Montana Winter

"I'm here for you."

"And... and... and... She's going to be okay. I mean, they caught it early. They're going to do chemo and radiation, and she's a fighter. She's going to be fine."

"Yeah," I said. "Sure she is."

"I can't lose her, No; I can't. I just... I can't raise the girls by myself."

"You won't have to," I said. "You just said it yourself. She's going to pull through."

"It's just, it's got me thinking about every single thing that ever happened in my life. I swear to God, if she dies, I'll die too."

I wanted to say, 'Ya big drama queen, ya sure you're not gay?' to try to joke him out of it. But I didn't want to take the chance that it would come out insensitive and not funny.

"Noah, I just wanted to tell you, I never should have left your farm."

"What?" That came out of nowhere. "Of course you should have. I told you to go. You had to leave."

"Well, I never should have left the way I left."

"How else was there to leave?" I asked. "You gave your two weeks notice, there was nothing else you could have done, Kev. You were right. There was nowhere else for you to move up here."

He cut me off before I could say more.

"I should have said I love you."

"You did."

"I did?"

We were silent a minute, and I could almost see him thinking back to that night. It was right here in this room, because after he left I moved into his room, in a sick, pathetic attempt to be closer to him.

I could hear it when he remembered.

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have said it with that inflection. I should have said it like I'm in love with you, I love you, I will always love you. I will never love another guy the way I love you."

I closed my eyes.

"Shut up, Kevin."

He started to cry then. Just bawl.

"Mary's not going to die, Kevin."

He cried louder.

"I'm not going to leave you," I said. "I'm not going anywhere. Kevin's Place is not going anywhere. We're always here. If it gets too much, if you need a respite, if you and Mary need a place to recover afterwards, you can always come here. You need me to take some time off and come there, I'll come there."

He started crying even louder.

"Shut up, Kev," I said, but I had a smile in my voice.

"I love you, man," he said. It sounded exactly the same way it did when he said it fifteen years ago, like I was his brother.

I smiled. "I mean it, man. Shut up. Or I'll send you a get well card.

"Jerk-face," he said.

"Wise-ass," I said.

"I can't believe Mary has cancer," I said.

"I can't either!" He said. "She's only thirty-five. That doesn't happen to women of thirty-five."

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see it over the phone. "Yeah, it does. I've got a little girl of thirteen who comes here who has cancer, Kev. She's terminal."

"Mary might need to have her breasts removed."

"I don't think you married her for her breasts," I said.

"Yes I did," he said.

I laughed.

"They'll get reconstructed."

"I can't lose her, No, I can't."

"I'll pray for her, Kev. I'll pray every day. Twice a day. Down on my knees. Okay, maybe not down on my knees, but twice a day for sure. And I'll have Clay, and Sherry, and Josh pray too. Hey, even Eagle-eye will be praying. You can bet on it."

"You're the best, No. You always were."

We were silent for a while. I could hear him sniffling.

"Listen," I said. "You're going to have to keep up a strong front for them."

"I know."

"But you don't have to man up for me. You want to call again, you got the number. Day or night. I'll ah... tell you bad jokes or something."

"Fuck no."

I smiled.

"I'm really sorry about the news."

"Talking to you helped."

"I'm glad you called."

We stayed on the phone a little more. I wanted to say, 'No more crying Kevin, you're going to make me cry,' but I didn't. I sat, listening to the grieving in his ragged breathing.

Finally he said. "Dude, I'm going to go. I'm in my minivan, and the wife and kids are going to be expecting me to come in for dinner."

"You have a minivan?" I said.

"You know, helps ferry the kids around for soccer and stuff."

"You're a soccer dad with a minivan," I said.

"Douche," he said with a smile in his voice, and hung up.

I hadn't talked to Kevin since he came to visit about a year ago. God, was it almost two years ago?

I put my head in my hands. Mary had come out on the trip. A beautiful woman, full of verve. A blind man could see Kevin was crazy about her. It would tear him apart to see her go through this. Just thinking about it was already making me feel like I ate horse shoes for lunch.

Kevin's voice came back to me, from the middle of the conversation, nasal from congestion and heavy with tears, "I should have said it like I'm in love with you, I love you, I will always love you. I will never love another guy the way I love you."

"God, Kev," I whispered, "It's not enough you break my heart when you leave, you've got to tear it out hearing your news about Mary and then make me feel like I swallowed a backhoe saying something like that?"

