Mechanics of the Heart Ch. 06

Simon blinked. He got up and went to the security guard outside the detox room.

"Can I go now?" he asked, tired and over it.

She gave him another scrutinizing once-over. "You can leave. Coat check is through that door," she replied, pointing to a door behind Simon.

"Thanks."

When the musician stepped out of the club, alone, it was snowing densely. He saw the nearest bus stop and started walking towards it, then stopped when he realized he didn't have his monthly pass on him.

"Shit, my bag..."

He left his messenger bag in Jae's hotel room. He'd left it there in the mass drunken hurry to head to the club a few hours ago. Simon really didn't want to see or talk to Jae right now, but he had no choice.

He sent the birthday boy a text and waited for a reply in the bus shelter. When he didn't get a text back half an hour later, he called Jae.

The Korean didn't pick up. Meanwhile, the December snow showed no signs of stopping. Simon decided it was worth a shot to go back to the hotel; maybe Jae or someone else was there.

On the way, Nicole texted him asking where he was. After explaining his return to the hotel to her, she invited him to join her at a 24-hour pita shop close by. Simon replied, "Sure," but all he wanted to do was go back home and sleep.

Minutes later, he made it back to the five-star complex and took the elevator up to the executive suite. When he got to the door, there was a "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on the doorknob.

Simon swallowed and grimaced. He knocked on the hotel room door, waited, and knocked again.

"Who is it?" someone yelled, his voice muted by the closed door.

"It's Simon. I left my bag," he shouted back. "I just need to get it."

"Just you?"

"Yeah," Simon replied.

The door opened a minute after. Standing in front of him was Jae, wearing only his colourful boxer shorts. His face was ruddy and smiling. It was a déjà vu moment from the beginning of the night, only drunker and more nude.

Simon looked away from the young Asian hunk as he hurriedly walked in. "Sorry...I just gotta get my bag."

Jae didn't say anything, just watched with a grin as the black singer thought for a moment, then went into the kitchen.

Simon found his messenger bag on the floor by the kitchen table. As he slung it over his shoulder, a voice called out to him.

"Hey, Simon."

It wasn't Jae's voice. Simon turned around.

He saw Tyler, naked, standing in the kitchen with a cocky smirk, his hands on his hips.

"Jae and I were just getting started. You wanna..." He jerked his fat cock. "You wanna join us?"

The tall blond man was as physically attractive as Simon had imagined he would be: all strapping muscle, lightly dusted with curly blond hair from his chest, his abs, his pubes, down to his toned thighs and calves.

Simon's breath was caught in his throat. Then Jae appeared behind Tyler, also naked.

"Dude, slow down," he scoffed, slapping his blond buddy's ass. "Simon doesn't like it like that."

The Korean jock walked up to Simon, who was petrified. Standing face-to-face, Jae leaned down and gave the musician a passionate kiss.

'Maybe this is just a dream,' Simon thought to himself. 'Or...or maybe someone slipped something into my drink...'

Soon Tyler came near and sucked on Jae's neck from behind. With a moan, the Asian hunk turned back and made out with the blond.

Simon wasn't turned on by the sight of the two studs kissing and groping each other right in front of him. Rather, he was confounded. He thought back to how he got his drink in the club.

'Arthur?? But why would Arthur want to drug me??'

"We're leaving Simon out," Jae said, breaking his kiss with Tyler. He looked at the short, slender black man and gestured for him to come closer.

Simon stood rigid, unable to process what was happening.

"C'mon, Simon," Tyler beckoned. "I heard you were amazing in bed," he added, as he reached around and felt the singer's buttocks through his jeans.

The musician snapped. He shot a sharp glance at Jae. He felt betrayed.

"What's wrong?" Jae asked, taken off guard. He took Simon's hands, brought them down to his semi-hard shaft, then moved in for another kiss. That was when the musician broke free of the trance he was in.

"I gotta go," he muttered, shoving past the two hard bodies.

Jae was jolted out of his easy, inebriated state. "Wait, Simon..." he urged, grabbing the musician's arm.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Simon screamed, turning around. He gave Jae a ringing slap across the face.

The Asian jock was stunned. Simon gave him one last look, then sped out of the hotel room.

"What the..." Tyler began, looking at Jae, then the front door.

The young Korean felt his cheek. It stung.

