My Best Friend Emily Ch. 06

"I'm sorry to say that there aren't any stories I have to tell about my sexual past that would hold a candle to anything that happened within the past two weeks," I said.

Emily laughed, but Lisa made a face, and I realized that I basically just dismissed our whole relationship. "I'm sorry, honey," I said, "But you have to admit that there isn't much about our sex life worth sharing."

"Well what about..." Lisa started to say, and then she stopped. "You're right," she eventually said. "We had a lot of sex over the years, but it was just sex."

"Good sex," I chimed in.

"But when we're older," Lisa continued, "We wouldn't have had any great experiences to reminisce about."

"Joe, you must have had some encounter worth telling," Emily said, "If not with Lisa, something before."

I pretended to give it some thought. "No, not really," I said.

"But you were with women before Lisa," Emily continued.

"Yeah," I said, "But it was all clumsy young love. There's nothing worth telling. Besides, you would know pretty much everyone before Lisa, so it wouldn't be fair to kiss and tell."

"Really?" Emily asked. "Like who? Suzy Clements?"

"We had sex once," I said, "She was a virgin. It was one time in missionary position. She dumped me a week later. She just wanted to lose her virginity to a nice guy."

"Chrissy Tompkins?" Emily asked, undaunted.

"We never even had sex," I replied, "Senior prom was going to be the big night for us. She drank too much and spent the whole night puking. We broke up the next day. She was too embarrassed to stay with me, she said."

"Julie Simmons?" Emily asked.

"Hah!" I all but shouted. "Julie Simmons! We went out once. She kissed me on the cheek and said she had a nice time. I went to ask her out in the hallway a couple of days later and I found her making out with Billy Bob Robertson. Fucking redneck," I added.

Emily's face was all scrunched up; trying to come up with names of other women I might have been with. "Well, Suzy Clements wasn't your first," she eventually said, evidently not giving up, "Who did you lose your virginity to?"

"Ahh... you don't know," I said tauntingly.

"So who was it?" Emily asked.

"I can't tell," I said. Emily let out a humph. "All I'll tell you is it's somebody you know, and the sex wasn't really worth talking about."

"Well it's never good the first time," Emily said. "Practice makes perfect, right?"

"Right," I said.

There was a pause as we all looked at each other, waiting for someone else to pick up the conversation. Emily eventually spoke again, "You didn't have any experiences in college worth talking about, before you met Lisa?" She asked me.

"No, my freshman year of college was sex-free, I'm afraid. You know freshman guys could never get laid," I added, "All of the freshman girls in my dorm would hook up with upper-classmen and then come crying to me when they dumped them, not that I'm bitter or anything."

"Wow," Emily said, "I always thought, I mean, I always figured, you know, you were getting your share of the action. If I knew it was this bad for you I would've helped you out a little," she added with a wink. I was about to snap at her, so she added quickly, "Not me personally. I would've put in a good word for you, helped you hook up with some of the sluttier chicks in our school."

"Gee, thanks," I deadpanned.

"Hey, what's a best pal for?" Emily replied. "I'll go dust off the Delorean," she added with a giggle.

"Just let me have the girlfriend from the first movie instead of the second," I said, "She was much hotter."

Emily and I laughed, but Lisa was looking at me funny. "I've never heard you talk about other women like that," Lisa said.

"You mean like objects?" I said. "Sorry. It was just a joke."

Emily jumped in quickly, trying to change the subject. "What about you Lisa? Do you have any good stories to tell?" She asked. "Since Joe's past was so boring," she added in a mumble.

"Me?" Lisa asked. "No."

"Come on," Emily said, "You must have something worth telling."

"No, not really," Lisa said.

"You said you were with a couple of women before Joe," Emily said.

"Yeah, so?" Lisa said.

"Well, tell us about it," Emily said, "There must be something worth talking about."

"It was just..." Lisa started to say.

I chimed in, "Any story about two women together is worth telling."

