Moving In Pt. 02

"No. I'm good."

"OK, see you later, sweetie. I love you very much." he said.

"Love you too, Pee-paw," she said before hanging up.

Ted put the phone down on the desk but he had the feeling something was different. He turned to the office door, and there was Debra standing there.

"Who's 'Sweetie'?" she asked.

Ted wished this woman would just leave him alone. But he couldn't tell her so. "It's my grand-daughter. She's home from school for several weeks," he said.

"Oh, that's right," she said. "What was so special about last night?" Debra asked.

Ted was annoyed that he had allowed someone to listen in on his conversation. He tried to recall exactly what he said on the phone, so his answer didn't raise any suspicion. "Jen made dinner for us last night. It was really good," he said.

"Oh, what'd she make?" Debra pressed.

"Italian. Pasta. It's easy, but she did something to make it better. Seasonings I guess," he said. It was sort of true. He wanted to end the inquiry. "Well, gotta go," he told her, and made his way out of the office down the hall.

He checked in with the director and let him know the computer was fixed. He asked if anything else needed his attention, but there was nothing. "Well, I'm heading out then. Holler if you need anything," said Ted. He left the building and hopped into his truck.

Time and time again, he replayed his phone conservation and Debra's questioning. "Was there anything that someone could be suspicious of?" he asked himself out loud. Ted assured himself there was not. But he was uneasy. That woman was trouble, and he knew it. He have to talk about it with the girls.

He stopped in the grocery store to stock up. He was going to get a sandwich from the deli, but the sushi guys were making fresh rolls, so he asked for something special. He didn't eat it out of the display cooler where it was anyone's guess as to how old it was, but would buy it if he could get it custom rolled. He stopped at the liquor store for some more wine. Of course, he needed some recommendations. He could never remember what he liked and didn't.

It was two o'clock by the time he made it home. He put everything away and sat down at the table to eat the sushi roll. Jen had heard him come in and made her way to the kitchen. She walked in wearing her usual tight t-shirt and panties.

"You look great dressed like that," he said. "Not everyone can pull that look off."

"Oh, this?" she asked as she did a full turn, stopping half way around to push her butt out at him. "That any good?" she asked about the sushi.

"It's alright. At least it's fresh, and they spiced it up for me," he answered.

"What's the matter? You looked a little tense," Jen said.

"It's this woman at the shelter. She's always after me to ask her out. You know, divorced, lonely, and a royal pain in the ass. Anyway, it seems like every time I turn around, there she is. Well, she overheard our phone conversation today. I'm a little worried that she's suspicious of something," Ted explained.

"Oh," said Jen.

It was clear to Ted that Jen was trying to recall the phone call. "It's probably OK, just me being paranoid," he said. "But this woman is bad news all around. I've gone through our call time and time again, and I don't think there's anything she would have heard on my side. The only thing that bothers me is she may have picked up on my tone. What I was hinting at between the lines."

"I didn't think about that," Jen said.

"When your Mom gets home, we're going to have to talk about it," he said. He pushed the sushi away. Ted wasn't hungry any more. He got up, poured a bourbon neat, and sipped it while he thought through things.

Jen came over to him, and began to rub his shoulders. It felt good; a little relaxing. She bent down and kissed his head. "It'll be alright," she said.

"I hope so," said Ted.

When Stacie got home they all sat down and Ted relayed everything that had happened. Stacie questioned him about exactly what was said.

"Ted, how did you say it when you told Jen 'If anyone needs thanking for last night, it's you. It was very special'?" Stacie asked. "That's the critical thing here."

"Well, I think I was being a little playful. I mean, I was thinking about what happened when I said it, so maybe that came through a little bit," Ted answered.

"Hmmm," Stacie said. "I don't know this woman, and neither does Jen. What does she look like?" she asked.

Ted described her to the girls. "I don't think you would ever run into her," he said.

"We have to be prepared in case we do. Jen, if anyone asks you about that night, you come right out and say you made you grandfather dinner and it was Italian food. If they press you, say it was pasta. But don't go into any more detail than that, and if they press, excuse yourself saying you have to do something or be somewhere," instructed Stacie.

Stacie thought some more. It was clear to Ted that she was formulating a plan. "Ted, you're not going to like this part," she said.

"What is it?" he asked.

"You're going to have to take her out on a date," said Stacie.

"Mom!" cried Jen. "I don't like that idea"

"Neither do I," said Ted.

"You have to, but it'll be the worst date she's ever been on. What you have to do is get this woman totally disinterested in you. As long as she is pining for you, she's going to be thinking about you all the time. And if she's thinking about you, she's going to occasionally think about the phone conversation. And the more she thinks about that, the more likely she is to read between the lines and construe something from your tone," explained Stacie.

"How old is she? What's she like?" asked Stacie.

"I guess she's in her upper forties. She's a real pain in the ass. Needy and clingy. And pushy. I get the feeling she wants to be in control all the time. She dresses OK, and wears too much make up for my tastes," said Ted.

