Mike & Karen Ch. 19

***

Lisa almost had her face pressed to the passenger seat window in awe as she looked out of the Audi coupe and up at the massive mansion in front of her. They were in the huge, circular front driveway, which she was reasonably certain was bigger than her parents' entire house. A tall pointy thing wrapped in tarpaulin against the winter weather dominated the center. Must've been a fountain, like she'd seen in her history books.

"Wow..." she murmured.

"I know," Karen agreed, nodding from the driver's seat. "Looks rather dreary in winter twilight, doesn't it? It looks much better during the day."

"As di bubbe volt gehat beytsim volt zi gevain mayn zaidah," the redhead muttered under her breath in muttered in response. "I can't believe I didn't pee myself on the way over here. Do you know how embarrassing that'd be? To pee myself in front of this house? What if it saw me pee myself, Kar?"

"Are you saying I'm not a good driver?" asked her friend.

"You're an amazing driver, but this isn't NASCAR," Lisa said in exasperation, glad that she could feel her pulse again. "You go like a zillion kilometers an hour through dense traffic and you're often driving with your knees!"

"I have a perfect driver's record, thank you," Karen sniffed.

"Fighter pilots are probably the best pilots on earth, but that doesn't mean flying with them isn't terrifying," said the redhead. "Was that revenge for me dumping you? Because I'll totally take you back if it means I don't have to go through that again."

"You made your choice, toots, live with it," Karen lilted, unconcerned. "We'll wait for Remington and Mona to get here and then head on in. You can just calm your bladder in the meantime."

Karen fixed her eyeliner in the mirror while Lisa sat back in her seat and regulated her breathing. Maybe five minutes later, headlights blinked their way up the driveway, and an old beater car trundled up toward them. It pulled up beside Karen's car, and Janet, who was in the passenger's seat, simply gaped at the sprawling edifice in front of her.

"Damn," Mona said as she got out of the car and came around, also looking at the manor. "Do you have to throw out this entire driveway now because my car's touched it, princess?"

"Oh, don't be like that, I've had uglier cars than yours profane this driveway," Karen answered as she got out, followed by Lisa. She hugged her two friends and then led them up the white steps and to the large front doors.

"So, what, we pull on a ringer three times and Lurch appears?" Janet asked, looking around. It had grown dark, and the temperature was dropping.

Karen fixed her with a look. "No, normally Jordan would answer the door, smart-ass."

"Aw, I love Cadbury," Janet said sweetly, holding her hands to her heart. "He's so formal, but he's always so attentive to you. It's like you've got your own Nana Dog."

"Maybe, but Nana flew the coop along with the rest of the Lost Boys this time," Karen muttered, unlocking the door and leading them inside. "I've been betrayed."

"What, no Pennyworth?" Janet asked, sounding hurt. "But... who going to make tea and crumpets for me?"

"Remington," Karen growled as she closed the door behind them. Her three friends were gaping around at the grand foyer. "Well... welcome to where I grew up."

"Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the donkey," Lisa breathed. "How can even you afford all this, Kar?"

"I cannot, thank you," Karen said flatly. "It was built just before World War One, and I guess money went a lot farther back then."

"Your entrance is bigger than my parents' house," Lisa breathed, looking at the sculpted plaster moulding that bordered the ceiling and was covered in gold leaf. "Remind me how are you not the enemy of the people?"

"I believe the word is philanthropy, but I digress, I'm just a girl," Karen said simply. "I guess we can find a room to sit in and discuss next moves, hm?"

She led them down the Hall of Ancestors, and her friends tried to not let the endless faces staring down at them bother them.

"If you want to moon anyone or give them the finger, feel free," she said casually, not stopping. "Heaven knows, I've done it often enough."

All three managed to refrain, and she brought them to one of the sitting rooms. She gestured for them each to find a chair and then sat herself. "I can call for coffee or other drinks if you- damn..."

The three girls smirked as Karen stood and sighed, composing herself. "I forgot. Can I get you ladies any beverages? Maybe a light snack?"

"I'll take a coffee, please." Mona said.

"I dunno, pop of some description, I'm not picky," Janet added.

"We've all seen your dates, no argument here," quipped Mona, making Janet stick her tongue out at her friend again. They all looked at Lisa. She thought for several seconds and then shrugged. "Um... got any kosher wine?"