Tyler exhaled. "Sorry, man. I don't know what..."

"It's cool, just..." Jae mumbled. "...I think I need to call it a night." He headed to the bedroom.

Shock began to turn into remorse. He soon noticed that Tyler was following him.

"Dude, seriously," Jae groaned, turning around.

"Look, I know what just happened really sucked, but..."

Jae shot him a glance, as if asking him if he was serious.

"All right, all right," Tyler conceded, disappointed. He picked up his clothes and left the room.

The tall, striking blond couldn't believe it; he was shot down twice in one night. He'd never ever met a gay guy who turned him down. 'What a bust,' he thought, a night of promised debauchery flatlining into a massive fail.

When Jae heard Tyler finally leave with the click of the front door, the young Korean jock let out a breath of relief. He stripped off his boxer shorts and got ready to climb into bed, but then thought about the wicked hangover awaiting him the next day. So he went to the kitchen to get some water.

As he took big gulps from a plastic cup, he felt like a douche. If that slap didn't fully articulate how angry Simon was, the final withering stare left no doubt as to how badly Jae had fucked things up.

He hadn't planned on it. He was already busy trading sloppy blowjobs with Tyler when Simon knocked on the door. The blond froze, fearing that he would be discovered. When they realized it was Simon at the door, however, Tyler's fear quickly turned to curiosity. Jae had told his buddy from school how great Simon was at giving head and talking dirty, so in the spur of the moment, the blond suggested an impromptu threesome to Jae. Jae then genuinely thought that Simon would've liked to have some fun with Tyler.

The Korean had met the blond last year in one of his classes, and they mostly talked about readings, sports, and girls at first. Then, at a kegger, Tyler drunkenly revealed that he was 'mostly straight': he'd had sex with gay guys, meeting them discreetly through mobile apps. In turn, Jae told him of an alcohol-fuelled gay hookup he had back out West, where he was from. It was just one time, oral only, and afterwards he'd never done anything gay again, until he met Simon.

Jae and Tyler found each other attractive, but they never had sex together prior to the birthday party. Tyler was mainly interested in hooking up with gay guys, while Jae had been fine with being celibate in the new city, after leaving behind a messy breakup with a girl back out West. Then, he met and got to know Simon, and when the singer wrapped his talented tongue and lips around his cock, his libido was reignited.

As a birthday present for Jae, Tyler had suggested a long-overdue sex session. After having sock-rocking gay intercourse with Simon for weeks, the young Asian realized he enjoyed doing it with a guy as much as with a girl. So he took Tyler's offer, excited to explore an attractive new body.

The Korean honestly thought that Simon would be excited to have sex with a guy as hot as Tyler. He didn't expect the anger and the look of betrayal from the musician.

Although the liquor in his system made him increasingly drowsy as he crawled naked into bed, he pulled out his phone and gave Simon a call before he passed out. Feeling guiltier by the second, Jae wasn't quite sure what he was going to say, apart from apologizing.

The musician didn't pick up. Four rings ended in Simon's voicemail message. Jae closed his eyes and started speaking.

"Simon, it's Jae. So, listen, I'm really sorry about what happened. I thought...as stupid as it sounds, I thought it was a good idea. 'cos Tyler's an attractive guy and..."

'Stop rambling,' Jae thought.

"...I guess I thought you would like to have some fun with him. Anyway, Simon, can you please give me a call back? I really want to talk this out with you. I'm really sorry."

Simon was in a cab when he got the voicemail notification. He was full-out bawling. He didn't care that the taxi driver was staring at him through the rearview mirror, probably judging his sad state.

For some reason, the singer couldn't get past the fact that Jae was having sex with another guy. He sincerely thought it would've been better if he saw Britney in bed with him instead of Tyler. Why was that?

Because Simon had thought that he was the only guy who Jae had sex with. He'd thought he was the only guy who Jae wanted to have sex with. The only guy who Jae was attracted to.

He'd thought that they shared something special.

-----

"Just three more reps."

Danny's arms were on fire. He wanted to stop and drop the weights in his hands.

"Two..." Roberto counted.

"Argh!"

"One more, c'mon!"

Danny rowed the last rep and dropped the barbells on the padded floor of the weight room. His arms were shot, but he was relieved that he would no longer feel judged on his form and number of reps. He was sure everyone else in the room thought that he was a wimp.

