Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 33

Those days were through. And when he explained his reasoning's to her, she beamed at him, and she understood. She told him, his love was her best medicine.

***

Later on, getting closer to evening, Lynne looked at Leif's mother, and asked brightly,

"Do you all go to church on Christmas,"

Obviously she'd never been to church on Christmas, as she'd been raised to believe that Christmas was not Jesus's birthday, and did not celebrate the holiday. Lynne still wasn't sure about Jesus birthday, but she now felt like that didn't really matter, what mattered the most was the spirit behind Christmas, which was to give thanks for Jesus, and all that he'd done for Earth's children. So, if one was going to celebrate Christmas, in Lynne's mind, it made sense to spend some of that time in church.

Leif's mother smiled at her.

"I do go sometimes, but it's hard to get away with all these men around here. None of them will go anywhere near a church unless it's someone's wedding or a funeral. I had Leif try to go to various Sunday schools in all different denominations, because I wanted him to understand what worship meant. Once he'd completed that course of study, and I told him he didn't have to go anymore, you would have thought he was Dorothy kicking his heels down the yellow brick road," said his mother.

Lynne chuckled.

"I'm not surprised at Leif. He's so naughty, that's why he's scared of church. But I'd like to go today. I haven't been to church in a long time. I'm not welcome at my parents church, but it'd be nice to find one that would accept me. Where I'd be okay," she said softly, timidly.

"Baby, what did I tell you about feeling like you need the validation of an organized religious group, in a physical building. That fucking church you belonged to was full of emotional abusers. You can do what you want, you're a grown woman, but I don't want you in there with those type of people. You don't have to crave for anyone's acceptance. I hate that they've abused you like that sweetheart," said Leif softly.

"I didn't say I wanted to go back to the church where I was raised. I just want to be in a church. Even if it's just some old abandoned church building. Just for a little while. It just feels wrong to me, to be on what might be the Savior's birthday and not do any church stuff," said Lynne.

Leif rolled his eyes at Lynne.

"Oh Leif, come off of it! If she wants to go to church for a little bit today, she can go to church. I really don't think she's looking to be emotionally manipulated anymore. To tell the truth, I miss going sometimes. It's hard to get motivated to go when you're by yourself. And I know a nice church you can visit. I think you should explore all types of religions, and see what one suits you best. There are all kinds of faiths out there not just Christian-" said his mother.

Lynne was enjoying this discussion so far. She appreciated the latitude and the freedom to even explore her relationship with God, rather than being told what to believe.

"Lynne knows, I've talked to her about Eastern faiths Christian faiths and everything. I don't want anyone making my baby feel like she's not good enough and she can't be herself. She's been suffering for so long in that way," grumbled Leif.

"Baby, I appreciate what you are trying to do, and protect me from hurt, but I need to make my own decision. I just want to explore what's out there. I'm not going to get involved with anymore emotionally abusive faiths. I was never allowed to explore any faiths before. Not allowed to even talk about religion to someone outside of my church, unless I was trying to convert them into my own faith. All of that stuff we are talking about now was forbidden...and now, that I'm free to explore, I'd like to know what's out there," said Lynne.

"Okay. Okay. I guess I'm being too protective. I just don't want anyone or anything to hurt you anymore, now that I'm your man. With Mom there, it should be cool. I'm sure whatever they are doing in those churches she mentions isn't toxic like how it seems you were raised. I just want you to be careful sweetheart. You don't have to make any decisions right away, and don't let them make you feel bad about the lovely woman you are," said Leif protectively.

"Leif, it feels good to have your protection. I've never felt so safe before, and I mean it. No one has ever been the least bit concerned with how my faith was making me feel inadequate emotionally, or with whether I felt comfortable or not. You taking that kind of interest in me, and protecting me means everything to me. I will investigate everything I do, and learn in church today really well, and make you proud, I'll make notes, and tell you about what I've learned, and whether I feel like it's a healthy place to worship sometimes, and my reasoning's," said Lynne, and she beamed at him.

