Memoirs of a Lady Ch. 09

Until that moment, I had been only half aware of my body's growing arousal. My interest was caught entirely in their music, their perfectly matched play was more intimate than love, more mutually passionate than sex. The astonishing power of their music made the air seem electrified. After all the years of this life, another first. The beauty of their performance woke every part of me, blending body and mind together so fully that despite remaining untouched, I felt the waves of orgasm crash over me. I lost myself in the pleasure of it, too consumed to wonder if they brought each other to this same place, to analyze it at all. The end left me panting and spent, still faintly feeling the vibrations, like a cello under phantom hands.

#

Six weeks after Lottie's final surgery, I knew it was time to leave. She was finally returning to her former self, her beauty resurfacing from under the mask of her illness and the painful loss of her first love. She was finally ready to leave the walker behind, and to begin facing the world again. Her auburn hair carried a new streak of white, her famously chiseled features were accented by a haunting new depth in her eyes. She was then, as she remains now, breathtaking.

When Kenneth came to me alone later that same day, neither of us could speak. I just nodded, embraced him, and gave him a tender kiss goodbye. Before I left, I sent Carlotta, Lottie now that we knew each other in such a unique way, the gift I had chosen for her weeks before. The expanded wings of the mythic bird caught the light, and I knew that I had chosen well. Usually, when I left, my contracts sent me off with a gift, a token by which to remember our time together. This time, I felt that I owed the debt, that I had gained the most from the time the three of us spent together. I gently wrapped the small silver figure in silk, placing it in a wooden box. I placed a note on the cool silk; the words were insufficient to express all that I had learned from them both, but they would have to do. "From the ashes, the phoenix always rises again. Always, Erica." Tears stained my face as I packed to leave the place I had called home for many months.

#

As they completed the piece, Jeremy stood and moved behind Renee, who was still coming down from the high of her own passionate release, the joy of her music. While she panted and clutched her bow, hands at her sides as the cello rested between her knees, he caressed her shoulders. Stroking her gently, he looked at me as he spoke. "You see, we all have our art." His eyes glimmered with desire and a clear awareness of what had transpired, the way their music had transported me. "Yours is a fine and beautiful instrument. It has simply been too long since you've played. But an artist never forgets their art. It is part of you, always." Renee continued to look dazed and spent, and I wondered if she had experienced her own orgasmic rush, if she knew all there was to know about the power of her own passionate art. I knew then that I belonged with them.

I returned to Lottie's last night feeling better than I had in months, perhaps even years. I went to sleep that night with a mind full of possibilities, daring to dream again of new loves and old. This morning, I again woke to a surprise gift from Lottie. The small wooden box felt smooth under my cool fingertips. As I opened it, I drank in the rich scent of cedar, relishing the memories it brought my body, adding to them the image of the richly glowing woods of Jeremy's home and Renee's cello. The box was lined with rose petals, delicately ripe damask petals, somehow found out of season just for me. Lottie knows so many of my secrets. Nearly buried in the petals, I found a small silver phoenix and a note scented with Lottie's vanilla musk. "From the ashes, the phoenix always rises again. Always, Lottie."

I must prepare to leave. I will return to my lovely villa today, but not to stay. I do not relish the disappointment I will bring Suzette with the news that I am returning to San Francisco for a longer stay, but I must pack for my contract with Jeremy and Renee. I will return soon, join them for the next adventure of this strange and beautiful journey. Now that the crisis is passing, I cannot believe how easily I lost the thread of my work. I have lamented that the past is behind me, losing sight of the fact that the future remains always ahead. Tomorrow is a new day, and in that there is indeed hope that I had forgotten. I have lamented the loss of old loves and adventures, but no more. My past is a rich tapestry, one that makes me who I am. My ended love affairs are not tragedies, but beautiful memories to cherish and savor as they inform today, and the adventures still to come.

Lottie waits for me downstairs, and I must finish this for now. But, this is only a chapter of a work in progress. Perhaps Lottie should be the first to share these pages with me. I think that perhaps now I can open myself to the knowledge that love which comes from the body also comes from the heart. Maybe this is indeed my art, the art of surrender to and mastery of the experience of loving. I know that I must return to Lottie's San Francisco, must experience the adventure she has found for me here. Lottie continues to teach me about strength, friendship, and the enduring bonds of even long-ago passion. Jeremy and Renee will teach me something new about this life, this art. Here, there is only love. And it is enough, at least for now.