Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 72

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Leif was furious with Lynne. He walked out of the department store, tears stinging his blonde lashes. The root of his tears was frustration with Lynne. He stormed across the parking lot of the open-air mall, looking or a kiosk to find a bar.

He just didn't get it. Lynne got off on him babying her, and protecting her! She loved him to baby her, read her stories, sit in his lap, playfully feed her, hell he even bathed her! She confided in him about her shitty childhood and how she had huge aching gaping holes in her heart that she felt that their love was covering over. So naturally she should understand if his role was sometimes confused in his mind, and he ended up erring to far on the side of babying her and not enough on the side of treating her like a grown woman.

Damn it, she couldn't have it both ways!

Damn it, he was trying to do what was best for her!

Damn it, whenever she talked to them, they ended up hurting her, so he headed it off at the pass so that there would be no hurt because there was no contact, and now he was the fucking bad guy, and even more than that, she was using the money that his parents gave them as a wedding present to buy a souvenir from their honeymoon for those wicked motherfuckers who constantly chose the church over her? And her father practically verbally abused Lynne right in Leif's face and it was only respect for Lynne that kept him from making Mr. Miller a new jaw.

He found the bar that was advertised on the kiosk. He knew there was a bar because he'd planned on taking Lynne earlier before any of this blew up for beers, and now he wished more than anything that he understood what he was supposed to do for his woman to support her!

He'd already tried treating her like a grown woman the first time they split up, right after he'd met her parents for the first time, and then when the true story of her background came out, he learned that she needed much more care than he'd give an ordinary woman. This was fine with him, he loved Lynne so intensely.

Now he called himself protecting Lynne from things he knew had hurt her before, at least for the honeymoon and once again he was a bad guy. He was so angry! He ordered a gin and tonic, his favorite drink when he was distressed about Lynne.

He loved the bitter burn at his throat and the sour taste. He found it metaphoric. He hoped Lynne knew to call him or text him when she was done with all the bags and the damn music box. He certainly didn't want to see Lynne buying anything for that old bag Gladys.

Maybe he was wrong screening her calls. Maybe he'd been overzealous, but he knew one thing, he was confused by the parameters of their relationship, and when they reconnected during this shopping trip he was going to ask her to provide the clarity. She couldn't just be addicted to him babying her and nurturing her, and then turn around and snap at him and get angry at him for not treating her grown up enough when it suited her.

Did she want his nurturing, and support and their slightly unconventional relationship? Yes, he'd made a decision for her that he probably should have let her make for herself but he saw this decision as part of his unique role as a husband nurturing a delicate wife with a painful past. Yes, sometimes he treated her like his little girl.

If she didn't want that, it was fine, but she needed to learn to grow up more in all aspects of their life. Babying her one minute, womaning her up the next, he was confused as hell, and she was too.

He turned the glass around. He didn't want to have too many. He knew Lynne didn't like when he overdrank because it reminded her of her father, and his drinking problems before he found religion. Leif had no plans to take it overboard, but he didn't want Lynne confused about his drinking habits when she finally called him or stumbled into this bar.

*** Lynne played the music box on the display counter. It made her teary eyed. Made her think of the times she spent with her mother growing up. Mostly the time she spent alone in the house with her mother before her father came home from the taxi cab company or the church.

The times that she spent at the piano, on in her mother's bedroom while she would brush her hair and play her favorite music box, the one that her gran from New Orleans had given her. True, most of her childhood had been less than desirable, but it hadn't all been bad. Not every moment.

And most of the times that were good involved some memory with her mother. Her mother just was not as wrapped up in the nonsense as her father was. She was hoping that her mother could be moved to understand that she was in love with the man of her dreams, and she'd chosen to love Leif.

Yes she wasn't her church girl anymore, but she was still her daughter, and if her mother was willing she wanted to have a relationship with her, share her amazing wedding pictures and let her hug her grandkids when they came along.

She was surprised at Leif. Because he seemed full of hate, and that wasn't a quality of his that she was familiar with. The Leif she loved, the Leif she'd married was gentle, and had a heart of gold even if he was gruff sometimes. But one thing he was not, was a man ruled by his emotions and hatred. That was a trait that Lynne saw in her father.

She didn't like seeing the hatred trait in Leif! They were partners. She was not his child! His parents, and actually all the wedding guests had given them that money to spend as they wished on their wedding. Lynne saw no harm in getting the music box for herself, or perhaps her mother.

She thought this would soften the way for Lynne to remind her of the good times they'd shared, alone and independent of her father. And she was furious with Leif. How dare he screen her calls!

She loved that Leif took care of her the way she'd never been taken care of in her whole life, but screening her phone calls was fucking controlling! How could he do that to her? And here she was wondering why her mother was so lousy she didn't even care that Lynne had just had the biggest day of her life and gotten married.