Lisa glared at me. "Fine. I'll tell you my story," she said. She took a deep breath, and her annoyance washed away. "I always knew I was... different, but I didn't really understand it for a while. Like you've said, growing up in that conservative environment didn't help. Being told that homosexuality is a sin, yet having those types of feelings... it was very confusing. I did have a couple of... let's call them moments with girls growing up. I had a couple of moments with boys too, but I felt nothing. When I graduated from Catholic school I pushed to go to the state college. I wanted to be a teacher, and that was where I would get the best education. It was also far enough away that I would have to live in the dorm. A co-ed dorm. My parents were horrified, but I was always a 'good girl', and they trusted me not to make any poor decisions."

Lisa chuckled. "If they only knew half the things I did my freshman year," she mumbled. "Just tried. A little alcohol, a little pot, just to verify that I didn't like those things." Lisa paused, taking another deep breath. "I resisted the urge to experiment sexually for a while, but eventually I gave in. I went to this party, this frat party. I knew not to drink anything. There were enough rumors about date rape drugs and I was terrified, but I went anyway. I was really just looking to hook up with a guy and get it over with. I told myself I would pick out the cutest guy and... well... I didn't really have a plan. It didn't turn out the way I thought. I went there with my roommate. My freshman roommate was a slut and an alcoholic. She was kind enough not to bring boys or alcohol back to our room but she would go on benders and disappear for days at a time. Anyway I had told her I wanted to go to a frat party with her so she brought me, had a couple of quick drinks and disappeared."

"I was left standing there in a corner, trying to look inconspicuous, already wondering how I would get home. I was thinking I would meet a guy, and we would... hook up... and the rest would work itself out. So I'm standing there looking for someone who was unattached, and who wasn't falling down drunk, and I was getting discouraged. I was starting to think that I would just walk home. It wasn't far from campus, and I had a little mace spray thing on my keychain. I was actually standing there practicing looking intimidating. I took two steps towards the door... and I hear someone call my name. I turn around and I see my lab partner from my biology class. She was well... I hate to call someone plain, but she was short and stocky, with short brown hair. Her ears had so many piercings you couldn't even count them. I guess now I would call her a bull dyke, but I was still pretty naïve then and didn't really think about her sexual orientation. She knew her stuff in class and we got along okay, and I really didn't think of her beyond that before that night."

"Her name was Debbie. 'I'm surprised to see you here,' she said to me. I told her I came with my roommate, who was nowhere to be seen. She said that she came with her roommate too, that she was trying to keep her out of trouble. So we were sharing stories about our crazy roommates. She was drinking a beer, and I asked her about it, and she says oh, I don't trust the drinks at these things, and she points to her fanny pack. I can see there are a few cans of beer stuffed in there. She asked if I wanted one, and I said okay, so she hands me one, but I didn't have more than a sip. It tasted awful. So we're standing there chatting, and now that I'm out of the shadows guys are coming over and trying to pick me up and completely ignoring Debbie, and I'm thinking, what a bunch of assholes, so I look over at Debbie and say wanna get out of here, and she says sure, and we're walking out together, and the guys we just walked away from are shouting 'dykes!' and Debbie just turns around and flips them off and laughs."

Lisa paused, and I cut in. "Wait, I think I know who you're talking about," I said, "Well, I'd seen her around campus. You're right about her," I added, "Total bull dyke. And that was... she was..." I trailed off.

Lisa gave me a look, but she didn't respond to me. "I didn't feel scared walking back to the dorm at night with her, I'll say that much," she continued as if I didn't even interrupt her. "We went to her room, and we sat down on the bed, and all of a sudden she turns to me and says, 'you're gay, aren't you?' And I was just shocked. I mean, I knew I had feelings of attraction towards women, but I didn't think anybody else picked up on it. I was just staring at her, and she said 'I'm sorry if I was wrong. I usually have pretty good gaydar, and I had a feeling about you.'"

"And I remember sitting there thinking, maybe it would be good to tell somebody about what I'm feeling, so I start telling her everything, about how I was practicing making out with my best friend once and it got really weird and she never spoke to me again, about the huge crush I had on my female high school English teacher, and my male math teacher. And I didn't understand bi-sexuality at all at the time, like how can I be attracted to both? And how my church taught that same-sex attraction was an abomination and that I used to think seriously about asking to go to one of those camps where they change you, to condition the impure feelings out, but it was me, you know, it was who I am, and why would I want to change that?"

Lisa paused to wipe away a tear. I felt like I was getting choked up too. I never knew any of this about her. I glanced at Emily, and she was perched at the edge of her seat, like she was about to jump up and comfort her.

