Lydia's Dream Ch. 13-14

"We have actresses that do an even better job of faking it than Meg did."

"That's amazing," I replied.

Janie continued, "We don't do enhanced models unless the girl is really gorgeous and can put on a great show. We prefer her boobs to be reverberating like crazy when the guy is pounding her. Guys like that. We also insist on realistic sex. We don't let the girls talk sex trash or encouragement to the guys trying to concentrate. That is not realistic and will not be seen in our work. We also put extensive effort into beautiful settings and backdrops.

"My companies shoot for at least 70 different websites but they each add their names to our work. As long as we get paid, we don't care which website is the buyer. We do enforce our copyrights and nobody messes with us or they pay up. We collect an average of over a million a year from copyright infringements.

"I started the third company two years ago to focus on older models that still sold. We have one model whose body has more mileage than the LA Freeway but she still sells. Some women just have it and it's hard to describe. Pam and I have it. Men love the way we look on camera and our bodies are perfect for porn. We could both sell well into our 30's maybe longer if we stay in shape. Tom, since she's four years younger, Pam could take my place on shoots and no on would notice," she joked.

I glanced at Pam and said, "Don't get any ideas." She smiled.

Later than night, Pam and I practiced artistic sex just in case both of us needed a job some day.

Friday was another beautiful day and we walked over the farm again. Janie mentioned that she had met Bobby and Fred on Thursday morning. She thought Fred was very cute.

The day went quickly and when it was time to take Janie to the airport, Ruth and Pam came along. There were lots of hugs, kisses and tears shed before she boarded her Citation Sovereign for the trip home. That was a beautiful plane full of beautiful women.

Pam received a text message from Janie in the middle of the night saying she was home and would be talking to us soon.

We headed home on Saturday morning. Ruth told us that Jerri was planning to come for Christmas and that she would tell her about Janie at that time. We also committed to be there.

****

The next week was work, work and more work. Even our sex life cooled off. Pam volunteered at the shelters two days in the mornings and worked at the bank three full days. The rest of the time was planning the Christmas party and getting the house decorated. The final count of guests was 78 but we still hadn't heard from one couple.

The party was on Saturday, December 17th and everyone arrived starting at 7:00 pm. It was wild. The Christmas outfits some of the ladies and guys wore were works of art... bad art.

Pam wore a stunning dark red pants suit with lots of gold jewelry and a scarf that made her even more beautiful than normal. Her makeup, nails and hair were perfect. Every man at the party wanted to talk to her and she was the perfect hostess, circulating among all our guests with ease. We glanced at each other several times during the evening and she flashed me her famous devious grin. We hadn't had sex in more than a week and I could tell she would be great in bed that night after being surrounded by testosterone all evening.

About 11:00 the party was still loud and exciting as some people danced and others gazed out the window onto the lights of the city. Still others were in the kitchen snacking on the remaining desserts and drinking everything in sight. I looked around but didn't see Pam. I thought she might have gone to freshen up.

I walked to our bedroom and heard a noise. After cracking open the door to see which of our guests were there, my heart broke.

Pam was there with Brady, Wendy's boyfriend, and they were kissing. Her belt and pants were open and he had his hand down her panties. She was moaning with pleasure. It felt like the whole world just fell in on me.

I was stunned and my mind raced. Should I just close the door? Pam and I were not married, thank heavens. Yet, she had given me her word. She betrayed me and I was devastated. I felt rage and hurt. The anger suddenly took control. I quickly opened the door to confront them.

Brady and Pam jumped and he quickly pulled his hand out. Total shock and fear showed on both their faces.

"How could you, Pam?" I asked.

"Tom, uh, uh. I'm sorry." She began wailing and, in her anguish, dropped to the floor.

Brady was muttering something about being sorry but I couldn't focus on him. The love I had for Pam just seemed to die instantly. I was numb but the pain was still overwhelming. I had a terrible lump in my throat and fought to hold back the flood of tears.

"Brady, gather your stuff and leave immediately. You are to break up with Wendy and get out of her life or else I will tell her what happened here. You do not deserve her love. You understand me?"

"Uh, yes."

