Meeting Ian Ch. 02

In class Sean acted slightly more affectionate than usual. He turned around in his seat and claimed my attention, looking no worse for the wear despite the alcohol, the abbreviated sleep schedule and his earlier classes. I'm not a cold person, we chatted but I couldn't help but feel a little awkward. I shouldn't have called someone I knew to be a quick hook up. That just made things messy. I should have gone on Grindr or Tinder and found someone to fuck. I was glad that the semester was nearly over but felt like a dick that internally I wanted Sean gone.

Having a party every week might seem tiresome, and to some degree it is: the people and the music and drunkenness all kind of melds together so that each week is indistinguishable from the last. The only way to make them in any way memorable was the pre-game or to go home with someone at the end of the night who could prove to you that this wasn't all meaningless.

I don't advocate for drugs in any way but at most of our parties there were substances around every corner. One of my brothers always seemed to be flush with any variety of stimulants and depressants. If you went into the third floor bathroom, coke was readily available, the balconies were always home to people smoking and the dance floor was rife with MDMA. We were all just seeking life, seeking something to break the monotony of classes.

I had developed a love for weed. I loved the warmth and feeling. I still remembered the after school specials that said weed makes you stupid so I reserved my enjoyment for the weekends. In some messed up way, I thought that if I drank while I smoked I might kill fewer brain cells. Getting crossed, both high and drunk, was an amazing feeling. Like floating even, it meant I didn't have to drink as much and could still feel warm and happy.

The kick back before the party started as many do: loud music, bongs, and beer. I cracked a brew and waited for the bong to be handed around. Not that many people were at the pre-party, mostly the underclassmen were around. It wasn't uncommon for no one who lived in the actual house to be there. We all knew how to get in, the door was rarely locked.

By the end of the pre-party, I was chilling. I didn't need the massive stimulants far more interested in depressants. Of course, I also had a Redbull beside me.

By the time girls started arriving the men of Lambda Pi were in a fine state. The semester was ending and though at most fraternities that meant that the liquor budget had run dry, we had budgeted well (and made non-affiliated guys pay a cover) and were only going to have crazier parties to kick off the summer. The bar was stocked for the more attractive girls and everyone else was going to be drinking a very strong jungle juice or not totally shitty beer.

As the party kicked into full swing it was clear that the impending threat of finals weren't a deterrent. Within the first full hour three girls had flashed the crowds. I was slowly drinking more and talking with my brothers and a few of their hangers on.

I was attacked with an exuberant hug from behind and I quickly turned, Emily beamed up at me, "Where's the hot boy from last night?"

I chuckled as Drew followed behind her. He was so clearly in love with his girlfriend but embarrassed at her question, "Real smooth, Em."

Emily was undeterred from her line of questioning, "Hot boy. Where?"

I would have rolled my eyes but Emily was one of the true joys of Lambda, she often acted as the queen of us and a mom when people were fucking up. She had the intuition that many straight men lacked. Also rolling my eyes at Emily might have been enough to provoke anger from Drew and he was way too big to piss off. "He's working tonight."

Her face dropped a little, "He's working at midnight?" Huh. I hadn't considered that he was maybe lying. I didn't have any proof and didn't know what his job was.

I just shrugged, "You bartend."

Her face brightened a little at the possibility that I hadn't been stood up. I was fine either way and his behavior in class didn't point to him wanting to ditch me.

Drew and Emily were effortlessly affectionate, Drew's hands always seemed to be on her and she never seemed to mind and always made a point of leaning into him. Drew held conversations with other brothers while wrapped around her and would only leave her when absolutely necessary. When he had to attend to something, he left with a commend to the rest of us to make sure Emily got anything she needed. It would have been claustrophobic if they both didn't look so goddamn happy. In a way, it made me sad. Didn't I want that? To have another person to care about with every fiber of my being?

Maybe I wasn't the kind of person who was okay with being a one-night stand. Maybe unconsciously my eyes started to scan the crowd looking for a familiar face. I could see my former pledge brother Matt spitting game to a very pretty brunette in an unreasonably short dress, I saw Austin and Chase facilitating beer funneling. I continued my search. On the crowded dance floor, I found him. His long hair was down around his face. He was dressed for the warm weather, his shirt unbuttoned and loose showing off his impressive and lithe physique. He, of course wasn't alone. Ian's fingers covered the short girl's hips. I couldn't see the girl's face but from Ian's movement this would be the girl of the night if she was lucky.

Emily apparently followed my sightline, "Ugh. Figures Ian would go for someone like Reilly."

Reilly, I turned the name over in my mind, the petite girl taking shape. I could see her profile; she was objectively beautiful. She had one of those bodies that doesn't seem real. She was both thin and had curves that drove heterosexual men wild. I couldn't even hate her instead I felt sorry for her in the same way I felt sorry for myself. No one could resist Ian.

