Mr. Flumpy

1.
Meet Mr. Flumpy.
He's a penis.
-----

2.
Mr. Flumpy has had many adventures.
I will tell you one of them.

-----

3.
This is the story of
How Mr. Flumpy Learned
How to Use a Napkin.

-----

4.
Mr. Flumpy is different from you and me.
He doesn't have to eat.
But he still has to use a napkin.

-----

5.
Mr. Flumpy has a mouth.
And, when he gets excited and carried away,
he begins to drool.

-----

6.
He gets excited by a number of things.
He's a big fan of art;
he likes looking at pretty pictures.

-----

7.
Art can be a classy thing,
but drooling never is.
One time, it got him into trouble.

-----

8.
Of course, it was also the fault
of Confining Garments.
Confining Garments wasn't really Mr. Flumpy's friend,
but they seemed to spend a lot of time together.

-----

9.
One day, they spent a lot of time
looking at pretty pictures.
Mr. Flumpy got quite excited, of course,
and he began to drool.

-----

10.
Unfortunately, he drooled all over Confining Garments.
Neither of them thought much of it at the time-
they were both quite excited.

-----

11.
Later, though,
they had to go out in public.
People began to stare.

-----

12.
Confining Garments was covered
in Mr. Flumpy's drool.
People began to point and yell.
They felt very bad, and had to go home.

-----

13.
The next day, Mr. Flumpy wanted
to look at pretty pictures again.
Confining Garments began to complain:
"Don't do that!
"I'll be covered in your drool again,
and people will point and yell at me!"

-----

14.
"But I want to look at pretty pictures,"
Mr. Flumpy replied.
"Then do it without drooling,"
Confining Garments demanded.

-----

15.
Mr. Flumpy tried.
He tried very hard not to drool,
but he got carried away,
because he was so excited.

-----

16.
He drooled all over Confining Garments again.
People pointed and yelled again.

-----

17.
The next day, Mr. Flumpy wanted
to look at pretty pictures again.
Confining Garments began to complain:
"If you're going to look at pretty pictures
and start drooling again,
I'm out of here."
And Confining Garments left Mr. Flumpy all alone.

-----

18.
Mr. Flumpy began to look at pretty pictures,
all by himself.

-----

19.
He got excited,
and began to drool.

-----

20.
Soon, he was covered in his own drool.
"This is no good!" he cried,
"I can't appreciate art
when I'm wet and sticky!"

-----

21.
Mr. Flumpy looked around
for something to absorb the drool.

-----

22.
He saw a pack of cigarettes.
"I'll try this," he said.

-----

23.
Mr. Flumpy tried the pack of cigarettes,
but a voice told him to stop.
It said, "You can't have those cigarettes-
they're mine, and I need them later."

-----

24.
Poor Mr. Flumpy!
He's still covered in drool!
Mr. Flumpy looked around
for something to absorb the drool.

-----

25.
He saw a block of wood.
"I'll try this," he said.

-----

26.
So Mr. Flumpy tried the block of wood.
It cleaned off the drool for a while,
but it made a puddle,
and then the puddle
sloshed all over Mr. Flumpy.

-----

27.
Poor Mr. Flumpy!
He's still covered in drool.
Mr. Flumpy looked around
for something to absorb the drool.

-----

28.
He saw a napkin, made of toilet paper.
"I'll try this," he said.

-----

29.
Mr. Flumpy tried the napkin,
and that worked wonderfully.
It soaked up all of his drool,
every last bit of it.

-----

30.
Mr. Flumpy got more excited
than he'd ever been,
and drooled
more than he ever had.
The napkin soaked up all the drool,
every last bit of it.

-----

31.
The next day, Mr. Flumpy wanted
to look at pretty pictures again.
Confining Garments began to complain:
"Don't do that! I'll be covered in your drool again
and people will point and yell at me!"
And Confining Garments began to leave.

-----

32.
Mr. Flumpy took out a napkin.
"What's that?" Confining Garments asked.
"Watch and find out," said Mr. Flumpy,
so Confining Garments stayed to watch.

-----

33.
Mr. Flumpy looked at pretty pictures
and got excited.
He began to drool.

-----

34.
The napkin soaked up the drool,
every last bit of it.
"Wow," said Confining Garments.
He was quite impressed.

-----

35.
From then on,
Confining Garments didn't bother Mr. Flumpy.
Mr. Flumpy could
look at pretty pictures,
and Confining Garments didn't
get pointed and yelled at.

-----

36.
That was the story of
How Mr. Flumpy Learned
How to Use a Napkin.
Mr. Flumpy has had many adventures,
and I'll tell you them
some other time.