Montana

"I won," I said, and sent him a cheeky smile.

He gave me a friendly pat on the back. "Yeah. Keep telling yourself that."

That night, as my hands slowly wandered down my body, I let myself, for the first time, imagine they were Kevin's hands. I stroked myself, wondering what would have happened if Clay hadn't shown up. I pretended Kevin started the whole mud fight just to seduce me. I could feel him, literally feel him, his hip bones grinding into my ass when we were both face down in the mud. In the way of fantasies his clothes suddenly disappeared, and he ground his hard erection into my jeans, nestling himself forcefully into the crack between my muscled cheeks, wanting in. I could smell that delicious Kevin sweat, and feel his hands, so hot on me they scorched through my shirt. I arched back up into him and tilted my head to the side, baring my throat. In my dream he put his mouth near my ear and growled, "Why don't we get you out of those muddy clothes, dirty boy?"

I could feel how hard Kevin was as he kept grinding his pelvis into my ass. My clothes disappeared, and he reached around to stroke my cock. My brain told me it was his hand, not mine, stroking harder, faster. My body bowed off the bed with the overwhelming hot pleasure.

I scrunched my face up tight. I was torn as my fist stroked faster. In the back of my mind I was fighting guilt, hoping I wasn't too much of a sleaze, lusting so completely over my best friend. On the other hand, it felt so good, so right... so real. I could smell the wet mud, hear the splashing sound of the running water and the squinching sound of the mud below us, everything magnified under the smell of Kevin's sexy, hot sweat.

I wanted to prolong it, draw it out further, but I pictured him plunging into me, and biting my ear, and I lost control.

The release was the best I ever had, and I bit my bottom lip to avoid shouting. I knew I should feel guilty, but I didn't. I felt wonderful.

Chapter 5

Pretty soon it was my eighteenth birthday, and Clay actually let us take a whole day off. We had too much food and beer. Then Clay turned to me and said, "I think for a while we should stop doing flax."

"What?"

"We made a shit load of money. It's not good to work the land like that year after year. Even with us doing some rotation and keeping a small part fallow, we're overworking it."

I was silent for a few moments. "What would we do?"

"What would you want to do?"

"I'd like to have a ranch where we can teach kids to ride horses."

"Then that's what we'll do."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Then I had the stomach plummeting notion that maybe we wouldn't need Kevin as much if we did that. Or that Kevin wouldn't want to be part of something that wasn't giving him agriculture experience. But I'd already said it. Shit. What if Kevin didn't want to do that? Clay looked over at Kevin, and he nodded.

"That'll take up some of our property, a good portion of it if we make it really big, but we can still farm Cooter's land," Clay said.

"We could do oats," Kevin said. "Or cherries."

We looked at him.

"They'd both grow really well here. You've got a lot of land, if you consider what you bought from Old Cooter. Having oats and cherries would replenish and ground the soil, making richer ground if you ever want to do flax again in a few years. And it would give the horses something to eat. And us."

"Huh," Clay said. He looked at me.

"Sounds good to me," I said.

"All right then," Clay said. "Let the celebration continue." He brought out a huge cake, which was ridiculous, because it was only the three of us. It had big candles on it—a one and an eight.

"Make a wish," Clay said.

I looked over at Kevin, his dark hair and sparkling, knowing eyes, big dimples, and perfect shoulder muscles. I knew what my wish was. I realized I was staring at him.

"That's a great idea," I said softly to cover the fact I stared at him a little too intensely, a little too long. I closed my eyes. Until I first saw Kevin, I never knew I was gay. But the moment I saw him, I knew what I wanted. I just felt he would never want me. I was just a kid. But I was an adult now. I wished, fervently, for something I didn't feel I'd had any of since my parents died. Courage.

I took a minute with my eyes closed and the candles burning in front of me. In my mind I could see Kevin's torso, the way it glistened with sweat when he was working hard. God help me. I needed more than courage. I needed courage and the willingness to do something about it.

I opened my eyes, blew out the candles. Both Kevin and Clay gave me hearty smacks on the back.

"All right," Clay said. "Let's pick a movie for tonight."

