Masseur to Masseuse

I must have had a shocked look on my face, because Melinda and Zoe both started giggling at me, and Melinda leaned over to kiss my cheek by way of reassurance. "It's all right darling," she said, running her fingers through my hair. "Just go with the flow and enjoy it." She smiled leaning back in her chair just as our waitress arrived with our drinks.

With practiced ease, the young waitress placed our drinks on the table before each of us, smiling at Zoe and Melinda in turn before focusing her eyes on me. "And for the newcomer, one strawberry daiquiri. Here you go dear." And the smile on her face lit up her eyes and it was obvious she was naturally happy and enjoyed her work. She paused for a moment and asked, "How are you two doing Zoe? Everything going well?"

Zoe smiled, winking quickly to Melinda, and rested a soft hand on the waitress' wrist. "We're doing wonderfully Sue, thank you so much for asking." She turned her face to look at me. "And this is our friend Madeline. She's new in town, and just getting to know some of the nice places to hang out."

I smiled up into those soft eyes, a pale green in the dim light of the club, feeling the sweetness of her friendship as she returned the smile. "Welcome to 'Out and About' then Madeline, I hope you enjoy it and I hope to see you again!" She winked at me, smiling, and slipped away to another table that was needing her attention. I was a little surprised, but happily so, at my first encounter with a woman who didn't know me. My heart was still beating quickly, but as I took a sip of my drink and the alcohol began to seep through me, I began to calm down, even relaxing somewhat.

As the evening wore on, and the drinks got lower in the glasses, Melinda and Zoe moved out onto the dance floor and began swaying with the music. I relaxed in my chair, drinking my daiquiri and just enjoyed the time, enjoyed watching them dance together. They were so perfect for each other. I began to daydream for a bit, my thoughts drifting on so many different topics, when a voice suddenly broke in on me. It was Sue, bringing me a fresh drink and a sweet smile. I looked up at her, surprised, stammering just a little bit, "Ummm, thank you Sue, but...".

She giggled and smiled. "It's from the woman at the bar. She said you looked so lonely over here with just an empty drink. Her name's Erin, and she's a sweetie." As Sue was telling me all this, Erin caught my eyes with hers. When Sue moved away, I smiled my thanks and picked up the drink, taking a long sip. Taking my smile as an invitation, she slipped away from the bar and began walking around the dance floor towards me. I felt my heart begin to beat faster, and looked over at Zoe and Melinda, asking silently what I should do! Melinda caught my eye, seeing what was happening, and just smiled at me, offering silent comfort, letting me know it was okay, and to just be myself... my feminine self that is.

As Erin walked towards me, I took in her form, noting things that I had learned about as a woman, but as a man I would never have picked up on. I saw how confident she was by the way she walked. I saw the care she took with herself in the way her hair was styled and the way her makeup was applied. I recognized the style of dress she was wearing; apparently modest, but with a long slit up one side that would show off her leg if she chose. I saw how friendly she was by the simple warmth of her smile, a smile that reached her eyes and caused her whole face to glow.

I stood to welcome her, sharing my own smile with her, and we gave each other polite hugs. Then I sat back down and gestured to a vacant chair, asking her to join me.

"I'm Erin," she said, by way of introduction.

"And I'm Madeline," I said, my feminine name coming naturally to my lips. "'Maddie' for short." I smiled again at her, feeling a soft blush slip over my cheeks, a little surprised at myself, but it was all feeling perfectly natural. I had the briefest thought that, yes, alcohol does have its benefits.

"It's nice to meet you Maddie," she said smiling and sitting carefully, smoothing her skirt beneath her hips. "I hadn't seen you here before, and you were all alone. You look like you'd enjoy some company."

"That's so sweet of you," I said, struggling a little to be heard over the music, which was beginning to get louder. "I'm not much of a dancer, and tonight I'm a third wheel. I appreciate it a lot."

She giggled when I started to speak more loudly, glancing around at the jukebox where someone had evidently turned up the volume. She leaned in close and said, "Come with me. There's a little spot where it's a bit quieter." Saying that she stood and offered her hand and, after a moment's hesitation, I took it and stood along with her. She smiled at me and led me around the dance floor, by the bar, and then past the bar. Just once, I caught Zoe's eyes while Erin and I walked, and she gave me the same encouraging smile that Melanie had.

