Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 43

When Leif had been planning to surprise Lynne with a visit from her granny during the wedding, he truly hadn't counted on how difficult it would be to score last minute tickets from New Orleans to New York in three short weeks.

All night last evening, he'd been up on the computer on orbitz, expedia, and other travel sites looking for tickets. He could barely find any tickets, and those tickets that he did find had astronomical costs, well over three to four times as much as tickets would cost him if the trip were three months away instead of three weeks away.

After he'd cleaned up the kitchen, he'd stayed up far later than he'd planned on staying up, searching out those tickets. He missed Lynne's warmth and the feeling of her breath close to his chest, but he looked at getting the tickets as business he had to take care of, private business that Lynne should never discover, no matter how much he would prefer to be sleeping close to her, making love to her, or tickling her feet with his own, disturbing her playfully as she tried to fall asleep. Were she to discover what he was cooking up it would ruin the surprise.

He hated for her to go to sleep on her own like that, and felt even guiltier when he pulled the covers back and the coolness in the room when she was wearing noting but panties startled her awake in the middle of the evening. She'd shifted her body and rolled closer to him, but Lynne's observant eyes noticed everything and he saw her look over at the clock, and through her glance in the moonlight, he could see even though she was sleepy, a quizzical expression. After she glanced at the clock frowned up her cute little face, because she could hardly make out the numbers of the clock with her poor eyesight without her glasses, but he knew she saw the time because she'd rubbed her eyes and blinked several times reading the red letters.

Sometimes he wished that little creature wasn't so damn smart! She'd been looking quizzically at the clock and even though she was half alseep, she knew he'd gotten to bed at three AM, and eventually, she would want some answers about why he was up so late. He was so angry he hadn't been able to find some fucking tickets at prices that were not cutthroat. Up all night, and still no closer to getting the tickets for his sweetie's grandma.

He knew he needed to wrap up his searching quick and close in on a ticket deal, lest Lynne grow overly suspicious. One thing about the little creature, she was inquisitive, curious and smart, and she asked a million questions when she wanted to know something. She could be a bit nosy at times, and usually he found it cute, but he wanted to find those tickets before she got a chance to query him.

***

The next morning, Lynne was so excited to be searching for her wedding gown with Janelle. She'd picked out several choices in modern bride. Her favorite was a white scoop necked dress with very intricate beading that stopped right under her knees, and a very long pretty flowing train was attached. The dress was form fitting, and it was tight, but not too tight, and would be a nice showcase for that pear shaped figure she had. The beading made the dress look elegant, the scooped neck a nice accent for her broad shoulders, yet small bust. The shorter length of the gown made it unique and gave it an airy elegance that was perfect for the opening part of the ceremony at the beach front, yet it was formal enough for the church, and practical enough for her to have a good time dancing with Leif at their reception.

Also, being t-length, the dress did not make her appear short, even though she was petite, Lynne felt that a floor length gown would dwarf her, as short as she was.

Janelle agreed that Lynne's desired dress was a nice choice.

They were looking for something similar to her modern bride magazine selection, at the bridal shop. Lynne didn't think they could get identical, since this gown was designed by Rachael Roy, a famous fashion designer. She would be happy with a similar knock off.

When they walked into the Bridal store, Lynne felt teary. It made her reflect on the deep love she felt in her heart for Leif, and how she'd loved him, almost from the second she saw him, and couldn't believe in three short weeks she would be his wife, and carry his last name.

But, seeing all the pretty white dresses, she felt a nagging glimmer of self-doubt, due to the old fashioned way she'd been raised by her parents, the old demons creeping back in slightly.

Lynne did a detour away from the pretty white gowns, and into a section with beautiful ivory colored gowns.

"Hey, I thought that Rachel Roy dress you wanted was white," said Janelle, running her fingers quizzically through her afro.

"Well it is," said Lynne.

"So, why the hell are we looking at these off white dresses?" said Janelle.

"Well...I...I want to see what it looks like in off white," said Lynne.

"I'm telling you, you want pure white, that's gonna look better. A private pre-ceremony at the beach. Ceremony at the church? Reception in Leif's parents back yard. Even though you two are hippies and are going to do some weird shit on the beach, it's a traditional wedding. And, people are gonna want to see you wearing a white dress. It's just more traditional than ivory or cream," said Janelle.

