Mid Life Crisis

Just three months before our Silver wedding anniversary, completely out of the blue, my wife Anne calmly told me that she was going to sleep with another man. We married when she was eighteen with me two years older and after five glorious years she gave birth to our only child Chloe. Chloe is now at university studying law. I teach and am currently the head of a small middle school while Anne is employed as a PA and administrator.

The local university offered the best course for our daughter's studies so it seemed logical for her to remain at home rather than run up a huge student loan paying unnecessary accommodation costs. We did not want to deprive her of deserved independence so I had a huge dormer window put in and the attic made into a flat that was completely self-contained, except for the need to access through the main house.

Both her mother and I stressed that she was free to behave as if no longer under our scrutiny and Chloe was quick to take advantage of this licence. Unfortunately her first paramour looked like a flower power hippy left over from the sixties. He lasted little more than six weeks but our relief was short lived because the next young man she led upstairs had skin colour that fell well into the black category.

Actually he was very nice. He had short hair, a pleasant open face and an infectious sense of humour. Most importantly Andrew had the intelligence to be on the same course as Chloe. At first they split their nights together between his flat and hers but by the end of six months they were spending virtually every night in her bed. I would not have minded except the he took a long shower every day and they regularly came down to raid the deep freeze and pantry for their food, so I was only half joking when I told Chloe that I might have to start charging him rent.

Next day Andrew came to me to say eagerly that he would pay rent if he could move in officially. I charged him only a nominal amount. It would have been more had he had not sensibly said that he intended to keep his flat on for a while in case things did not work out between them

On the Saturday morning, Anne took my old estate and drove Chloe and Andrew round to his flat to collect his bits and pieces. I can't remember why I didn't do it and wish to hell that I had. They returned mid afternoon, and I did help carry his stuff upstairs while Anne started preparing the evening meal. After eating, as usual my wife and I retired in front of the TV.

Anne poured out our glasses of wine unexpectedly early but when I had taken barely a sip, she turned the TV off again and unemotionally announced, "You need to know that I intend to have sex with a man other than you."

It was as if I had been struck a surprise blow on the back of the head. My brain was in total confusion and of all the questions whirling around; the one that I illogically blurted out was, "When?"

"Tomorrow night, I'll cook the Sunday dinner as usual and leave when Chloe and Andrew go back upstairs."

I couldn't believe this. "Who is the bastard?" I snarled.

"He's called Jerome and he's Andrew's cousin but they don't look alike, in fact Jerome is totally different in every way."

"Then why?"

I could see that Anne struggled for an honest answer before she spoke. "For something different, something exciting. When I think of the future it frightens me. Looking back I can remember many excitements but what is there in the future except perhaps becoming a grandmother and there are worries about that. Andrew is a lovely boy and I don't see race when I look at him but I'm still not happy at the thought of Chloe having a mixed race baby because there's still a lot of prejudice in both communities"

She paused. "Also I feel that it doesn't matter what I do anymore. I mean it's not as if you really want me, Saturday nights are just a routine without any passion and you need porn to build up any real desire. It's not just you, I think we both do."

I knew what she was talking about. In the early years we couldn't keep our hands off each other but a combination of parenthood, careers, hobbies, tiredness and sheer familiarity had reduced our lovemaking to the one night a week except for rare occasions when an erotic theme to a TV film or drama inspired something more. For our Saturday nights, when there was nothing on TV we sometimes hired a film from a door to door vendor and when we knew Chloe was away for the night we made the film one of his under the counter porn ones. On those rare nights the passion occasionally approached the kind of level that was once the norm.

Anne was still speaking, "To tell the truth, I think I've been looking for something for quite a while."

"So when did you first meet this Jerome?"

"This morning."

"This morning," I echoed incredulously. "You only met him this morning and now you are going to let him fuck you. That is if you haven't already."

