Max's First Time

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Max has his first appointment with a psychiatrist (dark).
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I walked a little further up the street. "141 Maple Crescent, This is the place!"

I opened the door and as soon as I walked over the threshold, I froze with fear, the voices began again.

"Max, you're ok! You don't need to be here, now open the door and just leave!" "No Max! It's been nearly a year, you need help. You can't control what happened to him." The voices in my head began to quarrel, one wanting me to leave, the other, begging me to stay.

"Go! Just go!" It began to scream. Until.

"Can I help you?" A soft and gentle voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw a young woman all dressed in blue. She smiled and put her hand re-assuringly on my shoulder.

"Don't do it Max!" It said. "Uh yeah, I'm Mr Taylor, I have an appointment at 2:30?" I replied timidly, my voice breaking from the abhorrent mixture of shock and fear. "Ok, if you'll just follow me to the desk I'll check the computer"

The lady took my hand and led me to the waiting room. The whole interior of the building was white, it felt strangely like heaven. Maybe I hadn't made it out of my flat this morning after all, and this was all just some, surreal, limbo induced nightmare.

I sat in the hard, uncomfortable wooden armchair, trembling, wondering what would happen to me next. The voices in my head were still fighting one another, but the severe apprehension of what was to come helped me block them out.

"Mr Taylor!" My head snapped sidewards so as to look the young woman again, still she was smiling and gentle voiced. "Julie is ready for you now, it's the 3rd door on the left."

Tentatively I rose from the chair and walked towards her room. As I walked there, all I could see what white: White walls, white rooms, white chairs. Fuck me even one of the workers was dressed in white!

I reached her room and hesitantly opened her door, peered my head inside. "Erm, Julie?" I asked.

"Yes Mr Taylor, come in and take a seat" she said. I was met by this charming older woman, in her 50s I'd say. She seemed very kind, it was so refreshing to meet someone like that after all this time. However, my mind was on other things.

"Ok Mr Taylor, I'd just like to say a few things before we get started. You'll come here once a week and you'll be with me for all the appointments. We can offer you 6 weeks of therapy but can double it to 12 if we feel you need it. And as you'd expect everything said here is confidential. Are you ok with all of this?"

"Hmmm" I sounded. I could but nod my head, I wanted to cry so badly right now, there was so much going on in my head. Fear, at the fact I'd have to bear my soul to this... this stranger. All the horrible things I've done and the people I've hurt. And joy, that after years of suffering I was finally getting help. And maybe... just maybe, getting over Leon.

"Ok then!" Julie said, smiling eagerly. "Usually we'd spend the hour talking about how you feel and how we can make you get well again. However... since this is your first session, there are certain formalities you must complete." She pushed a series of bits of paper in front of me.

"Ok, so, the first one is just to make sure we have the correct details for you." I picked up the form and glanced over it. "Name? Maxwell Taylor. Age? 25. Sexual Orientation? Gay male..."

I skimmed over the rest of the form and it was all in order. I signed it and pushed it back to Julie.

"Ok and the second one is a psychometric test, it's just a couple of questions about your thoughts and the 3 options: never, not often, often." She stood up and looked at me. I was too scared of what may happen when I see the questions that I couldn't meet her gaze, I stared at the floor and peered slightly. "Whilst you fill that in, I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything?" She said gently. "Hmm" once more left my body and I shook my head.

*sigh* "well, let's have a look at this anyway. Can't be that bad right?" I picked up the pen and the form. Just then, the voices started again. "MAX!!" It snapped. "Why the hell are you here?! It's your fault, seeing this bitch won't help you!" I grabbed my forehead to make it stop, "shut up" I whispered to her.

"One. Do you feel happy in life? Never."

"Two. Do you feel left out by society? Often."

"Three. Do you feel unwanted or undervalued in life? Often."

"Four. Do you feel resented/resentment towards family or close friends? Often."

My heart sank when I read the last question, just thinking about what happened made me hate myself even more.

"Five. Do you miss someone?"

I stared at the paper for a good 5 minutes, several tears ran down my cheek and onto the page below... I couldn't put how I felt about him into that box, often seemed somewhat unrealistic, I could never forget Leon. It felt only right to make a new option so, hastily, I drew a box and underneath was written simply...

"Always"

"What the hell is that?!" She snapped. "Fucking pouf!" "Shut up!" I demanded, raising my voice this time. "Who me? I never said anything."

