Murder Mystery Weekend Pt. 06

The Big Reveal

Finally, Teresa called us together for the 'Big Reveal', as she called it. We moved inside, gathering chairs into a big circle, and getting fresh drinks. Our Captain placed us individually, in the same order as her list that had been posted in the kitchen - the same one that helped us find the treasure.

Claire was first, then Eliza. Craig looked so forlorn, that Teresa relented. She had the girls trade places, so that Claire and Craig could sit together. Leo was next, then Barb and Ben. Eric was 7th. Sheila, Lena, and I ended up sharing the couch.

Teresa explained her rules for the grand finale. "You will all vote for the person you think is the murderer. You may also explain your reasons, or your theory, and how you came by it. After your vote, the rest of us can guess who you really are. Finally, you can reveal your secret motives and your goals. Are we ready? Claire, you were #1. You can start."

Claire blushed, of course. "I think the murderer was ... Leo." She pointed a finger at her brother.

- "Me? Isn't it enough that you shot me? Now you have to kill my reputation, too?"

- "Why, Claire?" asked Teresa. "Why do you think it's him?"

- "I don't know. He looks ... shifty." She had no clue. Claire probably simply adopted the same theory as her companions on the 'bad' side.

- "Does anyone know who Claire was?" asked Teresa. "Anyone other than Ben, Barb, or Craig?"

- "A pirate groupie." guessed Sheila.

- "A wannabe pirate." I said.

Teresa handed Claire another copy of her character description, and encouraged her to read it to us.

PENNY - an adventurous young woman, you always wanted to be a pirate. You ran away from home so that you could go to Kingston and join Redbeard's crew. You arrived too late; he had already been arrested. Friendless, and desperate for work, you sign on as a sailor aboard HMS Retribution.

- "Did you have any special equipment?" prompted Teresa.

Claire blushed again. "I had ... the Bible."

- "Which you gave to Colin." said Ben, with exasperation. From the very slight hesitation before he said my name, I knew that he wanted to say 'fucking Colin'.

- "I traded her information for it." I said. "She had no way of knowing that it would be valuable later." I was just trying to get her off the hook. From the look she shot me, I think that Claire appreciated it.

- "Craig." said Teresa. "Your turn. Who do you think the murderer is?"

- "Leo." said Craig. "He had a pistol. Plus, I saw him go down into the basement."

- "To get a beer." said Leo. "Completely innocent."

- "Does anybody know who Craig was?" asked Teresa.

- "Another wannabe?" guessed Sheila.

- "No." said Eliza. "He was a pirate."

Craig read us his character description, supplied by Teresa.

ONE-EYED JACK - a former member of Redbeard's crew, you were able to escape capture. You signed on as a sailor on HMS Retribution, hoping that you could either rescue Redbeard, or locate his hidden treasure. Be careful: there will be agents of the Crown aboard, including the Captain.

- "I had a pistol, too." said Craig. "I probably should have worn an eye patch. Sorry about that."

- "That's OK." said Sheila. "Maybe you were the jack of hearts."

- "Or spades." said Eric. When everybody but Sheila looked at him, Eric shrugged. "Two of the jacks in a deck of playing cards only show one eye. Hearts, and spades." That was my friend Eric: the idiot savant.

- "Leo?" said Teresa. "You're up."

My buddy turned and pointed. "Ben is the murderer. He had a pistol. Plus, I saw him go into the basement. I went to get a few beers, but Ben came up with nothing in his hands."

- "Any guesses who Leo was?" asked our Captain.

The most anybody knew was that he wasn't a pirate. Leo took great pleasure in reading his brief bio.

ENSIGN MAYWEATHER - You are a naval officer, disguised as a common sailor. Your mission is twofold: ensure that the pirate Redbeard reaches Barbados to stand trial, and discover if any members of his crew or other pirates are aboard the ship.

- "A narc?" said Eric. "Were you going to turn us in and confiscate the treasure? Now I don't feel so bad that you got shot."

Barbara was next. When Teresa called her name, Barbara sat up straighter. "I'm going to say that the killer is ... Eric. I don't quite know why. Just a feeling."

Eric looked happy to be a suspect. When Teresa asked if anyone knew who Barbara was, we answered in chorus: "The Falcon!" Some of the others were generous enough to admit that I had come to that conclusion first.