I pictured Mary in a cold hospital room, wearing one of those paper gowns and getting burning chemicals shot into her through a plastic tube, with Kevin sitting next to her, and I blinked back tears.

I put the heels of my hands over my eyes and blew out a big puff of air. Man up, Noah. Think of something to be grateful for. I immediately thought of Lore, eating with my family and the other guests in my kitchen. God, how long had I been sitting here? I should probably make an appearance at dinner.

I splashed some water on my face and went to the kitchen. A few people were left around the table. Lore wasn't one of them.

"Where's Lore?" I asked.

"He just left," Sherry said. "He didn't want dessert."

I grabbed my hat and coat but didn't put them on; I just tore out after him. He was about a hundred yards ahead of me, and my boots kicked up the snow as my long strides ate up the distance between us.

I got to him, threw him up against the side of a building and smashed our lips together. The kiss was brutal and invasive, an urgent, plunging violation of need. When I broke it off, I was still crushing my body to his.

"I need you," I said.

I pressed my forehead to his.

"Did something happen?"

I pulled back a little to look at him, letting him see everything in my expression. My despair, strength, hurt, hope, need.

"I just found out one of my friends has cancer. My best friend's wife."

I kissed him again, still taking, still plundering, still searing. Only a millimeter less demanding.

I grabbed the back of his neck. A lick of sense pushed through the urgency. "We can't stay here. Josh could come out. Anybody could come by. I want to flirt with you, tease you, tempt you, but I can't, I'm raw."

I kissed him again. Softer this time.

"Please," I said.

"Yes," he said.

I closed my eyes for a second. I opened them and stared at him. "Come on."

I took his hand and all but dragged him back to his cabin.

When we got in I locked the door and pressed him up against a wall. I stripped off his coat and hat and pressed up against him.

"Make me forget everything," I said. I kissed him, pouring all my heat, longing, and pent up frustration into it. This time he kissed me back, a furious warring of tongues, all urgent power waiting to be unleashed.

He was a great kisser, and I loved it.

And I loved how he looked like he was going to devour me.

I yanked his shirt up over his head and pulled back a minute to just stare. He was slightly broader naked than he looked like he would be when clothed. His skin was beautiful, all smooth, and wonderful in that lightest shade of brown. He had a Celtic band of deep blue shards around his left bicep. I traced my fingers over it.

"This is beautiful," I said.

"I'm part Irish," he said. "Descended from Irish seamen, balladeers, and witches. I can drink you under the table, sing you a shanty, or cast a spell on you."

"You've already cast a spell on me," I said. I lightly brushed my lips across his.

Then I looked at his other arm. A small tattoo, with an odd dark brown shape, black lines, a bright blue patch, a map?

I touched it.

"I'm not a very educated man," I said. "I dropped out of school at thirteen."

"You dropped out of school?" Lore said.

At the same time I said, "I've got my GED and all, but Clay didn't make me study much geography." I traced the blue part. I guess that could be the red sea. "Is that northern Africa... ah, the Sudan?"

"Yeah, good job. I was born there. Moved to the U.S. when I was one year old though, so I'm an American all the way."

I kissed the tattoo.

"It's hot," I said.

"Not as hot as fucking a cowboy," he said. "Who hasn't dreamed of that?"

"Someone who does it for a living, that's who; it's hard, boring work. Thank God I have the kids to work with."

"Yeah," he said. "I love working with kids too."

"Now that's hot," I said. I licked his bottom lip. "Good with kids, blindingly gorgeous, can sing me a shanty, whatever the hell that is." I kissed down his chest. "You're perfect. Beyond perfect. I bet you can cook, too."

"Not in the way you mean it," he said.

He pulled me up to him and gave me a searing kiss.

"That way's good too," I said.

He put his mouth to my ear. His voice was husky. "Are you a top or a bottom?"

I looked at him. "Usually I'm a bottom."

He smiled, a huge sexy grin. "Usually, I'm a top."

I raised an eyebrow at him and tried not to smirk. "I guess we're a good fit then. I don't mind mixing it up a little to keep it fresh."

"Neither do I."

Oh, fuck yeah.

I slid my hand over his jeans and started rubbing my palm over his cock. God, I couldn't wait to get my mouth on that. I kissed down his jaw and his throat. He groaned.

"That's it, Lore. I'm going to work my way down." I flicked his nipples; he arched into me.

"Like that?"

"Yeah."