"And that's just it. It's a traditional wedding, and most of those people know that I have been living with Leif for six months. So they know I can't really wear a white gown. I probably should wear something beige," said Lynne.

"Excuse me, while I check the calendar on my iPhone. Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know the year was nineteen-fucking-forty five. Sis? What the hell is getting into you again," sighed Janelle.

"It's...It's nothing. I mean, I know it's old fashioned, but technically I'm not supposed to wear white, I mean the shit I'm doing with Leif already," said Lynne.

She wasn't frowning though, giggling and blushing. She remembered all the things her mother used to try to impress upon her about really keeping herself so she could truly wear a white gown, not just in show like so many other women.

"Do you know how many women go down the aisle six months pregnant and shit wearing a white gown?" said Janelle shaking her head.

"I mean, I know they might but it's-"

"Shut the hell up. You are being old fashioned and churchy and I'm not letting you ruin shit for yourself. You're hardly living in sin with Leif. You might not be married but you'll be married in a few short weeks. Hell you two have had the shortest courtship and engagement than I've ever seen. I think it's cute as hell, getting married six months after meeting each other. Now what color do you really want to wear," said Janelle.

"White...but I..."

"But nothing. What color gown do you think Leif expects you to wear? White? Or Beige. Most of these beige gowns look mature, and they are meant for women who have already been married before, that's why they are not so flashy. If your love for that boy is pure, consider yourself a virgin, and go ahead with the fucking white gown," said Janelle.

Lynne was a little stubborn, and she started looking through the beige gowns anyway, to see if she could find that Rachel Roy dress in beige.

"That's it. I'm getting vanilla Bob Marley prince charming on the Lynne to settle this shit," said Janelle.

She snatched Lynne's iPhone, which Lynne was holding, looking at her dress selection, and it was unlocked. Janelle simply pressed the last call button, knowing the last call was probably to Leif, and it was.

The phone rang and rang.

Leif didn't pick up.

"I'm surprised he's not picking up if he knows it's his Lynney, as he always calls you," said Janelle.

"He might be busy. He's been acting very weird lately. I don't know what's gotten into him," said Lynne.

The behavior with sniffing her panties was strange but she embraced it wholeheartedly. She thought it was sexy and adorable. But she couldn't figure out why he was up all hours of the night last night. She didn't want to worry about it unless he started making habits of it. Maybe he couldn't sleep because he was secretly as excited and nervous about their wedding as she was.

"Oh, that's normal. Men always go through some things when they are about to get married. He loves you, but that's really normal shit, or so I hear," said Janelle offhandedly.

Lynne listened and nodded, because even though Janelle hadn't been married before, Lynne also knew that men often acted strange and got cold feet, and Janelle was wise for picking up on that.

Lynne kept looking through the beige dresses.

"I did find a t-length scoop neck dress, look at that," said Lynne.

"And when you try it on, it'll look like little house on the prairie shit! It's too loose, you need something just like you circled in the magazine, to hug that fabulous ass and those legs you have. And that dress is elegant with the beads and stuff. Not this thing here, it's for an older woman, it's not nearly as beaded. I'm telling you that dress screams I'm forty years old, and it's my second or third marriage. That's not what I want to see you in. It ain't what he'll want to see you in either," said Janelle.

She still had Lynne's iPhone in her hand and tried dialing Leif again.

He still wouldn't pick up.

"This fool is just not picking up," said Janelle.

"He might be running. He won't pick up then. Or maybe he's in the shower or something," said Lynne.

"I'm telling you, what he's gonna want, is to see you in a white dress. Heavens you have this boy fooled, he thinks you are a cherub, a little earth angel, and as innocent as they day is long. Apparently he hasn't seen how hard you can puff a joint yet," teased Janelle.

"You mean little old me? He's seen me smoke a joint or too, but I don't know what you mean about, how hard I puff a joint," said Lynne batting her eyelashes playfully.

"Like hell you don't, I hated to have you around when we had a bag of grass in college, I knew it was all getting huffed up before you went back to your dead ass parent's house," said Janelle.