Past the bar, she led me down a short hallway and into a small alcove. I looked around and it looked for all the world like an old English gentleman's club. Dark wood paneling, subdued, indirect lighting, comfortable chairs, low tables for drinks. There were also largish plants spread about, settled between each set of tables and chairs. It didn't give privacy, but it gave the illusion of privacy, which is sometimes just as nice. And, as Erin had said, it was much quieter here. The jukebox could still be heard, but it wasn't the blaring noise that some people enjoy, more like a radio with the volume turned down a bit.

There was another couple in there already, talking quietly over their drinks, so Erin led me to a small table away from them, and we both sat down. I took another sip of my drink and smiled, nodding my head. "Yes, this is much quieter, thank you Erin. Loud music gives me a headache after a while."

"Oh my word yes!" she replied, a grin on her face. "I think they do it on purpose. The louder the music, the worse the headache, the more alcohol you drink to make it go away!" She laughed softly, and I laughed along with her. I'd thought the same thing myself in the past, and still hadn't had anyone think up an alternative.

We began chit-chatting, talking about hair, makeup, clothes (and I mentally blessed Zoe and Melanie once again). She started telling me about places to shop in town, where good bargains could be found. I told her a little bit of my story, how I was out of work and looking to make a fresh start of things. How I'd just arrived in town a month ago (I had lived in the town all my life; Madeline had arrived just a month ago). And that I was still looking for a job. And that led to her obvious question.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a masseuse, I do massage therapy. Relaxation, stress relief, deep tissue massage. Whatever the client requires." I saw Erin's eyes get wide and a grin start to spread across her face. "Within reason!" I said quickly, giggling. "You have a naughty mind, girl."

"How good are you?" she asked, picking up her drink and taking a sip.

When she set her drink down, she had rested her hand on the table. I picked up her hand in mine and smiled at her. She looked in my eyes, and I felt the brief tension in her hand relax. And I began to massage her hand.

For several quiet minutes I worked her fingers, her palm, the back of her hand, and her wrist, rubbing, pressing and stimulating the skin. I stroked and caressed each finger, all the way out to her long, manicured nails. My own nails were short (for a woman that is; something I'd learned early was that long nails and massage simply don't go well together). I smiled inwardly as I felt her muscles and tendons begin to relax, and her hand begin to warm under the press of my fingers. I looked up at her briefly, catching her eyes about half closed. It made me very happy that she was enjoying it. I had used this technique before on clients who worked with their hands a lot. It invariably made them feel better.

As I finished the first hand, I laid it down gently on the table and picked up her other hand, tending to it as well. I listened to Erin's breathing getting deeper and more relaxed. I could see the tension dropping out of her shoulders as well. As so often happens to me in these situations, the distractions around us, the music, the other people, just seemed to fade away. The only thing that mattered was Erin's hand in mine, and helping her to relax.

When I was done, I laid her hand gently back on the table, and we both sat quietly for a short time. She finally roused herself and smiled, a sweetly relaxed smile, and said, "I guess that answers that question."

Part 5

It has been three months since my graduation night, and those months have been very fulfilling. I did indeed get the job as a masseuse that I had been seeking. And, yes, the owner does know about my situation. She had to know, if only for tax purposes. But, she was willing to give me a chance, as long as I maintained my female guise at work. This caveat only lasted three weeks. By the end of that time I was as much a part of the staff as any of the other women, and learning so much more just from being around them.

As Madeline, I've made friends and acquaintances. Erin, whom I met on graduation night, became a close friend, and through me became friends with Melinda and Zoe. I've made other friends as well, some that know my situation, some that do not. I do not advertise what I am, but neither do I lie about it if asked. I present myself as a woman, and if the subject comes up, I tell them. Most people have been very accepting.

It is wonderful to be able to make a living doing something I enjoy. To be able to take someone's stress away, to leave them relaxed and content if only for a brief while, is a most satisfying thing. But, of all the things that have happened to me over these last months and more, the most surprising came upon me when I wasn't expecting it. And that is the change in my mental state, my attitude if you will.

When I was learning to be female, learning all those little things that most women spend a lifetime learning, I was pleased with myself, surprised in many ways at how I looked and how I came to be Madeline, rather than Matthew. But I still knew I was male; the appendage between my legs was always a dead giveaway.