I felt the urge to hurry, and I gave into it. I unsnapped his jeans, and yanked his pants and his underwear down and his cock snapped up to his belly. I stared at it. Beautiful, like the rest of him. I buried my nose in his pubic hair for a second, but then I looked up.

"It's just sex, Lore. Just sex."

He stilled for a second while I spread my hands over those great thigh muscles. "I need you, Lore. I need you something fierce. But I'm not going to lie to you."

"Okay," he said. "Just sex."

I made an 'O' with my lips, and I slid my mouth over his cock. But if it was going to be just sex, I wanted it to be the best fucking sex either of us has had in a long time. I needed it to be.

I put one hand on the bottom of his cock and sucked hard, going up and down, using my tongue everywhere, listening to his moans and adjusting to add to his pleasure. My other hand bit into the muscle of his ass, forcing him further into my mouth, making him fuck me harder and faster until I brought him right to that knife edge. Then I'd back way off. I'd make a ring of my fingers around the base of his cock, and just tongue the very top of his dick to bring him back. Then I'd stop. Start all over again. Bring him to a frenzy, circle around lazily, stop, work until electricity ran through us like a bonfire. Stop.

I didn't want him to come, not yet.

I stood up and pressed my body to his. I kissed him again.

"Your fully dressed, and I'm fully naked," he said.

"You're not naked," I said.

We looked down. His jeans and underwear were around his knees. He was still wearing his shoes and socks.

"Let's remedy that," I said.

I bent down and relieved him of the rest of his clothes. "You're too gorgeous to live," I said.

He chuckled. "Speak for yourself."

"Liar."

Lore took control, pushing me back a half step. He lifted my shirt over my head, running his hands over my sides in the process. He gave me another little push, and I sat down on the bed so he could take off my worn cowboy boots. I stood up and let him take off my jeans. I closed my eyes as he slowly, painstakingly slowly, pulled down my underwear.

"That's better," Lore whispered.

"Yeah."

I got on the bed and scootched over to make room for him. I laid on my side. He laid down on his back next to me.

"Turn over," I said, making the motion with my finger.

"Turn over?"

"Yeah, turn over."

He just stared at me.

I made a motion with my hands like 'come on, trust me.'

Lore turned over so he was face down. He cradled his head in his hands on the pillow. I gently ran my hands over the very top of his shoulders. I kissed the back of his neck. I softly dropped gentle butterfly kisses down every inch of his spine, planting small seeds of love on each ridge. I tongued into the dimple on the right side of his lower back, as if I were lapping out of a stream, licking his essence up. I kissed down his perfect, firm, right butt cheek, close to the center, but not too close, while I let my fingers trail down his center crack, but not deep. I felt him tense up, in a good way.

I moved on, giving him a nipping bite where the curve of his butt met the top of his thigh. I brushed my open lips, pouring my sensuality out, more than I thought was humanly possible, like pouring molten lava into him, as I dragged my open mouth over the skin on the back of his leg and grazed my teeth on the side of his thigh. When I got to the back of his knee I bent his leg, and licked the back of his knee. He gasped.

"Oh, I found a sensitive spot. I'll have to remember that."

"With you, they're all sensitive spots."

"I bet you say that to all the guys."

He twisted a little to look at me. "But with you it's true."

I laved the back of his knee a little more. Kissed up the side of his calf. Bit his ankle bone. I lightly stroked his low back, and then I laid on top of him, stretching my whole body over his. I nestled my semi-hard into his crack and he ground up against me.

Oh, Lore.

"Noah, don't torture me anymore, I want to fuck you."

I was instantly hard and blood rushed to my skin, heating me, a burning summer blaze in the middle of winter.

I thought it was an echo in my head, but he was repeating it.

"W-want t-to f-fuck you."

I sprung up off the bed, grabbed the small bottle of lube and the condom that I'd been carrying around in my jeans pocket since about two seconds after I first saw Lore get out of that car, and handed it to him.

I watched him stroke his cock, and my breathing got rough and ragged. He ripped the condom packet with his teeth, and took it out, and I helped roll it down on him because I wanted to get my hands on his cock again.

He gestured to the where on the bed he wanted me with his chin. "Get over here," he said, his demanding voice a complete contrast to his slow, sexy gaze of his half closed eyes.

Lore yanked me where he wanted me, popping me up onto my hands and knees. He pushed my lower back down, arching it a little so my ass was in the air, presented to him. Then he was prepping me, and I was the one groaning, and groaning loudly. I'd asked him to make me forget. He made me forget everything, and he wasn't even in me yet.

