Murder Mystery Weekend Pt. 05

- "Pistols!" I hissed, reaching for my little piece of paper. "Get your weapons out!"

Both groups reacted simultaneously. Within two seconds, there were five people with arms extended, fingers pointed and thumbs cocked. It was quite ludicrous, really, but nobody laughed. In fact, everyone was role-playing to the hilt. I could have sworn that Ben wanted to shoot me. My pistol was aimed right at him. Craig and Leo both had pistols, and so did Sheila.

"Stalemate!" said Ben."

- "I don't think so, Scar." I replied. "We have three pistols to your two. You want to challenge those odds?"

- "We have the Captain." said Barbara. "If you don't back off, I'll stick her."

- "So stick her." said Eric, calmly. "We don't need her to sail the ship."

Leo couldn't help himself. "You brought a knife - to a gunfight?"

We looked at each other for a moment. Maybe it was a stalemate.

- "How do we resolve this?" I asked Teresa.

- "Well," said our Captain, "everybody gets a drink, and then we sit down at the dining room table. We'll act this out, and decide what happens."

A few minutes later, we had pulled up extra chairs, and sat facing each other again, this time across the table. There weren't quite enough chairs, so I let Lena sit and stood next to her. Craig did the same with Claire.

Teresa took charge. "We need to decide who acts first. Everyone will get a chance to act, in order. You can hold your action, or choose to act after someone else, or you can pass altogether."

She produced a bag of large red dice with white pips. "Everyone will roll 2 dice. The highest roll goes first, and then we progress in order, based on your rolls. It's a bit unrealistic, but it's fair. Does anyone object?"

Nobody did. "Let's roll." The reaction rolls came out like this:

LEO 12 CLAIRE 9 BARBARA 8 BEN 8

CRAIG 6 SHEILA 6 COLIN (ME) 6

ELIZA 5 LENA 4 ERIC 3

- "Boxcars!" shouted Leo.

- "Don't you roll, Teresa?" asked Eliza.

- "No - Barbara has a knife pressed into my ribs. I'm a hostage." she answered. "Alright: Leo is first to act."

He looked over at me. I just shrugged; I didn't want to tell him what to do.

- "I hold my action. For now." he said.

Claire was next highest. She was unarmed, and had no idea what to do. It took her a minute to figure out that she should simply do as Leo had done. "Hold my action."

- "Barbara and Ben." said Teresa.

Barbara spoke first. "I keep my knife on the Captain, but I turn her body, so that I can use her as a shield."

Teresa nodded, as did a few others; it was a smart thing to do.

- "Ben?"

- "I shoot Colin." he said.

Pandemonium broke out, with everyone talking or reacting at once. "Can he do that?" "Whaaat?", and so on. Barbara slapped him on the arm. Leo shouted "I shoot him! I shoot Ben!"

Eventually, everybody calmed down enough to let Teresa make a ruling.

- "You can try to shoot Colin if you want, Ben. Leo - you can act immediately after Ben, if you wish."

- "Why?" asked Barbara, plainly annoyed with Ben.

- "He's Ned Mulligan. I win if I kill him. This might be my only chance." he said. "So, how do I do this?"

Teresa passed him a single die. "You roll this. On a roll of '1', your pistol misfires. The weapons of that era were notoriously unreliable. On a roll of '2', you miss him entirely."

- "What? No way!" protested Ben. "It's point blank range!"

Teresa was unfazed. "Those pistols were also notoriously inaccurate. They're smoothbores - no rifling inside the barrel. And they're single shot weapons - it takes quite a bit of time to reload. That's my ruling. On a roll of 3 or higher, you hit him. 3 is a minor wound, 4 is serious, and 5 will incapacitate him. He'll die if he doesn't get immediate help."

- "And a 6?" he asked, even though everybody already knew the answer.

Teresa looked at me. "Dead. Killed on the spot."

Ben grinned at me. He started rolling the die around in his hand.

- "Whenever you're ready." said Teresa.

Ben made me wait - the prick. I didn't let him get to me. Nothing I could do would alter the number that was coming up. After trying to torture me for a bit, Ben let it fly. Everybody leaned forward or craned their necks to see what he rolled.

It was a '2'.

- "FUUUUCK!" screamed Ben.

Laughter erupted around the table. Ben got some helpful advice, and a lot of razzing. I felt something on my leg, and looked down. It was Lena's hand. She gave my thigh a squeeze, and smiled at me.

- "I can't fucking believe I missed!" shouted Ben. "Fuuuck! What are the odds?"