"Good job. Jump rope to finish?" Roberto suggested, grabbing two ropes.

"Sure..." Danny muttered, hiding his frown.

While his mechanic boyfriend could skip up to five minutes straight, no problem, Danny maxed out panting at one minute. The rest of the four minutes were used to catch his breath and feel sorry for himself.

He looked around at the other people working out in the weight room. He saw the same thing in the machine room, the yoga room, by the row of elipiticals, and in the changeroom: better looking, fitter people who knew what they were doing.

Since he started going to the gym with Roberto two months ago, Danny began to constantly wonder how Roberto was attracted to him. His man knew lots of people in the fitness centre, many of whom were clearly attracted to him. These guys and girls almost all had less body fat and more muscle than Danny. In his mind, he just didn't compare.

The copywriter looked at himself in the locker room mirror and sighed. Though Roberto had just complimented earlier that he could see more definition on Danny's body, the brunet knew that his frame wouldn't pack on a lot of muscle unless he drastically changed his diet and weight training routine. He wasn't sure if he had the drive or the discipline to do that.

As he followed Roberto into the showers, he saw Greg, one of the guys who blatantly checked out his man at every chance. A young Taiwanese guy, this fawning acquaintance was of similar build to Danny two months ago; now, Danny saw the bigger arms, shoulders and chest that Greg gratuitously flaunted as he said hi to Roberto. Danny bitterly wondered why he hadn't seen similar gains himself.

Last week, when he hung out with Richie and Simon, his best friend shook his head as Danny laid out the misery he felt every time he went to the gym with Roberto.

"Then stop going to the gym. You said Roberto had lots of gear at home, so work out at home," Richie said.

"Yeah, but I feel like we should spend as much of our free time together as possible. And it's a big part of his life, so I wanna be part of it."

"Then ask Roberto to work out at home with you."

Danny shook his head. "No no, that wouldn't work. He only has one of each equipment. Plus, I think he really likes going to the gym. I don't wanna be the one to stop him."

"Just talk to him. Tell him what you're telling us now," Simon suggested.

The copywriter sighed and pushed away the cheesecake he took one bite of. "No, it's okay. I just gotta get over it."

Back in the gym, Danny looked at Roberto getting dressed in the changeroom. He got the man of his dreams...but did he deserve him?

"Ready?" the mechanic asked him.

"Um hmm," he nodded, grabbing his gym bag.

The mechanic gave him a quick peck on the lips.

It was around eight in the morning when they left the fitness centre; Roberto was going to drop Danny off at his office, then go to the garage. It was a Friday, so traffic was lighter than during the rest of the week.

"Oh, baby, did I tell you I'm staying late at the shop tonight?" Roberto asked.

"Oh yeah? How late?"

The mechanic thought for a moment. "Well, I got a business meeting with Fred, so it's hard to say."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course. We're looking at expanding...we've been talking about it."

"Okay," Danny replied. "I'll get something from the supermarket for dinner."

They turned into the office parking lot. "Sure. Don't wait up for me though."

Danny looked at Roberto. "You're gonna be that late?"

His boyfriend sighed. "I dunno...there's a lot to go over. I'll try."

"Okay."

They stopped in front of the office entrance. Roberto leaned in for a kiss.

"Love you, baby," he whispered.

Danny swallowed, smiled weakly, and got out of the red Lancer.

He waved goodbye to Roberto as the sports sedan rounded the corner and sped off. Then he waited a few minutes more by the front door.

When he was sure that his boyfriend had driven far enough away, he started walking away from the building, and towards the bus stop one block away.

Roberto didn't know that Danny had called in sick this morning in the bathroom. Roberto also didn't know that Danny planned on spending most of the day wandering around the luxury shopping mall uptown, until it was dinnertime.

It wasn't the first time Danny felt the need to disappear on his own without warning. Once a week, Danny would go to the mall, the hipster strip, or a coffee shop after work. He would wander around and sit for an hour, then come home late, unannounced. Roberto would ask him what happened, and he would lie about working late. Today was the first time he actually called in sick to spend some time by himself. The stress was worsening.

Wasn't he supposed to be happy? He had every right to be. He had a good job, and a drop-dead gorgeous stud of a boyfriend who loved him. Sure, his relationship with his mother was on the rocks, but nobody had it all. Besides, his turmoil didn't have anything to do with his mom this time.