"We didn't go that far," Anne said looking straight in my eyes. When I didn't respond she explained, "When I got to Andrews flat, I didn't expect anyone else to be there but a very tall black man came out of the bedroom. He was naked to the waist wearing just pyjama bottoms. He was very black and very muscular but with scars all over his body. There was also a lot of gold, rings, bracelets, an earring and a chain round his neck that looked heavy enough to anchor a battleship. He also had a rather unpleasant face and I was a bit frightened of him. He didn't speak, just flopped down on the couch and lit what was obviously a joint. Andrew said that he was his cousin and Chloe whispered to me that he was hiding from something."

It seemed unreal. How could my gentle refined wife of twenty-five years possibly intend to open her legs for this thug?"

"Andrew and Chloe knew exactly what they needed to do and I would have got in the way, so while they carried things out to the car I perched myself at the other end of the couch, waiting until they were ready to be taxied home. I tried not to look at Jerome but couldn't help noticing that he seemed to be compulsively moving his hand back and forth along the thigh of his left leg. I assumed that this was a nervous habit until he suddenly moved his hand away and I saw he had formed a long tube with the material of his pyjamas. I think I knew it was his penis but it was so long and thick I couldn't believe it until it suddenly twitched. Automatically I looked up at Jerome's face to find him smirking at me triumphantly with a mouthful of very white teeth."

The picture was all to vivid in my mind but with my daughter and her boyfriend still coming in and out of the room I couldn't see were the situation could have gone. "So what happened," I had to ask.

"When the car was packed, I was ready to leave but Chloe said they needed to go to a supermarket to get supplies for their flat. I offered to run them to Asda where we go but she said they preferred to walk round to a Netto only a block away. She claimed it was a lot cheaper. They went off saying they would only be about an hour so I made myself a cup of coffee, just for something to do. Jerome didn't want one.

The moment I sat back down he started rubbing his thigh again. I tried not to look but it was impossible not to and I became kind off hypnotised by it. Then suddenly he got up to stand in directly front of me and dropped his pyjama bottoms."

Thus far Anne had been looking quite openly in my direction but now she dropped her eyes before continuing. "His penis was only semi stiff and hung down between his thighs like a giant sausage. It was very long and very fat, at least as large as the biggest we saw in any of those porn films. He told me, 'You can touch it if you want, it's all yours, know what I'm saying' and once he said that, nothing in the world could have stopped me grabbing hold of it. Next moment I was squeezing it, wanking it and rubbing my face all over it. When I calmed down a bit I did lots of licking and crammed as much of the head as I could into my mouth. At one point I got down and tried to suck his balls but they were so big they wouldn't go in my mouth even one at a time. I'm not sure how long it went on."

"Did he cum in your mouth?"

Anne shook her head. "I wanted him to and he was getting close but then we heard the downstairs door as Andrew and Chloe got back. Jerome quickly pulled up his pants and sat down with a motor bike magazine on his lap while I tried to put a smear of lipstick back on. While they were still on the stairs I promised Jerome that I would go back later and before we left he slipped me a bit of paper with his mobile number. Anyway, before we ate just now I rang him and said I would go round at eight tomorrow night."

"But why," I asked my brain becoming overwhelmed by despair.

"Because I need to," my wife replied simply, once more meeting my gaze. "Because I want to feel that monster cock inside me. Because I need to feel alive again, even if it is only the one time and has to last me the rest of my life. It may surprise you to know that I still love you a great deal but, even though I realise that it may mean the end of our marriage, I have to break out of this boring cocoon of contentment or else I'm going to go crazy. For the past twenty-five years, with a couple of exceptions, everything I've ever done has been for the benefit of either you or our daughter but now I'm going to do this just for me."

There was no reply to that but her words; especially mention of past excitements had brought long forgotten suspicions back into my mind. "Have you ever cheated before?" I asked.

"It can't be 'before' because although I am going to be unfaithful it can't be cheating as I've told you in advance but Yes, I have cheated in the past, twice in fact, once with your brother and a few years later with Gus, the first boss who made me his Personal Assistant."