Karen considered. "I probably have some cherry cordial, I can just tell you it's Manischewitz," Karen offered. She then turned and exited the room.

"D'you think they'd let us come and live here, since we're her best friends?" Janet mused, looking around. This room was all dark wood panels, with plush antique furniture, and gilded edges. It felt old, but not worn, and was very comfortable.

"I can't imagine not getting mistaken for the help all the time," Mona sighed.

"Oh, don't be like that," Lisa chided. "Karen hasn't got a racist bone in her body, and neither do her parents, we've met them. Besides, if they think you're the help, they're gonna expect me to do their taxes."

"Bitch, please, you're terrible at math," Janet snickered. "Princess is better at math than anyone we know."

"Well, faster, maybe," Mona corrected. "Even faster than DeBourne, but not better, as she keeps reminding us."

"Yeah, she really took that lesson to heart," Lisa agreed. "I don't think my roomie is used to having her cute little tuchus handed to her, by anyone, ever."

"Fuck me, look at that sound system," Janet breathed, gazing at the towering unit that was spread out along a wall. "Think she'd mind if we turn it on? Maybe she has some Whitney Houston?"

"I vote for Bo Diddley," Mona piped up.

The both looked at Lisa, who scowled. "What? Am I supposed to say klezmer music or something?"

"Well, no Houston, no Michael Jackson, no anything modern and fun," Janet mused, looking through the compact discs that were slotted neatly into a long rack. "But we have Belafonte, how 'bout that?"

Her friends nodded, and Janet began figuring out how to activate the beast before sliding the CD into the tray. It clicked back into the body of the stereo and she hit 'Play'.

"DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-O!!!!!!" Harry thundered, making Mona and Lisa both start in fright while Janet was knocked backward feet-over-head over the giant chesterfield some feet behind her.

Mona hurried over and found the volume dial, turning the sound down to possibly a twentieth of what it had been when the speakers had tried to liquefy Janet. She then went and found her friend behind the couch, lying on the floor and staring up at the ceiling with her feet in the air. Her eyes were wide as dinner plates and her face seemed frozen in a rictus of shock.

"I see you three found the stereo system," Karen observed as she walked back into the room, holding a silver tray with everyone's drinks on them, along with some fancy cookies and small treats. "Is Remington alive?"

"Now y'know what it's like to drive with her," Lisa sniffed, looking at Janet. "Serves you right for throwing me to the wolves earlier."

"Harry Belafonte killed me," Janet murmured, still staring. "Not how I pictured going, to the Banana Boat Song."

"Her brain's working, but I think her bod's dead," Mona sighed, trying to move her friend. "Now what?"

"Unfortunately, we don't keep a massage therapist in-residence," Karen mused.

"Well, no, neither do I, after all," Lisa added, shrugging.

"But even if we did, they would have no doubt bailed on me tonight, in my time of need," Karen grumbled. "So no help there. Tell you what, let's relocate to the hot tub in the solarium."

"You have a fucking jacuzzi in a solarium?" Janet asked, finally turning her head, and looking at her friend from the floor. That got her attention.

"Just a little one," Karen admitted, almost blushing. "It only fits six, maybe eight."

"It only fits six, maybe eight," Janet muttered as Mona helped her to her feet. "And none of us brought bathing suits, princess. And we'd all look ridiculous in any of yours."

"That's true," Lisa agreed, since she was a small B-cup at best, as opposed to Karen's annoyingly bouncy and gravity-defying D's.

"Well, we've all showered together, and seen each other naked," Karen reasoned, shrugging. "We'll just go al fresco. I see Red nude every night, after all."

Lisa blushed now.

"I'll sweeten the deal and throw in some champagne," Karen offered. "It's not like my parents are going to notice a bottle or three missing from the cellar."

"I'm in," Mona replied instantly, almost dropping Janet. "I love champagne."

"I'll pretend it's kosher," Lisa said, shrugging. "Can champagne be kosher?"

"Pretty sure Princess isn't, but you dine out on her every night," Janet quipped, standing now. Mona burst out laughing while Lisa blushed redder than her hair.

Karen just rolled her eyes and led the trio out of the room, leaving Belafonte singing to nobody.

***

A solarium...