But she did care. She had tried to call.

And now Lynne wondered what Leif had said to her, since he'd kept it hidden from her. Lynne decided to buy the music box.

After she bought it, she asked for it to be gift-wrapped. She then had a sales associate help her pack the car. She was shocked that Leif, as big a gentleman as he was, told her to go ahead and pay a sales associate so he didn't have to pack the car. It wasn't so much the packing by someone else that she objected to, but his hands off attitude. This was a man who didn't even want her to lift a heavy grocery sack, so his hands off attitude was because of spite.

After they packed her trunk, Lynne contemplated calling her mother. She was going to get to the bottom of the phone calls screening and see what her mother had to say before she ran off to find Leif in whatever Bar he'd gone off to.

She hated that he always ran off and grabbed a cold one when he was mad at her. It reminded her much too much of her father, even though Leif would never hurt a fly, and didn't have a drinking problem at all.

She started to pick up her new iPhone and dial her mother, but she heard Leif in his raspy, annoyed California voice saying-

"I put forth a lot of effort to get you a clean number where you won't get harassed, so if you call them, you'd be wise not to use your brand new phone,"

She turned the phone over and over in her hands. She hoped the best for the phone call and thought perhaps her parents figured out that she really went through with it, was happy with Leif and now that they were married wanted to resume a relationship, in spite of the pressures from the Church.

But as she twirled her brand new jet black phone in her hands, she thought about Leif and his protective ways, and even though Leif was a bit controlling he was wise. So, just in case, Lynne reached in her purse and fished around in her wallet for quarters. It had been so long since she'd used a payphone she hardly knew where to look for them anymore. She walked all around the open-air mall, and finally found one dilapidated payphone near the bathrooms.

It looked so horrible she was afraid to pick it up, and glad the germiphobe in her packed up Clorox wipes to wipe up questionable surfaces anywhere she went. She took out the Clorox wipes and wiped down the phone in earnest.

She then put in one dollar's worth of quarters, and dialed her parents house phone in new york, breathing in a deep sigh as the phone began to ring.

"Hello...Mama," said Lynne tentatively.

"Hi Baby," said her mother.

Lynne felt relief flood her stomach as her mother answered the phone. If her mother answered the phone, that meant that nothing was wrong with her mother at least, and that was a relief. However, her mother sounded as though she was taken completely off guard by the phone call.

"Leif said you called," ventured Lynne cautiously.

"Well I did call, and I'm surprised to hear from you. He said you asked me not to call again until our two week honeymoon was over," said her mother.

Lynne's heart did a little thud. So, Leif had essentially screened her calls, but he'd really only asked her mother to give them some space during their honeymoon. Shit! She should have gotten more information from her new husband instead of blowing up at him. Sure, Leif had been rude, and said "fuck them" regarding her parents, but at the end of the day, he hadn't made it seem as though Lynne wasn't ever going to be available again. He'd just wanted the sanctity of their honeymoon respected, and given the tension that always resulted when her parents factored into the equation she was understanding why he did zealously overprotect her and screen the damn call in the first place.

Still, Lynne would always present a united front to the outside world, even if she didn't agree with her husband. Leif was still bone of her bone and flesh of her flesh, and what was more he wanted to be which was why she read him the beautiful account out of Genesis for their wedding vows.

"Yes, we wanted to have some alone time together away from everyone, so we really aren't talking to anyone during this two weeks. This is just time for the two of us. But then I hadn't heard from you in a while so I just thought I should check to make sure everything is okay," said Lynne.

"I guess I should be saying the same thing, are you okay?" said her mother.

"Is that what you called for? To see that I'm okay? I'm definitely okay. Mom you know I married Leif on Saturday. It was a beautiful wedding. And we're doing just fine," said Lynne.

"He really married you?" said her mother.

So much of verbal communication is tone, and in her tone, Lynne could hear that her mother was surprised and she also sounded a little sad.

"Yes mama, he did. So I'm Ms. Peterson now," said Lynne.

"You're taking his name too?" asked her mother.

"Of course I am Mama, Didn't you take Daddy's name?" asked Lynne a little testily.

"Yes. Yes I did. To give you a legal name. But I never even got to have a wedding. You had a real wedding. Goodness. I saw the invitation, but I never thought you'd go through with it and you'd have a real wedding. Lynne I bet you were beautiful," said her mother wistfully.

Lynne heard something she hadn't heard in her mother's voice in a long while.

Softness. A bit of resignation, that yes, indeed, Lynne had really married and it wasn't just a phase.

"Yes mom, we went through with it. We were very serious when we visited you two months ago to give you the invitation. I think I looked nice. Some people said I was beautiful. But you always taught me, or Daddy always taught me that it isn't polite to be too boastful. But I think I was pretty. Leif said I was pretty. I can send you some photos when we get back in town, and you can judge for yourself" offered Lynne.