She read her description:

THE FALCON - You were one of Redbeard's top lieutenants, and most likely to succeed him. Loyalty led you to sign on as a sailor aboard HMS Retribution, in the hopes that you might arrange your Captain's escape. But you also know that his treasure is somewhere on the ship - and that it would be enough money to set you up as a pirate captain in your own right. Beware, though: your old rival Ned Mulligan was recently sighted in Kingston ...

I gave Teresa a quick look and a grin. She had set me up quite thoroughly. The Scar was out to kill me, and the Falcon knew I was around. I was lucky to have survived.

Ben was next. He guessed that Leo was the murderer. Maybe that was where Craig and Claire got the idea. He was a bit annoyed when most of us guessed that he was the Scar. But he hammed it up when he read his character sheet, growling and snarling.

THE SCAR - You were one of Redbeard's most notorious and villainous associates, renowned for your skill with pistol and cutlass, your cruelty and ruthlessness. You know that Redbeard's treasure is aboard, and will stop at nothing to get it all for yourself. You know that the gypsy is aboard, and that she can help you to locate it - if you can seduce her, or marry her. Finally, your arch-rival Ned Mulligan may be aboard. It's time to dispose of him once and for all.

- "Whew!" said Eric. "That's quite the bucket list."

- "Wait a minute!" said Barb. "What's this 'all for yourself' crap? Were you gonna backstab me at the very end?"

I tried not to laugh aloud. I was more than a little pleased to see that Ben had failed to achieve any of his goals. Except for having sex with Barbara, I guess. I glanced at Teresa again. Had she been trying to steer Ben towards Lena? She had also made a point of asking me to 'be nice' to her. Was that some elaborate plot to have Ben and me fighting over Lena?

It was Eric's turn.

- "I think that the murderer is Colin." he said.

I tried to look innocent and offended at the same time. "Me? Why?"

- "You had a pistol. You could easily have gone to the basement - almost everybody did that first night. And you had more of a motive than Ben, or Leo."

- "Anybody know who Eric was?" asked Teresa.

All of the good guys knew that he was a runaway priest, since he had performed the wedding ceremony. Then we had to explain about the marriage.

- "Wait a minute!" cried Barbara. "Colin and Lena got married? That's so cute!" She got up and came over to me, to give me a big hug and a wet kiss. Then she did the same to Lena.

- "You married her?" asked Ben. "Just to make sure that I couldn't? And I fucking missed! Aaargh! I still can't believe I rolled a '2'!"

Teresa had Eric read his description.

TOM HOOK - You sailed with Redbeard years ago, and participated in some of his bloodiest atrocities. You were having horrific nightmares, and couldn't do it anymore. You deserted, and ran away to become a priest, trying to atone for all the crimes you committed so long ago. When you heard about Redbeard's capture, your remembered his treasure, hidden aboard his ship. You could build a decent church with all that money. But beware of the Falcon and the Scar - they may remember you.

- "Would you really have spent your share of the treasure on a church?" asked Leo. "Or would you drink it?"

- "Maybe a bit of both." admitted Eric. Then he stood up. "While I have the floor, I just want to say thanks to Teresa. This was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the treasure hunt, and all the clues, and everything."

- "Hear, hear!" said Eliza. Others joined in.

Teresa waved her hand. "Eliza deserves the credit, for hosting us all." There was a little mutual admiration society scene, and then some hugging, before everyone resumed their seats.

Sheila was next. Her guess took us all by surprise.

- "I think Teresa was the murderer."

- "What? Why would you say that?" asked Barbara.

- "Well, I don't feel sure about any of the other suspects. Besides, Teresa had a pistol. She also had the key to his cell. Remember the vomit? Maybe she fed him something that made him puke, or pass out. That way she could get close and shoot Redbeard while he was out cold."

- "Interesting." said Teresa, without giving anything away. "Does anyone know who Sheila was?"

- "She told us her name." I said. "Any relation to Anne Bonny?"

Sheila grinned. "My little sister." Then she read her profile.

KATHLEEN BONNY- You are the older and far more successful sister of Anne Bonny, and a renowned pirate in your own right. You command a sloop, the Devilfish, which is following HMS Retribution at a distance. You were a rival and sworn enemy of Redbeard. Hearing of his capture, you took the opportunity to sign on with Captain Fairwind, disguised as a common sailor. You hope to find and abscond with Redbeard's treasure.

- "Mission accomplished." said Eric, tipping his hat to her.

- "You fooled us all." said Leo.

- "Except me!" objected Eliza. "But I didn't know you had your ship. Does that mean that I get forced to walk the plank, while you keep the whole treasure?"