"And if word of this ever gets out and I hear of it, you're a dead man. I will make sure you never draw another breath. You understand?"

"Yes. I'm sorry Tom."

"I am too. Now leave my house. I expect to never see you again."

He walked out of the room and I stood looking down at Pam as she bawled on the floor. A small part of me wanted to console her but I turned and walked out. Anger and hurt was consuming me and I would certainly have hit her had I stayed.

I went back to the party but everyone knew that something was wrong. I apologized and said Pam was not feeling well and that we needed to call it a night. Everyone understood and began gathering their belongings. Each stopped to thank me for such a wonderful party and to wish me a merry Christmas. Brady and Wendy had already left.

While the team from Bistro cleaned up the rooms and washed all the dishes, I returned to the bedroom. Pam was still lying on the floor, in a fetal position and weeping.

I sat on the floor beside her but didn't say anything. What could I say? My emotions were so conflicted that I couldn't think logically. After a few minutes, I walked out and thanked the guys for their hard work and gave each of them a nice tip. They finished in about fifteen minutes and I glanced at my watch. It was midnight.

I went to another bedroom and collapsed. For the second time in my life, the one I loved with all my heart was gone. Just gone. At least I had some time with Lydia to prepare for that.

I took two sleeping pills and wept until I fell asleep.

****

The next morning, I walked to the master bedroom. Pam was not there and her suitcases were missing, along with her clothes. On the nightstand next to my side of the bed was a note.

"Tom, please forgive me. I lost control for just a minute and it happened. Rather than prolong your agony, I have decided to leave. A taxi is picking me up and by the time you read this, I will be out of your life. I am very, very sorry this happened. I do love you with all my heart, Pam."

I sat and cried. My pain was almost unbearable.

All day long, I was a zombie... more dead than alive. How could I deal with this again? I actually yelled at and cursed God for letting this happen. I stared out the window but the valley was full of rain clouds. The house was empty and so was I. All of my future hopes and dreams had been focused on her. Now there was nothing.

The phone rang but I didn't answer it. I didn't want to talk with anyone.

About an hour later, I noticed the message light on the phone and I listened to the recording.

"Tom, this is Janie. Pam is with me here in Santa Monica. She told me what happened and she's totally devastated. I'm very worried about her. Give me a call on my cell phone and let's talk. Please."

I debated whether to call. I was just too hurt and mad. There was a large part of me that was glad Pam was devastated. But, the very small part of me that still loved her convinced me to at least consider calling.

I prayed to God, who I had cursed earlier, to give me wisdom and help me understand what I should do. Several minutes later, I picked up the phone and called.

"Tom, I am so relieved you called. Pam is upstairs in a bedroom and she's hardly stopped crying since she's been here. She called me this morning from the airport and I rushed to pick her up. She was a mess and you know how she is about her appearance. We drove home and she explained what happened. She asked if she could stay here a few days.

"Tom, she loves you and is totally shattered. She really needs your forgiveness. I understand if you can't forgive her. She screwed up big time. But can you possibly fly out and just talk to her?"

I didn't respond for several moments as I debated what to do. I was sure Janie could hear me sobbing. As I sat there, an amazing sense of peace overcame me and I knew what I needed to do.

"Janie, I'll come. Let me see if I can get a flight tomorrow and I'll let you know. I'll take a taxi to your house."

"Thank you. I'm not going to tell her you're coming or she might take off. She knows she has just killed you and she is so ashamed."

We hung up and I called Delta. They had a seat available and I booked it to LAX. It would arrive at 10:08 in the morning their time. I called Janie and told her I was coming and when my plane would land. She gave me her address in Santa Monica and thanked me again.

****

A taxi dropped me at her house and Janie met me at the door.

"Tom, thank God you came."

I hugged and kissed her.

"She cried off and on all night and I'm very worried about her. When I walked in to check on her during the night, she had found a bottle of my prescription sleeping pills. I took them away from her and locked up all the other pills I have around here. Thank goodness, she hadn't taken them."

Janie walked me to Pam's bedroom. She was in bed and had her back turned to the door. She was quiet and seemed to be sleeping. I quietly walked in and went around to the side she faced and dropped to my knees beside the bed.