"That sounds good Lynney. You have fun baby, and remember what I told you. He, whatever metaphysical being he is, or She, whatever she might be, she loves you, and your sweet little soul so much," he added dotingly stroking her chin dimple.

And He hugged her very gently. Leif telling her, that she was loved by god, instead of the message of castigation that she used to get when she fell short of any of the list of the myriad of requirements in her former faith meant a lot. Her eyes were filled up with water as she squeezed him tight.

"Thanks Leify," said Lynne.

"Okay, well the Church has a service at around 6 PM hon, a few hours from now," said his mother.

"Okay. I'll get dressed," said Lynne brightly.

"What you're wearing is fine Lynne," said Linda.

"I'd rather change," said Lynne.

She was after all wearing just a simple t-shirt and jeans. Dressing for church before had met a long skirt or a dress, dress shoes, and styling her hair so that it was not too flashy.

She walked over to the cottage, showered, washed and flat ironed her hair, then started looking through her clothes for an appropriate outfit.

"I don't have a formal dress," sighed Lynne aloud.

She was surprised to see Leif standing in the doorway, looking at her tenderly.

"Mom said you don't need a formal dress baby. Just be yourself. And I don't want you fooling around with anyone where Lynne Miller, soon to be Peterson ain't enough baby," said Leif sweetly.

His gentle words gave Lynne so much confidence. And she settled on a jean skirt which stopped below the knees, a polo shirt, and a cute strappy pair of sandals.

She put a blazer on top of the polo shirt.

Then she walked over to the main house waiting for Leif's mother.

Lynne was shocked to see Leif walking across the field in his own khaki's t-shirt, and sandals.

He came into the living room from the sliding glass door.

"I....I haven't been to church in a long time, but....I wanted to come baby. I know it's important to you. I hope I'm not spoiling the party for you and Linda. I want to be where you want to be. If this exploring religion and God shit is important to you on Christmas, I want to be there too," said Leif.

"I'm happy that you want to come too. I mean, you're my man, but you coming makes me feel like we're already family," said Lynne.

He sat beside her on the couch and pulled both his hands lovingly in her own.

"We are a family. We have been since I gave you the ring. I can see why you like to explore churches. You might want us to get married in one. Might want to send our babies off to Sunday school. Just as long as you remain open, and continue to explore, don't get tied down into one system of thinking, and don't let anyone tell you what kind of person they think they you are. That's between you, and God," said Leif sweetly.

"I might want us to get married in a church, and to teach our kids about some type of faith, but I sort of like your Mom's style, having them explore several options, and picking and choosing what they would like to do. Like she did with you. I will always be open from here on out. Now that I have escaped that hellhole I grew up in, I have no desire to go back to dogmatic, rigid, thinking system. I don't want to do our children the way my parents did me, teaching me that there was only one way to believe, and if I didn't believe it, that I was going to miss out on the rapture, and lose eternal life," said Lynne.

***

Leif drove his fiancée and mother to church. He was not at all the church going type, but seeing Lynne in her little demin skirt, and her shirt, and her little blazer, her sweet brown eyes looking so innocent, and open, just wanting to praise god on Christmas, made him want to participate. He wanted to be with her, by her side, because it seemed so important to her. Part of love, and wanting to be her husband very soon was supporting his little wifey to be in activities that meant something to her, even if it didn't mean a lot to him.

Lynne also brought her bible, and Leif had already noticed it was worn out in several places. She read it a lot, and he hurt inside for Lynney, that she had been made to feel that Jesus, God, Yahweh, Buddha, whatever anyone wanted to call him, would not love her because she had decided that her parents faith was not for her, and to be her own person. Lynne also was reading other spiritual texts that he had recommended, such as the Bhagavad Gita. So it was an awareness and an awakening for her, and he was happy that he wanted to explore, and sorry that he'd wanted to halt her earlier exploration.

He gently caressed the inside of her palm with a loving thumb, and she grinned at him.

She took his hand, and his mother's hand, and she walked into the church.