The name Gus was no surprise because I remembered feeling quite uptight about him at the time but hearing my brother mentioned was a slap in the face.

"When Chloe was about two, your brother used to call during the afternoon from time to time, he was unemployed at the time," Anne continued without prompting. "If you remember I was just coming out of depression at the time and Brad cheered me up, made me laugh. I admit there was a lot of flirting and some sex talk but it was all quite innocent until one particular day. He had played with Chloe on the floor as he usually did, then I fed her and took her to bed but when I came down and started washing the bottle, Brad came in the kitchen behind me."

"And then?" I prompted unnecessarily, my blood starting to boil in my veins.

"He started kissing my neck and moved his hands round front to grab my tits. Then somehow, amazingly quickly, he got my bra undone and had a bare breast in each hand and was twiddling the nipples. It set me on fire. We kissed and he tried to drag me upstairs but I couldn't let him have me in our bed so he fucked me on the settee, he didn't even take my panties off, just pulled them aside. It was all very fast and hurried."

"So it was rape?"

"It might have been rape in a way the first time but not the second because after I'd sucked him stiff again we undressed and did it properly for much longer. I didn't start to feel guilty about what I'd done until after he'd gone but then I felt terrible. I was terrified that you would know as soon as you saw me or smelled the odour of sex in the room, I was convinced that I could smell it. I vowed then that it could never happen again so after that I always checked before opening the door and when it was Brad I pretended I was out."

"Was that it?"

"He called a few timed before he stopped but even today he hasn't given up entirely because whenever we are at family gatherings he always works to catch me alone then chats me up and tries to cop a feel."

Knowing that my marriage was in a rut I had spent nearly a year planning a big surprise for our anniversary, a kind of re-enactment. We are not particularly religious so there would be no vows repeated but I had booked a reception at the original venue and afterwards I was going to whisk her away to our first romantic honeymoon destination. A large proportion of our wedding guests had agreed to attend again, including all four bridesmaids. When we got married my intended best man was badly injured in an accident the day before the ceremony and Brad had to stand in at the last moment. He had eagerly agreed to reprise that role but he could think again. As far as I was concerned the bastard was dead.

Anne paused to let me respond to her confession but when I did not speak she said bluntly, "Gus fucked me a lot more than one time."

"I wondered at the time."

"Well you're suspicions were correct. The first half a dozen times I went with him to the overnight business meeting everything was very proper and we slept in our own hotel rooms but then it changed. That night we had really celebrated after pulling off a big sale. It finished with us taking a bottle of champagne to my room and before I knew it we were fucking each others brains out. I didn't feel at all guilty and there were three reasons, one I could blame the alcohol, two it happened so far away that it seemed unconnected with our marriage and three, I felt I deserved decent sized cock for a change."

Anne shook her head and said, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It was unnecessary, cruel, and although probably the excuse I gave myself at the time, it was not necessarily true."

"You never complained about the size of my equipment," I said rather petulantly.

"Why would I want to hurt your feelings about something you couldn't change and anyway you were generally satisfactory. When you were inventive and used oral to get me off I had no complaints but the times you only wanted a poke it always left me wanting more. Gus and Brad both had the luck to have what a girlfriend of mine called a 'Goldilocks cock', not too long, not too short, not too fat and not too thin but just right. They can touch all the right places every time without even trying. I can easily understand how Brad gets to fuck all the women he brags to you about. I often wonder how Trish can't suspect but she probably knows and just puts up with it."

I should explain that Brad got married some five years after we did and now has three kids.

"When we got back from the trip it was a bit awkward in the office for a couple of days but then I had to do some genuine overtime for a couple of hours. Gus had also stayed at work and we finished up screwing on the couch in his office. From then on I did overtime one night every week but after that first time we left in the middle of the afternoon and went to a motel. By now I knew what I was doing was wrong but I couldn't stop. For some reason you always seemed to want sex when I'd been with him and I had to knock you back, mainly in case you picked that time to start doing oral on me."