It felt almost creepy watching them dance so closely. I wondered when Ian would decide that the foreplay was over and ask her up to his room. I couldn't watch it. I focused on drinking. Emily, being a bartender, started mixing drinks but far stronger ones than would ever be served in a bar. Drew watched with amused irritation as unaffiliated men tried to hit on Emily as she shook the tumblers, her large tits shaking as well. He stepped in multiple times to press a sweet kiss to her lips, claiming her as his. She melted every freaking time.

It was almost as hard to watch as the dance floor. I was well and truly drunk and Ian and Reilly were still on the dance floor. I watched as Ian leaned into her ear and they seemed to be talking. Was this the moment? How did he get her upstairs? She was clearly so fucking into it. I watched her nod enthusiastically but then Ian left the dance floor without her.

Ian started up the stairs and I lost him. Reilly was still on the dance floor, now alone. Drinking caught up to me. Emily's back was to me, too busy lavishing affection on Drew to notice that I was going to talk to Reilly. In my drunken head, I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her. It wasn't going to be yelling though in my state I wanted to claim Ian as my own.

I fought through the crowd to find her and in that moment I felt stuck. I was in front of a girl that did nothing to me. This was all Ian's fault. Reilly was really pretty and when she noticed me standing in front of her staring she gave me a tentative smile.

She didn't deserve to be thrown away by Ian the next morning. This poor nice girl didn't deserve to cry about it and neither did I. In that moment, I made a decision that was so poor. I turned on the charm.

Heterosexual culture had imbued me with the perfect way to pick up a woman, combine that with the general friendships I had accumulated throughout my life and I was the fucking king at it.

I shot her a large smile and stuck out my hand, she readily accepted but instead of shaking it, I twirled her into my body and started dancing. She was giggling at the display but started moving with me. I had already proven myself to be a great dancer, or at least an enthusiastic one and Reilly was loving it.

She yelled her name and I responded with my own. Internally I felt validated. I had saved this girl from Ian, saved her the pain. Of course that only worked until he came back. I could see him walking down the stairs. I had to act fast. There was a definite bro-code that Lambda followed. If he saw that I was going to be hooking up with Reilly, he would go find someone else. Of course, I wasn't going to be doing anything with Reilly and I had already violated the bro-code but I was thinking irrationally.

I kissed Reilly. I had kissed other girls before. In plays, on dares, but nothing like this. Those had been chaste, and while this was similarly a performance I really went for it. Her hand curled along my shoulder as she pulled me closer to her. It wasn't that different. I didn't frequently lead kisses, so that was one difference and she wore a fragrant lip balm that no man would be caught dead wearing.

I had expected some anger from Ian, a little irritation that I had swooped in. What I got was completely different. I felt a strong hand on my shoulder and I pulled away from Reilly. Ian was standing next to us wearing a broad, almost smug smile.

He turned to Reilly, "I see you've met Artie."

Reilly wore the same face I knew I was, shocked and confused why he was so calm.

Ian smirked at me, "Didn't know you leaned that way Artie."

I didn't, at all. My plan to piss off Ian was crumbling, "You don't know that much about me."

He didn't comment on my sass. He eyed Reilly who was still leaning on me, he leaned down and whispered in her ear for a moment. I imagined it was more of a yell, but due to the music I couldn't pick up on their conversation. I felt stupid. I should just leave. Reilly nodded and turned to me, "Do you want to go upstairs with us?"

Ian's eyebrows were slightly raised. In that moment my heart broke. He was calling my bluff and casting me aside. Before I could say no, and run away. Ian stepped closer to me. His breath was warm against my neck as he spoke, "I couldn't believe you were making out with her. Fucking hot Artie but you don't want to fuck her, do you?" He waited for me to shake my head, "So, you fuck me while I fuck her. Everyone wins."

I felt sick to my stomach. Was this what I wanted? No. I didn't want to share his attention but wasn't getting some of his attention better than none at all? In that moment, I was weak. I nodded. Ian leaned down, hovering over my mouth for a moment before kissing me. This was what I had been missing, what I had been craving. It was so much better than kissing Sean though the comparison was unfair.

Maybe it was all the practice he regularly got but by the time he lifted his lips I was panting with need. I could ignore Reilly, plus the option to top was rarely given to me. I told myself to not look a gift horse in the mouth.

Ian held out both hands, Reilly took his left and I took his right. I knew the path to his bedroom. I had trodden that road for weeks but this time felt different, off. I didn't like that Reilly was there too, an interloper to my interlude.

I've seen naked women. I don't imagine you could grow up in our culture and not see them from time to time but I had never been in the same room with a naked woman. One thing I admire about dresses: how easy they are to take off. One fell swoop and the dress was over her head. I thought about leaving. I wasn't supposed to be there: I was the interloper.

Ian seemed to note my discomfort because he turned to me and kissed me soundly, pulling off my shirt. It felt right; so I gave into the feeling. I pushed his shirt over his shoulders and onto the floor. I would focus on him.

