Mary and Alvin Ch. 09

The Queen of Hearts

Alvin woke up in the big four poster bed. He rolled over and reached for the pillow on the other side of the mattress. He buried his face in it while he cleared his head of sleep. Something seemed just a little bit off this morning. He sniffed the pillow and realized that it just smelled like a pillow. For years, he had clutched it before he went to sleep and again when he woke, because it smelled like Bonnie. Her scent had probably faded away long ago, but in Alvin's mind it had lingered. Now, it was gone.

He sat up and lifted his jeans from the floor. He judged they were clean enough to wear another day. He pulled them on and padded barefoot out of the bedroom.

The bathroom door was closed but he could hear water running. Even after two months, he had not really adjusted to living with women in the house again. He wondered if it was Jennifer or Danni in there. If it was Danni, she'd be out quick. The young woman was remarkably efficient, Alvin thought, button down and by the book. But if it was Jennifer, he'd be dancing in the hallway for a while. He started to knock, then shrugged and went down the stairs. His father had liked to say that he'd never live in a house where he couldn't piss off the back porch, and right now, Alvin saw great wisdom in that statement. As he relieved himself, he scoured the sky. The morning was clear and cool, but there was a haze on the horizon that indicated that it would be hot and muggy later.

He went inside and washed his hands at the kitchen sink. He put a pan on the stove to heat. As he was getting a slab of bacon from the refrigerator, Danni came down the stairs and greeted him.

"Morning Danni, how are you?"

"I am fine, thank you," she replied as she turned on the coffeemaker. Alvin had once been put off by her seeming aloofness, but over time he had come to understand that she was a warm hearted woman behind an unassailable shield of personal dignity.

By the time Jennifer stumbled down the stairs Alvin and Danni had the bacon and coffee ready and had started making eggs and toast.

"You always did wake up by sense of smell," Alvin joked as his daughter poured herself a cup of coffee and flopped down at the kitchen table. Angus moseyed into the kitchen and jumped into her lap.

When the food was ready, the three of them sat and ate together. Alvin knew he would miss them when they returned to Orono for their last year of college, but took comfort that when they came back in the spring, it would be to stay.

"So, how's Mary?" Jennifer asked, "Haven't seen her around lately."

"Mary's fine," Alvin said, "we're just taking our time with things."

Jennifer looked skeptical. "You sure? Seems like you two cooled off."

Alvin shook his head. "No, we are just figuring out how we fit."

"I guess that's an issue for straight couples," Jennifer laughed.

"You know what I meant," Alvin said, rolling his eyes, "I mean, we reached a particular point and now we have to figure out where we go from there."

"I don't get this particular point thing."

"You know, when it becomes serious."

"When you tell her you love her," Danni said.

Alvin nodded.

"Oh!" Jen exclaimed, "Did you screw this up and tell her before she was ready?"

"Jeezum crow, no," Alvin said, throwing up his hands, "She more or less told me to say it."

"Did she say it back?" Danni asked.

"Yes."

"Well, alright then," Jen said, breaking a piece off the last strip of bacon and feeding it to Angus before eating the rest of it herself.

"But, that brings up issues, don't you know," Alvin shrugged.

"Like what?"

"Well, like, she's a city girl. You think she's going to want to live in the willywacks of Maine the rest of her life? And I sure as shit ain't about to go live in California."

"Ha! I can see you strolling around in sandals and socks."

Alvin looked at Danni. "I told Bonnie that we should give the kids regular beatings, but she wouldn't have it."

"Yeah," Jennifer scoffed, "like you were the tough parent."

"Well, there is the other thing. I guess her Mom is wicked riled over the age business. Can't see her alienating her own family over somebody she ain't known long."

"I did," Danni said. Jen took her hand and kissed her cheek.

Alvin hung his head."I'm sorry, Danni."

"It's fine," she nodded, "you didn't mean to be insensitive."

It was quiet for a moment, then Alvin asked, "So what's on the agenda today?"

"Finishing the electrical," Jen said, "Still need to get the insulation in and the drywall up. If there's time I'd like to get the painting done before we leave."

"And the furnace?"

Danni answered. "It will be delivered Friday."

"Well, call on me if you need help with it." He looked at the two of them, and felt a surge of pride. "The two of you have done a hell of a job, I'll tell you.I never expected you to be as far along as you are."