- "One in six." said Eric, with a perfectly straight face.

- "My turn." said Leo, grabbing a die. "I shoot Ben! No - wait. Better if I shoot Craig. Can I shoot him before he fires at us? Yes? Then I shoot Craig." With a theatrical flourish, Leo threw it halfway down the table. It bounced, and kept on going, right off the end of the table.

I saw it land, and never lost sight of it. The die came up a '5'.

Teresa had seen it, too. "Roll it again, Leo. It has to land on the table." She glanced quickly at me, but I didn't protest. I understood that she wanted to give Craig a chance. Besides, had she let it stand, the 'bad guys' might have felt hard done by.

Leo re-rolled it, a little less dramatically this time. It stayed on the table. A '5', again.

- "Craig falls down, critically wounded." declared Teresa.

- "No!" The word just burst from Claire's lips. We were all a bit startled by her vehemence. "Will he die?" she asked Teresa.

- "Not if he receives prompt medical attention." was the answer.

Claire looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she asked, with surprising decisiveness: "Can I take my action now?"

- "Of course."

- "Then I pick up Craig's pistol, and I shoot Leo."

- "What the fuck?" said Leo. I glanced at Sheila. Realistically, either of us could have fired before Claire had time to pick up Craig's pistol and use it. But Teresa was in charge, and neither of us wanted to start a squabble over the rules. Besides - she wasn't shooting at us.

Claire didn't hesitate. She picked up a die, and rolled it.

It came up a '6'.

There was uproar around the table. It was just perfect. No one had missed the budding romance, or the fact that Craig and Claire had disappeared together a few times. They weren't particularly subtle about the longing glances they gave each other, either. For Claire to leap to his defence - against her own brother, no less - was worthy of one of those old black and white pirate movies, with Errol Flynn, or Douglas Fairbanks.

- "My own sister kills me?" moaned Leo. "Unfuckingbelievable." He made it sound like one word. "I need another drink."

- "Next highest rolls." said Teresa. "Colin and Sheila."

- "I will go stand beside Colin." said Sheila. "But I'll hold my action. What do you want to do?" she asked me. We were in a great position: the 'bad guys' had fired both of their shots, and we still had two loaded pistols. I was really tempted to shoot Ben. But if this was real, Ned Mulligan might have wanted the Scar to hang. Also, it would have been a little over the top. Leo's 'death' was dramatic, and yet comical at the same time. Shooting an unarmed Ben would be unsportsmanlike conduct. Besides, I could use him as leverage to get Barbara to release Teresa.

- "I point my pistol at Ben." I said. "Barbara - or should I call you Falcon? You let the Captain go."

Then Sheila spoke. "Teresa - I'll take my action now, okay? I put my pistol right here." Sheila put her finger just to the left side of my spine. "Right behind his heart. And if Colin even flinches, I will shoot him."

I froze. Somebody may have gasped. Sheila was betraying me?

- "If I shot him like this, would my odds be different?" Sheila asked.

- "Yes." agreed Teresa, quite calmly. "A roll of '1' would still be a misfire, but you could not miss. A 2 or a 3 would be a critical injury. A roll of 4, 5 or 6 would kill him."

- "That sounds good." said Sheila.

- "Not to me." I retorted.

Sheila began issuing orders. "Everybody else on Colin's side, drop your knives. Eliza will collect them. Claire, you do the same. Barbara - you can keep yours, and the Captain. Speaking of the Captain - where is your pistol, Teresa?"

- "In my cabin."

- "Is it hidden?"

- "No." said Teresa.

- "Eliza, would you get that? Meanwhile, Colin, you're going to move your finger far away from the trigger, and then you're going to put the barrel of your own pistol under your chin. Then I'm going to reach around and take it from you. If it goes off accidentally ... well, you know." Sheila was very calm.

- "So you're the Falcon." I said.

- "No." said Sheila. "You were right the first time. I think it's Barb. But I am a pirate." She took my pistol. When Eliza returned from the Captain's cabin with a piece of paper, the two of them had the only three loaded weapons.

- "The treasure paper is on Leo's dead body." said Eliza. "Can we assume that I take it from him?" she asked.

- "Done." said Teresa. "Unless anyone wants to interfere."

- "No thanks." said Eric.

- "I'm good." said Barb.

- "You fooled me completely." I told Sheila. "You too, Eliza."

- "We should have cut them out of the treasure completely." said Leo. "That's what we get for being nice."

