Marriage of Convenience

Within the human mind there is what I call, for lack of a better word, the inner circle. This is where we store all of our fantasies, fetishes, hidden desires, passions, fears and secrets. I'm sure there is a technical word for it but I refer to it as the inner circle.

When two people fall in love they begin very cautiously to share their inner circle with one another. As their love grows more intense and intimate their inner circles are combined into one, to the point that they feel what the other feels, what the other is thinking and what the other is going to say.

When I fell in love with Rosemarie I began to share the secrets of my inner circle with her. It was all about my revealing my inner secrets to her but she did not share her inner circle with me.

Rosemarie took advantage of my inner circle while she kept me locked out of hers. There was a time when we were separated for a couple of weeks. I wrote her a love letter sharing my passion for her. Telling her how much I missed her and loved her. She replied to my letter with a mundane letter, telling me about our neighbors dog and nothing about missing me or loving me. She avoided talking about our relationship.

When a hotel or resort advertised a lovers weekend, I expressed a desire to go but she would have none of it. She wanted nothing to do with romance. I kept feeling that something was missing but I was too immature to see that she was not in love with me or maybe I didn't want to acknowledge it. When I did question her love for me, she would take me in her arms and masturbate me to climax, all the while trying to convince me how much she loved me.

I thought we were marrying because we were deeply in love with each other. What I didn't know at the time was that our marriage was a marriage of convenience. Rosemarie's convenience.

Rosemarie was a beautiful, voluptuous, eighteen year old girl. While her intelligence was above average, her parents would not send her to college because she was a girl. They believed that girls were to get married, stay at home and have babies. If they had sent her to college then she would have met and married a college graduate instead of marrying a high school dropout like me.

Rosemarie often said that the only way that she could ever get out from under her parents strict authority was in a wedding dress or a coffin. When she graduated high school, I proposed to her and the following year we were married. She was nineteen and I was twenty one.

On the morning of my wedding day, my mother said to me, "You're going to be married so stay married and don't ever expect to come back to this house. Once you're out, that's it. You're out for good."

When my mother conceived me she was sixteen so she had to quit school and marry my father. Over the years she held resentment for me and my father, blaming me for our poverty.

Because of my birth, my mother was so depressed that my father's friends took me into their home and cared for me that first year as they feared for my well being. During my growing up years my mother never expressed any affection to me so when a girl like Rosemarie showed me some attention, I became putty in her hands.

Before the wedding Rosemarie and I were boyfriend, girlfriend. We shared all the same likes and dislikes. When it came to sex we decided to wait until we were married before we would engage in sexual intercourse, taking care of each other with our hands. We were a good match.

Rosemarie's family loved me and took me in as part of their family. Rosemarie loved having me as her husband but she was never in love with me. To her, I was just another family member.

Our marriage was an agreement. I would get her out from under the control of her strict parents by giving her the status of a married woman and she would provide me with unlimited sex or so I thought.

It was the first day of our honey moon that I realized what a mistake I had made. While I had deflowered her on our wedding night, she did not have the passion or enthusiasm for sex with me that I had for her. We got along in everything except when it came to sex. I wanted it too much and she didn't want it at all. On our honey moon I became accustom to the all too familiar words, "Not tonight honey."

Rosemarie worked for a finance company. She was a secretary working in the secretarial pool. She was a new hire and had only been working there six months. The other three woman working there were more mature and had been working there three or more years. They had more seniority but Rosemarie was the youngest and the most sexiest girl in the company.

The president had formed a new loan department and he hired a young recent college graduate to run this new department. His name was Spencer and the president brought him around introducing him to the employees.

Spencer was single, handsome and he seemed to have come from a family of money. The president set him up with his own office and he would have his own personal secretary. The president wanted his new executive to have the sexiest secretary in the company.

It was common knowledge among the employees that the president, who was the founder of the company had his own personal secretary, who was also his mistress and his vice president also had a personal secretary who was also his mistress. It was one of the entitlements of being an executive in his company.

The president called Rosemarie into his office saying, "Rose, I've formed a new loan department and Spencer is going to manage it. He is going to need a good secretary and I'm considering you. You have good typing skills and good dictation skills but the job will require much more than just typing and dictation. You must be willing to do what ever he asks of you."

She answered, "Oh, I'll do whatever is required of me Mister Grant."

The president continued, "You will be Spencer's executive secretary and I will double your salary but you must do whatever he asks of you, no matter what his needs may be and you must do it with out question. You will be his personal secretary tending to his personal needs as well as the company's. If you find that you cannot fulfill his needs then I'll have to replace you with a more mature woman. Is that clear?"