"I think I know the type," said Stacie. "OK, when will she be back at the shelter?"

"She's there everyday, I think," answered Ted.

"Well, you'll have to go back into the shelter tomorrow. And as low key as possible, ask her out to dinner in a couple of nights," said Stacie.

"I'm not going to like it, but I guess it's a plan," replied Ted.

"Jen and I are going to brainstorm about how to make you the least desirable man. It's going to be tough cause you're such a hottie, but I think we can do it. Just leave things vague. Only that you're taking her to dinner, and what time you should pick her up. But don't let it be too late. Six o'clock would be perfect," she said.

The next day, Ted returned to the shelter, and sure enough, Debra was there at the reception desk. "Hey Ted, sure is a surprise to see you here two days in a row," she said.

"I'm going a little stir crazy. Two women in the house, you know," he said. He turned to go to the director's office. Of course there was nothing that needed to be done, so he pretended to work on another computer. As he suspected, Debra showed up about an hour later.

"Computer problems again, huh?" she asked.

"Seems like their down more than working," he answered. "At least it keeps me busy." Ted paused for a bit. Then, with a bit of a sheepish voice, and some reluctance, he proceeded. "Hey Debra, you doing anything tomorrow night?"

"What?" asked Debra. Ted could tell she was a little shocked. She should be. He'd been giving her the cold shoulder since day one.

"I'm asking if I can take you to dinner tomorrow night," Ted continued.

"Uh, I'm free. I mean, yes, that would be nice," she said.

"Do you want to meet me there, or should I pick you up?" he asked.

"Oh, you can pick me up. That'd be nice," she answered.

Ted noticed she was almost bouncing. "I guess you'll have to let me know where you live then," he said.

She gave him her address. "I know where that is. Pick you up about six o'clock?" he asked.

"Uh, six? So early?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'll be hungry by then, and we'll beat the late crowd," he said. Stacie had told to say it his way if she balked at the earliness of the dinner.

"Uh, OK then," she agreed.

"Good, see you then," he said. With that, he got up from the desk, and left the shelter.

When Ted got home, he told Stacie and Jen about the date arrangements, and how it all went.

"Good," said Stacie. "Now let's talk about our plan of action."

Jen scooted forward in her chair. Even Ted was interested on how this was going to play out. He found himself anticipating the process of repulsing this woman, hopefully more than she repulsed him.

"Ted, first things first. Tomorrow, get dressed with a pair of older jeans and a work shirt. You can shower tonight, but not tomorrow. And don't put on any aftershave, cologne, or even deodorant, and don't shave tonight. Tomorrow, you need to find some things to do around the house. Nothing really strenuous, but you'll want to get a little smudgy, and sweat just a little.

"Those are the clothes you'll wear on your date. And put on your oldest pair of sneakers. A set of tube socks would be perfect. Jen and I will have somethings ready to give you before you leave. But before you leave, you need to trash up you truck a bit. Nothing permanent, just some litter on the inside. And I saved the sushi container from last night. You'll put that under her seat." She proceeded to tell Ted everything else he needed to do for the rest of the date.

Ted followed instructions to the letter. His clothes were dinghy and he had a bit of B.O. The truck was messy and smelled a bit of dead fish and wasabi. Stacie and Jen went over details on how to manipulate the date from hell. When he went to pick up Debra, he let her follow him out to his truck. He didn't open the door for her. In fact, he left it locked for a few seconds while she waited. He complained about the traffic all the way to the restaurant.

Stacie and Jen had chosen a Chili's. Not romantic, expensive, or impressive in the least. Not as obvious as going to a burger joint. It was usually somewhat loud. When they pulled up, Debra had asked "Are we really eating here?"

"Yea, I like it. It's not too expensive and the food's decent," Ted responded. He didn't drop her off at the door. Instead, he parked away from the entrance, didn't open the truck door for her, and let her follow him in. He specifically asked to not be seated at a booth.

When the waitress came to ask what they wanted to drink, Ted immediately answered that he wanted water. Debra ordered a margarita, although the look she gave Ted when he asked for water was priceless. When the waitress asked about appetizers, Ted quickly said, "No, we don't want any, thanks."

Ted waited until Debra just started to say something, then, as Stacie had instructed, he pointed out a young, busty woman in the place. "Wow, she's hot. Makes me wish I were younger," he said. Debra glanced at the woman but didn't say anything.

The waitress brought the margarita and Ted's glass of water. Now usually, the first thing Ted does at restaurants and bars is discard the straw. But Stacie had said there's nothing less manly than a guy sucking his drink from a glass through a straw. So he left it in the glass. When the waitress came to take their order, he didn't allow Debra to order first. "I'll take a hamburger with fries. And can you put extra onions on there. Oh, and I could use a side of mayonnaise," he said. Debra ordered chicken fajitas.

"What do you do when you're not at the shelter, Ted?" Debra asked.