They had worked on the house all summer, and with only a little more than a week left before the fall semester began, it was near completion. Alvin had pitched in when he had time, and Tim had helped Danni with the roofing. A few of Jen's high school friends had come by now and then, but for the most part, the two young women had really done it themselves, they had built their own house.

"I wish your Mom could see what you've done," Alvin said, reminded of Mary's feelings about her father, "She'd be so proud of you."

"Thanks, Daddy," Jen said.

"Yes, thank you," Danni concurred.

They cleaned up the breakfast dishes and Alvin went upstairs to prepare for the day while the girls went out to work on the house.

As he showered he thought more about his girls, and how well they had turned out. He was sure that Bonnie would be proud of both of them, and maybe of him as well. It had not been easy, but he supposed he had done alright.

His determination to be strong for his daughters was the only thing that kept him from collapsing into inconsolable grief in the months after he'd found Bonnie in her garden. He had help, of course. His mother, as poor as her own health was, rose to the occasion, showering the girls with grandmotherly love. Diana took care of many of the household duties of which Alvin was clueless, and even Tim was helpful, taking the girls to McDonalds or a movie when Alvin began to feel overwhelmed. But the bottom line was, he was their surviving parent, and the emotional burden fell squarely on his shoulders.

Charlotte grieved hard for the first few weeks, sometimes spontaneously weeping at the slightest reminder of her mother. But then she seemed to will herself to get past it, and at first Alvin was proud of the way she had toughened up. It reminded him of his own response to his father's sudden death. But then the night terrors began. That was perhaps when he came closest to losing control, hearing his little girl screaming in the middle of the night, and knowing that while he could hold her and comfort her, he could do nothing to prevent the terror from returning the next night. After a time, the bad nights grew further apart and eventually stopped, but Alvin knew all that pain was not gone but was stored up, and would one day find an outlet. When she began to show signs of promiscuity with boys at school, he realized that he needed more help than family could provide, and for a year he took Charlotte to Bangor every Tuesday afternoon to see a counselor. Her behavior improved, but Alvin feared the root of the problem had never been addressed.

Jennifer was more stoic about her mother's death. Alvin had always felt that while Charlotte was very much her mother's girl, Jennifer was more like him. It was obvious that she grieved for her mother, but she adjusted quickly to the new normality. While Alvin worried about Charlotte, he thought that raising Jennifer would be smooth sailing. So, he was surprised on the bitter January day when the middle school principal called and asked him if he could come in for a conference.

He was waiting outside the school when classes ended. When Jennifer came out, she looked at him with a puzzled face which quickly fell into a downcast expression.

"Come on, let's go get ice cream," he said as they walked to the car.

"Dad, it's like fifteen degrees. People don't eat ice cream when it's this cold."

"Well, I guess they won't be sold out, then."

They drove to Wendy's Diner and took a booth in the back. Alvin ordered a bowl of coffee ice cream and Jennifer got a strawberry milkshake.

"So," Alvin began tentatively, "I got called to come in and talk to the principal. I'm figuring you know what it was about."

Jennifer looked down into her glass. "I guess so."

"Alright, well let's start with you ain't in no kind of trouble, so you can go ahead and look at me when we are talking."

Jennifer looked up at her father.

"You want to tell me about it?"

She hesitated a minute, then said, "I kissed Donna Cloutier in the girl's bathroom and Miss Edwards came in and saw us."

"Yeah, I know that part. That's not what I meant."

"What then?" she shrugged.

"Were you just playing at, whatever, or is this something serious we need to talk about?"

"Can it be something serious we don't need to talk about?"

"I think we need to talk about it at least once."

"Why?"

"Because I'm your father and it's my job to look out for you. I can't do that if you keep secrets from me. Big secrets anyway, I don't need to know every damn thing."

Jennifer sipped her milkshake for a minute, then looked her father in the eye. "I don't like boys. I like girls."

Alvin shrugged. "Girls smell better."

Jennifer snorted. "Don't be a goof, you said it was a serious talk."

"Alright. What I need is for you to look me right in the eye and tell me that this isn't some rebellion thing or just trying to take after some singer you like or something."

She looked at him and said, "It's not a rebellion. It's not about being anybody but me."

"Well, alright then." Alvin ate a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream.

"Daddy?"

"What, baby?"

"You still love me, right?"