Suddenly Lynne heard a muffled sound on the line.

"Lynne we never did find out where you moved to, when you moved in with that boy," said her mother.

That fast, the cadence of her mother's tone changed, and got sharper. Lynne couldn't help wondering if her shitty father was somewhere standing nearby.

Lynne's guard went up.

"You don't need to know where I live with Leif just yet. I don't quite think we are ready for that," said Lynne.

She didn't want her parents to have any way to harass her. Sure they never visited her in the year she moved out of the house, but that didn't mean that they wouldn't start now, especially since she would not give into their demands regarding their lifestyle and religion.

She didn't want to begin her marriage with her parents barging in on her new domestic bliss with Leif and causing arguments, like the argument that was already festering between she and Leif over her parent's phone call!

"I did want to see those pictures," said her mom, but her voice sounded funny.

Not as though she wanted to see the pictures, but rather, as though she wanted to use any pictures that she would send to entrap Lynne in some fashion in their asinine religion.

"I was going to send them. I still can send them. In a plain, unmarked envelope. Let's take it one step at a time. If this works out and if things are comfortable between us, there is always a possibility of more in time. I saw something in the department store that reminded me of you. Perhaps if we could have lunch mom, just the two of us not daddy right now, and-"

"You can't run from the Brother's forever Lynne! You know we read a letter on you about a month ago and we never did deliver you a copy!" said her father.

And Lynne had already knew it! She knew as soon as the conversation changed, that her father had suddenly come in the room and was listening. As soon as he made his presence known, her mother had changed from concerned parent to church ferret.

Her father, and the church had that much control over her mother. Frightening. And it made her even happier that she'd found her freedom with Leif. And even sorrier that she'd treated her handsome prince so wrongly!

"I know that they read a letter about me. I definitely got a chance to witness that first hand when the Simpsons ignored me in the bakery when I was getting my wedding cake done. And I already know what the letter said. So you can keep it dad, I don't need you sending it to me. This whole thing was a bad idea. I really thought you called me because either something was wrong, or you wanted to make amends. But this is the same old shit as it ever was, and ever will be," said Lynne.

"You watch your language young Lady-" said her father.

Since she was running out of minutes soon anyway, having only put a dollar in the phone, Lynne slammed the phone back down on the cradle.

Shit!

As soon as her father appeared in the room, all her mother wanted to do was hunt out information about where she'd moved to so they could mail her a stupid excommunication letter. Her mother and father wanted to carry out church rules and procedures until the bitter end. The church wasn't done its punishment until the letter had been delivered, detailing the sin of which she was accused, and found guilty of.

Nothing Christ like about that at all in her opinion.

And, shit, Leif had been right to try to protect her. Now she was in tears again. All because she hadn't listened to him when he tried to provide guidance and protection, she'd actually defied him, and what had it gotten her but another unpleasant exchange with her parents and a stressful afternoon on her honeymoon.

Leif had been right. Maybe he'd been a bit controlling by screening her calls, but he had her best interests at heart. He hadn't wanted her to feel a moment's pain and so he'd screened the calls to shield her from that pain. She wasn't used to anyone trying to hide something from her in a genuine effort to protect her from pain and discomfort.

She was used to walking head first into pain, misery and discomfort. She'd hurt her husband and lashed out at him all because she'd held hope like a silly little girl that one day the outreach from her parents would have been positive. But these interactions were never positive and Leif had already known that. In fact, he'd loved her so much he didn't want to give her parents the opportunity to be shitty to her again as he'd already witnessed so many times.

And he did treat her somewhat paternally, but he wanted to provide her with protection, love, and nurturing she'd never received before. And sometimes that nurturing meant that she needed to trust him to know what was best, even if she didn't always understand why it was best herself. After all, she'd already told him she wanted to be his little girl, and he'd understood that. So where he could, he was taking away some of the painful burdens that she would have so she could understand what it was like to have that carefree lease on life.

She'd been so fucking wrong to have a tantrum like that in the department store. The only reason he hadn't wanted to spend that money was that he didn't want to see Lynne buy a nice present for her mother, only to get her feelings hurt. It wasn't about her spending money that he didn't agree with, or even about her spending money on her mother. He just didn't want to spend the money because he knew that the end result would not be good, and she would get her feelings hurt. He was harsh with her out of love, because he wanted to protect her feelings. Usually that was the only time that Leif was ever harsh.

Since no one had cared about Lynne's feelings so tenderly it was difficult for her to grasp at first. But now the tears stung her eyes and the distance between she and Leif was too great! She'd never been more sorry about anything in her life as having that tantrum towards Leif and insisting on calling her parents when they'd ended up being shitty.

And walking wouldn't cut it, Lynne ran down the sidewalk of the open air mall, looking for the bar where Leif was having his drink.

***