She soon opened her eyes and a look of fear, anguish and total exhaustion stared at me. We didn't say a word for a few moments as her tears flowed again. I reached out and moved her matted hair off her face before leaning in to kiss her damp cheek. I couldn't help it. I still loved her.

She struggled to speak, "Tom, I'm so, so sorry. I don't know why it happened but it did." She was hoarse from crying so much.

"Pam, we both knew such a thing was possible. We both knew about your addiction to sex and how it has controlled a part of your life for so long."

"I know. I don't understand myself; but I do love you, Tom. Can you please forgive me?" I didn't answer. "Please Tom." Her crying became louder and her plea more urgent.

"I'm very hurt. You betrayed me, our relationship and everything we've meant to each other. You betrayed yourself, Pam. But I believe in forgiveness, no matter what happened. I can forgive you but we must talk and decide the best path forward. Continuing as we are is not going to work.

"Now, let's get you up and in the shower. I want to see the Pam I really know come out of this bedroom." She finally smiled a little through the tears.

I walked to the door and saw Janie was standing in the hallway. "Did you hear what I told her?" I asked.

"Yes. Had I been you, I wouldn't have been so easy on her. You're a more forgiving person than I am."

"Let's give her some time. I want to spend a few hours with her and talk through it."

"Good. I've got errands to run and will give you privacy. Call me when the coast is clear."

While waiting for Pam, I called Ron and told him I had to make an emergency trip to help a friend in LA. He said he had been wondering where I was and asked if there was anything he could do to help. I told him no and that I might be a few days.

I called Dad and told him the same thing. He didn't know I had any friends in LA so I lied and said it was a friend of Pam's. Since Pam was not scheduled to work at the bank until Thursday, we had some time to decide what she wanted to do about the job.

In about an hour, Pam emerged. She was dressed nicely and looked decent for not having slept for two days. Her makeup was okay, not perfect, and her eyes were very bloodshot. I stood and held out my arms to her. She walked quickly and hugged me but began weeping again with her head on my chest.

"Pam, please stop crying. It doesn't look good on you." She laughed but the tears continued.

We sat on the sofa and held hands. She was shaking. Tears welled in my eyes but I was determined to be strong.

"Tom, you're always advising people to just be honest and tell the truth. Can I do that?"

"Yes. I want that."

"At the party, Brady noticed me right away and became very friendly. I didn't want to embarrass him in front of Wendy so I put up with it. As the night went on, he got more and more friendly and I knew what he was trying to do. I think he was drinking too much. When I went to our bedroom to freshen up, he followed me. When I saw him there, I didn't know what to do. I told him to get out but he wouldn't leave. I tried to leave but he blocked my way and grabbed me. He kissed me and something within me just clicked. I lost my head. He undid my belt and pants. It was like I was in a daze. When he reached to fondle me, you walked in. I was not going to have sex with him, but I don't expect you to believe me."

"All I know, Pam, is what I saw. You were definitely kissing him with the passion you usually have for me. You were aroused and moaning and I believe he would have been in you in a few more minutes. And I believe you would have enjoyed it."

She began whimpering again and dropped her head.

"Pam, although I'm really hurt and angry with you, I still love you. I don't want to end our relationship. Do you?"

"No, I don't; but I've hurt you so much, I think there will always be a wound in your heart that will never heal."

"Pam, I've also messed up, maybe a lot more than you have. That's why I've spent the last three weeks apologizing to many of my employees. As I was flying here, I realized that you slipped just like I've done, but in a different way. What you did hurts me but what I did hurt many others. We can't let that slip destroy our future. Lydia told you in the dream that troubled times would come and try both of us. She knew we would have these issues, it seems, but she still supported you and told you to be my biggest helper. That was proven to be a real message from her."

"Lydia also told me that your love has no limits. I'm afraid I tested that and I am so ashamed."