Enthusiastically she replied, "Yes Mister Grant. I will do whatever is required of me. You can count on me."

Mr. Grant knew that Rosemarie was maybe too young, too innocent and too naive but she was so sexy and in a couple of months she would be married. Once she's sleeping with a man, she won't be so innocent and she'll be easier to manipulate.

Mr. Grant set up his new executive with his own private office with my very sexy fiancee as his secretary and all of the trappings his new executive could want.

He set my future wife up with her own office area with a large mahogany desk and all of the trappings an executive secretary could want. At such an early age, she had the prestige of being an executive secretary. If there was anything she needed, she only needed to pick up the telephone.

She was so excited about her new position and surroundings that she wanted me to see it all. I stopped by her office one afternoon on my way home from work.

I was impressed with her surroundings and I met her manager. The man that she would spend many hours with behind the closed doors of his office. He was three years older than me and taller than me. I felt he was more handsome then me, well spoken and well dressed with his business suit, white shirt and silk tie. I was no match to him, dressed in my work clothes and boots.

He shook hands with me and I noticed how much larger his hands were to mine. We all recognized that he was the superior male. My fiancee was enraptured with him and I could see by the way she interacted with him, that she was his anytime he wanted her.

And how could he not want her? It wasn't that she was so beautiful but she was a very sexual woman. She had a large mouth with moist puffy lips, large breasts and hips with full, firm buttocks. Any man meeting her becomes aware of his penis.

What I didn't like about her was the way she would look at a man when she caught his eye. She would take on this look that said, "I'm available" and most men would react by starting up a conversation with her although it worked very well when we were out buying a new car or something. She had a way of disarming a salesman.

Because my fiancee was so enraptured with her manager I tried a couple of times to end the engagement but she persuaded me to continue with the marriage by masturbating me into submission.

She always masturbated me with her mouth against my ear and in her sensual tone of voice she could persuade me into anything. Whenever I was with her she kept me in a high state of sexual arousal so it was easy for her to make me climax in her hand.

We were married and on our honey moon we argued. It was all about sex, she didn't want it with me and she said I was a pervert because I wanted it too much.

When we came home from our honey moon things changed. Because she was newly married the men at her work felt free to make lewd comments. She was now deflowered and working around her manager and breathing his pheromones she would come home in a high state of sexual arousal.

Every day I would get home from work before her so I would start the dinner. When she came in the door she would kiss and caress me and then go and change into something comfortable before dinner. At night she would talk about her job and manager and we would end up making love because she was so sexually aroused from working around him.

For me, life was wonderful. I had a good paying job, working for her grandfather. We had our own apartment, a new car and I had a very sexy wife. I was the envy of my friends.

We were married just about a year when my world came crashing down. She came home from work and I went to kiss her but she turned her lips away from me saying, "Please don't kiss me. I'm too cruddy and sweaty. I've had a tough day. I just want to take a shower before dinner."

I thought that was odd because she always took her shower after dinner. That night she seemed distant to me. I didn't get to see her naked as I always do when getting into bed. She turned out the lights before taking off her robe and that night began the all too familiar phrase, "Not tonight honey. I'm too tired."

She just turned off the sex like she would turn off a water faucet. She refused to talk about her manager. That was the day that she made me her cuckold.

A pattern developed. Some days she came home and wouldn't kiss me. Those were the days that she didn't want me to smell her manager on her breath and on those days she took a shower before dinner.

I was being denied sex for too long. This one day she came home from work, turning her head when I went to kiss her saying that she would take a shower before dinner.

I turned off the stove for dinner and waited a little while. Then I went into the bedroom. The bathroom door was closed and I could hear the shower running. Now every time that I would think about her manager fucking her I would get angry but then, what I could not understand, is that my anger would turn into sexual arousal which gave me an erection. I would get ashamed of my feelings and in my shame, I would masturbate. That's what we cuckolds do. We masturbate.

This night was going to be different. I was going to fuck her and reclaim my wife and if she wouldn't let me fuck her then I was going to rape her. I had a ragging hard on.

The shower stopped running as I was taking off my clothes. Naked, I stood in front of the bathroom door giving her time to dry off. Then I pushed the door open. She was standing there nude, applying moisturizer to her face and hands. I startled her and she got a frighten look of shock when she saw me nude with an erection.

I said, "I'm going to fuck you."

My words shocked me because I didn't say, "I want to make love to you."

The words came out cold, "I'm going to fuck you."

Startled she replied, "Yes. Just let me moisten it with this lotion so it will slip right in."

She applied the lotion and her hand felt so erotic as she began stroking my erection. I may have hesitated a moment too long as I enjoyed the sensations of her stroking hand. She continued stroking me as she moved us to the bed. When we got to the bed she said, "Now just let me guide it in. Get up between my legs and let me put it in."