Lisa sniffled, "And Debbie just sat there and listened to all of it," she continued, "And you know sometimes how you get familiar with someone, and you stare at them, even someone you didn't think was attractive, and you start to see them differently? Well, she did have these really nice hazel eyes, under the buzz cut and all the piercings." Lisa chuckled. "I'm not even sure who kissed who really," she added, "But suddenly we were making out on her bed, and it felt, I don't know, right? My prior experiences, girls or guys, there was always something off about them. This was..." Lisa paused, "I'm sorry, I can't give a graphic description like you did," she said to Emily. "It was so emotional," she continued, "We explored each other, and she gave me my first orgasm, and I reciprocated, and we just fell asleep in each other's arms. And that's it," Lisa said, "That's the story of my first sexual experience."

We were all silent for a few moments, and then I said, "Wait, whatever happened between you and Debbie?"

"Well, the next morning we went down to the dining hall for breakfast," Lisa said, "And after that we just went our separate ways. We were still lab partners, and friends, but nothing ever happened between us again." Lisa shrugged. "I don't know. I used to wonder about it. Maybe it was just a star-crossed night. Maybe she just liked to sleep with bi-curious girls and try to turn them. I knew deep down that she wasn't really my type, that if I was going to be with women that I wouldn't really go for the 'bull dyke' type, and maybe she sensed that too. I don't know," she added with a shrug.

We were all silent for a while, lost in our own thoughts. "Okay, my turn again," Emily said. "I'll tell you about my other threesome from college." She looked at me and Lisa, and we both nodded at her. "Okay," she said. "This one took place at USC, and it was two guys..."

"Boring!" I shouted.

"Quiet, you!" Emily shot back. "It was these two guys I used to hang out with in the dorm. They were, well the best way to describe them would be metrosexual. It was the 'in' thing to be then. The hair, the clothes, the manicured beards, the jewelry. To be honest, I wasn't really into that type. I liked my rugged, corn-fed mid-western guys," Emily said, looking at me. I turned around; like I was expecting to see someone she was describing standing right behind me.

"Funny," Emily deadpanned, "But the real reason I hung out with them was because they were the dorm's drug connection. I know, I know," Emily added quickly, before I could say anything, "I made my mistakes. I don't do drugs anymore. One night we were hanging out late at night, just the three of us. It was real quiet. Nowhere to go, nobody coming over to buy anything, and the three of us were, well, high. And I thought they were gay. I mean, neither of them had made a move on me yet. It turns out they were just, you know, bi-sexual."

I made a distasteful face, and Emily pounced on it. "Oh, it's okay for Lisa and I to be into men and women, but you don't like the idea of bi-sexual men?"

I shrugged. "I don't know," I said, "There was always something... off-putting about men that are into other men. You know I'm not homophobic, but I'm not bi-sexual. I have no sexual attraction towards men at all, so the thought of men... together... is..."

"Relax Joe," Emily said, "I'm just pushing your buttons. If you don't want to hear the story, I won't tell you."

"I want to hear it," Lisa chimed in, and I turned to look at her. "You were the one who wanted me to expand my horizons and open myself to new experiences," Lisa said to me. "I want to hear Emily's story."

"Okay, fine," I said.

"Just put your fingers in your ears," Emily said, "I'll kick you when it's over."

"I'll be fine," I said, "Go ahead and tell your story."

"Okay," Emily said, "Well, like I said, we were just sitting around, high. And, well, I was horny. I hadn't gotten laid in a while. I was thinking that maybe I would just go back to my room and take care of myself, but I knew my roommate was there, and she was so uptight. 'No masturbating while I'm trying to sleep,' she used to say," Emily giggled at the silly voice she used, "So I didn't want to go back there. I was thinking, as clearly as I could think, that maybe I could get something going there. Even if the guys weren't interested in me, well, maybe I could get them going with each other, and I'd have a kinky show to watch."