Ian turned back to Reilly but from the back I found the button to his jeans and pulled them down and off him.

My pants hit the ground next. Reilly seemed to think that this was her cue to join me. She hadn't gotten the memo that she was not the center of this, Ian pulled her back into his arms. They looked good together, he was so tall to her shortness. He looked even more masculine compared to her, "No Reilly, Artie's fucking me while I fuck you." She pouted for a moment but Ian mollified her with sensuous kisses to her neck.

He walked her back to the bed and pushed her down on top of it. This was so different from the way he acted with me. With me it was all animalistic aggression; he was so gentle with her.

They looked right together, his defined shoulders covering her from view. I considered leaving again, bending to pick back up my pants when Ian looked over his shoulder at me. In his eyes I could tell he needed me. I was drunk enough to believe it.

I closed my eyes to not see Reilly, to not see that Ian's fingers were playing over her body skillfully teasing and tugging to elicit gasps and moans. I settled myself over Ian, I kissed over his back, finding the large mole on his side.

I focused on him, on his beauty and strength instead of the high pitched noises coming from Reilly. Ian tossed lube back to me, this wasn't sex that was romantic. I couldn't even describe the vibe in that room. Desperation maybe?

Ian had fingers in Reilly's twat and by all accounts she was loving it. I decided to take my inspiration from Ian but do him one better. I laid the lube by my leg and leaned over spreading his muscled cheeks apart and dove in with my tongue. I felt his surprise and then him arching to get more from me.

I swiveled my tongue over his opening, feeling his thighs quiver as pleasure rolled through him. I started fucking him with my tongue as he loosened. "Fuck, yes Artie more."

I couldn't help but oblige him. I lubed up my fingers as I started sucking on his taint, mouthing at his balls. One finger sunk in easily and I danced it around. I knew what he wanted, what he was keening for, I felt around for his spot. I could tell when he bucked forward that I had found it. Another finger joined the first, swirling and stretching and moving. His silken heat hugged my fingers and I couldn't wait to be in him. It seemed neither could he. He lunged toward his bedside table getting out two condoms. He handed one to me as he frantically rolled on one himself. Within moments he was in Reilly. I blocked out her cries and watching her tits bounce as he started to fuck her.

I wasn't hard.

I had to think back, to when it was just me and Ian. When his focus was only on me, when his voice went harsh and praised me. I thought about the way his long hair looked as it flopped down sexily.

It worked, my fantasy Ian was just that a fantasy, a man who cared about me more than anything. I rolled the latex onto my cock and pressed in with my eyes screwed shut. Imagining we were alone. I could hear his moan as I seated myself fully in him. He felt incredible the heat almost unmanned me. He was perfect, everything I ever wanted and I couldn't believe that he would let me top him.

"Ugh, your pussy feels so fucking good." It shattered my dream world. I needed him focused on me so I didn't go easy on him. I snapped my hips forward so he couldn't possibly forget me. I was a part of this. I was fucking inside him. I made it my mission to have my name on his lips when he came. This was about proving myself. I didn't care about getting off. I could feel him bearing down on my cock with each pass.

I could hear Reilly's uneven pants and Ian's following. They were both about to cum. Reilly came first in an eardrum shattering wail and Ian followed in a hoarse groan, collapsing on top of her. I wasn't going to come. Not if we kept going for hours.

I pulled out of Ian and pulled off the condom, knotting it though there was nothing in it. I averted my eyes from their post-coital bliss. It had been a mistake.

I quickly dressed, not bothering to put back on my shirt or underwear. I just needed to get out. I could hear Ian talking but I wasn't listening. I opened the door and walked out pulling on my shirt.

Tears were welling in my eyes. I was ashamed of what I had done. Of how stupid I had been. It was all my fault. I felt a hand grab my shoulder and twist me around, Ian. He was in his boxers and looked concerned. How fucking him, to be standing in the middle of a party where everyone could see in just his underwear.

"Artie! Are you okay?" I couldn't stand his concern. Why care now?

"No. That was a mistake."

Ian scrubbed a hand through his hair, "Yeah I got that when you didn't cum."

"Surprised you noticed." I winced, that was petty.

He also winced, "Look, I'm sorry, but you agreed." He had a point there. I knew that this was all my fault. That my obsession was unhealthy. A tear slipped down my cheek and I angrily brushed it away.

"Yeah I did. It was all my fault." I turned away. I didn't want him to see me start to cry.

He called after me, "Artie, come back. I'm sorry."

I didn't. It wasn't his fault. I knew him and I knew what I was getting into. It didn't stop the tidal waves of pain that threatened to pull me under. I had left my shoes in his room. I wasn't going back to get them and I couldn't stay at the party. I walked home with shoes happy when the ground was sharp and hard. It reflected the torment inside me.

This was my fault. I was happy that the semester was over.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and read the display.

Ian: Come back. She's gone.

No. No, I wasn't going back.