"Not much. A little of this and a little of that. I do a lot of computer work at home, plus taking care of my house takes some time," he said. Stacie had told him not to ask Debra anything personal. She wanted him to appear that he had no interest in Debra, which was absolutely the case. "Nah, the only thing I do outside the house is the shelter thing."

"Hey, you ever notice how many old folks are here this time of day. Wow, look at that old lady over there. Looks like she painted her face on. It sure looks bad when women have to do that," he said. Stacie had told him that this would be an indirect insult to Debra, who did tend to wear too much make up.

The waitress brought the meal, he didn't wait for Debra to begin. He dug right in. And per Stacie's instructions, he made sure to allow some mustard to drip on his shirt. He felt it hit, but just let it sit there. He noticed Debra looking at it, and finally she said, "You dropped some mustard on your shirt." She had to point to where it was. He just smeared it off with the napkin. He even mustered up a good burp in the middle of his burger, and made a point not to excuse himself. Ted didn't like mayonnaise, but Stacie had told him to dip his fries into some. He dragged a fry through the white goo, and stuffed into his mouth, making sure to leave a bit on his lips. He was sure that he saw Debra almost gag. He left it there for effect.

Ted made a point to finish before Debra did. He flagged down the waitress and asked for the check. When she offered them dessert, Ted quickly said, "No thanks, just the check." He watched her nibble at her food, guessing that between the burp and the mayonnaise on his lips that she didn't feel like eating anything. The check came, and Ted picked it up, mumbling the numbers as if he was double checking the charges. "How much of a tip do you usually leave?" he asked Debra.

"Oh, fifteen to twenty percent is customary," she said.

"Whoa. I usually leave ten percent. If the service was good that is," he said. He pulled out his phone and played with the calculator as if figuring the tip. Then he pulled out his wallet and left the exact amount of cash needed. Then for added effect, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the change Stacie had told him to bring, and put down enough to bring the total to the meal charge plus ten percent for the tip.

"I've got to go drain the main vein," said Ted, and he got up to go to the bathroom. On the way, he spotted their waitress, and handed her a five dollar bill. "You'll understand in a bit. And thanks for the great service," he said. He made his way to the bathroom, and did his business. Again, per Stacie's instructions, he went to the sink and after washing his hands, sprinkled a little water on the front of his jeans.

He went back to the table and stood by it for a bit before he sat, giving Debra a chance to notice his dribble effect. He sat down, and noticed she hadn't eaten but a half of her food. "You still eating? You want to get that to go?" he asked.

Debra shook her head. "I've got to go to the ladies room," she said. She got up and left. He waited for what seemed and excessive amount of time. Maybe she was vomiting in there. God knows he would be. He knew he still had a fleck of mayonnaise on his lips. He checked his B.O. It was noticeable.

Debra finally came back, and Ted stood up. "You ready to go?" he asked.

She nodded and said, "Yes."

Ted turned to walk out the door, but this time he stopped and let her catch up. He placed his hand on her shoulder, raising his arm just enough to let some of his fumes waft in her direction. He didn't even look to see if she made a face. He could smell it, surely she could. When he walked out the door, he let her follow him to the truck, and got in, waiting for her to open her own door and try to get into the truck, which was a bit difficult for her due to how high it was off the ground.

"Are we going any place else?" she asked.

"Nah, I think I should take you home. Got an early day tomorrow and I'm bushed from working all day," he said. He drove her home. When he got there, he turned the ignition off, and glanced in the mirror. The little gob of mayonnaise was still there. He got out and walked around to her door. Ted opened it, and waited for her to get out.

This time he walked her to her door. When she stopped to get her keys, he said, "I had a good time. Thanks." He leaned towards her for a kiss, even though it was the very last thing he wanted to do.

Debra turned her head away, pretending to look for the right key. Ted suspected she saw that glob of mayonnaise coming and had to look away to keep from puking on the spot. "Bye, Ted," she said.

"Bye, Debra," said Ted. "See you at the shelter soon."

Ted almost skipped back to the truck. He felt like it was mission accomplished. He spotted a convenience store two blocks from Debra's house and stopped there, getting rid of the sushi stink bomb. He had already wiped the mayo from his lip. He popped his glove compartment and opened the deodorizers he had bought beforehand. And he had a can of Febreze that he generously sprayed.

The girls laughed so hard they cried when he told them how the evening went. They asked a bunch of questions. Stacie, in particular, was keen on learning all of her reactions and mannerisms. She agreed that the project was probably a success.

They would find out the next day when Ted went back to the shelter. When he saw Debra at the reception desk, he pretended to be excited. "Hey Debra, how are you?" he asked.

"Fine," she mumbled.

"Hey, I've got a Chili's coupon. How about I take you out again. Sure had a good time last night," he said.

"Ted, I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think we're right for each other," she said. And this time, she took off down the hall.

Ted grinned to himself, and went back home. When he got there, he relayed the good news. The girls cheered, and they all hugged each other. "Girls, I'm so glad you moved in with me. You've made my life so happy. Thank you."