Emily winked at me, and I shuddered. "So I say that I'm really hot, and I'm going to take off some of my clothes. So I start pulling off my top, and I'm trying to make it like a little strip tease, and the two guys are just sitting there on the bed staring at me, and I'm thinking maybe they're just too stoned to do anything. But I didn't want to give up on my idea so quickly, so I sidled up to Michael, he was the one that I thought was cuter, and I start giving him a little lap dance. And I felt it. He was hard. I was having an effect on him. So I straddle him and I kiss him, and we're making out, and I feel the other guy, Steven, grab my boob through my bra, and I'm thinking yeah, I got these stoned metro guys horny. So I climb off of Michael and onto Steven's lap and start kissing him, and Michael starts undressing, and I start undressing Steven, and..."

Emily paused, as if she was having trouble remembering what happened next. "The drugs made things kinda fuzzy, so the next memory I have is that I'm giving Michael a blow job while Steven is taking me from behind. And pot, you know, it makes everything seem better than it really is, so the sex itself probably wasn't really that great, but I got off, and that's all that mattered. Steven blows his load all over my back, and Michael cums on my face, and we just collapse in a heap on the bed. And I remember lying there thinking whoa, two guys at once, I'm a whore, and that it was the funniest thing, and I'm laughing and laughing, and the guys were looking at me like I was crazy. And I just suddenly realize I'm all covered in their cum, so I excuse myself to go clean up. When I came back, they were, well, kissing each other."

"You can put your fingers over your ears now," Emily said to me, "This is the part you won't want to hear."

"No, it's okay," I said to her, "I'm okay."

"Whatever," Emily said, "So I'm thinking do I jump back in there? Do I leave? I ended up just sitting in a chair. I was still stoned, so I was kind of dizzy. And I watched them. They were making out, they had a hand on each other's dicks. Then they took turns sucking each other off. I thought it was so hot, watching a guy suck off another guy. I got myself off watching them, but all I did was watch. When they were done they pulled out some X, and I hated that shit, so I gathered up my clothes and left. I don't even think I got dressed. I walked through my dorm naked," Emily giggled, "But it was the middle of the night and all the good students were asleep."

"Jeez..." I said.

"I told you I did some crazy things," Emily said to me. "I was very lucky. I never got any STD's, or raped, or anything horrible; and I know things could've turned out much differently for me. That was one of the last crazy nights I had, really. Those two guys got busted a couple of weeks later, and kicked out of school, to say the least. I was flunking all of my classes. I smoked a lot of pot and hardly ever went to class. My parents said that they weren't going to pay for any more school if I didn't get my act together, and it was partly because those guys got busted, and I could've very well been there and ended up in jail with them, that caused me to wake up and think maybe it was time to get my shit together."

"So I left USC and came home. Three years and two schools, and I had 30 transferable credits to show for it. I enrolled in state college a fourth year sophomore; and I looked up my old buddy Joe, and you were already finishing up your bachelors, and engaged. And I thought to myself, well, that's life. But we're here now," Emily added quickly, before I could jump in with a comment about how she thought I would be waiting for her or something.

"Well, at least you have stories to tell your grandkids," Lisa said.

"Haha, yeah! Come gather around kiddies, while Grandma Emily tells you all about how she got high and screwed by two guys at once," she said in her best old lady voice. "At any rate, I don't really want kids," Emily added.

Lisa's mouth dropped open. "You don't want kids?" She asked.

"No," Emily replied, and she shrugged. "I never did. I guess you can say I know how selfish I am, and how needy children are. I don't see myself as a good mother."

"I'm sure you'd be a great mother," Lisa said, "I've never heard of anybody not wanting to have kids," she added wondrously.

"Well I'd need to find a dad, for starters," Emily said, "And you have dibs on the only guy I know I'd consider it with."

Lisa looked confused for a moment, and then she realized it was me Emily was talking about. "Oh," Lisa said, "Right."

"So why haven't you two had any kids yet, if you don't mind my asking?" Emily asked. I think she was actually a little peeved by Lisa's reaction to her saying she didn't want kids.

"Oh! Well," Lisa said, "I wanted to have a kid by now. You know, first, I thought I'd finish my masters. Then, I wanted to make tenure. Now, well, things hadn't been so good between me and Joe..." she trailed off. "And now, I kind of want to see this through," she added. "This..." she said, meaning the three of us, "Would be a weird environment to raise a child in. I always thought I would have a family by 30, but things keep getting in the way."

"We have plenty of time," I said.

"A few years, at least," Lisa added, and we ended up staring at each other.