Love Won't Die

Chapter 1

Alba and I were considered best friends. We often went out together to our favorite club, The Honey Lounge, a strictly lesbian club as the name may indicate, at least to us lesbians. We weren't a couple, but we did share a small house; we were strictly platonic. That said, she suggested a pact that if one of us hooked up with another girl, we'd either go to the other girl's place, or if we both got lucky, we'd have a previously arranged signal to let the other know if the house would be used. The only problem, for me at least, was that I just didn't hook up. I wasn't really in the game. That never happened, though Alba did occasionally wind up at a femme's house.

Alba was a catch for just about anyone, and she did hook up at regular intervals, at least enough to satisfy her, and per our arrangement, she always wound up at the lucky girl's place. She chided me some, but wasn't intrusive. She was cool with how I seemed to be. True, we had what I guess might be called a strange arrangement but it was working. Alba was a rare person, and a friend such as I l hadn't had in the past. It went back to how we met, and even before that, what I considered the odd life Alba had early on. Not long after we met she told me a little about some early experiences.

"I was just past my twelfth birthday. At the time, we were Catholic, though my father hadn't gone to church in a long time. I don't even remember him going with us, only my mother and two brothers. Why my father didn't go, I wasn't sure, but Mom made sure the rest of us went, had us go to confession the previous day, and took communion on Sunday. You know about communion, right?"

"Uh-huh. Is it different for Catholics, do you think? " I asked, not knowing the first thing about Catholicism.

"Yes, but that's not important. What I want to tell you is about Father Delaney. He wasn't an old guy as many were, and he was sort of handsome, and very friendly. All the kids liked to hang around him, and he seemed to encourage it. Anyway, we had this playground sort of behind the church, and inside, there was a gym with a basketball court, and one outside too for when the gym was closed.

"I'd not shown any interest in boys, I wonder why," she said with an innocent sideways grin. "Father Delaney" she went on, "must have noticed it and asked me about it. I told him I didn't know why, I just wasn't interested. He turned on his huge, all encompassing smile, and told me that I could be his girl then until I had a boyfriend, and he gave me a friendly sideways hug on the shoulder.

"Not thinking anything about it, I smiled, actually pretty pleased with myself at his having shown me this bit of what I thought was special attention. Boy, I was soon enough to find out just how special his attention was meant to be, at least in part. Whenever he'd see me he'd always asked: 'How's my girl today?'. That gave me a warm feeling. It's nice to think someone thinks well of you, sort of special like you know. Anyway, keep in mind that I was only twelve, okay."

I nodded and waited for her to go on. She did.

"A few months later, he saw me and called me. He was at the door to where they lived, and not thinking anything of it, I went and he invited me in. He asked how I was, then gave me a lopsided grin and asked if I had a boy friend yet. Naturally I told him no for, as you know, boys just didn't do anything for me, not then, and not ever.

"Still feeling at ease with him, I smiled shyly, and he told me that I was still his girl then, and gave me a small hug and kissed my forehead. Innocent enough, huh?" she looked at me with a sardonic look and a rolling of her eyes.

I grinned too, but pretty much thought I knew some of what was to follow. I was mostly right.

"Well that was it, but I didn't know it yet. 'Yeah, you're my girl, Alba, and a very pretty one at that.' Wow! That nearly made my day, but then he kissed me on the mouth, and I mean kissed me, pressing me against the wall. I was in shock, not to mention completely confused. I had no idea what was going on, or why, or what I was supposed to think. My mind was a jumble, I tell you.

"It got worse. I was trying instinctively to turn away from him, but he didn't let me until one of his hands went for my breast that had already popped out real good, and just as quickly it went to try to undo my jeans. That's when I really must have panicked. He had to back away a little though he kept kissing me, but he was so busy trying to get his way with me that he gave me some space, lucky me.

"My head down, and desperate as could be, I must have looked at his feet cause the next think I knew I'd lifted my foot and smashed it down on his instep. I must have got him good cause he howled loudly and danced away on one foot. Being turned loose, and scared like hell, as fast as I could, I ran out of there and didn't stop running until I was home."

"God, Alba, what did you do then?" I dumbly asked.

