiling. I cried out mercy yes please.
I complimented her on every detail about her and next thing we where in bed making tender love. In the after glow we cuddled and made love again and I held her in a cozy embrace.
I knew I was falling in love with Lalena. She was was the one who unlocked my heart a said I love you Greg. I said you must be reading my mind as I spoke with my heart; I Love you so very much, my precious one.
well lost love and found love
After a few weeks the owner lowered the price on the house and I bought it.
I welcome feedback
...guy from Botswana has a problem, you've got a bigger one!-pistolpackinpete
Without question this is in the top ten of the most disjointed and incomprehensible stories on this site. Thankfully it was brief, but not brief enough. "I let my Fried Fred live in the basement" was the most amusing error, but there were many other chuckles to be found. Seriously, this should never have gotten past the literotica sentry, because having this up for public perusal is only making you vulnerable to criticism such as this. Read the story out loud the way you have written it next time, and then put in the proper punctuation, capitalization and quotation marks so that it is readable.
Forget the stuff about needing an editor. What this story needs is beyond what an editor should be used for, which is catching the random mistakes. An editor should not take the place of taking the time to learn basic English (e.g., grammar and punctuation).
IT JUST NEEDS THE CHARACTERS FLESHED OUT AND MORE STORY DEVELOPEMENT
is your native tongue, you need an editor. If not, you need an editor. Then you need to learn the art of plotting a story and creating sympathetic characters. None of your characters are appealing expecially your narrator who, because of your grammar issues and poor plotting, come across as a moron. Assuming he is a normal man - and on this site that is always a good question - his behavior makes no sense. Get an editor, learn English better, and read and pay attention to how good stories are plotted.