I replied, "You once said to me that with God, anything is possible. I believe that. But we have work to do. We've known each other for less than two months and we know now that we have a lot to learn about each other. In many ways, it's been unrealistically easy for us. I want you to go back with me tomorrow. And I'd like you to agree to go with me for counseling with our minister. We must work on this together. However, I think the first thing you and I need to do, right now, is to ask for God's forgiveness.

"Why you?"

"I called Him some pretty bad things yesterday."

"Oh."

For the next thirty minutes, we were on our knees with our hands on the sofa praying for help, mercy, wisdom and forgiveness. We had to pause and cry several times but it was the most important thirty minutes of our lives. Her words were sincere and I knew for a fact Pam believed what she was saying to God. Our lives were changed during that short time and we knew then that we would need God's help forever. I truly loved her and she truly loved me but that was not enough.

I called Janie and she returned in the mid-afternoon. We shared a great three-person hug before sitting at the table to talk with beers in our hands.

"Janie, I appreciate you being here for Pam. What happened hurt all three of us. We've talked and committed to each other and to God that we will learn from this and move ahead. I think I relaxed too much, got too comfortable and started taking Pam for granted."

Pam stopped me and said, "No Tom. It wasn't your fault in any way. There's no excuse for me letting another man touch me while I'm committed to you. You asked me one time if I could be faithful to just one man. I thought I could until this happened. I can't explain it but it's like something takes over inside me when I get the least bit aroused."

Janie replied, "Tom, I'm the same way. I need a lot of sexual stimulation and I'm not the sane person I normally am if I go without it for more than a week. From what Mom told me, all us Davis women are like that."

"Mom said that?" Pam asked.

"Yes. We were sitting in front of the fire one evening talking about our lives. I didn't hold anything back and told her all about the escort business and doing it with women for the camera. Mom said that she also enjoyed sex and keeps several toys in her bedside table. Shocked the hell out of me." We all laughed. "Now my companies shoot women her age many times but I never thought about my own mother doing it with toys until she told me." We all laughed again.

Pam added, "As Tom will confirm, she's also a screamer. You should have heard them going at it over Thanksgiving weekend." We laughed once again.

"Ladies, I've not had anything to eat today. Can I take you both to dinner."

"Cool. Do you two like seafood?" Janie asked.

Pam replied, "We love it and I'm starving."

"There's a very nice restaurant called The Lobster on Ocean Avenue. It's a neat place with a great view. Their raw bar is the best around."

"It sounds like fun. Let's go," Pam said, "but I need a few minutes to dress."

Janie replied, "You look very tired. How about a nap first? I need to get you a fresh set of sheets also."

"That sounds good. Thanks."

"I need to make a call to the airline. We need to book seats home tomorrow."

Janie replied, "You're welcome to stay as long as you want."

"Thanks sis, but I need to be at work on Thursday so we should go home tomorrow," Pam replied.

I asked, "Can you come to Ruth's for Christmas. Jerri is going to be there and we wouldn't miss it for anything."

Janie replied, "You can count on me. I've already arranged the trip and look forward to meeting Jerri and David. Mom and I have talked several times about it. Our company plane is due in for extensive maintenance next week, right after Christmas, and we will be flying some of my team to the Carolinas on Christmas Eve.

"We're dropping two off in Memphis. If you'd like, we can pick you up at Chattanooga and go on to Greenville together. The two pilots are from Greensboro and Raleigh, and we'll have their wives on board and maybe one of their daughters. This is a perfect time for them to spend Christmas with their families."

"Who's doing the maintenance for you?" I asked.

"It'll be done at the Charlotte service center by Pratt and Whitney mechanics. It should be finished by New Year's Day, and the pilots will pick us up on the way back. This will be the first time I've celebrated Christmas since my parents died."

"It'll be the first real celebration I've had since Lydia passed away," I said.

"And it will be the first real one I've had," Pam added, "since I left home three years ago."

****

Arrival at the restaurant was interesting. Janie drove her new black Mercedes S550 and found a spot on the street two blocks away. The ocean view was spectacular with just a few rays of the setting sun skipping across the waves. As we walked, many people did double takes at the two identical blondes. I was very proud to be walking between them.

As the hostess opened the door, an African-American gentleman at the desk greeted us. Janie had been there several times so she was well known.