"Do? Nothing, I guess. I went to my bedroom and was scared shitless. I mean, I was really shook up, and my mind was flying with all kinds of insane thoughts that didn't make any sense, and I stayed that way. Mom asked me what was wrong when I couldn't eat, but I just told her I wasn't feeling well, and asked to be excused. My mind didn't give me any rest."

"At school, I didn't have any luck, and the teacher wouldn't let me off the hook. She was a real sweetheart, and when she felt something had to be wrong, she pulled it out of me. To make a long story short, she had my parents in and told them what I'd said. Dad went berserk! Before he called the cops, he'd gone and punched out Father Delaney. He was so mad that if Father Albert hadn't stopped him, he might have killed him. Needless to say, Father Delaney was quickly transferred out. They said he needed special hospital care, but as everyone knows now, they just moved him to someplace else and hushed it all up. Ain't that a bitch?" she ended it.

I could tell that she had gotten lost in the old feelings as she told it to me, and I wondered what I could do, should do, to help her out of it. It was a dumb thing to say, but it worked.

"No, it ain't a bitch," I said with a small smile. "Some bitches are kind of sweet, ain't they?" I said, my smile turning into a grin and I hoped for the best. It was okay.

"Yeah, Polly, some are, aren't they? Shame on me for mixing them up with that bastard."

"All of those bastards," I said emphatically, and making a face to back it up.

"Uh-huh, all of 'em. Pricks!"

She'd gotten past it, and the old Alba that I knew was back from the captivity of her bad memories.

* * * *

Thereafter Alba found out that we had a similar connection, that being how our religious life affected us. I hadn't had the awful one time experience that Alba had that was so traumatic. No, mine was more of an ongoing thing, most likely as so many others probably had too. It was religion being hammered into me, and me not aware of it; the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts, the hellfire and brimstone stuff.

Before I knew it, it was in me like a time bomb waiting for me to fuck up enough, to defy it in the most probable way possible before it set me off into a world of darkness. It almost got me, but not quite.

Too long after I realized that I was the poster girl for neurotics anonymous, and a trip to the depths of La-la-land, it was in me like a gene gone wild; mutated and finally ready to shatter my life just like a growing cancer. I had my own brand of bastards, and they weren't stealthy either, but I didn't know it until it was almost too late. Well, maybe they were stealthy then. Yeah, they had to be.

Unlike Alba's father, mine, as well as my mother, were big Jesus freaks. When the preacher blasted homosexuality, and left off to give the congregation their opportunity to punctuate his condemnation of them, my father's voice was at the forefront of those letting out with the 'Amens' along with just about all other males, the women nodding their heads in righteous indignation. I almost didn't have a chance, but it was some years before I honestly knew it. Back then I was just about brainwashed, resolving in my mind that I would forever be on guard against any such abominations, and avoid them like the plague.

That mind set just about did me in. Loving other women wasn't something I set out to do, and when it happened, the bomb nearly went off in me. That love was slow in revealing itself to me, maybe because my whole being had been set against it for all those early years.

When I did admit in a round about way that I did find other girls attractive, I told myself a little white lie, as they're called. Many women are attractive because it was God's way of making them noticed by men so that they could come together, marry, and procreate. Well, part of it is true, but just not for everyone. I didn't allow myself to delve into that part of me—my thought processes shut that down so that I didn't consciously notice it.

But that was a time bomb in me too, and therein was the confusion, the contradiction, that in time I wouldn't be able to avoid. Oh, I held out for a long, long time, to be sure. And as I did, I kept increasingly noticing other women, girls, that is, and it started before puberty. Something in me knew that I had to hide those erroneous thoughts and growing feelings, so I buried myself in everything I could which mostly turned out to be school studies. I did exceptionally well in those. Maybe too well, then again, maybe not.

It started to come to a head when I became friends with Kayla. Insofar as being at the top of our classes, we were right there together, she nearly being the Valedictorian and earning the second spot; I was third. The damnable thing was that Kayla was more than good looking, she was stunning, or so I thought at the time. According to her, so was I. Like Alba, my breasts, and everything else, blossomed like well cared for roses. I even took to wearing glasses to appear more aloof so that everyone thought I was a stick-in-the-mud and only interested in my books. The guys left me alone, but not in their minds, or their eyes. It was the same with Kayla, but she never wore glasses.

