- Erotic Horror
- Monster
- Page 5
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Click hereThey stepped into the hallway, turning on the lights.
"She cleaned. Wow, the place looks great," Katja said, as she went to the living room.
Then she stopped at the doorstep. A little cry escaped her mouth. Karsten followed her quickly, looking into the room over her shoulder.
On the floor, in the middle of the tidy room, there lay a figure, dressed in Renate's usual black and brown clothes, the face with hollow cheeks and closed eyes turned up towards the ceiling. They both stared at the motionless girl, whose face looked paler even than usual. Finally, Karsten went to kneel down behind her, and took one of her hands into his, searching for her pulse.
"Is she ... ", Katja choked back tears.
"I can feel her pulse," Karsten said, "But she is not moving. I will go call an ambulance."
He stood up. Katja nodded.
"I ... I will just turn the music off."
She went to the record player.
"Und den Menschen ... Und den Menschen ... "
She stopped the record. In the silence that ensued, they could both make out a whispering sound. They turned around to Renate. She was still lying motionless, her eyes closed, but her mouth was moving. Katja ran to her, sat down next to her, approaching her ear to her mouth.
"Ein Wohlgefallen, ein Wohlgefallen."
Renate wasn't speaking, she was singing in a soft voice.
"Renate!" Katja took the girls hand into hers, "Are you alright? Can you hear me? What happened?"
Renate stirred, then she opened her big, blue eyes. The colour seemed lighter, more of an ice-cold blue than usual.
Her voice now wasn't soft any more; it didn't quite seem hers, as she said, "Hello beautiful! Are you finally here?"
Then, Renate started laughing. A loud, shrill cackle that just wouldn't stop.
- COMMENTS
ElPilaover 17 years agoWell done. I'm proud to be your friend. If I wasn't (unlikely chance) I would still be forced to acknowledge your merits.
Rumple Foreskinover 17 years agoNow I'm going to have bad dreams tonight and there's nobody around to comfort me. :)
But seriously folks, a fine piece of fiction. Good luck in the contest.
Rumple
kbateover 17 years agoIs better than the previous one. It is interesting watching you develop and grow as a writer.
Excellent story - I shall have to read your work in your native tongue someday.
RogueLurkerover 17 years agoAn absolutely riveting story, you had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. Fantastic story, Munachi.
sackover 17 years agoI bow to your ever increasing genius (and writing ability!). Good luck in the contest!
damppantiesover 17 years agoYou get better with every story I read of yours! This one... it was so compelling that I couldn't stop reading if I tried. I love what your mind's putting out lately. If it's horror that you feel like writing, then you need to do it without thinking too much about it because you're doing an excellent job of scaring people out of their minds.
I loved the dream sequences in this one, and I now know what you meant by being scared of a plant while writing it. That was indeed quite chilling. That bit was beyond excellent.
I'm really impressed.
angelicminxover 17 years agoI hope you poured all of that out of your head and there's nothing left to torment you.
I agree, I believe this is your best piece yet. I may have been shocked at the length, but the pages flew past and to be any shorter would not have done the story justice.
I didn't quite expect that ending, I have to admit. I was expecting her to commit suicide, or expell him once and for all, or... well, something other than what happened. Not that I'm complaining, not at all.
Very powerful piece. A piece you should be proud of, no matter the end score. Good luck in the contest! ~Minx
drksideofthemoonover 17 years agoI think this may be your best piece of work yet. Your writing was so vivid, and the characters lept from the screen. I was hooked from the first word, well done.
TE999over 17 years agoDeliciously horrific. I'll have nightmares tonight for sure. This reads like a Fellini/George Romero movie collaboration. Good luck in the contest.