Alvin looked at his daughter, the girl who looked so much like her mother, and felt like his heart might break.

"Sweetie," he said, "I just found out two things about you. One of them doesn't matter one little bit. The other one does. And that's that you are the bravest girl I ever knew. Why would that make me love you less?"

"I'm glad you're not mad at me."

"Didn't say I wasn't. You get no pass on misbehaving. And if you don't want to piss me off, don't ever doubt that I love you again."

"Alright. So am I getting punished or anything?"

"Yes. You have to spend the rest of your day with me."

He watched as she loudly slurped up the last of her milkshake. He smiled at her and refused to show her his melancholy mood. He wasn't completely surprised to learn that she was gay. She'd always been a tomboy and she was well past the age where Charlotte had become boy crazy. But he felt heartsick with the thought that he would lose her. She wouldn't want to stay in a small town where everyone knew your business. He had wanted to run far away when he was young, and she had much more reason to than he'd had.

Alvin remembered that day at the diner as he left the house to head to the wharf. He looked across the meadow and saw Jennifer pick up a box from the back of his old pickup. As she lugged it up the front steps, Danni came through the door and kissed her on the cheek as she passed. Alvin got in his car and headed down the long driveway. Danni was getting another box from the truck. She smiled and waved at him as he drove by. I thought I was going to lose my daughter, he thought, but I got another one instead.

Late August is still prime vacation season along the coast, and Alvin was busy all day. When his phone rang, he looked at the screen and was surprised to see that it was already past two o'clock. He was not surprised to see that it was Mary calling.

"How's your day going?" she asked.

"Busy as a one armed boxer," he replied, "How are you, darlin'?"

"I'm fine. Busy here, too. A lot of people out on vacation."

"Well, they all come down to the waterfront, by the looks of it."

"Listen,honey, I want you to come over for supper tonight."

"I don't know, dear, I'm so busy and..."

"Excuse me, but did you hear me ask a question?"

"No, I don't suppose I did."

"Good. I'll see you at seven."

I guess I'd better be there, he thought with a chuckle as he put the phone back in his pocket.

He managed to get away from the wharf in plenty of time to shower and change into fresh clothes. At exactly seven o'clock, he was climbing the stairs to Mary's apartment. She opened the door when he was halfway up.

They kissed in the doorway, then Mary turned and went into the kitchen. "Sit down," she said, "it's not quite ready yet."

"Something sure smells fine," he said, sitting on the couch. Mary came back and handed him a bottle of beer.

"Jennifer called me today," she said.

"Oh? What did she want?"

"She asked if you and I would like to go with them to that Roadhouse where they do the karaoke on Saturday."

"Well, I wonder why she didn't say anything to me."

"Because you would say no, and I said yes," Mary said as she disappeared back into the kitchen.

"I ain't singing," he called after her.

"Nobody's asking you to," she shot back.

A few minutes later, Mary called him to the kitchen. The table was adorned with a red and white cloth and a single tapered candle. In the center of the table sat a shallow earthenware bowl filled with steaming brown rice.

"What's this, Spanish rice?" he asked.

"Paella," she said, taking his empty beer bottle and handing him a glass of white wine. "It's got lobster and chicken and chorizo in it."

"Jeezum crow, it smells good," he said as he sat down, "what's in it that gives it that smell?

"Saffron," Mary told him as she sat across from him. She dished several big spoonfuls into a bowl and set it in front of him, then filled one for herself.

"Isn't that stuff a hundred dollars a sniff or something?"

"Not quite."

"You brought it from California?"

"No, I bought it in Camden the other day."

Alvin took his first bite. "Oh, Jeezum, that's wicked good."

"Thank you," Mary smiled, as she began to eat.

"You went to Camden?"

"Sure, I went shopping with Kelly."

"I didn't know that. This sausage is terrific. Wicked spicy, though."

The only sounds for the next few minutes were their forks clinking on their bowls. Then Mary broke the silence.

"Do you think I should shave my public hair?"

Alvin nearly choked on a bite of chicken. "Excuse me?"

"Well, I read an article about how to keep your man from losing interest. What if I didn't wear underwear all the time and flashed you on occasion?"

"I'm not losing interest."

"Honey, I'm an expert on men losing their interest. I've been through it, I know the early warning signs."