About a million years after other people, we had just managed to get a subscription to a movie streaming service. Because it was my birthday, it would probably be my pick. I wanted to pick something with handsome tortured gay guys coming out but couldn't. First of all, I couldn't think of any, and second of all, there's no way I'd be able to watch something like that with Clay and Kevin.

Instead, I picked a classic that I had heard about, called Bound. I thought maybe the homosexual theme would sort of... I don't know, give me some heads up regarding the world's temperature, but both Clay and Kevin seemed fixated on Gina Gershon's general sexiness, so that was really no help. I did like the movie, though.

I spent a few hours awake in my bed that night, my arms cradled behind my head, staring up at the ceiling. If I wanted Kevin, I was going to have to do something. He never would. It would have to be either here in the house or outside, in the barn or in the fields somewhere. I tried to weigh the benefits of each. If we were inside, it was possible, but unlikely, we could be caught by Clay. He was a heavy sleeper. If we were outside, the chances of being caught by Clay were still not very great, because he was spending a lot of time on Old Cooter's section, and we usually knew when he was coming and going. But not always, as evidenced by our mud-ious interruptus. So the chance of getting caught was greater.

I continued to weigh the pros and cons of each but finally decided on the house. The truth was, too many accidents can happen on a farm if a man's distracted. Even if I could catch Kevin on a moment's break, I couldn't be sure that whatever I did would be well received. If he fell under a tractor or into a thresher a moment later, I'd never forgive myself.

That left the house. I tried to figure out when would be right—what would be right.

I could wait until Clay went out one night, but that could be months. With all our farm work, he wasn't going out much lately. I could wait until Kevin's birthday maybe, although that was also months away. The more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion the best time to approach Kevin would be now, tonight. Maybe he'd be more likely to hear me out, less likely to hurt me on a day we were still celebrating my birthday.

As if my legs and feet had a mind of their own, they swung me out of bed and out my door. I tiptoed silently down the hall and suddenly found myself in front of Kevin's closed door. I stared at the door for a few minutes, a cold sweat breaking out on my forehead and my breathing coming out in harsh, uneven rasps. I had an attack of shyness worse than I ever had. What the hell was I doing here? What the hell would I say to him? I looked down and prayed for courage and guidance. I gathered my nerve. Whatever the result, I had to do this. It was now or never. My fist raised before I was even one hundred percent decided. It was shaking. I very, very quietly knocked on his door. "Kevin?" I whispered.

An extremely sleepy voice replied, "Come in."

I opened his door and shut it behind me. Kevin sat up in bed, the sheets pooled down around his waist and hips, exposing his glorious torso. Oh my God, did he sleep naked?

He rubbed his eyes over his face and tried to focus. "Noah," he said. "Oh, my God. Is it one of the animals?"

Kevin jumped out of bed in one quick move, showing me that he did indeed sleep naked. He grabbed a pair of jeans off the floor—bending over and displaying a marvelous view of his perfect, well-muscled, naked ass—and yanked them on. He zipped and snapped his jeans as he talked.

"Is it one of the horses?" He was looking around. He spotted his cowboy boots behind me and went to grab them.

I stopped him with a hand on his bare chest.

"It's not the horses," I whispered.

"Huh?"

"Everything on the farm is fine. It's not the horses."

I saw his eyes dart to the digital clock. 2:30 am. He looked confused.

"It's me," I said. "I couldn't sleep." It came out the way a five-year-old would say, 'Mommy, I had nightmares and I couldn't sleep'.

He just smiled and stepped back. He sat on the edge of his bed, and I sat down next to him.

"The pressure of finally being legally an adult getting you?" he asked in a teasing voice.

I smiled back at him.

"Well being an adult will surely have its downfalls, but it also has its privileges. And I've been feeling a pressure all right."

A sliver of moonlight coming in from between the slats of Kevin's blinds landed on his cheek. Almost involuntarily, my hand raised up to stroke that silvery beam of light, but what Kevin said next stopped me.

"You know, my parents died when I was young, too."

I dropped my hand. "I didn't know," I said. How could I have lived with this guy for two years and not know an important piece of information like that?