Lynne busted into laugher. She also didn't see any dresses she really liked on the ivory side, even though she really wanted to find something similar to the Rachel Roy dress in ivory, because she would have felt much less guilty about wearing that color than the virginal white.

"Okay, let's look at the white dresses now," said Lynne, moving to the aisle where the majority of the white dresses were in her petite size.

"So...so Leif has been acting strange lately. He just...I don't know. Just weird and then last night he was up so late. Sounded like he was on our laptop because I heard him clicking keys and shit. I wondered what he was up to. It was like three am when he got to bed. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it, because I don't want to smother him, but it's not usual behavior for him. I'm just keeping an eye on it though," said Lynne, as she searched through the dress racks.

"Yeah...don't smother him. Sometimes when you smother a man, it makes that kind of behavior worse. I mean. I really wouldn't worry about it. He's a man about to make the biggest commitment of his life. And...I don't abide by cheating, but as long as he is only window-shopping. I didn't take Leif to be a window shopper but, hell Lynne, all men do it, and I guess it's better you find that out now than be sad and shocked later," said Janelle.

Lynne looked at Janelle quizzically. She hated when Janelle tried to be hip and talked in riddles. It was the Journalist in her friend. But Lynne didn't know what the hell she was saying about Leif, window shopping, and wanted the straight shit.

"Just come out with it, and speak English," said Lynne.

"Damn it you are thick headed sis. Window shopping. Umm...maybe looking at porn. He probably thinks this is the end of his life as a single man, and just wanted to enjoy a little more window shopping, I guess, " said Janelle.

As soon as Janelle made this accusation, Lynne's eyes filled with tears.

"No! I don't think he's doing that. Why, just because he was up late one night on the computer? Maybe he's looking up shit for the things he's doing for the wedding like the grooms gifts, and the dj and stuff," said Lynne.

"That's fine if it's easier for you to accept. I'm not saying that's what he's doing, but late at night sneaking around on the computer? I had an ex who used to do that. And I turned him into an ex mainly because he looked at that shit so much he couldn't get it up for me. Now, as long as Leif's not doing it so much he's not getting it up, you don't have a thing to worry about. In fact, I'd let him know that I know, and it's okay as long as he has enough dick for me. If he starts acting like Mr. Floppy call him out on his shit and make him embarrassed that he's looking at so much porn he can't even perform for a real woman. But really Lynne, all men occasionally look at Porn. Even, it seems, Leif. Don't let it ruin your relationship, and your wedding. You two are so great together, and you're gonna be really happy!" said Janelle.

"Well it is going to ruin my relationship and my happy new marriage. I don't want him looking at other women naked. That shit hurts. I want to be the only woman he wants to see naked. If he's gonna do that shit, he needs to hide it better. But I don't even think we are being fair to Leif, we've got him looking at porn and pulling it, and I haven't even out and out asked him about why his behavior is odd lately. It could be that's not it," said Lynne.

"It could be, you might be right, but don't be surprised, or too hurt if it isn't. I told you how to handle it. Demand, insist, that he take care of your sex needs first, and what he does after that, looking at those girlie pics is okay, because, he's probably gonna do that anyway if that's what he does. You could look at pics of men yourself, he might stop, might make him Jealous," said Janelle.

"I don't think he's looking at girlie websites. I don't think he needs that stuff for his personal times," said Lynne.

She remembered, catching Leif red handed with the panties just a few short days ago. That seemed like what he was using as his masturbation aides, not that nasty ass xxx porn in the corner of the torrent websites.

"Leif's a good man, but he's not a patron saint. No men are. I have to admit I'm surprised at Leif doing this a little bit, but I think most men, probably all, look at porn. Don't let it ruin shit for you. Insist he take care of your needs first, and put him in his place. I can give you plenty of great sites, and maybe even a flick or two, you can play. You might even let him catch you, and let him know you like porn too. It'll either make him jealous, and he'll stop, or he'll open up and be a little more honest about what he is seeking out with the porn that you all aren't doing," said Janelle.

Janelle's ideas, and all the game playing and shit was making Lynne's mind spin. She and Leif always had a quite an open relationship, not any these crazy accusations and tactics to make each other jealous.