She continued stroking it and my body began to shake. She pointed it toward her vagina and as I anticipated putting it into her, I began ejaculating onto her pubic hair. I cried out, "Oh no! I'm cumming! Oh God no! I don't want to cum."

At the same time her voice was over mine saying, "Yes. Cum my baby. Get all of that anger out of you. Cum some more."

I moaned, "I wanted to fuck you and I failed."

Over my words she replied, "Oh that's too bad. Maybe next time."

I moaned, "I failed."

She replied, "You failed because you came at me with anger and contempt in your eyes. Your erection looked menacingly like a weapon. Like you were going to hurt me with it. I'm sorry but I had to disarm you."

My cock deflated in her hand as she continued fondling it saying, "I hate it when you get so angry and aggressive. You get so ugly but now you're back to the Jack that I know and love, so soft and gentle. I love you when your penis shrinks back to it's harmless, little boy size. It makes me feel like I'm the mommy and you're my little boy."

Whenever I ejaculate in her hand I'm overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy, remorse and despair. It's when I'm in remorse that she berates me which makes me feel like I can't protest or argue with her. I'll just do what she wants.

She is the superior gender. She keeps me in a high state of sexual arousal and every time that I try to regain my male dominance she subdues me with a few strokes of her moisten hand. I hate myself for it but I'm always too anxious to have her masturbate me.

She asked, "What prompted this?"

Meekly I replied, "I know Spencer is fucking you and I was angry."

She answered, "No one is fucking me. It's all in your mind and if he did make advances on me I would have to give him what he wants and you know that. We talked about it. It's the agreement I made with Mr. Grant when he gave me this job and if you can't handle it then you can move out."

She knew that I worked for her grandfather and if I walked out on her, I would lose my job and my life style. She knew that I had no place to go. That I had to stay with her and obey her. She had absolute dominance over me. Our marriage had become a mommy, little boy relationship.

It seems to be a common occurrence that when a man discovers that his wife is cheating on him, he becomes so distort and disoriented and he doesn't want to break up his family. He surrenders to his wife and their relationship changes to a female led marriage. The only thing we cuckolds have offer our wives is love and obedience.

One night while she was masturbating me she told me of the unholy agreement she had made with Mr. Grant when he promoted her to executive secretary. She promised him that she would take care of his young manager no matter what he wanted. I told her that I didn't think I could handle that and she replied, saying, "That's the way the world is and you will have to accept it."

I climaxed in her hand and whenever I climax in her hand she always interprets that as my acceptance of what she has said. Once I ejaculate by her hand, I become remorseful and submissive. I feel so bad because I didn't do anything for her. I didn't give her an orgasm. I failed at being her husband so in my despair I feel like I'm in no position to protest or argue with her.

After my failed attempt to rape her, she became very vigilant of me. Watching to see if I was getting erections or becoming aggressive and if I was, then she would masturbate me to climax. Once my penis shrunk back to it's harmless little boy size, she would expose her body to me. It was her way of emasculating me by reaffirming my sexual inadequacies.

Looking at her exposed vagina and knowing that I did not gratify her, I reach for her begging, "Please let me make love to you. I know I can get it up again."

Covering herself, she replies, "No. You had your chance and I don't want to go through this again. Maybe tomorrow."

Sometimes she would masturbate me while she acted like she was all aroused. Then when I began to climax she would say, "Put it in me."

I would climax in her hand and she would act so disappointed making me feel that I had poor sexual performance and then, she wouldn't give me that second chance.

Everyone at her work knew that I was the cuckold and all of my friends knew. It was a small town. I was overwhelmed with the shame and humiliation of being a cuckold plus my wife was denying me sexual intercourse. I couldn't sleep at night. I went to a doctor and he gave me a prescription to help me deal with my anxieties.

The medication reduced my sexual arousal and prevented me from getting erections. My wife was very happy with the medication and she made sure that every night I took my medication. She was no longer concerned about my sexual arousal or my getting an erection.

The medication helped me to think clearly for I was no longer obsessed with my wife being fucked by her manager but I was still overcome with the shame of being a cuckold. I had to get out of this marriage. I had to gain financial independence. I went to school at night and earned a high school diploma. Then I entered college courses at night working toward an engineering degree which led to an entry level job in engineering.

I became totally absorbed in my work gaining recognition in my field. I could care less for my wife or what she was doing. I gained my self confidence and I was my own man for she no longer had control over me. She became my secretary and house keeper. I should have divorced her but it was so much easier to keep her as my domestic so we remained married. It is a marriage of convenience.