I was so caught up in emotions I never realised that Julie had re-entered the room. "Have you finished?" She asked me, still smiling at me like a loved up teenager. Once more, I could not muster a reply, so merely pushed the form towards her.

"Ha!! Now like everyone else, she'll hate you. You're an idiot Max!" She said, cackling throughout. I gripped my forehead tightly in the feint hope of trying to stop her from insulting me over and over again. I needed to make it through today. I needed a fresh start.

"Ok, in just going to read through your answers and we can work out ways to help you" said Julie optimistically.

I could see Julie begin to write things on her pad, ways she could help me out of the darkness. "She's judging you..." she said. "You don't need to take this crap!!" I gripped, gripped as tight as I could but she just wouldn't shut up.

As Julie wrote more on the pad, the abuse from the voices kept getting stronger and more hate filled. "Fucking pouf!" "You killed Leon!" "You're worthless!" They'd shout. Tears streamed faster and faster down my cheeks as the abuse worsened and Julie's page filled up. Then, suddenly. She stopped writing...

"Go!" Said the voice.

Julie looked up at me, her eyes filled with concern. "Who do you miss?" She asked.

"GO!! NOW!!" Said the voice, louder and more frequently. I trembled in the chair, my head in agony and my chest tight. "I, I... I" i uttered.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

I screamed and jumped out of the chair, knocking over the table and all it's contents, including Julie's mug and several no doubt important documents. "I can't, I can't" I repeated, coming to the sudden realisation of what I'd done. I saw no other option than to escape Julie...

I ran out of her office and down the now seemingly endless corridor, the walls turning darker and more menacing with every step. I had to make it to the door, then they couldn't get me.

I ran out, slamming the door behind me. "Good boy!" She said to me. "SHUT UP!!" I screamed in the street. Several people turned their heads to look at me, some frowning, others concerned. My heart started pounding and my chest became tighter, I had to get out of here.

I ran home as fast as I could, narrowly avoiding being hit by several cars and knocking over a good 20 to 30 people in my rush to get back to my safe place.

As soon as I got in, I slammed my door shut and leant against the door panting. I immediately felt my anxiety drop and my chest begin to loosen, I began to feel 'good' again. I sighed and wandered aimlessly into the bedroom.

I looked on my mantle and there was the only remaining picture of Leon and I together. I held it tight against my chest and couldn't hold the emotions in any longer.

"I'm so sorry!" I wailed, falling onto my bed and pressing my face into the pillow.

I could do no more that day. I cried, and cried... and cried until there was nothing left, and fell asleep, still clutching the photo.

*******

Hey guys. I hope you liked chapter one, hopefully there will be more episodes to come. It's my first upload to this site in rather a long time so I'm anxious to know what you guys thought about it.

I know it seems short but my hope is to develop the story and all the characters (well, start to) in the next chapter. If you guys have any questions or any ideas about how I could make it better then please leave a comment and I'll do my best to respond.

See you guys soon

MT :)

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7 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
DONT LET THE NEGITIVE RESPONSES DETURE YOU...

ALL STORIES MUST BEGIN SOMEWHERE, AS IT IS YOUR FIRST, YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO KEEP IT SHORT,,, IT WAS SHORT, BUT ENOUGH TO GET TO KNOW YOU... DETAILS ARE GOOD,, I WRITE WITH A LOT OF DETAILS, BACKGROUNDS ETC, BUT AS I AM MORE OF A SEDUCER BOTH OF MEN AND BOYS.. BY FAR NOT A PEDOPHILE, THE SMALLEST DETAIL CANNOT BE LEFT OUT,,, GOOD LUCK,, AND YOU'LL HEAR A LOT OF NEGITIVE SHIT,, BUT IT'S JUST THAT SHIT

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Finally admitting

Way to confess what u done. In a porn story, written fairly well but with no purpose for anyone reading it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
So very lame

Well, there's 10 minutes of my life totally wasted

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Way too short.

A lot of pain! Yes, develop your characters, but if subsequent chapters are going to be this short, and hanging, don't bother. There are a lot of sympathetic readers who can identify with the pain in some of the stories, and this being "just" a story needs more if you want it to fly. Will be looking to see if you press on, but it has to be a lot better than this. If it isn't, don't bother. So sorry.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
crap

Worst story ever!!!

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