Loving Husband/Loving Wife Ch. 05

"So much for the lore of a man with long fingers having a big long cock."

"Aint that the truth. I learned that before I graduated high school. Fat ones, skinny ones. Long and short ones. Those bent up or down or to the side. There's no way of knowing until he drops his pants. I remember one guy, way back when, had a bend in the middle, right up, almost a right angle. Strangest looking thing I ever..."

"Back to the nutty professor," I demanded.

"He put it in me. I had no idea just where his mind was. He came in less than a minute. It was the quietest man coming I've ever experienced. I've heard hiccups sound more passion than his orgasm. He went straight to the bathroom to clean himself, with the door closed. Oh well, you win some you lose some, I thought. I was fully dressed when he came out. He dressed as quickly as he could. Then it got really bad."

Women. Who trains them to relate in that circuitous style? Does it pass down from DNA?

"Really bad. Get on with it, damn it!"

"He crumbled, collapsed in remorse. He fell to his knees and demanded I kneel with him to pray to God to forgive us of our sin... Right. That stupefied look on your face. Imagine how I must have looked when he said that to me!" She started laughing again. "I told him, most earnestly, that I had committed a horrible error, but would settle my remorse in my own way. Any more Bloody Mary?"

I replenished our glasses from the pitcher. My wife was still settling her remorse.

"An Evangelical freak. Good God. If he had pulled a knife, tied me up, fucked my ass, that would have been frightening, and maybe terribly exciting. But wanting me to kneel with him to pray for forgiveness..." She shuddered. "Who would ever imagine a tenured English Lit. professor at the university to be an Evangelical freak? Would you have?"

"No," I said. "I wouldn't have." And I made a mental note to go straight to the background research company and jack them up on what was vital information. Their service didn't come cheap, and I felt short changed.

"Well, it is obvious that your solo escapades demand a slow, meticulous approach and very thorough understanding before you..."

"Obviously," she said, with a slight slur by the doubled vodka. She looked at me, with droopy eye lids, a little slutty, and said with honest need, "Now I need a real man to fuck me. Hard. Take me to bed."

*****

The Evangelical freak professor had given my wife's self-esteem a painful blow. The opposite of what her freedom of choice in solo affairs was intended to provide her. Roger and Larry had restored her confidence of youth and potential so much it was like gilding the lily. Charlie Moffit was such a drastic reversal that Jill was genuinely alarmed by loss far greater than youth - losing her mind. The morning after her debacle she wandered about, her eyes often squinting at mysteries in every corner.

"How could I not see more of what Charles was all about?"

"You just moved too fast."

"I moved fast a lot of times before, and was on target every time." She smiled and cocked her head. "Well, maybe not every time. There were some duds in the old days. But this. Could it be early onset dementia?"

I laughed. "How many fingers on your right hand? What day of the week is today? When is my birthday?"

She regained her composure and humor. But still she was slightly unsettled by what had taken place. We practiced no religion. We had no belief in any desert deity from the Middle East. Nor in any icon housed in a cave in the Orient. Evangelical freaks were in a category of faddish behavior as far removed from our interest as those who surrender half their body skin to hideous tattoos.

Charlie Moffit must have prayed to a disdainful God. A week later he started calling Jill. She ignored the calls. One day, out of curiosity, she answered. He wanted to see her again, with some half baked idea in his head that God would tolerate them having more sex. She countered with her conviction that God wanted her to inform his wife and the three of them join together in prayer sessions. Charlie disappeared, for ever.