"Gawwwwd, this is Heaven..." Janet sighed in bliss, settling into the foamy water as jets churned around them. It was one of the fancy models that had seats built into it at various points. "I dunno why you ever leave this place, Kar. I'd just sit around and be idle rich all day if I were you."

"My family would not stand for that," Karen pointed out, sitting across from Janet and tipping her champagne glass her friend's way for emphasis. Each of them had occupied a side of the tub, and they were all quite naked. "In my family, you pull your weight and become a great success, or you get shunted off to some small island with a stipend where you won't embarrass us ever again."

"Wow, harsh way to have a posh life," Mona said, sipping at her bubbly. She loved champagne; it was a very rare indulgence for her, and one she never passed up on, since her parents were both teetotalers. "But yeah, gotta agree with Remington, I'd be really hard-pressed to leave. Hell, I'm not sure I can now."

"When my family gets back, that'll change," Karen sighed. "Why do you think I chose to live on campus instead of commuting?"

"Because you're clinically insane, duh," Lisa answered, sipping her drink and making Janet and Mona giggle.

Karen frowned and reached out to touch a small button on a panel. Without warning, a small jet pointing up directly in the middle of the seat Lisa was sitting on activated. The redhead whooped in shock and leaped out of her seat, splashing water and champagne everywhere. Mona and Janet both burst out laughing while Karen looked smug. Lisa was standing in the middle of the tub, very naked, and breathing heavily, her eyes wide in shock.

"Ohmigod, do me next!" Janet said eagerly, looking at Karen in excitement while she braced her hands on the edge of the tub. "Me! Do me next!"

"Not a chance, you harlot," Karen said sternly, causing Janet to slouch back in her seat and pout. "You'll wear the jet out."

"This is not my night for staying calm!" she gasped, giving Karen a hurt look. "Why?"

"Well, you did just call her clinically insane," Mona pointed out.

"Oh, right, the mean stuff I said," Lisa murmured, pursing her lips as she realized she probably had that coming. Karen was already pouring her friend another flute of champagne, the incident seemingly forgotten now that she had been avenged. Lisa took it, although she forgot to sit, probably not trusting that Karen had turned the jet off yet. "But let's be honest, now that Kar's explained everything to us, our entire night has been pretty-"

Lisa stopped talking and gawked up at something in front of her and behind Mona, back toward the interior of the house. She then squeaked in fright and ducked under the water, taking her champagne with her. A shadow loomed over the jacuzzi.

Karen turned her head slightly, looking annoyed, while Janet smirked. Mona seemed uncertain.

"It's right behind me, isn't it?" she said in a quiet voice.

"How come you to be in my house, sirrah?" Karen asked as Mike towered over them all, even more than normally, since they were sitting in a hot tub set into the floor.

"You asked me to come to your place, and I rang the doorbell but nobody answered," he said, looking down at the three women, who were obviously naked. Lisa still hadn't come back up, several tresses of her red hair floating on the surface in the center. "The door was unlocked, so I just came in."

"And how did you know to find us here?" she queried, still staring up at him.

"Where else would you be?" he reasoned, shrugging. "This place had to have a hot tub with a scenic view, and I somehow doubt you brought these three here to practice the choreography for Mickey wherever you're hiding the dance studio. And Remington can't even dance; all her best moves are horizontal."

Mona snerked while Janet blushed.

Mike looked around again, his great, shaggy mane of golden hair tossing side to side. "Why do you even live on campus when you could be here?"

"Holla!" Mona called, holding up her glass.

"That is none of your business, good sir, especially since you have yet to explain how you found us, not to mention your way here, without directions from me."

Mike looked slightly bemused. "I know where the Bridle Path is, Gordon. And the giant rock at the entrance to that thousand kilometer-long driveway of yours has the word 'Blackwell' carved into it in letters so large that Stevie Wonder can hear them."

Karen scowled at the water. He had a point, those letters were absurdly large. She'd never liked them.

"Why am I here, Gordon?" Mike asked. He was wearing his customary jean jacket, under which was a T-shirt advertising the classic rock band Deep Purple. "If I wanted to look at wet, naked girls, Ping has a considerable library of bootlegs on the subject. And I always have access to Remington."

"It's true, he does," Janet agreed readily.

"Are your surroundings that anathema to you, DeBourne?" Karen queried, not quite done looking at him as he towered over everyone.

"No, but it's nearly eleven at night, I am elbow-deep in sticky string numbers, and I'm on something of a deadline," he answered.

