Masochistic Desires

Thanks to LadyScarlett for her editing help.

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After years of playing and enjoying the BDSM community in my city, I've finally found a Dom who shares my kinks. I'm a submissive masochist, you see. While many enjoy rough play, even within the kinky world my desires run along the edge. I don't want someone to just take me hard, but I also want the wicked gleam that promises evil things are coming my way. I want to revel in the darkness, to scream, to struggle, and eventually to surrender. I want to let the pain blossom inside me, curling through me and setting my nerves aflame. I want to feel the ache and bruises afterwards. I want my Dom to exploit my vulnerability and needs for his basest desires, with a side of tender love and savage fucking.

This rather...unique...combination hasn't been easy to find. A few months ago, I met someone at a happy hour that immediately caught my eye. He almost immediately picked up on how to fluster me; I think I blushed during our entire conversation. His eyes lit up with mischievous glee for the entirety of our talk, and I went home dreaming about his big hands spanking me as that glint deepened into something far darker. We flirted, talked, and shared secrets and joked for a few weeks before finally going out solo. Our first date was completely vanilla, but at the end, he pinned me against my apartment door roughly, sucking and biting hard on my lower lip. It was then that I realized he might share a love for the harsher side of kink.

A few weeks later, I was certain he was sadistic, although I hadn't gotten to experience to what extent. We had gone to fetish flea markets, classes, and happy hours. Sexually, we'd been taking it slow. We'd played lightly in public, sensually experimenting with his favorite flogger. We had sex, and again it was more vanilla than kinky, but the few bites and pinches had my desire spiraling out of control. After our second night together, we were lying in bed sipping wine and feeling much more open. I finally confessed how much I wanted him to hurt me, although I couldn't bear to look at him while I forced the words out. I didn't want to scare him away like so many others. I didn't want him to just tease me or spank me -- I wanted to suffer. I wanted him to make me cry, beg, and plead from unsatisfied desire (denial is a special kind of torture that my inner masochist adores). I wanted him to make me scream and sob in pain...and I wanted him to get off on it, take me to the edge, and then push me one step farther.

His silence was gut wrenching. He pulled me up for a passionate kiss, his desire taking me off guard. My body responded helplessly, and after another quick bout of hot sex, he looked me in the eye and whispered heatedly that he accepted the challenge.

On a Sunday night a week or two later, my Dom and I set up a date for the upcoming weekend. I wouldn't be seeing him until the party on Saturday because our schedules conflict all week long. He let me know that he had rules for me for the week, if I agreed to obey them. He instructed me to tease myself. I was to choose one of the following to do each day: 1) tease my nipples for 15 minutes, 2) masturbate to the edge of orgasm without going over 3 times, or 3) tease my clit and g-spot with a vibrator for 10 minutes without climaxing. I could call and beg if it became too much and he would re-evaluate the situation. I have to check in each morning to let him know which option I chose and its eventual outcome. Friday and Saturday leading up to our date there would be no touching at all.

By the time our date night arrives, I'm incredibly needy. Earlier in the week, I had broken down over the phone, begging and in tears, but my Dom had talked me down. His husky voice telling me how much my suffering pleased him turned me on further, but dulled the pain of ruined orgasm to a persistent ache. During work on Friday, I could barely concentrate on my spreadsheets. My mind kept wandering to the following night's promised torment, and I went through two pairs of panties. A coworker even asked if I was all right since I was so flushed from arousal. When Saturday finally arrived, we met at the party to set up with our friends, and the sexual tension could be cut with a knife.

Throughout set-up and the beginning of the party, my Dom teases me with casual caresses and kisses. He has me watch some friends do a sexy scene with wax and knives while imprisoning my hands behind my back and forcing my ankles apart with his legs. I can feel his hard cock pressing into my backside, and it ratchets my desire higher. I can feel my arousal soak my panties, and a surge of need empowers me. I struggle in his arms to turn around, looking up at him with my passion clear in my eyes. After a lingering look, I force myself to lower my eyes and I mumble a plea to him. I can feel his smirk, and he grips my chin to meet my gaze again. He knows how much more difficult it is for me to vocalize my desires when he's looking at me, and I feel my cheeks redden even further. He raises an eyebrow, and I finally stutter out a plea for him to let me worship his cock with my mouth. His eyes darken, and he simply nods. I feel the excitement course through me, and slightly giddy, I grab his hand and pull him after me until we're by a chair in the kitchen. It isn't exactly the most private or classy place, but I don't care. I look up to check with him and he seems aroused and amused, so I don't worry about it too much.