Despite the pain her words caused me it was gratifying to know that my imaginings at the time had been so near the mark. Her refusal of sex after overtime when she claimed to be too tired were what first made me wonder because at other times Anne loved to have me lick her no matter how exhausted we were. "If you were having such a wonderful time how come you left that firm, as I remember you were there less than a year?" I asked nastily.

"Gus became besotted with me and wanted sex in his office every day, mostly blow-jobs. I knew I couldn't turn him down but I developed a paranoia about you finding out because then the fat would have really been in the fire. I was terrified that one day I wouldn't notice a splash of cum on my blouse and that you would, so I handed in my notice. Gus didn't want me to go and threatened to give a bad reference but I told him I wanted the best reference ever or both you and his wife would be told everything. We came to an agreement that the sex would continue for the rest of the month and I also agreed to spend one last night in a hotel with him, even though I knew you would wonder why I was going away again just before I left the firm. That reference got me a three grand jump in salary in my next job and set me up for the career I have now."

Curiously, compared to the rage at my brother I felt little antipathy towards Gus. I think this is on the basis that bosses are traditionally expected to seduce their secretaries if they are foolish enough to let themselves be seduced. Apart from this thought my brain was numb, caused mainly by knowledge of my wife's intention but not helped by this disclosure of her past indiscretions. "Why are you confessing all this," I had to ask.

"To make it easier for you to walk away," Anne said simply. "I didn't want you thinking that Jerome was just a one off mental aberration or mid life crisis and use that as a reason to forgive me, no matter how much it hurt you."

"If you want out of this marriage, why didn't you just ask for a divorce?"

"Who said I want out of the marriage? As I said, I still love you and there are parts of the marriage that are precious to me. It's just that I have a compunction that makes me willing to sacrifice everything. That's not to say that I don't harbour hopes that we might continue to live happily together and sleep together but not necessarily have sexual exclusivity as part of the deal."

"What I cannot understand is the rapidity with which you reached this decision, "I said expressing my true bewilderment.

"I've been looking at other men for quite a while, so the realisation has been quite gradual for me," Anne replied. "It actually started when we had those workmen to build the dormer and extend the attic."

"At least two of that lot must have been well hung so why didn't you fuck one of them?" I asked crudely.

My wife's smile told me that she had considered just that but her reply was, "It was too soon. I don't think I was quite ready then."

"I can understand why Chloe moving upstairs has upset you. She may be still in the house but she has effectively left home. It brings one special period of our lives to a close and that's bound to make you feel empty. I know because it affects me that way too a bit," I said reasonably. "I can also understand why you may want better sex than I can offer but I can't grasp why you needed to rub my nose in it by choosing a black man for a lover."

"I never thought of it in those terms because I didn't think you would see it as a racist issue," Anne said with surprise. "As to why I picked black I could say that he was in the right place at the right time but that would not be entirely true. When Chloe was sunbathing in the garden with her boyfriend this summer, I couldn't help looking at Andrews's beautiful bare skin. I felt a bit envious and wished that I had experienced another race when I was single. That started me thinking and then there was the fact that black men enjoy a reputation for being rather gifted in the phallic department, although Jerome makes that a bit of an understatement. The fact is that black males have been an active part of my considerations for some months and this morning was just fortuitous."

We continued talking for some time more but having finished one bottle of wine and most of a second, I cannot remember what was said with any real clarity. Eventually we went to the bedroom, undressed on opposite sides of the bed and got beneath the covers naked, exactly as we had done most nights for the previous twenty-five years. It was all so normal and hard to believe that it might be for the last time. However, once in bed we immediately rolled towards each other (which was not quite so normal).

My cock felt stiffer than it had for many years and in the lovemaking that followed, Anne enjoyed a proportionately greater number of orgasms. During the heights of passion there were mutual declarations of love and while in that euphoria I dared to hope I had done enough to hold her but, when post coital reality set in, I realised that Anne had only been giving me a night to remember as her way of saying good bye.