Alvin reached across the table and took her hand. "Mary, I adore you. I am not losing interest."

She shook her head. "You stepped back, you are all of a sudden not as emotionally available. You change the subject or make jokes whenever I try to talk about us."

Alvin put down his fork. "It's a thing I have to go through. You know..." he paused, looking down at his plate. "I've only really been in love once before and you know how it ended."

"It ended with her loving you for the rest of her life."

"I never looked at it that way."

"Well, whatever your thing is, get on with it, goddamn it."

"Alright, sweetheart. That underwear thing sounds interesting, though."

Mary shook her head. "You can be a jerk sometimes, Alvin."

"What else did the article say?"

"It recommended surprise blowjobs in unexpected situations."

"Well, if it was an expected situation, you'd have to be a real numbie for it to be a surprise."

"Just finish your supper, Alvin, and see what you can expect afterwards."

Later, after they had made love and Mary had drifted off to sleep, Alvin lay awake, thinking.

As his daughters got older and became more independent, he had considered whether he ought to try dating. He had no intention of entering a relationship. He didn't think anyone would ever replace Bonnie, but he was lonely. He craved companionship and he missed sex.

One day as he was pumping gas into his pickup, he heard someone call his name. He looked around to see a full figured woman with long dark hair coming out of the store, sipping soda from a huge styrofoam cup and waving at him.

"Terri!" he called back, "How are you?"

He had not seen Terri Arsenault since Bonnie's funeral. She had been his first girl friend and they had lost their virginities together in the back seat of his father's car at Sandy Point Beach. There were fine lines around her eyes and she'd put on a few pounds, but she looked much the same as she had then.

She came over to Alvin and they hugged.

"Where you been, Terri, I ain't seen you in an age."

"Well, when me and Bobby broke up I moved out to Liberty."

"You down by the lake?"

"No, out to the village."

"Still running the family shop, though?"

"Ayuh," she said, jerking her thumb across the lot. Alvin looked over and saw the panel truck adorned with the blue and white logo of Midcoast Shellfish. "I'm still the mother shucker in charge. How 'bout you?"

"Oh yeah, still on the wharf. Probably be there until a big enough swell comes in and washes me away."

"What time you get done? Maybe we could meet up at Hurley's, get a couple of beers and eat some wings. Sox play at seven."

Alvin hesitated, then agreed. "I'll have to run home and make sure my mom and the girls get fed. See you about six thirty?"

She gave him a thumbs up and a wink and returned to her truck. Alvin watched her go and felt a surge of excitement he had not experienced in a long time.

Terri was perched at the bar sipping a coffee brandy when Alvin arrived. She was wearing a Red Sox jersey with the number 5 and the name Garciaparra across the back. He climbed on the stool next to her.

"Jesus, you still wearing that Nomar shirt? What, was they out of Ted Williams?"

Terri laughed and lifted her glass to her lips.

"And you still drink that Allen's swill?" Alvin asked.

"Remember what we used to call it?"

"Liquid panty remover."

"Ayuh, and the champagne of Maine."

Alvin ordered a beer.

"How's your girls doing?" Terri asked.

"Good, as far I can tell. But they're teenagers, so you know, hard tellin', not knowin'."

"Hey, you know I went to our twentieth reunion a while back. You should of gone."

"Jeezum, can't imagine why you done that."

"Well, wanted to see who'd show up, I guess."

Alvin shrugged. "All the smart ones moved away."

Terri laughed. "Wasn't Sam Melanson voted most likely to succeed? That dubber bagged my groceries down to the IGA last week."

"Well, but you got to admit," Alvin said, "He's a wicked good bagger."

"Does a fine job with paper or plastic," she nodded.

"Jason Bradford was probably the most successful, really, until the staties found his lab."

Terri sipped her beer, then said, thoughtfully, "We ought not make fun of them, Alvin. Only reason we ain't the sad cases they are is our granddads started businesses that fell to us."

"You've got a point there," Alvin said, looking into his glass. "Used to be there was good jobs at the cannery and the shoe factory. Hell, even the lobsterin' ain't as good as it once was."

"You ain't telling me nothing I don't know there, sugar."

"Jeezum crow," Alvin shook his head, "you and me was what nowadays they'd call slackers, and we turned out the success stories."

"They did one of those memorial videos. You know, like on the Academy Awards and what not. Some sad shit there."