He shrugged and focused at some point on the wall over my shoulder. "When you're right in the thick of it, you just put your head down and barrel on," he said. "But then, on my eighteenth birthday, right before I came here, I had a little bit of a breakdown. What if that happens to me? What if adulthood mows me over like it did them? What the hell was I going to do?"

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I came here," Kevin said. He looked at me. "Jenny Mae told my older brother, and he told me, and I jumped at the chance to leave everything bad behind and start totally new, in a whole different environment."

"I... had no idea."

"So, it seemed like I was doing you a favor, coming for the job way out here, but in a way, you two were doing me a favor, giving me a new place to be, to forget for a while."

I nodded. I didn't want to ask but I felt I had to. "How did your parents die?"

"My mother died of breast cancer, and then my father shot himself."

I slammed one hand onto my chest and one hand over my mouth. The matter-of-fact tone he used was at complete odds with the pain that hit me like an exploding bullet, square in the heart.

"Oh, my God." I grabbed Kevin and yanked him into my arms for a huge hug. I held him and rocked.

"I would do anything," I said. "Anything for you not to have to feel hurt."

He laughed, a sorrowful sound.

Every single conversation we'd had in the time he's been here was replaying through my head on super speed. Was his jocular way just a defense? Humor as a cover up for something deeper?

I rubbed his back, but he didn't seem to need comforting. I did.

"So I get it, No," Kevin said, shortening my name the way he often did. "Turning eighteen just brings on a whole onslaught of 'life can be so short what do I need to do differently?'"

"Life is precious," I said.

"That's right, but it can also be fun. So snap out of it."

"I need you to do something for me," I said.

"Anything," he said. He didn't hesitate. He pulled out of my embrace to look at me.

"Actually, it's something I need to do for you," I said. Then, as if in slow motion, I reached out with my hand and put it in the center of his chest. He just stared down at it, confused. Then slowly, I slid my hand down, over his waistband, onto the bulge in his jeans and squeezed.

He scooted back from me, eyes wide. But I followed him, not removing my hand. "Shh, shh," I murmured.

Kevin's gaze darted around like a startled horse. "What the hell, No?" he rasped, his voice coming out in a harsh whisper.

I ground the heel of my hand into the base of his cock, and his hips made a small, involuntary thrust up into my hand. I treated him like the startled animal he was, talking to him a quiet, calming, reassuring voice. "It's not a big deal, just two guys helping each other out because there aren't any girls around. Let me help you. That's it. Shuusssh. Let me help you."

I kept rubbing him through his jeans. His eyes closed, and I could see him fighting himself.

"Aw fuck, Noah," Kevin whispered.

I opened the snap on his jeans. Then I very, verrrrry slowly lowered the zipper down. "Let me do this Kev," I whispered near his ear. "Let me do this one thing."

"Oh God," Kevin said.

I reached in, and I was touching the bare skin of his cock. It was warm and smooth. I might have stopped there if he wasn't hard.

I tried to wrap my hand around him, but I could barely do that with us both sitting up so close together; the angle was all wrong. I put one hand on his chest and pushed him toward his pillows.

"Fuck, No, what are you doing?"

"This," I said, and I reached in and gave one firm tug. His hips bucked way up with me, and he pulled the flaps of his fly apart a little. I gave another stroke.

"Oh fuck," Kevin said.

"Please. This is the something," I whispered. "Tell me to stop, and I'll stop. But it's not a big deal. It's just..." I stopped talking as he let out a soft quiet moan and bit his lip. His eyelids fluttered shut.

I stopped, suddenly shot through with insecurity. His eyes flung open and stared at me, harsh in the moonlight. We stared at each other. Raw. Moment of truth. I started to withdraw my hand. And slowly, very slowly as if in slow motion, he put his hand over mine.

We didn't move, just stayed there for a moment with my hand around his warm cock. My heart was like a thousand horses ready to beat out of my chest and bolt. His hand was sweaty and clammy over mine.

I thought maybe he would push me off him, and I would run from the room in shame. I had said it was nothing, just two guys helping each other out, but for me that wasn't true. I took a deep breath and calmed the pounding of my heart and focused instead on love and then on lust. I gave him one firm squeeze. It would be up to him now.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. Copyright belongs to MJ Roberts 2014. Please do not reproduce without permission from the author.

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