'So what am I doing?' he asked himself on the bus.

He began running off impulsively after work when he'd started going to the gym with Roberto. He hated it; he hated how weak and ugly the gym made him feel. But he pushed himself to go because he wanted to be in every facet of Roberto's life. It was how he envisioned the perfect relationship to be, yet in reality, it was making him miserable. Worse, he began to feel guilty about feeling miserable. He kept telling himself to 'be a man' and to 'get over it', but that didn't help.

He'd also been walking on eggshells since Roberto blew up at him for moving his stuff. Danny was never one for confrontation, and that episode with the magazines and the workout gear scarred him; he never wanted Roberto to raise his voice at him ever again. He didn't want any fighting between Roberto and him to ever occur, and if it meant censoring himself and presenting only the side that Roberto liked, then he would do it.

He would do it, however, with the caveat of spontaneous time-outs after work whenever he needed to be fully himself. However, guilt caught up with him every time he was alone and supposedly at peace: he felt awful about repeatedly lying to Roberto.

The shopping centre was filled with Christmas shoppers rushing to complete their lists. The clothing stores Danny usually browsed in were all filled with snaking queues, so he avoided them and went to the bubble tea shop.

In the back of his mind, the ugly beast awakening underneath all of this was that Danny began to doubt whether he was good enough for Roberto. It was initiated by the gym visits, then it spread into a full-blown complex. It went beyond his belief that the mechanic was way too hot to be with someone like himself. He thought he was too immature, too emotional, too inexperienced for Roberto. He barely knew how to cook; he didn't feel like he could provide and take care of his man. He didn't feel like Roberto's equal.

If he was being utterly, brutally honest with himself, his sneaking off was a form of self-sabotage, a corrosive compulsion that was beginning to damage their relationship.

-----

Yet there was plenty that Danny didn't know about Roberto either. He didn't know that, like him, Roberto also wasn't going to work.

Instead, after dropping off his boyfriend, he got on the highway and headed west. He was going to a racetrack two hours away, where an all-day drag racing event was taking place. He'd been invited by Nadia.

They'd been emailing since after they ran into each other at the sports bar; Nadia had been in town to recruit new racers from the street to compete at the racetrack, where she was Vice President of Racing Events. Roberto waited a week after that unplanned meeting before pulling out Nadia's business card and sending her a message. Then, it took about a month before his former mentor convinced him to come out to the track, "just to watch".

He hadn't told Danny about any of this, nor the fact that his first visit to the racetrack happened during the weekend of the Big Fair. Part of the reason for the secrecy was Danny's hysterical reaction when he first met Nadia and thought she was taking Roberto away. The mechanic and former motorcycle racer didn't want to deal with the dramatic episode and the long-winded explanation if he told Danny, at least not yet.

The other reason, the one that scared and thrilled Roberto in equal measure, was because he began itching to race again. It happened as soon as he stood right by the track with Nadia and watched the motorcycles rev up, shoot forward, and clear the quarter-mile with a snarly whine. He instantly felt the urge to zip up in the leather suit he'd stowed away in the basement and climb on a bike.

Of course, circumstances were much different now than they were during his student street racing heyday. He had a garage to run, and he'd already gotten into a fight with Fred over his secret foray back into racing.

It happened just the day before his second visit, as Fred was leaving work. "I'll see you Saturday," the office manager said, ready to walk out the door.

"Hey buddy," Roberto called out, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

"Yeah?"

"Uhh...can I ask you a favour?"

"What?" Fred questioned. And then he knew what it would be. Roberto's eyes shifted guiltily.

"No," the office manager said.

"Fred, hear me out..."

"Did you tell Danny where you were that weekend?" Fred demanded, staring at the head technician.

Roberto exhaled and shook his head. "I will, after tomorrow. I just...I really need you to cover for me one last time. He might not even call you. But if he does..."

"I'm not gonna lie for you again!" Fred said, exasperated. "Did you know I was THIS close to telling Danny last time at the baseball game? I bit my tongue because he looked like he was about to cry."

Fred wasn't leaving anymore; he had some things to get off his chest. "What's going on between you two?"

"Nothing. Everything's fine."

"Not if you keep this up," the office manager retorted, walking up to his best friend and business partner.

"Look, I've got this under control. I'll tell him everything. But right now, Fred, please, just one last time..."