"Baby, you want me?"

"Yes," I said.

"Say it louder."

"Yes."

"Louder."

"YES!"

He plunged into me, one fierce, hard thrust, burying him to the hilt. I cried out, more from the shock than the pain.

Lore put one hand on my hip and one hand on my shoulder.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

Lore eased out slowly, dragging his cock over every possible point inside of me he could, pulling until he was almost out, hovering... BAM. He slammed into me.

He sounded like he was talking through gritted teeth. "Is that what you want?"

"Yeah."

He pulled out slow. Slam.

Oh, fuck yeah.

"More?"

My toes tingled, and I had to breathe through my mouth. I nodded.

"SAY IT!"

"More."

That's it. He was pounding into me with an intensity I never experienced. It was fast, merciless. I felt like my entire body was subjected to his, vulnerable. I closed my eyes, and all I could see was the dark reddish pink behind my eyelids and a little streak of yellowish light. A starburst of my imagination, keeping me grounded in this world as the hammering went on.

Lore scratched his nails down my back, and it brought the intensity to a whole new level. Like he flipped a switch inside me, and suddenly everything was more sensitive. So I was surprised when he said, "Harder?"

Oh my God. What?

"Hey, Noah. You all right?"

It was a disembodied voice, husky, and from far away, but clearly my own. "You think you can, city boy? Can you? I DARE you. Fuck me harder."

Oh shit.

Like a piston, or battering ram, or a machine, Lore let loose, with the hardest, fastest, fucking I could possibly imagine. I felt my soul float loose over my body and then snap back in as I hit a kind of nirvana, where my whole body tingled and shook.

I tilted my head back and grunted. "Unh, unh, unh, Lore."

"Faster?"

You've got to be kidding me.

I couldn't talk. I could hardly breathe.

"Answer me."

"Fuck me..." I said. "Any way you want me."

He reached around and jacked my cock, everything was brutal, raging, untamed. Animalistic, but in the very best way. The sound of him slamming into me, taking over, thundering his strength into me, it was all so much, overwhelming. Amazing, magnificent.

"I'm going to come," I bit out.

"Me too," he said. "Together."

A volcanic eruption doesn't begin to describe it. Earth shattering is too mellow a way to say it. Galaxy exploding, yeah, that almost covers it.

I collapsed into my mess. Lore fell on top of me.

"Well, that was some damn okay 'just sex' if I do say so myself," Lore said between pants. His harsh breaths tickled my neck as we recovered.

I gave a brief squeeze around his softening length to show him I agreed. He laughed. I started to laugh too.

I only had less than a week and a half left with him. If I kept a wall around my heart, I would be okay. If we had sex every day, we could have sex like that eleven more times. If we had sex like that twice a day, twenty-two more times, yeah, that would work. If we had sex that was a little less dramatic like that, I think I could work it in my schedule three times a day.

"I'm pretty damn sure I can cancel some appointments," I said.

"Huh?"

"I'm thinking I just had some openings come up in my schedule for the next week. Lots of sudden openings. Lots of them, if you get my drift."

He laughed. "Come on, let's clean up. I think we could use a shower."

We got in the shower, and I let him hold me up. He washed me, but I didn't do all that good a job of washing him. I ogled his amazing body. I ran my head over his very short hair, it had a weird, fun texture, bristly sort of. It was obviously he shaved it bald once a month or so and then just let it grow in. I turned, leaning my back to his front, and let him give me a wonderfully scrumptious shampoo, luxurious.

"I didn't get a chance to suck your dick yet, you know," he said in my ear. My cock jumped.

"I did notice."

"And I'm going to," Lore said. "It might be just sex to you, but it's not just once."

I looked over my shoulder at him and wiggled my eyebrows at him. "Just be gentle with me, my last lover was so fast and rough."

Lore stroked his hand down my chest. His voice was just as laced with humor as mine had been. "Aw, baby, too much? That's not the way you like it?"

I turned around to face him. "Sometimes that's just the way I like it. Today it was also just the way I needed it."

He reached down and began stroking my cock. "Ever gotten a blow job in the shower?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"No time like the present," Lore said.

*

"Can you stay the night?" Lore asked me.

"Yeah, I just need to sneak back to my room early in the morning. I don't want to be answering questions from my very curious nephew."