No, Kayla relished being ogled, and not just by boys. She enjoyed other girls looking at her, but they looked at her in envy, at least as far as I knew, or thought I knew. Later I would wonder if that was true, but I never would know for sure. There was no clique, though many of the other girls tried to be friendly enough to be accepted by us—by Kayla, really. She'd smile that phony smile she had, then let them know by her ignoring them that she wasn't interested in their admiration in any way. Was she narcissistic? That was a good possibility.

I noticed all of that, but I also noticed that for whatever reason, she genuinely liked me. Me? The longer we were together as seemingly inseparable friends, the more my inner confusion grew—I was more than falling under her spell, I was feeling strange things within myself that I refused to give purchase to. I began to dream about her, to think of being with her too much.

When it was time to graduate, I knew I was dreading being parted from her.

"Hey, what are you going to do this summer?" she asked before graduation day.

"Look into which college I want to go to, I guess."

There wasn't enough money to go wherever I might think I wanted to, and I never thought that way, just to go to college and make something of myself so I wouldn't be a burden on my parents for my whole life. I was the oldest of three.

"Me, I'm going to loaf before I head out. You know, enjoy the summer before I get back to the grind," she said.

She could readily do that, her parents being well off, if not quite rich. They were going to take a trip overseas and visit a few places they wanted see, and maybe some they'd already seen, sort of rekindle their early love. That was nice, I thought, and wished my parents could do that. They'd never taken a trip as far as I knew, not even locally. They were happy as they were.

"Hey, how about you come to stay with me for a few days. After graduation, my parents are leaving in the afternoon. How about it; we can celebrate the last of high school together. Maybe eat as we wish, swim in the pool, and have a private bash together. Think your parents might say okay to that?"

My parents knew her but not really well, though they didn't seem sure if they liked her or not. Kayla always acted as if she enjoyed being around them, but I guess some of her not so obvious ways didn't escape them; still they were always pleasant and smiled at her, or with her, I should say. They knew she was a great student, and I guess that tipped them over to accepting her, maybe thinking she was good for the student in me too. If they thought that, they were fairly right, but they never knew about how I was feeling about her, or how I was thinking of her so often, or the confusion that had been ripping at my insides and getting worse as time went by.

After we'd graduated, and Kayla's parents left, she was with us for dinner, then we went to her house. My bag in hand with my overnight essentials, we bid goodbye to my parents and siblings.

Chapter 2

I'd seen the subdivision where Kayla lived, and knew it had some of what I thought were pretty fancy houses, but I was surprised after we'd entered the garage and walked in. It was a two story house, and everything looked new in it. She led us up to her bedroom, and my breath caught.

"Oh, wow! This is fabulous," I couldn't help saying.

"Thanks. I kind of like it too. Come on, lets see how the bed fits you," she said, and with a huge grin, flopped onto the bed with her back. "Come on, girl, try it out since we'll be sleeping on it—if we sleep that is. We have to celebrate for a while, then maybe, huh?"

That oversized grin never left her face.

"Speaking of celebrating..." she left off whatever she was going to say, and got up, then pushed me onto the bed. "Like it?":she asked.

"Uh, yeah, it's comfortable."

"Good, now let's start doing our celebrating," she said, and with that opened a bottle of wine that I hadn't seen, and poured a couple of glasses. "Here," she said. "To us, to our new lives, and to freedom."

"But we're already free, Kayla," I couldn't help saying.

"True, but we're all grown up now, and soon we'll be off to college, and we won't have anyone around to keep us penned in and always making you feel as if you have to do this and that, right?"

She was still grinning, and happy as can be. "I guess you're right."

She had a point, but not one that had bothered me, and it still didn't, but when she raised her glass and clinked mine, I took a sip as she took a bigger one. It tasted good. I'd had wine, but just a small sip in church for communion at morning services; this wine was much better.

