Mind Games

After a long session with the interrogators a girl would be dragged back to her cell with her nose and mouth bleeding, her body marked and bruised and feeling as if her brains were oozing out of her ears.

All the guards used us sexually as a matter of routine and if you saw someone being dragged off to be brutalised and violated you were just grateful that it wasn't your turn. A favourite punishment was to force a girl to go naked for a day or a week so that her bare feet were freezing on the stone floor and she felt the lustful eyes of the guards wherever she went. Any guard, on a whim, could order a girl to stand with hands on head so that he could tweak her nipples and push his fingers into her pussy. This could happen to any inmate but the naked girls always came in for more attention. Of course the continuous soundtrack of the place was jingling keys, slamming doors, barked orders and screams of pain.

When I found myself awake I lay stock still on my back waiting for the 5am bell and it took a very long time for me to realise that I was on my bed at home still wrapped in my towel. The other towel had slipped from my head. My whole body ached and when I tried to move I cried out at the pain between my legs. It was totally irrational but I really felt that I had experienced prolonged abuse in the dreaded Hellsgate. I did not go into college that day; I stayed at home naked the whole day wearing the handcuffs from my undies drawer and I ate my meal sitting on the hard kitchen floor. I somehow felt that I needed punishment to purge the sin of my public degradation of the previous day.

And how much of this is due to Doyle's hypnosis of me and how much is just complex psychology I have to leave you to form your own opinion.