And, given what had occurred in the Laundry room, Lynne thought they were being more open about their sexual needs than ever before.

Perhaps there was some other explanation for Leif's strange behavior.

Lynne dialed Leif's number again, wanting to get his opinion on the dress colors, just to be sure.

***

When Leif picked up the phone, Lynne noticed he was unusually out of breath.

But, when she asked him if he'd been outside running, he demurred, but didn't say why he was out of breath.

More strange behavior! She was going to need to talk to him soon.

Or, maybe he was just being fresh with her panties like he did yesterday, she did after all, leave him behind a pair.

"Are you in the linen closet like yesterday. I left something behind for you," she purred sexily.

She thought she'd disguised her meaning so that it would be clear to Leif, but her nosey friend would have no reference that she was teasing Leif, or fishing for information about him sniffing her panties.

"Huh? What? No...I'm...I'm just umm...trying to do stuff. What do you need babe?" asked Leif with a hint of impatience in his voice.

"Doing what," asked Lynne twirling her hair around her finger like she sometimes did when she was curious.

"Sheesh sweetie, what are you now, a lawyer. Just stuff. Boring shit. Totally. Don't you trust me? Don't worry about it cutie. Now, what can your man do for you? I thought you were looking at wedding gowns. It's too early for dirty talk, but I can make love to you with my words if you want me too. You better hop on over to the bathroom first, so you can give yourself the proper attention alone," he teased.

"You're nasty, and silly, all at the same time. I'll save my dirty talk for at home. And...I don't know why I called you. Janelle wanted me to call you. And just...I guess get your opinion on a dress," said Lynne.

"Baby, now I thought you wanted to do the old fashioned thing where I didn't know a thing about the dress. You don't want me to know what you're wearing do you? I don't think I should know about your gown, and you already made that call, said it would be a surprise for me. That's cool with me. Besides, not knowing gives me something to look forward to, and I can't wait to see you in your beautiful white dress," said Leif warmly.

"Oh, I'm not going to tell you how the dress will be styled...but...but I was thinking about another color. Like maybe getting an ivory gown, instead of pure white," said Lynne.

"Okay...Okay...I guess as long as it's somewhat white, it shouldn't matter. You'll be beautiful no matter what you wear. I thought you were gonna say like black, or some wild pastel color and shit. Seems okay by me, if you really want to wear cream, it's your day baby," said Leif lovingly.

Janelle was hovering near the phone, and could hear what Leif was saying through the other side of the phone.

"You need to tell him why!" said Janelle, and before Lynne could even tell Leif, she'd taken the phone.

"She thinks she really can't wear white because the two of you are living together right now. She had found a fly white dress in a book that she has! It's nice enough to make your eyes pop, not so nasty that people will be calling her a slut. Perfect blend just like she is on stage. And, she doesn't want to get it in a white color, because she thinks that only a real virgin should wear white," said Janelle.

Lynne could hear Leif sighing through the other side of her iPhone.

"Put Lynney on this line," said Leif.

"Baby I-" Lynne started to defend her feelings, but Leif quickly cut her off.

"Is it true, what she's saying? That you think that you shouldn't wear white because it was wrong to sleep with me before marriage, and only real virgins wear white? Do you know how many women whose weddings I have been to who really should be wearing coal black gowns by your standards who proudly wear white? Some of them, even having their fucking kids marching down the aisle as ring bearers and flower girls-" said Leif.

"Yeah, but I was taught that the white dress meant something. I was taught that...that...well, I have no business wearing it, even though it's pretty, and they might talk about me since we live together and I-"

"Oh sweetness, what have I been telling you? I'm working very hard to nurture, and support you, and provide care and love as your man, because it was sorely lacking before. And mommy and daddy, and that stupid fucking church, they didn't do all that was necessary to you the tools that you need baby to think the best of yourself, so I love giving you what you missed, care and love, and watching how it lights up that beautiful soul you have. And part of that care and love, is to tell you when you are being limited in some way by your background. Not wearing a white dress because you feel guilty for no reason, if that's the color you really want is limiting yourself," said Leif, with that patient, gentle tone that he got.