"Then why are you here at all?"

Mike frowned. "You said you needed my help, that it was something important. Why do you think?"

Karen didn't answer for several seconds, but Mona and Janet were almost certain she was blushing as she looked at the water churning and foaming in front of her. "I-"

The moment was lost when Lisa burst up from the water, gasping very loudly, her red hair whipping about in her desperate bid to breathe. The three girls all held their hands up to shield their faces while Mike just looked on in bemusement.

Lisa finally managed to control herself, and then looked at Karen sheepishly, holding out her champagne flute. Karen rolled her eyes and filled it again. Lisa also chose at that moment to remember that she was standing naked in the center of the hot tub, and that Mike could see her in all her slender, B-cup redheaded Jewish glory. Now he'd even know she'd started shaving for Karen.

"S-sorry I'm naked," she said weakly, looking up at him and trying to cover herself with one hand.

Mike just shrugged. "I'm not."

Janet leaned in hurriedly as Lisa wobbled and then seemed to faint, catching her a split-second before she submerged again. She wedged the swooning redhead back in her seat and then looked at Mike. "Y'sorry I'm naked?"

"Not at all, nor am I surprised," Mike said simply. This earned a giggle from Mona, while Janet sat indignantly back in her seat and turned her face away from Mike, her nose in the air and her arms crossed.

But she kept her legs apart in case Karen decided to punish her with that jet.

"Gordon, it's late," Mike said firmly, indicating he was done wasting time. "Now why am I here?"

"You... might want to sit for this," Karen suggested.

Mike shook his head. "I'll stand, it makes quick exits easier if I find you're up to something truly insane."

Karen closed her eyes for a moment, and then began to explain. The three girls already knew everything, but decided to listen again, just in case it made more sense the second time around.

"My parents have gone to Italy on vacation for a month," she began. "While they were gone, a business opportunity came up. A big one. With Chinese industrialists."

Mike just listened, saying nothing. Karen continued.

"I immediately latched onto the prospect, but it proved harder than I expected to set up, and before I knew it, they were coming here, to the mansion, to meet my father in person and conduct the business dealings with him personally."

Still no response.

"They're coming here to meet my impressive blond father, and his family," she finally clarified.

Mike turned and began walking away.

"DeBourne!" Karen said with urgency, standing up. The other three girls just looked at her, stunned. Had she forgotten she was naked and very wet?

Mike stopped just before reaching the door of the solarium and sighed. He slowly turned around and walked back, standing where he had before, and just stared at her, seemingly unfazed by her nudity.

Janet slowly stood up and turned toward Mike, letting him see her naked as well. Without looking, Karen pointed back at the seat Janet had just vacated, her meaning clear. Sheepishly, Janet sunk back down into the tub and stayed quiet.

Slowly, Karen stepped up out of the tub and came over to him. Meanwhile, Mike had reached over and taken a large, plush towel from a rack and handed it to her, allowing her to wrap herself in it and conceal her body. Without another word, they both turned to the door and walked out together, with Karen leading the way.

Back in the solarium, there was only silence. The women didn't exactly seem to know what to say. Finally, Janet broke the silence and pointed at something.

"Could, um... one of you press that jet button for me?" she asked hopefully.

***

"Where is everyone?" Mike asked, looking around as they walked down a hallway together. "I mean, I've never been here before, but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to feel this creepy and empty."

"They all left," Karen replied, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "Once they found out that I was planning to somehow host this party of Beijing businessmen and convince them that they'd just negotiated a mutually beneficial deal with my father, they all flew out the door, promising to be back in a week, if there was an estate to come back to."

"Smart folk," he mused. "Even your butler? Jordan?"

"He's a seneschal, first of all, and yes, even him," Karen lamented. "I did not see that coming."

"Let me get this straight," Mike said, towering over her as they walked together. She took him to a small arboretum, one she liked to stand in when she needed to destress. It smelled of lavender, and it gave her a sense of serenity when she needed it most. "Against all odds, you've convinced a bunch of Chinese tycoons to come here and negotiate business deals with your father, despite the fact that he is patently not here."

She nodded.

"And he is unaware of any of this."

Another nod of admission.

"And you've already roped those three into helping you with this sham, but you thought you'd ask me to pretend to be your father? Because we're both blond?"