Mama

Author would like to thank CopyCarver for his help editing this story.

*

Breathe deep, pick up the pace, keep going........the beach is only another couple miles in the distance......... was the mantra running through my mind as my hands sliced cleanly through the ocean water. In the predawn light I could barely make out the Malibu pier ahead on my left as I veered away, always keeping a cautious watch for discarded fishing lines. Chemical runoff, discarded nets, and fishing paraphernalia often washed up on the beach. Disgusted I shook my head; at least the occasional jellyfish was a natural danger I could sometimes avoid. I've swum in the ocean long enough to know more often human kind not the sharks and other ocean inhabitants pose the most danger. Man is more dangerous than even the tiger shark in the deep blue sea. Man-made hazards are the greatest threat to man and beast.

Nearing the beach, I smiled slowing to take in the beauty of the aquamarine ocean surrounding me. A flock of seabirds in a perfect V formation flew overhead. The soft sunlight filtered through the cumulus clouds, dappling the nearby beach with sunlight. I love swimming in the early morning hours because of these peaceful moments I am able to selfishly steal. I tried to push away the nagging guilt of leaving my housebound mother for even the few precious stolen sunrise hours. Mother had always been there for me and while I couldn't begrudge her dependence on me since the car accident that had paralyzed her, I simply needed my own space and the time to pursue what made me happy.

Out in the ocean I felt untamed as wild and wicked as a south pacific squall, that I wasn't fettered to anyone or anything. Once more my life was my own to command as I choose or sighing deeply, at least that was how I felt until I approached the beautiful beach. I felt the motion of the ocean, the incoming waves wrapping around my round hips, pulling me back into the ocean, a lover refusing to let me go. Pulling my full breasts back into some semblance of cleavage, making sure they were firmly in my one piece swimsuit, I trudged out of the cool salty water. Back to the small two bedroom beachfront home that Mother and I had inherited from her Great Grandmother Ward.

Creeping quietly into the only bathroom in the ancient bungalow, I snaked my way past mother's bedside commode and shower stool. Frowning, I pulled off my swimming cap than slipped the swimsuit straps down my arms, laughing as I found the ocean's gifts nestled between my breasts. First there was the healthy handful or two of sand gathered in various areas under my breasts and between my thicker thighs. Than there was the couple of pieces of seaweed that had floated in while I swam along the beach which I curled lovingly into artistic swirls on the worn bathroom counter top.

I yelped in pain and grimaced as I discovered a sun bleached painted cork with several fishing hooks attached to the inside bodice of my swimsuit. Thankfully none of the barbs had taken hold into the pale skin of my left breast. I already had that nipple pierced and didn't need another one. I pulled a couple of cigarette filters off my right breast, wondering when people would realize the ocean isn't a trash can nor is it a damn ashtray. I deposited the rusty hooks and other assorted debris into the pale pink trash basket beside the toilet as I pushed the one-piece down over my hips and tossed it off my left foot into the corner.

Stepping into the aging steel tub, I heard ancient pipes rattle and groan in protest as the hot water struggled through them. I silently prayed that they wouldn't choose today to break. I needed at least a nice hot shower before I dealt with her today. Cold rust red water burst forth from the shower head, stunning me for a moment before it warmed up half assed and finally stared to run clear. The temperamental worn out hot water heater was just another of the many ills this old house had come down with recently.

Leaning my forehead against the cold, mint-green broken tiles I cried, giving myself a good five minutes for my very own poor pitiful me party. Tossing my head back I let the lukewarm water flow down onto my face and just concentrated on this very moment. I relaxed, letting my muscles and my limbs go limp as I concentrated on my breathing. Rolling my neck in ever winding circles the tension in my shoulders dissipated as I grabbed the shampoo and washed my shoulder-length brunette hair, then washed my pudgy body with the washrag and soap. Freezing cold water was my reward for doing my meditation in the shower. Oh well what doesn't kill us makes us stronger I suppose.