I unbutton his jeans and happily realize he's gone commando. I saucily push him down into the seat, and while he still seems amused he raises his eyebrows again, letting me know retribution awaits later. Knowing this is my only chance to have him at my mercy, I revel in my small moment of power. I make eye contact and kneel in front of him. I move one hand to caress his balls while the other strokes him gently, my thumb teasing the sensitive head of his hard cock. He lets me play for a moment, as I fondle him into full hardness. I kiss the tip, swirling my tongue around and capturing the small bead of pre-cum. I smile at him as I pull back and lick my lips. His eyes darken even more and he gruffly orders my hands behind my back. I obey, focusing more on worshipping his cock with my lips and tongue. I lay one small, wet kiss after another down his dick before licking up the underside. On my return, I engulf his cock in my mouth, sucking firmly and swirling my tongue again. I sense his patience waning, and -- keeping my eyes locked with his -- begin moving up and down. I can take him pretty far before I start to gag, and I work through my reflexes to let my warm, wet mouth suck him in deep.

Suddenly, when I've just about hit my reflex again I feel his hands on my head, pushing me down harder on his dick. Since he took me off guard, I panic momentarily as I feel the lack of air and gag around him. I flail slightly for a moment before he roughly fists my hair and pulls my head up so I can breath. I pant heavily for a second before centering myself, feeling another wall tumble down as I submit to his will. He grabs my hair with two hands and roughly begins to fuck my throat, using my mouth for his pleasure. I feel tears run down my face, streaking my mascara, but I force myself to maintain eye contact as he chokes me. His cock throbbing in my mouth has aroused me even more than before, and my cunt is clenching uncontrollably. I want so badly to touch myself as I give him head, but the pleasure on his face overwhelms me. I focus on enhancing his pleasure in whatever small ways I can as he ravages my face. I swirl my tongue around the underside of his cock on the upstroke, and suck harder on the down. I swallow and hum as he hits my gag reflex, shuddering as his unabashed use of me is driven home. He is making sure that I suffer for his pleasure, and the knowledge that he is taking what he wants from me -- the knowledge that I am his to use -- makes me moan even more around him. After several minutes, he forces my head down until he's lodged entirely in my throat. I'm choking and panicked, and I see the dark joy in his gaze as he lets go. He eases his grip and I swallow quickly for him, regaining a modicum of sanity. As he struggles to regain control, I resume lightly licking his dick, cleaning it off slowly. Each lick and every resulting tremble and shudder from him reinforces my arousal and need.

We take some time to recover before socializing some more, enjoying the chill of the weather outside. His continued teasing touches keep me flirting with the edge of arousal throughout all of our interactions. Finally, he motions to me and we find an open room. It's a private space, but he leaves the door wide open. Audiences generally make me nervous, but with him I'm so in the moment I don't care. My need has surpassed my nerves, and honestly, we both enjoy the reactions to our heavier play.

He ties me into a restrictive chest harness with scratchy coconut rope so that my breasts swell obscenely. He also ties in a crotch rope, although he splits the rope after placing a large knot against my clit. He chains me to a cross facing away from the door. The chill of the chains makes me shiver, but I can feel the nervous excitement rushing through me. The first touch I feel is soft suede caressing my shoulders. I know it's the deerskin flogger that my Dom loves. It was the first toy he used on me, and it's the perfect thing to relax me. The strands gently brush over me, bringing blood to the surface and raising my awareness. I can literally feel my body attune with his as he strokes me with his flogger. The hairs on my neck rise and I quietly purr, arching into his touch.

When I've relaxed into the deerskin flogger, he abruptly brings down a hard blow with a heavy leather flogger. This one's familiar as well -- the long-tailed flogger was a new acquisition, purchased together several weeks prior at a local craft fair. The cadence of blows gets firmer, raining down on my back with a thuddy massage. I moan a little as he continues with his beating. While occasionally painful, the sensation is more relaxing and mood setting than anything else.

He then switches to a long-tailed rubber flogger, and I cry out in surprise at the first hit. The rubber flogger is stingy, not thuddy, and this pain is far more difficult to process. I can feel his smirk as I squirm to dodge his blows. No matter how I squirm, my bonds hold me and he catches my sides, hips, and shoulders over and over. After screwing with me for a bit to keep me off balance, he starts to time his blows so that I have just enough time to process the pain and get nervous for the next one. The change of pace allows me to relax into the pain, and I can feel the heat begin to slowly smolder. After a particularly wicked series of hits, I can't help moaning in a combination of pain and desire. At this point, I'm shuddering almost constantly from my arousal.

He throws down the flogger and moves close to my body, letting his masculine energy center me. His hands tug and twist on the coconut rope, the rough twine abrading my delicate skin and making me squirm even more against him. He then starts teasingly kissing my collarbone and neck while his fingers begin to gently caress my nipples. As I start to whimper and squirm helplessly, he pinches and twists my nipples strongly, making me scream out in surprise. After the week of nearly unbearable teasing and the evening ahead, I can feel myself just about to go over the cliff and climax. I try to entice my Dom into fucking me. I can feel his hard cock against my ass, and I feel as if my blood is boiling. I start to undulate against him, moaning helplessly. He tugs on my crotch rope until I'm just at the edge, then he stops altogether and moves away, leaving me with tears of frustration in my eyes, mindlessly saying, "please, please, please" over and over.