We talked of inconsequential things, laughed a lot, and as we did, she finished her glass of wine. I'd had a bit more. We'd had a good dinner, and we were enjoying ourselves, so the wine was drunk by me, but slowly.

"Hey, drink up, girl. Time to let loose and celebrate, remember?" she asked with a brilliant smile.

She'd poured herself another glass, and partially refilled mine. It felt good to be as we were. Frankly, I'd never had a girl session like this in my entire short life. In no time at all, it was after ten. She brought out some finger food, cheeses, and an assortment of crackers.

"The cheese and crackers go good with the wine," she said.

She was right, but I still only mildly sipped on the wine. Shortly she asked if I wanted to swim.

"I don't have a swimsuit with me," I said.

"No problem, I have a couple that I've never used, and we're about the same size," she said, looking me over just long enough to where I was mildly discomforted. "Come on, let's get you into one."

What she showed me were a couple of bikinis, both with tops that had under wire. I hesitated.

"Look, you change here and I'll go in the other bedroom, okay?"

She'd deciphered my slowness before I did; I nodded. Swimming did sound like a good idea. When I'd changed, she came in right after and stared at me in admiration.

"Girl, you are a real hottie," she said, bringing a huge blush to my face, and how much further down I didn't know.

She smiled. :"What, nobody's ever told you that you look sexy before?"

My blush worsened, and I shook my head.

"Well, you are, now come on, let's get wet. We need to work off the calories so we can make room for more," and she led us out.

The pool was pretty big, and it looked very inviting to me. Kayla dove in and I followed right after. It felt more than good; it was very exhilarating in fact. When we'd had a pretty long swim, she had towels handy for us, and we sat on lounging chairs. Everything was perfect, I thought.

"This has been wonderful," I said. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you're enjoying it. We had to have a party to bid adieu to being considered kids, and to officially becoming grown ups, huh?"

We laughed, and she held out her hand. I took it for a moment. Yes, this was all perfect. We let the night air finish drying us off, but then she suggested another dip.

"I really am glad you said yes, Polly. It would have been a shame to be alone on a day like this."

I thought about it, and agreed that she was right. We'd been good friends for all of our years in high school, more so the last three years, and my thoughts of our times became nostalgic.

"I think I'll remember our times fondly after we're wherever we're headed to," I said wistfully.

"Yeah, me too. God, I would have hated it if you hadn't been there with me. You've been a great friend."

"You too," the nostalgic feeling reasserting itself.

"Let's dry off and go back in and have another glass of wine before we hit the sack. Whadda ya say?" she asked with a lilt in her voice.

We went to where the towels were left and dried off again. As we went in, I couldn't help but look at the perfection of her body. My senses were stirred more than they had been just a while ago. Kayla had magnificent legs, and though I blushed a little, I thought that her butt looked very enticing too, not to mention her breasts. With her blond hair and blue eyes, she was very sexy looking, but I quickly blocked that thought out. Still, I knew I'd had it; that there was no denying.

She poured us another glass of wine. "Just to make sure we don't catch a chill."

She started drinking, and so did I, this time more than just sipping a little. I was getting used to it, or so I thought. In no time, we'd both finished our glass, and I sensed that I was feeling mellow. It was a good feeling. I fleetingly wondered what our preacher would say if he knew, but that thought didn't take hold. She took my glass and put it up with hers.

"Okay, so I don't make you blush again, I'll go into the other room and put on my sleep shirt while you do the same here," giving me a lopsided grin as she said that.

Yes, I blushed again and saw her grinning as she walked away. I quickly stripped and got into my night gown. No sooner than I was finished, she came in wearing a long T to sleep in. She climbed in and I went around to the other side. She was staring at me again.

"You know, you looked great in the bikini, but seeing how your boobs stand up under your top, I have to say that your set is fantastic, girl."

Though I blushed, my mouth opened without thought, and I said, "Thanks, but I think that yours are better."

"No way," she said, getting up on her knees and pulling her top off.

I gasped. She had beautiful breasts that were high, and with some large nipples that had me almost drooling, but though I noticed their beauty, my eyes were drawn to her vaginal lips: they were nude, and that did stun me. Kayla was so sexy looking to me.