***

Initially Lynne felt nervous. She was used to feeling a cold air as soon as she stepped into her old church with its bland textiles and fluorescent lighting, and mauve carpeting, no windows throughout the entire building. But the new church she was visiting was a multi-denominational church. It had a beautiful structure with stain glass windows, beautiful marble floors, and Lynne looked around eagerly at all the beautiful artwork.

In her old church, she was also used to the eyes of the parishioners on her, examining the length of her skirt, how she carried herself, whom she was speaking with. But here, people didn't seem to look at her wardrobe at all, although kind people introduced themselves to she, and Leif, and some even recognized Linda and greeted her with a hug.

Lynne figured it had been a while since Linda had been to church, but no one there treated Linda like a leper because of it. How different from her old church, where missing a service automatically drew attention and whispers when you walked in the door. Lynne immediately felt at home, especially when she and Leif spotted another older interracial couple, a black woman and a white man.

"Shoot, I feel like I've just been fast forwarded maybe thirty years," said Leif under his breath.

Lynne chuckled behind her hand, and his mother elbowed Leif.

But they got in a nice conversation with the couple. They actually seemed disappointed that Lynne and Leif were living in New York now, but promised to keep in touch.

"See, that's one of the good things about church Leif, even if you aren't into it for the spiritual reasons. Networking. It's not challenging to be in an interracial relationship like it used to be, but I'm sure that couple probably has some sage advice that you can use, should you need it," said Linda.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Linda. I don't have anything against this place. Sunday school was good, it's just that a lot of times, I find church boring," said Leif looking through the program.

"Stop being grouchy Leif, you know your Mom is right. And besides, maybe that couple will look us up if they ever come to New York. I want to be just like that couple, happily together thirty years later, and helping another young couple figure out what they need to do to get over any roadblocks," said Lynne with a grin.

"We're gonna be just like them baby. I fully plan to be a very old and wrinkly man, holding your hand and sitting beside you in the rocking chair. And, anyway, the services just got a lot more interesting by default of the fact that I'm sitting close to you," said Leif, pulling her into the circle of his arms, albeit very chastely.

They were in church after all.

*** "I am not going to be responsible when the lightening strikes Leif, stop looking at me like that," said Lynne with a delighted chuckle.

"What, I can't help it if you're a tasty treat. Even in that church girl outfit," teased Leif under his breath.

Lynne already had her bible out. Church or no church, she was damn yummy in her modest length skirt, her little t-shirt, and her schoolteacher blazer. He'd probably be going to hell for the thoughts he was having right now, but her brown eyes were glittery, and focused, and she looked happy. He could hangout with her here for once a month, just because it made her so happy, and he never thought he'd love anyone so much that he'd go along anywhere that he wasn't particularly interested in being, just to be close to his woman and feel her happiness.

But the happiness Lynne felt radiated over to him. And she drew people into their acquaintance even though she was shy, because she was a pretty girl with a bright spirit, and everyone could see that. Even the minister introduced herself.

And Leif was glad to see that the minister was female. That made quite an impression on Lynne, who had been taught that in matters of faith, women were second-class citizens who did not matter. She had a wide-eyed stare and asked the woman lots of eager questions.

Lynne asked questions about what their beliefs were on salvation, on people who didn't believe the same way as the church members, and on living together before marriage. Some of her questions were almost child like, and his throat felt thick with a lump. It was good for her to have gone to church today and he was wrong to try to stop her! She was searching for some type of spiritual acceptance, and it seemed that she was finding it in this service.

She got several good answers too, answers that made Leif feel much more assured as a fiancé and soon to be husband. The answers hinged around Lynne needing to search for her own answers, and spirituality, but that God or whatever higher being saw the light in everyone, and the path to spirituality was trying to increase the light of god within themselves, and just generally becoming a better person. Also, the pastor kept reassuring her that God loved her very, very much. There was nothing heavy there, nothing dogmatic. The female minister let them know that she was happy to see them there as a couple, and evidence of love was shown by commitment and it was up to them to decide how they wanted to commit to each other. Lynne mentioned that she would be marrying Leif very soon and proudly showed her engagement ring. It was another reason that Leif was so happy that he'd asked Lynne to marry him. It wasn't so much about the piece of paper, but in Lynne's eyes as well, that level of commitment that led to marriage was evidence that he loved her. That was plain in the way that she beamed at that pastor proudly showing her ring. It meant so much to her, that Leif wanted them to get married, and soon! Then she'd know for sure just how much he cared for her.

