Monk & Natalie Ch. 03

There were actually two versions of this written, and what took me so long was deciding which version to post. If I get requests for it, I may post the alternate, although I feel this is a clearer and more reasonable ending considering the characters at hand.

I call this the last of the Monk tales -- there may be more. However, this will be the last of them for a long while, until I am inspired to write about them again.

I hope you enjoyed the first two, and I hope you enjoy this one.

EtB

I awoke awash in the scent of her hair.

After the incident at the gym, we had come to my apartment. I had fed her dinner, and then we had gone to bed. It felt nice, having someone around, though I knew it couldn't last. Such things never did.

I watched her lying there, her head pllowed on my chest, hair like autumn burning spread over me, and found myself unable to quite describe the feeling rolling through me at that moment. I was...calm. Calmer than I had been in a long time. I felt at peace, really. My rational mind threw up its hands in defeat as I tightened my arms around Natalie and enjoyed this transient state for a while longer.

She stirred at the movement, then looked sleepily up at me. Her smile only lasted a second, though, as she suddenly sat bolt upright.

"Shit! I gotta get home!"

"What?" I asked, sitting up. "Already?"

There are some looks you never want to see on another human face. The derision written plainly on hers qualified. "I've been here for almost thirteen hours, Monk. I have to go. My parents....well, they wouldn't understand."

I watched her gather her clothes. "What the hell does that mean, Natalie? They wouldn't understand that you found a lover? Or that that lover is me?"

I have never seen a woman move so fast. Quick as lightning, she dropped her clothes and pinned me to the bed. First she slapped me across the face. Then she pressed her lips to mine, hard; there was a desperation in her kiss, and I felt it. As she pulled away, an unreadable smile on her lips, I just watched her, stunned.

"Answer your question, Monk?" she asked softly, as she got up to dress.

"....not really," I admitted, as I got out of bed. She gave an exasperated sigh as she slipped her shirt over her head. My shirt, actually, but that was all right.

"Look, Monk, some things are more complicated than we'd want them to be. I'll be back later today, okay?" She kissed me once again, then was gone. I was left with the scent of her perfume.

I found myself missing her already, and gave a disgusted snort. I was turning into one of those hopeless romantics in a trashy romance novel. I shook my head and began cleaning the house.

All day, Natalie was on my mind. I tried to banish her whenever thoughts of her threatened, but it did no good. I saw her dance, in my mind's eye; saw her laugh; saw her moan...

I shoved that thought away with a growl and finally collapsed in a chair, one of my few pieces of furniture. The house was clean, and I was obsessed. I covered my eyes with one hand.

There was a knock on my door.

Irrationally, hope rose that it was her. I groaned and shoved that thought away as I got up to see who my visitor was, but as it happened, I had been right. I desperately tried not to smile as I opened the door on Natalie, looking perky and happy. The minute I opened the door, she filled my arms, but I pushed her away and turned to close the door. Then I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked at her from the corner of my eye.

"We should talk," I said quietly.

She pulled away. "I know how this goes," she said, taking over my chair and throwing one leg over the arm. "You're about to say you can't see me anymore, for some stupid reason."

I covered my face with my hands. "Actually, the problem is that I can tell you no such thing. If you walked out that door, and didn't come back, I...." I took a deep breath. "This whole day, I've thought of nothing but you. Your skin. That hair. Your eyes. Your laugh. It..." I rubbed my arms. "I can't deal with this, Nat, but...."I turned my back in her, unable to look at her anymore.

"You can't deal without me, either," she finished softly.

I nodded. "Maybe you're right, that I need someone, Nat, but...my life is upside the hell down now. All I think about is you. All I see is your face. All I feel is your touch. I'm going fucking insane."

I heard her get up; felt her wrap her arms around me. "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." She kissed the back of my neck. "Is it so hard to say, Monk? Here, I'll start. I --"

She didn't finish. I spun in her arms, slapping one hand over her mouth before she could finish. "No." It was a whisper, a breath. "Not yet....I'm not ready for this, Nat. Please."

Natalie pulled her head away with a hard shake. "When will you be ready, Monk? For the love of God, you need to know why, and then you need more time -- can't you just fucking accept? Can't you just...let go?" Her voice went from angry to plaintive. "Please, Monk...all this control is killing you. If you don't see it, I sure as hell do."

I looked her hard in the eye. "Without it, I would have snapped your neck, back there in the kwoon."

"Really?" she asked. Before I could react, she grabbed my hand and placed it around her throat. "Then do it, Monk. Rid your life of this unplanned distraction. Then you can get on with your hermitude, and wallow in the hell you've made for yourself out of four walls and loneliness."

It was amazing how big her eyes got when I started squeezing. I was tired of being pushed. "Don't....tempt...me." I hissed. Her trust was admirable. She was almost crimson before she started really struggling. I let go at that point, and watched her gasp. I have never done anything so painful in my life as stand there and watch her fight for breath. But control....that I was good at. Self control was the hallmark of my life.

She was making this terrible raspy sound, and I was alarmed until I realized she was laughing. "You think you're in charge," she said, giving me the coldest gaze I have ever seen. "ASk yourself, Monk...if you;re in control, then why didn't you just let go?"

I froze as she gave a few last coughs, picked up her purse, and headed for the door. At the last minute, I caught her arm, spun her around, slammed her up against the door, and ground my lips on hers, my body against hers. She didn't fight; I think she knew what I was going to do before I did. As we broke, the words slipped from me.

"I love you, Natalie. That what you wanted to hear? God help me, I love you."

She smiled and twined her arms around my neck. "I know."