Sheila looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she laughed. "No! Now that I know who you are, I think that this will be the start of a very profitable partnership."

- "Who is she?" asked Leo.

- "Not her turn." insisted Teresa. "Lena is next."

Lena blushed shyly when everyone turned to her. "I think murder was done by ... Sheila. She had pistol. And good reason to hate Redbeard."

Everyone had some idea about her character, but Teresa had her read the description anyway.

ESMERELDA - You are a gypsy fortune-teller, sometimes gifted with the second sight. Redbeard often consulted you for advice. One of his lieutenants, the Scar, is trying to force you to marry him. You hope to escape to Barbados.

- "I gave Lena extra clues, to simulate her second sight." said Teresa.

- "That's fair." said Eric. "Worked out great for us. Well, until Sheila and Eliza robbed us."

It was my turn next. I had been thinking about the murderer for some time, on and off. When I found out that it was me, I stopped worrying about it, and concentrated on spreading rumours and false accusations. But if I had to pick someone else ... I recalled seeing Craig coming out of the basement before I went down there. But he had no motive ...

Then I remembered the last person I had seen coming up the stairs -

- "Eliza is the murderer." I said. "I don't know about the pistol, but I definitely saw her in the basement. And I can rule out many others because they didn't have a motive. But I don't know about her - yet."

- "Does anyone know who Colin was?" asked Teresa.

- "Dirty Ned Mulligan." said Barbara, with a smile.

- "Fucking Ned Mulligan." said Ben, almost simultaneously, with a scowl.

Eric also knew that I was a former member of Redbeard's crew, as did Lena. So did Eliza, to my surprise. I read them my profile.

That left Eliza.

- "I think Colin did it." she said. "You went into the basement as I was leaving it. And you had a pistol, which I didn't."

- "Does anyone know who Eliza was?" asked Teresa.

- "I do - but only because she told me." admitted Sheila. Ee was pretty pleased that none of us had recognized her, or figured out her identity.

SILVER SALLY - You are the waitress/ serving wench at the Mouldy Maggot tavern, a low dive frequented by the worst pirates, including Redbeard and his crew. You have picked up a great deal of gossip working there. You are the one who told the authorities where Redbeard could be found, and you collected a reward for turning him in. But you also knew that his treasure was hidden aboard his ship, so you signed on in the hope of getting your hands on it.

- "So who did it?" asked Claire.

- "Wait - what about Teresa?" said Eric.

- "Captain Fairwind." she said. "That's all. No secret identity. No secrets at all. But Claire is right: it's time to unmask the real killer. I will now count to three, and on 3, I will ask the murderer to stand up. Ready? One. Two. Three."

I stood up. Then I noticed that Eliza was standing next to me.

- "What the hell?" said Leo.

- "Both of them?" said Eric.

- "Eliza - would you go first?" asked Teresa.

- "OK. As it said in my profile, I'm the one who ratted ol' Redbeard out. Then I found out that a lot of his crew were signing up on the ship. If any of them talked to him, they might find out that I was the informant. Better for me if he never got the chance. So I poisoned him."

- "The vomit!" I said. "I knew that was important."

- "Right. I don't know if he would have died, since he puked up a lot of the poison I gave him. So maybe it was just attempted murder for me. Luckily, Ned here went downstairs and finished the job. With a pistol, too, which steered attention away from me. Thanks, Ned." She patted me on the arm, and sat down.

- "Ned?" prompted Teresa.

I repeated what the final clue had told me about my motivation.

- "Damn it!" said Ben. "I should have guessed it was you!"

- "But we do have winners." announced Teresa. "Both Eliza and Eric guessed that Colin was the murderer." She presented each of them with a bottle of wine labelled 'Pirate Cove'. "And then somehow, Colin guessed that Eliza was the murderer - which was also correct." She presented me with a third bottle. "Congratulations." she whispered.

- "Who has a corkscrew?" asked Eric. "This prize should be shared."

The mystery was over, but the drinking was just beginning.

Barbara found me, and wrapped me in a tight hug, giving me the full benefit of those heroically-proportioned breasts. She pulled me close, and whispered in my ear. "I can't believe it was you all along. Just imagine if I had stabbed you in bed ... that would have made for a different ending, wouldn't it?"

- "I would have died happy, that's for sure." I replied.

I had to find Sheila, and congratulate her. "You timed it perfectly. In fact, you did everything perfectly. You didn't look too eager to join us, so I never suspected a thing. I'm very impressed by your cunning and duplicity." I doffed my tricorne, and gave her a bow.