Snatching the rough white towel down from over the shower curtain rod, I pushed open the shower curtain and started drying myself off. The loud thud from down the hall made me take off with just a beach towel wrapped around me. Turning the corner too fast into Mother's room, my wet feet slipped and slid on the smooth bedroom floor, dumping me onto my plump ass right beside my elderly mother.

"Damnit Daisy Mae girl, are you trying to fucking flatten me under ya lard ass?" Mother screeched from her sprawled out state on the floor next to me as she felt and heard me fall near her.

"Sorry Mama," I mumbled, my face burning from embarrassment as I scrambled to get to my feet quickly to help her up. "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"

"What kinda stupid ass question is that, girl? I fell on the dang floor-it sure as hell ain't soft," Mother hissed thru her gums. "Give me my damn teeth," she demanded impatiently, thrusting her free hand out and almost hitting my face. Shuddering to myself, I reached into her water glass and fished out her false teeth, hating the slimy unnatural feel of them against my fingertips. Taking her other hand I helped her put her teeth in her mouth. With a satisfied click of her teeth, she grunted, "Why pray tell are ya leaving me on the damn floor, Daisy? Help me get the hell up!"

"I am helping Mama," I said in a trembling exasperated whisper as I gently gripped her elbow and let her brace herself against me for leverage as she got up from the floor I swiveled her into her wheelchair. That's when I realized why she'd been in such a hurry to get out of bed. Her faded pale yellow flowered gown and the area where she'd fallen was soaked in urine. "Mama, why didn't you call me," I scolded as I gently started to pull her soaked gown over her head.

"Cause I heard you in the shower and didn't wanna bother you, Daisy," Mother answered with her head hung down, rubbing her eyes with her balled up fists. "I hate being like this Daisy. I'm just a burden to you."

"Ah Mama," I croaked out as my throat tightened with tears, "you aren't a burden! You're just my Mama." Using the back my hand, I wiped away both our tears as I pushed her back to the bathroom. I helped her into the bathroom and helped wash her body and hair. I than helped dry her off and combed her gray curly hair. After dressing her in another clean gown, we went to the kitchen where mother sat quietly sipping orange juice; waiting for her breakfast.

I slipped out of the kitchen to call our next door neighbor Mrs. Johnston to ask her to watch Mother for a little while. I cooked her scrambled eggs mixing in shredded cheese and ham chunks while I waited for the toast to pop up out of the toaster. Hearing the toaster ding, I slid the scrambled eggs onto the plate and buttered her toast. I placed her breakfast in front of her.

Handing her the fork, "Enjoy your breakfast Mama; I need to go for a walk. I called Mrs. Johnston to come over and watch after you while I'm gone. She should be here in a few minutes; she had to get her little girl Ashley dressed."

"Okay Daisy," Mama replied as she ate her eggs, "Can you hand me the salt and some raspberry jelly before you leave, please?"

"I sure can, Mama," I said as I picked up the salt and retrieved the jelly from the fridge; placing them within her reach. "They are to the right of your plate Mama at about the two o'clock position of your plate."

Deciding to pick up the trash on the beach, I grabbed a trash bag out of the kitchen cabinet as I left the bungalow. Walking aimlessly along the beach I thought about Mama and all the events of the past years from the car accident, her being paralyzed and blinded in the same car wreck. My pent-up frustration at the way life turned out left me as I cleaned up the trash on the beach. I realized I was also getting rid of my emotional garbage. Turning around, walking back towards the outdated home where we lived, I stopped and saw the potential of what can be and not just the glaring defeats of what was in front of me.

Looking behind me at the beach I had just cleaned, it just takes one person to pick up a loose McDonald's wrapper flitting around at the beach or to use a glass bottle instead of disposable plastic bottles that takes forever to decompose in land fill. Reusing the grocery bags instead of buying trash bags for small trash cans saves money and our environment. Small changes in our everyday life can be beneficial to the planet.

Smiling softly with my new attitude, I open the trashcan and throw my trash away. I'm gonna hug my Mama today, will you?

*

Please feel free to leave comments or constructive criticism here or by contacting me. I'm always interested in feedback be it good or bad. Thank you for taking the time to read my work.