- "If you had cut us out, we would have joined the other side." replied Eliza. "In any case, you can't complain: you're dead."

- "We take the three loaded pistols, the two empty ones, and the treasure." Sheila told Teresa - and the rest of us. "We take the ship's boat, or the lifeboat - whatever it's called. We'll leave a couple of knives, just to balance things out."

- "Does anyone try to stop them?" asked Teresa. Nobody said anything. "Then you successfully escape with the treasure."

Sheila and Eliza gave a whoop, high-fived each other, and then embraced.

- "Wait a minute!" said Barb. "How do they escape? In a little boat?"

Sheila was happy to explain. "I'm Kathleen Bonny, a pirate Captain in my own right. My ship, the Devilfish, has been following this ship ever since we left Jamaica."

- "Well played." said Eric. "Well played." He started to clap his hands. I had to join in. Then everybody else did, and the two back-stabbing thieves got a round of applause. Sheila and Eliza took a bow.

- "What happens to us?" asked Barbara.

- "I don't really know." admitted Teresa. "You have a knife on me, but Sheila and Eliza left two knives for the other side. Claire is tending to Craig's wound, so that leaves just Ben, unarmed, against three of them, with two knives."

I looked at Eric and Lena. "What do you want to do?"

- "We must save Teresa." said Lena.

- "That's not a bad idea." said Eric. "We could benefit from a royal pardon. Worst case scenario, she doesn't know about our past, so we just go on to Barbados."

- "I can't believe you lost the treasure." moaned Leo.

- "Shut up, Leo - you're dead." I told him. "Alright, Captain. Is there another boat? What if we let Barbara and her accomplices escape, as long as they release you?"

- "There is a second boat." said Teresa.

It took a while to work out the details, but eventually, we got it settled. Barb and Ben got the second boat, with food and water. Claire chose to stay, to look after Craig. Teresa was released, and Eric, Lena and I were still alive.

- "And that means ... that we are done." said Teresa. "All except for the big reveal - when we find out who the murderer is - which we can do after dinner."

I drew barbecue duty again, with Leo. We were having baby back ribs, and a variety of salads, including Eliza's famous potato salad.

- "I don't see why I should have to cook." complained Leo. "After all, I'm dead."

- "Dead men don't need to eat. Or drink." I said. "Besides, Claire shooting you was just classic. You'll be telling your grandkids about it."

- "Yeah, probably. If I ever have any."

- "Have you talked to Eliza?" I asked him.

- "About what?" said Leo.

- "Alright, be that way. But one of these days, you have to tell her how you feel. For your own sanity. And mine."

Teresa was approaching, carrying a tray full of ribs.

- "Keep it down." hissed Leo.

- "Why?" I said, quietly. "She already knows."

- "Already knows what?" asked Teresa.

- "That you did a fantastic job, Teresa. With everything." I said, quickly.

- "Yeah." agreed Leo. "It was awesome. Even though I 'died'. The whole thing with the treasure code was really cool, too. Where did you get all those ideas?"

- "Old movies." said Teresa. "Cheap old paperbacks. You know."

- "No way I could have done that. Seriously. I'm really impressed."

Teresa gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Sir."

Dinner was excellent: the ribs were great, and the drinks flowed freely. So did the conversation. Everyone was discussing Sheila and Eliza's devious moves. But people were also asking questions, sometimes shrewd, sometimes not. There was one more competition to be resolved: who could unmask the murderer?

I figured that if nobody guessed that it was me, that counted as a win. So I asked questions, launched veiled accusations, and watched faces, just like everyone else was doing.

Claire and Craig were never far apart. They kept looking at each other, and brushing fingertips. After dinner, they gave up any pretence and just held hands.

Ben hovered around Barbara, sometimes reaching out to touch her arm, or her back. But for her part, Lady Falcon appeared remarkably uninterested. She frequently moved away from him, obviously more intent on solving the mystery than on him.

As for me, I was very busy. While I pursued my campaign of disinformation, I was also reviewing the higher points of the weekend in my head. Scorching hot sex with Claire, in the boathouse: that would have to remain a secret. Barbara on the bunk bed: hot, hot, hot. And then a long, friendly fuck with Sheila, which I hoped would not damage our friendship. All in all, an absolutely epic weekend for me, which I would never, ever forget. When I was old and gray, I would be able to look back and remember this as the pinnacle of my sexual career.

Little did I know - the weekend wasn't over yet.

P.S. Ben really did roll a '2'

P.P.S. Leo really did roll a '5' - twice. And Claire really did roll a '6'.