- "Thank you very much." she said, with a curtsey.

- "We're OK, you and I?"

- "Better than that, Colin. Curiosity satisfied, and still good friends. Nothing to feel awkward about."

- "I'm glad." I said, and gave her a big hug.

Then I found Teresa. "That was wonderful." I told her.

- "Glad you enjoyed it."

- "Tell me: how did you assign the parts? It worked so well."

- "You won't believe me, Colin, but I took a page from your book, and left it to chance. I drew playing cards, matched to the different parts. I only cheated twice - I didn't want Claire to be the Falcon - I think Barbara did a better job of that. Don't you agree?" She treated me to her patented half-smile. I wondered how much she knew about what had passed between Barbara and me.

- "She was excellent in that part." I agreed. "And the second?"

- "Lena as the gypsy. She could have been Penny, I suppose, but the other parts would have been hard for her."

- "Speaking of Lena ..." I said. Something had been bothering me, tickling at the back of my mind, since Friday.

- "Yes?"

- "I'm curious, Teresa. How on earth did Lena ever get picked for an exchange program, when she speaks so little English?"

Teresa tilted her head, to look at me sideways. It was a reflex of hers, when I said something particularly intelligent or perceptive, or when I surprised her. "Her uncle pulled some strings. It was supposed to be Lena's cousin who came over. But the cousin got pregnant and was beginning to show. She would have had to go home to give birth. The family suggested Lena as a last-minute substitute, and her uncle called in some favors. And here she is."

- "Wow."

- "Would you do me a favor, Colin?" she asked.

- "Anything." I told her.

- "It's a big one." she warned.

That caught my attention. I looked into her eyes. But my ex-girlfriend would have made a good poker player; she gave nothing away.

- "Your wish is my command." I said.

-"You've been busy this weekend." she said.

- "Me?" Playing innocent doesn't work with Teresa.

- "Don't be embarrassed, Colin. I told you to have a good time. It appears that you've been doing exactly that."

- "Umm ..." I had no answer to that.

- "Remember - I told you this weekend was not going to be about us."

- "I'm a bit confused, Teresa. What is it you expect me to do? Or not do?"

- "I don't expect you to do anything. Someone else might, though ..." Teresa pointedly looked over my shoulder. Lena was standing on the other side of the room. She was sipping on a rum concoction, but plainly observing the two of us. I gave her a little smile. Lena smiled back. I turned to face Teresa again.

- "Jesus, Teresa - are you asking me to -"

- "You married her, Colin." Then she saw the look on my face. "Relax. Breathe. I'm just kidding."

- "Teresa, for Christ's sake." I said.

- "I'm not asking you to do anything you don't want to do. But if you're holding back, or staying away from Lena because you want to get back together with me, you're making a mistake. This weekend is not about you and me. I mean it."

"If you find her attractive - if you find her appealing, then you should do what comes naturally. If that means taking her to bed, then I would be happy for both of you."

Can you imagine your ex-girlfriend talking to you like this? Neither could I. It was bizarre, confusing, and yet strangely tantalizing. Mostly confusing, though.

- "Now I'm going to tell you something you have to keep secret." she said. "Promise?"

- "Of course."

- "Lena hasn't had all that many positive experiences with men. Because of her height, a lot of guys are intimidated. She attracted a lot of basketball and volleyball players. Most were assholes. They treated her like she should be grateful for their attention. It didn't do much for her self-confidence, as you can imagine."

Teresa reached out and put her hand on my arm. "She needs a nice guy who will treat her right. I know that you can be that guy."

- "Teresa ..."

- "Listen to me. You should act as if I wasn't here at all. Do what Lena would inspire you to do. And if you do sleep with her, Colin - treat her right. Don't fuck her a few times and then dump her. Don't break her heart. But don't deliberately stay away from her while you try to calculate your chances of getting back together with me. It's not about that. It's about Lena. Treat her right."

- "Is that your favor, Teresa?" I asked. "You want me to sleep with Lena? And then be her boyfriend for the year?"

- "You're not listening, Colin. Do what you want. Forget that I'm here. My favor is actually quite simple: Can I sleep in the den tonight? Alone, I mean."

- "And where do I sleep?"

- "Wherever you like." she said.

I couldn't read her at all. That Mona Lisa smile, that sphinx-like expression that I found so alluring, now had me completely stymied. I didn't know what she wanted. Hell, I didn't know what I wanted. So I decided to take Teresa at her word, and act as if she wasn't there. First, though, I asked her for a favor in turn.