He picks up a medium-weight paddle and brings it down with a heavy hand on the top of my ass. I cry out huskily, arching into the pain. The cool wood quickly warms as he repeatedly makes contact with my ass. He begins paddling my ass with vigor, occasionally slowing down to give me a moment to catch my breath. His timing is just enough to keep my off balance, and I can tell I'm hopping a bit from side to side. A distant part of myself realizes I likely look ridiculous, but I can't bring myself to care about anything other than the sensations coursing through me and the disgustingly sexy man behind me. One particularly wicked volley of spanks continues, driving me higher and higher until I can't help but scream. I scream in excruciating pain - a noise that likely scares the shit out of the neighbors. Honestly, I scare myself as I realize the noise came from me, and my shuddering increases tenfold.

As I process the pain, I feel my Dom's hand caressing my ass and the pain turns to pure pleasure. His fingers move to gently play with the knot against my clit. My moaning encourages him more, and he roughly shoves two fingers inside my cunt, curling them to tease my g-spot. My entire body goes rigid and curls in on itself as I feel the beginnings of climax, and I cry out in need, begging him for just that one more touch. He pulls out and moves around to kiss me through the cross. My desperate need is reflected in my kiss, the only way I can truly communicate at this moment. I throw myself into the kiss, my tongue caressing his lips and roughly playing with his. He fists my hair and pulls my head back, looking deep into my eyes. I can see the heat in his gaze, and I feel my pussy clench as I realize his carnal enjoyment of my suffering. I can feel the raw power emanating from him, and all I can do is shudder in his grasp. My head bows, surrendering to his control entirely.

He moves behind me once again, and I feel the hard, polished wood of his heaviest paddle running up and over my ass. He steps back and my entire body is clenched in anticipation. He says firmly that he'll be delivering ten blows. He knows the concrete goal will ground me enough to endure, even though I already sense he is going to push my limits to the max. The first blow comes down heavier than anything yet, and I scream, again unable to control my body's natural terrified response. Almost immediately I feel the pain radiate through my body, charging every neuron. After I shudder and give a quiet whimper in desire, I feel the second blow. This repeats for two more blows. Just before the fifth blow, I can feel myself start to cry, tears dripping down my cheeks and rough sobs catching in my throat. I start to worry I'll hit my limit before 10, and the though briefly horrifies me. The fifth blow is the hardest yet, and an ungodly scream erupts from somewhere deep inside. He steps in front of me, whispering how much my suffering is pleasing him. His husky whisper gives away his hot desire, and I feel last walls coming down as I slip into a different space altogether. He steps even closer and kisses my neck tenderly, softly rolling a nipple while teasing my clit. My body's response to the pain is like a climax in and of itself, and my sensitivity at this point is almost incomprehensible. I moan helplessly at his ministrations, suffering the pleasure as I suffer the pain, wanting more and wanting less, but captive in his power. His darkness calls to my deepest desires, ravaging me.

He steps away again and I can no longer brace myself. I welcome each blow, still crying out, but quietly now having moved into a space where all I focus on is pleasing him, suffering for him, and enduring and enjoying the crazy mix of sensations flowing through my body. At the tenth blow he unchains me and quick-releases the crotch harness. In a quick frenzy, I'm on a table; the condom's on and his dick is inside me. The first thrust sends me over the edge, climaxing uncontrollably. I scream, my legs contorting into his shoulders and my nails raking down his back taking skin with them. Our sex is hard, rough, and passionate. I can't stop climaxing, in a cycle where every thrust sets off another round of clenching and contortions. I can feel my eyes rolling back in my head, my body raising off the table and taking him inside me as deeply as possible. I hear his grunts and they only push my passion higher. Finally, I hear him lose control completely, shuddering and calling out hoarsely as he cums deep inside me.

After several minutes of deep breathing to catch our breath, we muster enough energy to shift onto the nearby futon. I curl into him, exhausted, sore, and tingling all over. I'm still shuddering, though with slightly less vigor, as aftershocks continue to course through my body. We work together to rub some cooling lotion into my ass, and I can feel his hands trembling as he comes down from the intensity of our scene as well. I haven't felt this possessed by anybody in ages, and I can't resist the compulsion to be at his feet. He seems to sense my conflict, and pushes a soft blanket and pillow to the floor between his legs, and I slip to the floor and curl into him. With his hands in my hair and on my shoulder, his legs trapping me to him, I feel safe, cared for, and I know I'm His.