The pastor mentioned that it was lovely that they were getting married. Lynne agreed, but mentioned that she wanted to get married in church, and didn't think anyone would marry her and Leif, because Lynne had gone against what the bible said about living together before marriage.

The pastor's response touched Leif's heart. She actually stroked Lynne's cheek with her finger.

Looked the two of them dead in the eyes and said,

"I'd love to marry you. When is the date, you pick the time, and location. Even here if you want,"

So, church was a positive experience for Lynne that day, for probably the first time in her life. They listened to a sermon, a very generalized message about what love was, and how they could show it in the various aspects of their lives. There was nothing dogmatic about that part of the service that he could pick up, which was great for Lynne.

They sang hymns. The aisle was quiet when they sang, and it took Leif a little while to notice that they were quiet because they were listening to the beauty of Lynne's voice in the aisles.

A few people even turned around. Lynne got quiet, and his mother patted her back.

"It's okay hon, you've just got a nice voice, so people notice, but you can sing and give praise too, it's not showing off," said his mother.

Her confidence was stirred, that no one thought she was showing off, and she sang more.

Then, they lit candles and a few members said some things that they were thankful for.

Leif's heart was so moved, not by the service so much, but the non-dogmatic lessons, the openness of the members toward his Lynne, and the idea that Lynne could do as much, or as little as she wanted with the formal church, but the emphasis seemed to be on her own personal relationship with whatever higher being she believed in. He wasn't sold on this particular brand of faith. He was a firm believer that there was good in all faiths. But, if this was a place where she wanted to hang her hat from time to time, on Christmas, at Easter, or even to teach their babies about faith, he was fine with this. It was healthy for her. She could now also associate a church with love. His baby needed that. It was so important to recognize and understand her needs as he became her husband.

"I want to say something," said Leif.

Lynne's eyes looked simply shocked. They were as big as fifty-cent pieces. Linda held her hand to her lips slightly. Then he saw the two of them, mom and wife to be, nudging each other.

Leif looked at them and almost chuckled. He knew that Linda expected Leif to make some sort of bold statement about authority, or church not being in a building, or some such stunt he would have pulled as a teenager, but Leif was a grown man now, and he wanted to express thanks that this appeared to be such a healthy place for his Lynney and he didn't need to put his foot down and suggest that she not get involved in another unhealthy place that was going to make her feel poorly about the sweet little soul that she had.

"I just want to give thanks to everyone for being so welcoming to the woman who will be my wife very soon. She's just a bright, beautiful little soul, and she's had some negative faith experiences growing up. It's been very important for me to help her to understand that God loves her heart, and her soul, and that she's a kind, and beautiful person and worthy of his love. And you've helped her see that message today in this church, and I'm sure it will bring a lot of healing to her beautiful heart. I didn't want her to come today, because I didn't want anyone telling my baby that she wasn't good enough in her heart and soul. I just kept hearing that message being breathed down her soul like fire and brimstone. I'm not much on church, but if she wants to hang her hat sometimes at a place like this, I will be there, because I love her, and I like to see her feeling so happy, and reassured, and I love to support her in all that is important to her. Thanks for such a beautiful atmosphere," said Leif.

Lynne and Linda stood up and applauded for Leif.

Then Lynne stood up, lit her own candle and offered-

"I'm grateful for God, and to my mother-in-law to be for sending me here, and to my beautiful man Leif, who has been the kindest and gentlest teacher, showing me what true love is. He's taught me everything, about romantic love, and family love. I thank my mother in law to be for teaching me about family love too, and bringing me to this service to show me about church family love," said Lynne.