But after the lessons were over, and I was somewhat on my own, I discovered that my daily transformation to femininity was subtly changing me. The routine and regularity of it came to be very soothing and very... fulfilling... all on its own. So much so that my male persona has almost completely disappeared. It's still there... but very quiet. I've come to the point where I will become a woman even on days where work does not require it. It's become my preference.

I even find myself thinking as a woman. I will admire a gentleman who is well dressed and handsome, even though there's no sexual desire beneath that admiration. I can spend hours window shopping now, something I never worried over as a man. My apartment has become much more feminine in my decorations and furnishings as well.

In many ways, I no longer even think of myself as Matthew, although that's the name on my driver's license. I'm not even "he" or "him" anymore. I'm Madeline, anonymous reader, and I'm very pleased to meet you.

Part 6, A Postlude, Some Time Later

As Madeline worked her fingers into the client's skin, she felt her mind begin to drift, enjoying the touch and warmth and texture much more than was her usual. He was tall and lean, much taller than she was, even in her heels. Easily 6' and perhaps a shade more. He appeared to be much older than she, having gone bald but with a short, trimmed white beard. He looked for all the world like an old cowboy, in from the range and taking some relaxation now that the day's work was complete.

There had been some light, initial conversation, but now the room was silent, save for the faint hiss of the air conditioning, the soft music from her MP3 player and the sound of oiled skin sliding over oiled skin. With long broad strokes, she moved up and down his back, pressing into his shoulders, finding the small knots that show up in everyone. With a firm but gentle touch, she teased each of them from his body, one by one. She was feeling very pleased with herself as his back loosened up for her, though in truth she had done this hundreds of times before. For some reason that she couldn't put her finger on, she was noticing a number of little things about this client, things that normally wouldn't make an impression on her. She smiled to herself, brushing the thoughts aside, and continued the massage.

With a swirl of gentle caresses, she left his back and moved to his legs, strongly muscled and covered with hair. With her warm, oiled hands, she began moving up and down his legs with soft, long strokes, getting a first coat of oil down onto his skin, pushing past the many hairs that would otherwise try to soak it up. She smiled to herself, not for the first time, that it was often easier to massage women simply because of the lack of hair.

Madeline started in earnest on the left leg, kneading the firm muscles in the thigh, feeling how firm they were under her fingers. Knots here were few and far between, but still she pressed in, feeling the muscles relax slowly under her ministrations. Moving down to the calf and tending it in much the same way, but with a bit more care; she didn't want to accidentally cause a cramp. She smiled to herself as she eased the calf muscle into a relaxed state, enjoying the small victory of releasing his stress and not causing a cramp at the same time.

As she moved to the end of the table, preparing to massage his feet, she ran her eyes up the leg she had just massaged towards his groin. Controlling herself, she swallowed silently, as her eyes took in the flaccid penis of the man she was massaging. Flaccid yes, but still easily five or six inches long. Covered with a towel, yes, but still easily seen from this angle. Her eyes went wide, though her hands never stopped moving. She was so glad her client was face down on the table, otherwise he may have seen her reaction. And she could not have stood that embarrassment!

She continued to massage him, finishing his feet, his other leg and then had him roll over onto his back. As she lifted the towel for him, she strove to avert her eyes, but couldn't resist one tiny peek. And in that small, minute glance, she knew that she would forever remember his penis, how big it was, the purplish veins running beneath the pale skin, the bulbous head.

Madeline swallowed silently. She had not felt a sexual urge of any kind in several months now and had been contentedly celibate. But now.... now she didn't know. She continued to massage the gentleman's body, taking away his stress, but she could feel her own heart beating a bit faster than usual. And her confusion was suddenly there at the forefront of her mind.

Finally, the massage was over, and she whispered softly to him that the time was up. He smiled, grunting something that sounded pleased but was mostly unintelligible to her ears. She slipped out the door so that he could get dressed and went to the lobby to await his departure.

When he finally appeared, fully dressed and a smile on his face, she smiled in return. She offered him a bottle of water, and he handed her forty dollars as a tip. She slipped the money in her dress pocket and thanked him once again as he returned to his own life.

It wasn't until that evening, as she was undressing and getting ready for bed, that she realized there was something else with the tip he had left her; his business card and his phone number. Madeline was at a loss.